On the Inside

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On the Inside

The other day I was in the mood for something sweet and grabbed a piece of candy out of my stash, anticipating relief from a caramel Werther’s. However, as soon as I had the piece of candy in my hand it felt differently, lighter than usual. It didn’t take me long to figure out there was only air in the wrapper. It was puffed up, looked normal, but closer inspection showed nothing on the inside.

One of my greatest fears is being non-existent, like this piece of candy. Puffed up by my ego seeming like there’s substance but it’s only an illusion, nothing on the inside. It’s a danger we all face. The world tells us if we look like everyone else, consumed by our collection of shiny objects, pretending we have it all together, claiming to be full of life when hollow and empty inside.

“The one who finds inner peace and purpose will stop thinking about how to live and begin to live.” #ThomasMerton

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Attention Span

Attention Span

Beth and I spent some time in our second home today, also known as Lowe’s Home Improvement Store. We needed some wood, a screen door and some other odds and ends. We filled our cart up and then headed to the garden section. We made our way down the aisle leading to outside there was a young mother, her baby and what I assumed was the grandmother. The eldest woman was holding a cup of coffee while the mom spoon fed the little one. They had to move out of the center of the aisle as we passed and something on our cart caught the grandmother’s attention. As she stared, the mom handed her the baby food container and as she grabbed it, still staring at our cart, the coffee cup slipped out of her hand and splashed on the floor. I couldn’t quite make out the expletive that escaped from her lips but the momentary frustration was soon followed by laughter from both the women.

I smiled at the situation because it seemed like something which would happen to me. It also caused me to reflect on the wisdom lessons of embracing what’s important, being fully present in the moment, not distracted by shiny things, and allowing things which aren’t necessary to slip through our grasp.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Muddy Words

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Muddy Words

I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman this week who had a unique combination of over-confidence, a persecution complex, an incredibly loud voice and a gift(?) for being able to talk for long periods without taking a breath.

It was hard to follow everything he was saying. There were times when I tried interrupting, even holding up my hand to try to get him to pause long enough for me to say anything! No luck, so I took a breath. Wisdom tells me when water is muddy only being still will allow you to see clearly.

So, I listened, without obstructing his word flow and waited. Finally, he was finished and I knew what he was trying to tell me. I didn’t agree but listening and agreeing aren’t the same thing. When I was able to speak with him I did so slowly, purposefully, not with the idea of changing him, but letting him know he had been heard. Doing this made all the difference in the rest of our time together.

It was another reminder we are never the master, always the student when it comes to the lessons wisdom tries teaching us.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Season Pass

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Season Pass

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.” ~ Author Unknown

On my way back from a lecture today in Hohenwald, TN the sun was shining brightly through the limbs of the trees which are rapidly becoming barren. It still feels like summer with temps in the low to mid 90’s but fall is approaching. The leaves are already giving up their grips and descending to the ground. We probably won’t have too much color as they turn this year due to the lack of rain this hot and barren summer.

Fall is another reminder of the transience of life. Summer’s rapid end reflects our own aging and how life is fleeting. The youth of spring and summer is like the cool morning mist of fall; easy to see but impossible to grasp and hold on to.

Accepting that life’s seasons pass quickly is the first step to living fully in every moment, not taking for granted any breath, experience, ray of sunshine, or drop of rain. Wisdom teaches us to be mindful of every moment for these are what life is made up of.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Spread it Around

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Spread it Around

Someone did something very kind for me today. It was an incredibly nice gesture backed up by a grace-filled act. I told Beth about it when I got home and she was genuinely surprised and grateful.

I was talking with a person this week about the meanness in the world. People spew hatred and judgement so easily. Whether it’s politics, religion, sexual preferences, what kind of #livesmatter, or a host of other hot topics, people choose to burn their neighbors with contempt, aggression, and hatred.

In the midst of so much evil in the world a genuine act of kindness, no matter how small, can change a person, a family, a community, a nation and a world. My life was changed by kindness today and I hope, pray, to spread the blessings to others.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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the Best

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the Best

Someone asked me today; “What if I can’t be everything I need to be? For me? For my family?” It’s an honest, humble and vulnerable question. Loving others means being concerned with the best person we can be for those we love and others who are a part of our lives.

I told the person who asked me the question; “The fact that you are asking the question, considering these thoughts, shows you are not a selfish person.When you are open to doing the best for people who aren’t you, considering other’s needs as much as, if not more, than yourself is the place to start and stay.”

When we are concerned with how our lives impact those around us our worldview expands. We move from selfishness to selflessness. We seek to be servants instead of expecting to be served.

Balance is key. We should continue to care for ourselves and be sure not to burn up or out. After all, if we can’t take care of us, we can’t take care of others. We must not expect to be faultless, but rather seek progression, not perfection in our pursuit of giving to others.

Being the best us we can be includes giving our best to others.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Pauses and Spaces

Pauses and Spaces –

I worked with a dad today who struggles with addiction issues. He kept repeating the Twelve Step oft heard phrase; “Pause and Pray, Pause and Pray, Pause and Pray.” It is the addict’s response if they’re tempted to drink, use drugs, get angry, make poor decisions. They are to take a breath and then breathe a word of prayer for peace and  guidance.

I use the phrase; “The space in between.” Life is made up of experiences. We’re blind to most of them because we’ve become used to them, take them for granted. There are times however when an experience happens and our choice of what to do or not do, how to react, make the wrong, right or better choice could greatly impact our lives and the ones we hold dear. It is in the space between what happens to us and our choice of how to respond where our future is forged.

Whether; “pause and pray” or “the space between,” we choose to shape the experiences of our lives or be shaped by them.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Asking

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Asking

I could tell she needing something without knowing how to ask for it. Finally, she began to say a few words, jumbled, somewhat coherent, and then blurted out a need her husband had and could I help? Responding in an assuring voice with, hopefully, peace giving words I told her; “Yes” and “would she like a card?” She smiled affirmatively, took the card and said; “Thank you.” “Anytime,” I replied back. “I hope you have a nice weekend.” I don’t know if I’ll hear from her or her husband again but it was not my first time I’ve encountered someone looking for assistance and yet hesitant, resistant, to ask for help.

I reflect on our brief conversation and wonder; “Why is it so hard for some to admit need?” I think part of it is our; “Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps” culture. Folks who need a helping hand often feel they are somehow “less than” others.

Maybe it’s the thought that; “Others are so much worse off.” It seems selfish to take food out of their mouths, clothes off their backs, a roof over their heads.

Might be, perhaps the darkest reason; “I don’t want to be lumped in with the people who ‘have their hands out.'” They are judged, looked down upon, seen as lazy, under-achievers, taking advantage of people, churches, community organizations and the government.

Being in need is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether its physical, mental, emotional or spiritual we all need each other to make it. A wisdom proverb states; “No one can navigate the road of life alone.” In truth, we are all needy, weak, impoverished and cannot do it on our own. Asking for help is not helplessness it’s having the right balance of strength and humility to admit we are flawed, defective, deficient, have shortcomings, imperfections, in short,we are all; human and to be so is to be in need.

Someone asked the great Master one day; “What is the gospel?” The Master replied; “The gospel is simply one beggar telling another beggar where to find food.” Wisdom Proverb

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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A Real Chance

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A Real Chance

This morning our Fatherhood Engagement program hosted a Dad/Child reading event in an adjacent county. These are always a good time with a light brunch, puppet show, a reading time with Dad and the kids and a short lecture from me on the importance of fathers being involved in their child’s reading, educational development. I stress the vital role of moms and dads working together to give their child the greatest chance at their best life.

Last week I met a new client in his late 30’s who needed some guidance on connecting with a difficult child. We talked about issues he felt needed to be addressed and improved upon so he could be the dad he wanted to be. When we were wrapping up, I confirmed his cell phone number and told him; “ I have your next session set but I also text my clients to check in and make sure everything is going well.” After a moment he said to me; “I can’t read.” He said it nonchalantly and I did my best not to display any surprise but inside I was taken aback.  This is one of those basic abilities most of us take for granted every day. I mentally added this to my list of issues we’d discuss and, hopefully, make a plan to solve.

I thought about this guy several times today during the reading event. I wondered how someone a few years younger than me could get through life without knowing how to read? Did he not have someone, somewhere along his life’s path who noticed and cared enough to help? The dads at our event today crawled around the floor with their kids, made paper bag puppets, sang “Ol’ Mac Donald had a farm,” and then were given the chance to read a book from the library to their children.

My hope is this event today would be a part of these kids developing not just a love of reading but a building of skills which will give them give them every advantage possible in a life that’s already hard enough.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Rest and Suffering

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Rest and Suffering

Yesterday afternoon, on my way back from an out-of-town meeting, I passed a delivery truck. Its hood was up, flashers on, obviously broke down and not going anywhere. What caught my attention was the driver. He was laying down in a shady spot, one arm for a pillow and the other holding a cellphone and talking. He wasn’t nervously pacing, angrily kicking tires, yelling into the phone. If he could’ve fixed the truck I am sure he would have. If there was a way to deliver his goods he would’ve completed his goals for the day. Instead, he was resting because there wasn’t anything else to do but wait.

I struggle following this man’s example. I like rhythm, order, control. I don’t like surprises, detours, or delays. There is certainly a part of that which comes from having a Severe Anxiety Disorder. Mapping out the day so it can be more easily managed is part of my therapy. However, I also believe it’s very human to want control, to get things done in a timely manner, to feel like our lives are not always a random gathering of happenstance.

Wisdom teaches us that the distance between acceptance of what happens every moment and our expectation of what should happen every moment is where suffering is found. Knowing how to rest in the unplanned, perhaps even unwanted, experiences of life is one of the toughest and most valuable lessons we can learn.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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The Obstacle is the Path

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The Obstacle is the Path

This morning, on my way  to Fayetteville, Tennessee, I came across a couch in the middle of a 4 way stop intersection. It didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion; “That doesn’t belong there!” It had obviously been dropped  out of a vehicle because it was broken in half and the feet and cushions were scattered. I cautiously drove around the couch, and through the intersection, continuing on my journey wondering who dropped it, why and that someone should pick up the unsightly mess before some body gets hurt.

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A few more miles down the road a baby deer hopped onto the road while its sibling stayed off to the side. I slowed down and thought; “What a beautiful sight!” and proceeded cautiously in case the one, not on the road, decided it wanted to be reunited with its sibling. I soaked in the beauty of nature, wondered where its mother was and was thankful for being present at that time and place.

Two sights, two different responses.

I reflected on how we decide what should and should not be on our road of life. For the unwanted, ugly, messy thing we judge as not worthy, we try to avoid it and want it gone. To others, which we deem as beautiful and worthy, we are thankful and count ourselves blessed to enjoy the wonderment of life.

Wisdom teaches us to accept all things on the road of life. We are not to judge which is good or bad, positive or negative, but to allow the possibility of everything to teach and guide us. It is only when we stop slapping labels on things, (including people) and accept each experience with open minds, hearts, and spirits that we can appreciate, find the mystery and beauty in all obstacles on the road of life.

“The obstacle is the path.” -Wisdom Proverb

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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Desired

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Desired

I attended a webinar this morning on; “Strengthening the Parent-Child Attachment, Creating a Meaningful and Lasting Bond with Your Child.” The three-part, 6-hour, series deals with the importance of a child knowing, feeling, the connection with one or both of their parents and how this impacts their emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being. It was interesting and a reminder that we need each other to be well and whole.

One of the speakers said; “We each have an insatiable desire to be insatiably desired.” The word;”insatiable” is defined as; “impossible to satisfy, having an insatiable appetite or desire for something, unquenchable, unappeasable, uncontrollable.” I reflected on the comment and wondered why we are created in such a way? Why do we want to be loved, needed, appreciated, a part of something greater than ourselves? We were made for each other, to love and be loved. To have this love stripped from our lives or, never there in the first place, robs us of the reason for our existence; to be connected, related, desired, accepted. For it is in these we understand what it means to be human.

I reflected on the comment and wondered why we are created in such a way? Why do we want to be needed, appreciated, a part of something greater than ourselves? Why were we were made to love and be loved? To have this desire unfulfilled robs us of the reason for our existence; to be connected, related, desired, accepted and it is in these we understand what it means to be human.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Genuine Voice

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Genuine Voice

This morning I walked outside and across the road, in a large field, was a herd of cattle. Straggling behind was a small calf seemingly looking for its mother. I cupped my hands around my mouth and gave my best and loudest; “Mooooooo!” The calf stopped and looked over in my direction and; “Moooed!” back. Before I could return the moo, another adult cow, possibly mom, mooed and grabbed the calf’s attention. I took a deep breath and; “Moooed” one more time but the calf was no longer paying attention to me. It had heard the genuine call, its mother’s voice, and I was a poor substitute not worth the time or effort.

Wisdom teaches us that there are many voices calling out to us, pulling us in several directions, seeking to confuse us, lead us away from peace and guidance. To know the genuine voice, the one which will lead us in love toward our purpose is vital if we are to follow the good path, the way we should go. This comes from a relationship with the One to whom the voice belongs. The voice of truth wants to lead us but hearing it, knowing it, recognizing it, only comes through our connection with the divine.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Catch ’em All

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Catch ’em All –

I gave someone something today. It wasn’t expensive, wasn’t a sacrifice. It was simply a small gift for an upcoming community event. The person received it gracefully and enthusiastically. If we have eyes that see, random acts of kindnesses are waiting all around us to be done for the good of others. Little things that seem insignificant can make a great impact on another’s life.

I don’t fully understand the Pokemon Go  (https://www.google.com/?ion=1&espv=2#q=pokemon%20go) game. As best I can figure is you go places with your phone, they pop up on your screen(?) and then you “catch” them. The more you collect, the better you become at the game, and one day someone will be recognized as the winner(?) I may not even be close with my description but I’m not sure I care.

I think it would be cool if we could design a “Kindness Go” game or app which directed people to kindnesses waiting to happen. A person needs groceries taken to their car or up a flight of stairs to their home. Another needs money to pay an unexpected bill, a piece of trash to pick up, a lawn to mow, an ear to listen, a hand to be held.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see folks walking around looking as hard as they can for an act of kindness to be done? The reward would be a simple; “Thank you.” a warm smile, a hug, a word of encouragement or a blessing.

What a world it would be if we were able to “catch them all!”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Hugging our Enemy

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Hugging Our Enemy

I am not a hugger! Could be my social anxiety, could be the belief that hugging is reserved for special people and special occasions. It’s probably both.

I do however like the sentiments of this quote; “Hug your haters and kill them with kindness.” The first thing I like about it is that hugging and kindness are powerful. They will; “kill” our enemies. I don’t think they will literally kill a difficult, obstinate person, but by offering kindness in return for hatred, they will cease being our enemies.

The next bit of this quote I find worthy of reflection is the deliberate act of hugging of one who would never dream of embracing us. I find it humorous to imagine the look on an adversary’s face if just out of the blue you were to hug them. Might be a wonderful act of grace received or result in a punch in the face. Again, as understood above, to hug a hater is to metaphorically stop looking at them as an opponent and begin seeing them as a friend.

The quote puts the emphasis, action, intent, on us. We are to change the way we view those folks in our lives. Every enemy is a friend in waiting.

“I defeat my enemy by making them my friend.” Abraham Lincoln

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Unforgiven

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Unforgiven

Someone asked me this week; “What if they never ask for forgiveness? What if it’s beyond them? What if they don’t believe they need forgiveness? How can I move on? How do I get rid of this burden if they never take it from me?” I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. That place where forgiveness seems to the be the only balm which would heal our wounds. Forgiveness is a tricky thing. We often believe it’s a one time,

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. We often believe it’s a one time, magical incantation of words which, uttered from the offending party, will make us feel better, forget the dastardly deed done to us, and move on with life. However, forgiveness, real forgiveness, is a journey and though our desire may be for the offending other to admit their role, their sin, their purposeful hurting of us, there is never a guarantee it will happen.

We must decide if we are going to wait, stuck on the side of the path, waiting for the apology that may never come. We can strand ourselves or decide to walk the path with the burden of unforgiveness. There will come a time, several of them, when we will either choose to continue carrying the heavy load or drop it and realize forgiveness never starts with the other. It always comes from inside where love, grace, and kindness reside.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Who Do You Think I Am?

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Who Do You Think I Am? –

Earlier this week I had a discussion with someone who wanted others to see them differently. They had an idea of who they were, or wanted to be, and desired that others would see them the way they saw themselves. The biggest obstacle to making this happen? Who this person thought they were didn’t match how almost every other people viewed them.

Self-Awareness is one of the most difficult disciplines we can master. It is the key to truly seeing ourselves, who we are, what we do well, what we could do better, and then applying what we’ve learned to change. Self-Awareness is about accepting the things which we cannot change. Self-Awareness is incredibly hard to master because seeing ourselves is more difficult than finding fault with others. Most people decide to focus outwardly instead of inside.

Even when dealing with someone who doesn’t have an accurate view of themselves, a self-aware person chooses not to judge, ridicule but to ensure sure we stay as self-aware as possible.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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Feeling Around

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Feeling Around

Dirty dishes, like dirty clothes, seem to multiply at an impossibly exponential rate in almost every household.

Yesterday afternoon, I washed the dishes which had been piling up and grabbed a small Coca-Cola glass. I pulled it out of the soapy water to see if there were any spots I missed and discovered it had somehow broken while in the sink. I walked over to the trash can and disposed of it but knew I wasn’t finished with the glass.

By the shape of the break, it looked like a large singular piece was somewhere in the water. I couldn’t see so I put my hands in the soapy water and began slowly, methodically, making my way through the water. I knew the feel of spoons, knives, forks, bowls and other glasses that they weren’t what I was searching for but finally discovered the broken piece. I carefully brought it out of the sink and threw it away.

I finished washing the dishes and thought about others and myself when things have somehow become broken. Maybe it’s a broken heart, spirit, emotions, or body and it’s hard to see how things can be put back together. When we have a desire to heal we must not rush but carefully, contemplatively, tenderly, kindly find all the broken pieces and hope they can be put back together.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Smoldering

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Smoldering

Sunday afternoon I picked up some branches from the yard, placed them on the fire pit, and set them ablaze. They burned for a while but not long because there were only a few limbs to feed the flame. With only a scarce amount of smoldering embers left I placed a large piece of wood on them and went inside for the evening. The next morning I took the dog outside and noticed the smell of burning wood and looked at the fire pit. The part of a stump I had placed on the glowing embers had burned all night and the piece of wood was almost gone. There was no flame, a bit of smoke, but the stump was slowly being eaten away. Tuesday evening I placed another large piece of wood on the second piece and this afternoon it’s almost gone. Even though a fire cannot be seen the smoldering ashes are still burning away at whatever’s been placed in the fire pit.

I reflected on the embers today and thought about a wisdom proverb;

“Anger is like a hot coal clenched in the hand, ready to be thrown, but destroying the one who grasps it.”

Anger is an emotion that almost everyone, at times, has trouble handling. Whether it’s a spouse, a child, a family member, friend or co-worker, there are people and situations which stoke the embers of anger within. As with every other emotion, anger is not good or bad but rather it’s the reaction to the anger that leads to positive or negative consequences.

When anger is held onto, smoldering, it can destroy us but when expressed in a healthy way can put out the flames, or the embers that burn inside.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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Fumes

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Fumes

On Saturday, Beth and I drove to the store to buy a few items for the long weekend. Returning home I noticed the gas gauge light had come on but wasn’t sure how far I had driven since its illumination. I made a mental note to get gas first thing Tuesday morning. Today, however, I forgot to stop by the fuel station as I drove to my first appointment. It was only several miles later I noticed the gas gauge again and felt my stomach drop. The indicator was on; “E” and there wasn’t a gas station anywhere close to my present location. My focus went from all the things which needed to be done today to that gauge. I knew I was running on fumes and was worried about being stranded on a Tennessee highway on an already hot Tuesday in September. My eyes darted from the road to the indicator and back again over and over. Finally, a gas station came into view and I pulled in to get gas and let out a huge sigh of relief!

After filling up and getting back on the road I reflected on the tense moments and how the worry and anxiety took over everything. Running on fumes is not enjoyable. When we’re depleted, at our wit’s end, have been used up and we’re not sure we going to make it much further, we have a difficult time seeing anything else. Our focus becomes survival not finding the meaning in every moment or the good with each person with whom we connect.

Being sure we are caring for ourselves and keeping our mental, emotional, and spiritual, tank full is vital for our lives and the ones with whom we share the road of life.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Swing and Miss

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Swing and Miss

Finger meet hammer, hammer; finger.”

Earlier today I was trying to wedge a piece of wood into a tight spot without damaging it. I grabbed another block of wood to use as a buffer from the hammer while getting the wood in place. It was slow work but working when I became distracted, the block of wood slipped, or simply poorly aimed and I whacked my thumb with the hammer. “OUCH!” I immediately dropped both the hammer, the block of wood, stepped away and took several deep breaths and tried to shake the pain away. Several hours later the finger still hurts and I’m still not sure how I managed to try to pound my digit instead of the wood.

Wisdom teaches us there are painful lessons in life. We can reflect back upon some and realize the mistakes which were made, things we could have handled differently, while other events seem to happen for no rhyme or reason. Part of living a mindful lifestyle is knowing there isn’t a lesson in every accident, difficulty or problem. The pain is real, the healing takes time and we move on wiser for knowing nothing more than sometimes things just happen.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.comimg_0511

 

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