Having Kids vs. Not Having Kids


I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I watched this video about having kids vs. not having kids.

My wife and I we’re not blessed with the ability to have children. When first married we had a group of couple friends whom we hung out with and deeply enjoyed. It wasn’t long, however, before they began having children and soon our barrenness left us without kids and without them. Promises were made of friendships lasting and not changing but couples with kids speak a different language, live different lives, than those without.

This past summer we celebrated 23 years of marriage and have become used to simply being a couple. Parents often see our “carefree lives” and tell us how lucky we are to be able to go out to eat, see a movie, or do almost anything we’d like without all the hassle.


There are times when we “evaluate” the skill of the parents of the hyperactive child running through the store, the screaming infant in a theater, the two-year old throwing a tantrum in aisle four. When mentioning these “unruly” kids to parents they smile and say; “you have no idea!” and they are absolutely correct.

We don’t know what raising kids is like, nurturing them, protecting them, being responsible for their lives. How could we? What’s also true is these couples who have children have no idea what it’s like not being able to have them.

Judging is such a waste. Perhaps we should stop focusing on what we think others are lacking and start looking for ways to be more understanding.

Bodie Thoene

“Love is the only mirror we must use to judge ourselves and others.” 
― Bodie Thoene,




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Posted on November 18, 2013, in Mindfulness and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I don’t believe couples need to have children to be complete. Souls join one another for a myriad of reasons and do not have to replicate to sustain that relationship. As a single parent, I raised one daughter. I love her with all my heart, but it wasn’t always easy. I remember one day sitting with my dear friend, married with two children, after our teenagers had been typical teenagers. She looked at me and said, “I know you love your child better than your eyes, and you know how I love my children…….but what’s so great about raising them?” Then, we had to laugh and ask, “Why did we buy into this myth that women are only complete when they have kids?” And it is a myth.


    • well written. family makeup is so wide and varied. as a childless couple we are thankful for each other and growing together in ways other couples might struggle to do. As a single mom you were able to experience parenting from a perspective that allowed you to see the world in ways others cannot. Understanding helps us appreciate the value of each other.


  2. Very, very true! Great post!


  3. My sister and her husband were unable to have children, while I had three right off the bat! I watched her struggle as her friends began having babies, and with each pregnancy of my own, I felt a small measure of guilt alongside the joy. She was a huge fixture in my children’s lives when they were young, and she has been heavily involved in being “second mom” to many of the children in her youth group and Sunday school class at church. I believe there is a role that each of us are intended to play… hers has included the nurturing and touching of many children’s lives, and had she given birth to her own, these would have never received so much of her time and love. Great post… 🙂


    • thank you.

      on our journey my wife and I have had the blessing of being parents, mentors and friends to thousands of teenagers. we are so very thankful for this. we were unable to be the kind “second parents” to our nieces and nephews and often wish we could have been more present for them.

      thanks for posting!



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