Long
Long –
A question was asked today; “If you had one word to describe this year what would it be?” I knew the answer before the question was finished. The answer was/is looooooooooooooong.
My father passed away on December 1st. His battle with pancreatic cancer began near the first of the year. I went through it with him and my mom long distance, over the phone, and travelled down to South Carolina several times to see them. What they went through, the endless doctor’s appointments, the good news and bad news proclamations from well-meaning physicians, the ultimate acceptance of; “there’s nothing more we can do,” and then his sudden demise. As I said, “long year.”
Yet, paradoxically, there is a part of me that is holding on to 2017. It may have been fraught with battles and ultimately surrender but at least there was still a fight to be had. Since December 1st and the flurry of activity of the next few days prepping for his memorial service, the days have been living in slow motion. In spite of it’s pace, this was the last month I can say that I saw him, talked with him, sat in his presence, read and prayed with him. Now, in just a few hours I won’t have that attachment any longer.
It is quite difficult to let go, to walk into an unknown future, live a new normal with only 30 days of adjustments and finding our place, gaining our balance. It will be a challenge to press on into this new, strange year, but it must be done.
A soft, sorrowful; “Goodbye 2017” and a hesitant, and perhaps hopeful; “Hello” to 2018.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Posted on December 31, 2017, in Mindfulness and tagged #2017, #2018, #30days, #acceptance, #activity, #adjustments, #answer, #appointments, #asked, #attachment, #away, #bad, #balance, #battle, #battles, #began, #blessings, #cancer, #challenge, #December1st, #demise, #describe, #difficult, #doctor's, #endless, #fewhours, #fight, #finding, #finished, #first, #flurry, #fraught, #Future, #gaining, #good, #goodbye, #Hello, #hesitant, #holding, #hopeful, #least, #live, #living, #long, #longdistance, #longer, #looooooooooooooong, #Memorial, #mom, #new #normal, #newnormal, #nothing, #pancreatic, #paradoxically, #part, #passed, #physicians, #prayed, #prepping, #presence, #presson, #proclamations, #question, #quite, #read, #service, #several, #slowmotion, #soft, #sorrowful, #strange, #sudden, #surrender, #talked, #through, #times, #today, #toletgo, #ultimate, #unknown, #walk, #well-meaning, #word, #year, @BrianLoging (Twitter) thewannabesaint.com, father, News. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Similar thing happened to my friends this year where they lost immediate family.i did wonder how it would be letting go of 2017, thsnk you for sharing and I hope it gets easier.
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Blessings and thank you for reading. Grieving the death of those we love is a path we all walk. Thankfully we aren’t alone. Grace and peace to you this day and coming year.
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