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Common Thread

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Common Thread –

Yesterday I told my therapist three distinct experiences that have happened to me since our last appointment. I do my best to remember or jot down events or emotional moments I encounter and relay them to her. I talk about how I felt, why I think I felt it, why I did something, what I thought would be the outcome, what happened to me and the result. I tell her these things because many times I’m not able to see the big picture because I’m so close to the events and experiences.

When I finished telling her my three stories she then asked a series of questions that gave me the ability to look at each one from a different point of view. I thought they were three separate, non-related moments but she was able to see a common thread and we discussed how and why I reacted in a certain way and the possible reasons they imprinted on me. It was an; “Aha!” moment that I was unable to see without the benefit of a pair of unbiased, professionally trained, eyes.

I don’t love therapy. I tolerate it. I know it’s an invaluable part of my treatment plan for chronic severe depression and a severe anxiety disorder. There are times I walk out wondering what was accomplished and there are; “Aha!” days. I don’t always like what I am shown or discover but I hope that every; “Aha!” helps my journey on this path called; “my life” be easier and worth the struggle.

blessings,
@BrianLoging

For most posts, reflections and other writings, please visit; http://www.thewannabesaint.com

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Forgot

Sep 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Forgot! –

I forgot to pray for someone this morning. I talked with them yesterday and they had an appointment today for which I said; “I’ll pray for you.” Then, this morning, it completely slipped my mind! I didn’t realize it until the person I was supposed to pray for let me know everything went well. “Whew!” I then prayed a prayer of thankfulness for the person and for God still working even when we forget to ask.

I don’t think that our prayers determine God’s actions. I think we pray because God is already working and we want eyes that see grace, kindness, goodness from a God that connects himself to humanity in an amazing way.

I am thankful for a God that works even when we forget to ask, friends who support even when we take them for granted, jobs that aren’t always easy but provide us money and other benefits, a family who drives us crazy but we wouldn’t trade the world for, and life’s many miracles and answered prayers, that we can’t see or simply forget to look.

For more posts, reflections, and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

Posted in Prayers & Blessings

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Tags: #actions, #amazing, #answeredprayers, #appointment, #blessings, #connects, #determine, #forget, #forgot, #friends, #God, #goodness, #grace, #granted, #humanity, #Illprayforyou, #jobs, #kindness, #miracles, #posts, #pray, #prayed, #provide, #reflections, #slipped, #support, #thankful, #thankfulness, #www.thewannabesaint.com, @BrianLoging, Family, Mind, Prayer, Writings

A Little Help

Mar 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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A Little Help –

This morning on my way to an appointment I approached a red traffic light. Preparing to stop I also noticed two sets of blue lights on a couple of police vehicles in the opposite lane. After coming to a full stop I observed they were helping out a driver of a tractor-trailer cab who had apparently run out of gas. I surmised this by a small, red, plastic five-gallon canister on the road near the side of the truck. It struck me as funny; this big rig and that small container of gas. Then I thought to myself; “this bit of help could be enough to get him across the street to a gas station. It might not be a lot but it may be enough to get him to place where he can, rest, fill-up, and then continue to his destination.”

Then I thought; “I hope I can be a little help to someone today.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Deflated

Mar 17

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Deflated –

Yesterday I received a frantic call from Beth. She had an important appointment and when she walked out of her place of work she noticed her passenger’s side tire was flat! Fortunately, a co-worker let her borrow her vehicle. I hopped in the truck and went to replace her deflated tire with the spare. When I arrived it was completely flat. I’m not sure what she ran over but I soon had the car ready to drive, or so I thought.

After I let the jack down I noticed the spare was low. It was almost flat. I began thinking about it and we’ve had our car for almost 8 years and haven’t had to change a tire. So, the spare has stayed in the back of our Honda for eight years losing pressure over that long time. I told Beth I would drive the car home while she took my truck to run an errand. I stopped at the first gas station with an air pump and filled the spare tire with air. I made it home safely and we’ve contacted the tire store to let them know we’d be coming soon.

Feeling deflated, being deflated can hinder our journey on the road of life. Sometimes we know why we’ve lost our drive, maybe life’s normal wear and tear or a tragedy, difficult time we are going through. Other times deflation takes us by surprise and one day our get up and go has gone and can’t be located. Wisdom teaches us that in these times asking for help, allowing someone else to fix or temporarily repair what impedes us is needed and appreciated.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #allowing, #appointment, #appreciated, #arrived, #asking, #being, #blessings, #borrow, #call, #change, #contacted, #Deflated, #deflation, #difficult, #drive, #feeling, #filled, #fix, #flat, #Fortunately, #frantic, #getupandgo, #going, #gone, #help, #hinder, #impedes, #important, #journey, #lifes, #located, #longtime, #losing, #lost, #needed, #normal, #noticed, #pressure, #ready, #received, #repair, #replace, #safely, #spare, #stopped, #surprise, #teaches, #tear, #temporarily, #thewannabesaint.com, #thinking, #through, #Tragedy, #vehicle, #wear, #wisdom, @BrianLoging, Home

Remains

Mar 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Remains –

On Saturday, while burning some debris in the yard, I went to grab a stick which was near the fire but not burning. My intention was to put it in a more advantageous position. However, as I grabbed the still cool end of the stick a single burning piece of ash fell right where I placed my thumb. I quickly dropped the stick and began shaking my whole hand the way someone does when they burn themselves. For the past several days I have had a reminder of the encounter, a blister on my right thumb.

The blister is a reminder of the randomness of life. A second earlier or later and I probably wouldn’t have burned myself. In the same way, we often see the haphazard events of our lives. A moment before or after and there’s no car accident or more or fewer injuries in it. A doctor’s appointment a month or two earlier or later and a disease is detected or too far advanced to undergo treatments. A moment premature or delayed and we miss a relationship we cherish or disdain.

Whatever life brings our way there are remains that stay with us. Whether positive or negative who can tell? The most we can do is be aware, open to new experiences and cautiously protecting our souls.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #accident, #advanced, #advantageous, #after, #appointment, #ash, #aware, #before, #blessings, #blister, #brings, #burned, #burning, #car, #cautious, #cherish, #cool, #debris, #delayed, #detected, #disdain, #disease, #dropped, #earlier, #encounter, #enough, #experiences, #fewer, #fire, #grab, #grabbed, #haphazard, #injuries, #intention, #later, #life, #lives, #miss, #month, #more, #near, #new, #open, #piece, #position, #positive, #premature, #Probably, #quickly, #randomness, #Remains, #reminder, #scarred, #second, #Shaking, #Single, #stay, #thewannabesaint.com, #treatments, #undergo, #way, @BrianLoging, Events, Negative, Relationship

Life Lost

Feb 26

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Life Lost –

Today, I stopped by Wal-Mart for a couple of items and headed to the checkout area. I had my choice of a person checking me out or self-checkout. The self-checkout had a couple of registers open so I chose one of them. I wasn’t in a hurry, didn’t have an appointment to go to or a schedule to stay on top of, it was simply faster and mindlessly I chose it. Instead of human interaction, an opportunity to say a kind word to a cashier, a chance to stand in line and share a smile, I went with the quickest and the most isolated.

These are the choices we face in our culture. We are able to order online, having most items shipped for free or close to it to our homes, open our doors and live without interaction, relating, or sharing our lives with one another.

At a time when communication is easier than it has ever been in the history of humankind, we are lonely. In a world full of hurting and wounded people we look in another direction to avoid seeing them. On a journey we should be making together we prefer to travel alone. Instead of caring for one another we see the other as a burden to carry.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #able, #alone, #appointment, #blessings, #burden, #caring, #carry, #chance, #checkout, #choice, #chose, #communication, #direction, #easier, #face, #faster, #full, #human, #humankind, #hurry, #hurting, #interaction, #isolated, #journey, #kind, #kindword, #life, #lifelost, #live, #lonely, #lost, #mindlessly, #oneanother, #online, #opportunity, #person, #prefer, #quickest, #relating, #schedule, #self-checkout, #share, #sharing, #shipped, #simply, #smile, #step, #time, #together, #word, #wounded, Culture, History, People, Travel, World

Go Your Own Way

Jan 30

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Go Your Own Way –

A friend of mine told me a story yesterday and I told her; “That would make a good blog post!” So, here goes…

My friend had a procedure done yesterday and needed someone to drive her home from the doctor’s office and to any other place she needed to go. However, on the way to her appointment, my friend’s friend was telling her to go and drive a certain way. On the way home, when my friend’s friend was driving she did the same thing. Because they are good friends and can tell each other almost anything they quickly made a deal. They agreed to allow the other person to drive the way they drive and to go the route they wanted to go. The one who was the passenger would only be a passenger, not a side seat driver. Problem solved. My friend made the comment; “She goes and does her way, I go and do mine. As long as we get where we need to go, the other stuff doesn’t matter.”

I’ve reflected on this story for the last two days. We live in a world divided. People argue and end friendships over big and small things. It makes me wonder why we can’t agree to disagree. We don’t have to be enemies with those who challenge our beliefs, think differently, walk another path, find peace and do kindness different from us. What matters is we all get where we need to go.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #agreed, #all, #allow, #appointment, #argue, #beliefs, #big, #blessings, #certain, #challenge, #deal, #differently, #disagree, #divided, #doctor, #does, #drive, #end, #enemies, #find, #friend, #friendships, #go!, #goes, #going, #good, #herway, #kindness, #live, #matter, #matters, #mine, #needed, #needtogo, #own, #passenger, #path, #place, #post, #problem, #quickly, #reflected, #route, #sideseatdriver, #small, #solved, #story, #think, #walk, #way, #weneedtogo, #wonder, #yesterday, Blog, Home, Peace, World

On Demand

Jan 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

On Demand –

This afternoon I had a follow-up appointment at the doctor’s office. They needed to do a routine check-up and wanted a deposit. I had figured as much so I made sure not to leave my deposit at home before I left. I went to the restroom, readied the bottle and…nothing. No matter how much I concentrated there just wasn’t anything that was going to happen. After several minutes I meekly came out of the lavatory and explained the situation to the nurse. She then sent me to the staff vampire who had no such trouble sticking me with a big needle and taking my second deposit by force. I now have a cotton ball and medical tape covering a hole in my arm.

We live in an; “On Demand” world. We get and expect things instantaneously. The problem is sometimes life doesn’t work that way. We may demand expediency but delay and obstruction is what we’re given. If we decide to take what we need to wait on by force pain is often the what we receive instead of what we desire.

It does us good to wait, to not get what we want, to be told; “No!” It reminds us we aren’t all-powerful, possess full control, aren’t as able as we’d like to believe. Wisdom, and the lessons it uses in everyday life remind us who we are, who we aren’t and how to be at peace with both.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #able, #allpowerful, #appointment, #believe, #blessings, #bottle, #check-up, #concentrated, #control, #decide, #delay, #demand, #deposit, #desire, #expect, #expediency, #explained, #follow-up, #force, #fullcontrol, #going, #good, #happen, #instantaneously, #instead, #lessons, #life, #meekly, #minutes, #needed, #nothing, #obstruction, #OnDemand, #pain, #possess, #powerful, #problem, #readied, #receive, #remind, #restroom, #routine, #second, #several, #situation, #staff, #sticking, #taking, #trouble, #vampire, #wait, #whatwewant, #wisdom, Peace, to be told; "No!" It #reminds, World

a Break

Dec 27

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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a Break –

Today was the first appointment with my therapist since my father passed. We kept coming back to the theme; “It’s been a long month!” We talked about a lot of things which have happened, are happening and will happen. Responsibilities, experiences, the new normal of living life without dad and how these are impacting my chronic depression and severe anxiety. As we were wrapping up the session her words, her prescription for me was; “Give yourself a break.” In other words, take it one day at a time, don’t fixate on certain challenges, try not to do everything at once and breathe, keep yourself centered.

On the way home I was driving behind a person with a bumper sticker which read; “Of course I love you! Why wouldn’t I?” I received the message and took it to heart. We put such a demand upon ourselves to get things done, live up to expectations, not let anyone down, be what we believe we should be instead of simply accepting ourselves for who we are; imperfect people trying to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God and with each other.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in #anxiety, #depression, Mental Health

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Tags: #accepting, #anxiety, #appointment, #behind, #believe, #blessings, #break, #bumpersticker, #centered, #certain, #challenges, #chronic, #course, #Dad, #day, #demand, #depression, #expectations, #experiences, #fixate, #give, #God, #happened, #heart, #humbly, #impacting, #imperfect, #instead, #keep, #liveup, #livinglife, #long, #mercy, #Message, #month, #newnormal, #normal. #new, #one, #otherwords, #passed, #prescription, #received, #Responsibilities, #session, #severe, #simply, #stay, #talked, #theme, #therapist, #time, #today, #walk, #way, #wrapping, #yourself, breathe, Driving, father, Home, Justice, love, People

Out of the Loop

Jan 3

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Out of the Loop –

I had a meeting this morning, at least I thought I had one. I missed this monthly meeting in December because of a scheduling conflict and apparently it was decided that there wouldn’t be one in January. It’s not a big deal. It gave me an extra hour to catch up with a couple of other items which needed to be done.

On my way back I set the cruise control and enjoyed the feeling of not being rushed. Into my bliss came an old small blue Ford pick-up truck driven by a young man in a hurry! He rode my bumper for a while and then finally passed me. Several miles up the road I caught up with him as he waited to turn into a shopping center. I drove past him thinking; “All that rushing and nothing to show for it.”

The canceled meeting gave me the time to drive thoughtfully, carefully and do my best to enjoy a bleak, gray, overcast day. I saw cows, hawks, Turkey Buzzards, businesses closing and others opening, people working, walking, talking, going to and fro. I was in the moment, my mind was present each mile and not jumping ahead to my next appointment and whether I would be on time.

I’ve decided it would be great to have an extra hour between all my appointments. I’m not sure this is possible so this year I’d like to try being more mindful, less in a hurry, more observant and less focused on the clock, more present less worried about what’s next.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #alert, #appointment, #beingpresent, #inthemoment, #observant, #relaxed, #whatsnext, #wisdom, #worried, mindfulness, moment

TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Common Thread

Forgot

A Little Help

Deflated

Remains

Go Your Own Way

On Demand

a Break

Out of the Loop

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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