Blog Archives
Use the Bounce
Use the Bounce
Using a pruning extension saw is serious! I pruned a couple of tall trees today and my shoulders, arms, hands, and fingers hurt. When you extend the saw the full height there isn’t much pressure you can put on the blade to cut the branches. The saw teeth grab the branch, begin to saw, and the limb bounces up and down. It can be frustrating to keep the blade in the gap to keep cutting. The beginner tries to apply more pressure to keep the limb from bouncing. The experienced pruner uses the bounce. When the branch goes down he goes up and vice versa. Soon a rhythm starts and the limb and saw are working together instead of against.
Life is similar. It’s hard to get a hold of at times. Seasons when life is unsteady and we find it hard to find our balance. The more we tighten our grip the more it slips through our hands. However, if we learn to ride out the ups and downs of life we can find our balance and our rhythm.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Firsts
Firsts –
Today was a great day for working in the yard. The sun stayed behind thin clouds, a breeze kept one from getting too warm and no rain. As I mowed, trimmed, collected trash and went to the dump, helped my wife with the flowers, I reflected on a friend who’s going to an event tonight for the first time since her life changed dramatically several months ago. I know, in part, what she’s feeling. In 2014 my life irrevocably morphed into something I didn’t recognize anymore. After the trauma its difficult to try to find your way back to balance, peace and growth. It’s been four years for me and I am still waiting for the dust to settle.
The first year might be the most demanding and punishing. It is a “year of firsts.” Life goes on no matter how much you want it to stop so you can catch your breath. Things keep moving and you feel run over. The firsts keep coming; anniversaries, special days, holidays, birthdays, events, occasions, and there’s no ignoring them. It is a challenge to try and can be heartbreaking when the healing wound is punctured again. You hope, pray, you’ll be able to make it.
Wisdom teaches us that a humble spirit, good friends, and patience are the way to a new kind of wholeness and acceptance.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Slowing Down
Slowing Down –
The last few days have been slooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. We’ve had overcast skies, plenty of rain and this makes for a dreary season and spirit. April showers may bring May flowers but February showers bring time to a standstill. The last few months have been long. I always have a difficult time between Thanksgiving and Easter. It’s dark when you arise and when you arrive home in the evening. The darkness that surrounds me seems to permeate my emotions. As someone with Chronic Severe Depression and a Severe Anxiety Disorder the days slowing to a crawl, mess with my balance and threaten to send me over the edge into negative thought patterns and fixations on disappointments and failures.
The balance, of course, is not letting the anxiety get in there and make my brain whirl like a drugged up hamster on a greased up wheel. Again, it is balance. I make sure the things which help me; meds, exercise, talking to others about how I’m feeling, are done and not discarded even when tempted to do so.
The balance to keep life’s rhythm manageable is an everyday if not every moment discipline. If we let it we would be either swept away in a chaotic whirlwind of activity or mired in a despondent state of surrender. Slowing down isn’t the goal but balance and mindful living are what keeps us sane and steady on the path.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Servant – Soldier
Servant or Soldier –
In worship this morning the phrase servant not soldier was used when describing those who follow the Master, Jesus. These words have stuck with me all day. Too often I hear colloquialisms; “fighting the good fight or fight for your personal rights, soldiers for in God’s army, fighting for those who cannot fend for themselves, fighting for your political party, fighting for (sometimes with) your family, fighting sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, racism, fighting for equality. The list could go on but I noticed there aren’t too many servant phraseologies we use.
I think we are more comfortable with the idea of fighting, exerting power, pushing back against something we feel is invading our worlds. Fighting comes from a place of strength. Being a servant make us more uneasy. We don’t like the possibility of being taken advantage, of someone being over us, of putting down our fists instead of raising them. We live in a time where standing up for what we believe in seems the correct and just path. I wonder where/if there is a balance between soldiering and serving? Is there a side which needs choosing, we should choose?
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Balance
Balance –
One of the toughest of Wisdom’s lessons is finding balance. We live in a world where we are encouraged to devour, to consume, to take and use up all we can. We are taught to chase after the treasures and trinkets of the world, to collect, hoard and protect what is ours as if our belongings were a part of us, a portion of our being.
I was speaking with someone today and they told me a story about their own lives and a choice they need to make. “What do I do?” they inquired. I explained to them the concepts of acceptance and action. Knowing what do and when to do it is key.
Acceptance is the understanding that some things cannot be changed no matter how hard we wish to impose our will upon it. There are ideas, situations, people, which we must accept in spite of our desire to change.
Action is what we can do. Once we’ve accepted the things we cannot change we then see what we can change and set about doing it.
It’s this balance that keeps us from wasting energy on the unchangeable and focuses our energies on what can make a difference.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Resistance
Resistance –
Earlier this afternoon, between rain showers, I took some trash to the dump and stopped to get some gas for the lawnmower. Afterward, heading home and stopped at a traffic light, my eye caught a large raindrop in the center of my truck window. My first response was to turn on the wipers but instead, I watched it slowly slip down my windshield. The light turned green and as I began moving the wind flow pushed the large raindrop back up the glass.
The faster I went, the more resistance, the further up it went. However, when the speed was too great the raindrop split into three, one not quite as large and two smaller ones. The two smaller one rolled up the window and disappeared. Another red traffic light requiring me to stop and the raindrop began to slide down again. Green means go and I did my best to keep my speed around 40MPH because this seemed to keep the droplet in the middle of the glass. I did notice that even though it was staying put it was still getting smaller. The wind resistance was wearing away the raindrop and eventually, it vanished.
The rest of the way home I thought about the raindrop and life. We too are worn down by resistance. Time, difficulties, tragedies, and simple everyday living. If we live too fast we fall apart, not enough and it’s a quick descent to oblivion. Finding the right pace, knowing where our balance is, taking care of this fragile gift called life takes mindfulness and patience. Even when we get these things right it doesn’t mean we live forever for resistance, wearing down, out and thin is part of existence.
One life is all we get but if we do it well one is all we need.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannebsaint.com
Balancing Act
Balance –
Life is a balancing act. It is a lesson I have been keenly aware of this week. To walk the line between the joy of being alive and the acceptance that one day everything, everyone dies takes careful, reflectful steps. If you veer too far one way or the other you fall into illusion and suffering.
We all want to live but not just live, to thrive. This is our desire for those we love as well. If we could we would protect ourselves and everyone we care about from disease, difficulties, and death. However, when we forget our place, our lack of power and lack of ability to make life safe and well, we become anxious, envious and desperate.
It takes a while to learn to walk through the narrow gate of humility and acceptance. The narrow path becomes more narrow but the paradox is the smaller the way becomes the more we open ourselves to grace and healing.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Under Control
Under Control –
Last week I wrote about raking leaves and how this ongoing chore is a part of the changing of the seasons; “Leaving Tomorrow Be“ (https://thewannabesaint.com/2016/10/29/leaving-tomorrow-be/).
Today I was at it again. Same sections of the yard, same rake, same music playing in my ear buds, the same piles, except different, albeit still brown, leaves. Again, similar to last week, the wind was blowing so even as I raked more leaves were falling on the ground. Still, it was therapeutic; raking and burning.
While doing the chore I thought about my week. Lots of internal changes have been occurring at work. Changes which cannot be avoided and are necessary for our team to continue helping the families and communities we serve. However, as noted by me many times on this blog before, I don’t like change. My severe anxiety disorder goes into hyperdrive when multiple changes occur in a short amount of time. My preference is rhythm, order, a familiarity, which helps bring balance to my life and peace to my mind.
As I raked the leaves today and watched more fall in their place, I was reminded that life is never controllable, never truly ordered, not actually familiar, we simply fool ourselves into thinking there is rhythm. We like to think we’ll get everything organized and under control only to stand powerlessly by as the wind blows, dropping more leaves on a briefly clean yard; a symbol that nothing in the life is ever settled, predictable and under our control.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Good Eye
Good Eye –
Last week I had an important meeting. During it, a woman walked into the room to give the person I was meeting with a message. As she delivered it the other noticed the woman was shaking. She asked; “Are you okay? You’re really shaking!” The person said she had a lot going on and was trying to fit all of it into a small amount of time. She then left the room and my meeting continued. Afterwards, I saw the woman who had been shaking and told her I hoped she had a good day.
As I went to my next appointment I thought about both the woman and the fact that I didn’t notice her shaking at all. I totally missed it. I try to be aware of people and their emotional, mental and spiritual states. I even try to notice new glasses, haircuts, and changes people make but not this time. I realized it swept by me because all of my focus was on the “important” meeting. The person I met with was at the same meeting but didn’t allow it to consume all of her attention and she was able to show concern to someone in need.
It was a good reminder that true awareness is finding the balance between paying attention to ourselves and others.
blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com
Asking
Asking –
I could tell she needing something without knowing how to ask for it. Finally, she began to say a few words, jumbled, somewhat coherent, and then blurted out a need her husband had and could I help? Responding in an assuring voice with, hopefully, peace giving words I told her; “Yes” and “would she like a card?” She smiled affirmatively, took the card and said; “Thank you.” “Anytime,” I replied back. “I hope you have a nice weekend.” I don’t know if I’ll hear from her or her husband again but it was not my first time I’ve encountered someone looking for assistance and yet hesitant, resistant, to ask for help.
I reflect on our brief conversation and wonder; “Why is it so hard for some to admit need?” I think part of it is our; “Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps” culture. Folks who need a helping hand often feel they are somehow “less than” others.
Maybe it’s the thought that; “Others are so much worse off.” It seems selfish to take food out of their mouths, clothes off their backs, a roof over their heads.
Might be, perhaps the darkest reason; “I don’t want to be lumped in with the people who ‘have their hands out.'” They are judged, looked down upon, seen as lazy, under-achievers, taking advantage of people, churches, community organizations and the government.
Being in need is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether its physical, mental, emotional or spiritual we all need each other to make it. A wisdom proverb states; “No one can navigate the road of life alone.” In truth, we are all needy, weak, impoverished and cannot do it on our own. Asking for help is not helplessness it’s having the right balance of strength and humility to admit we are flawed, defective, deficient, have shortcomings, imperfections, in short,we are all; human and to be so is to be in need.
“Someone asked the great Master one day; “What is the gospel?” The Master replied; “The gospel is simply one beggar telling another beggar where to find food.” Wisdom Proverb
blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com
Not so Fast
Not so Fast –
Liturgy is one of my favorite parts of worship. I like the rhythm, the movement, the flow of a service. Contemporary worship, for me, is lacking this undertone of structure and meaning. Yesterday, I wrote about a gentleman in a “Declaration of Independence” shirt (https://thewannabesaint.com/2016/07/03/what-are-we/), but it wasn’t the only thing trying to disrupt the rhythm of the service.
When scriptures, creeds, prayers and responsories are being read/said, I like to utter them slowly. I want to soak in the words, hear them in my heart, let them resonate with my spirit. However, behind me in service yesterday, was a woman who spoke loudly and quickly. She was often ahead of the priest as he was leading the congregants. It was almost as if she was in a race to see who would finish reading first. Because of her hurry and volume I found myself distracted and was having difficulty allowing the words to make their way past the surface. With frustration rising, I took a deep breath and did my best to let her pace not dictate my own. I focused on my breath, the words on the screen and allowed the voice of rushing, haste and swiftness to fade. It wasn’t gone but also wasn’t imposing its pace upon me.
On my was home I reflected upon the woman’s rapidity and how easily it is to allow the speed of others to set the tempo for our lives. It’s a difficult discipline to learn; to live slowly, purposefully at a speed where we revel in and soak up each moment. Every breath and experience can be worship if we’re willing to resist the rush, find the rhythm which leads to harmony, balance and peace.
“The wise person can find the whole universe in a single drop of rain.” #wisdom #proverb
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Run Over
Earlier this afternoon I stopped to get a cold drink. The temps today are in the 90’s with humidity close to this mark as well. I exited the truck and began to walk across the parking lot into the restaurant when a small white Chevy truck, moving faster than needed caught my eye. I stopped, he didn’t. I watched as he passed and he stared back at me. I was thankful to have looked before crossing and wondered why he was in such a hurry.
Following my close encounter I reflected on times when people had tried to “run me over.” Moments and seasons when someone had an aim, purpose, goal they wanted to reach and didn’t consider how it impacted those around them. Whether it was an over-powering personality, a self focused agenda, a spirit draining selfishness, their destination was reached at the peril of others.
I also thought about my own pursuits and how, at times, I was more concerned with the journey than my fellow sojourners. Finding the balance between getting where we need to go and being sure our passions and purposes do no harm is important and necessary to ensure we reach our destinations, together.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Urgency and Stillness
This morning I woke up about ten minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off and noticed my bladder was telling me to; “get up!” The bed however was giving me another message; “be still, stay, relax.” I compromised. Normally I hit the snooze three times before dragging myself out of the bed but today, because of my bladder’s urgency, it was only twice.
Life is filled with experiences in which we try to find the balance between stillness and urgency. There are moments, times, seasons when urgency is not only needed but necessary. Emergencies, crises, or other situations may require us to be more hurried in order to avoid dire, serious or even grave consequences. However, mostly our days are filled with the temptation to turn ordinary, normal occurrences and happenings into times of great stress and anxiety. Instead of allowing the usual to become the urgent wisdom teaches us to take a breath and let go of that which is not truly critical so we can embrace the crucial.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Restoring Balance
“Argh! She gets on my nerves so much! Why can’t she just stop being so mean? I don’t deserve the way she treats me.“… This was part of an emotionally loaded conversation I had with a friend this week. Her relationship with a co-worker could be best described as strained and she’s at her wits end.
After the waterfall of words slowed to a trickle and my friend caught her breath we talked more about what was happening and why. She began to explain that she knew there was a lot of pressure on her co-worker outside of work, family responsibilities which might be taking their toll. “That still doesn’t mean she has to take it all out on me!” We agreed on this point but I replied; “Perhaps, the more aware you are of her pain the better able you’ll be to listen with empathy and grace.”
Working, living with, being around cantankerous people can be emotionally and spiritually draining. A willingness to open our hearts to them and their struggles may be the way to helping and restoring balance for both of us.
Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
Balance
Balance. Something we take for granted until we lose it. A wonderful skill that makes all we do possible. If it were not for balance most things in our life would be unthinkable.
On Tuesday I lost my balance and fell. It seemed in slow motion. A wrong step, at the wrong angle, at the wrong time and down I went, knowing it was going to hurt when my body came to an abrupt stop.
For a few moments I stayed down, trying to regain my bearings, assessing the possible damage and then slowly stood up and gingerly started moving again. Two days later I’m still quite sore but each day brings an easing of pain as I walk, bend, move.
In a similar way there are seasons when our lives become out of balance. Pain, loss, death, chaos, confusion, doubt, fear come our way putting our purpose, faith, relationships, all things awry. Our first response may be to try and get back to “normal”, even things out, find our equilibrium as fast as possible. Though tempting, this is often a mistake and not attainable.
Regaining our footing again takes time, patience, assessment and an endurance of the aches and pain of being out of balance. However, take heart. Balance may not be easily found but it will not be lost forever.
Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
Traveling Well
Last week, driving on the 840 bypass around Nashville, TN, a fast-moving white SUV passed me. As it made its way around my little red truck I noticed its right front tire was very low. It was moving too quickly to sound my horn in hopes of getting their attention and I considered speeding up to catch the vehicle but it was moving too fast. As I watched it get further ahead of me I became concerned that the tire would blow, the driver might lose control, injure themselves and others. After a few minutes the SUV suddenly pulled over to the side of the road. When I arrived at their location the tire had blown and the vehicle was stranded. Another driver was stopping to help so I continued on my way.
I reflected upon the tire, the driver and the quick pace of our hectic lives. Oftentimes our days seem to be made up of keeping appointments, getting from one place to another, being in a hurry whether we have a reason to be or not. We are so consumed with our next destination we miss the warning signs, the words and actions of others who would caution us to slow down, take an inventory of ourselves, be sure we aren’t headed for a breakdown, blowout or burnout, that could hurt ourselves and those around us.
The road of life is long. Patience, mindfulness, maintenance, wisdom are some of the keys to traveling well.
blessings,
@brianloging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
Letting It Out
Yesterday, on my way out of Bedford, Tennessee, I passed a fire hydrant which was was shooting water several feet high in the air onto a drenched bush. A local water worker was monitoring it, enjoying the moisture spray on a hot summer day.
As I watched the flume of water I reflected on a conversation I had with a dad earlier in the day. We talked about a lot of things as we walked around his neighborhood and one of the topics was the importance of being able to find positive, constructive ways to release the pressures and stress of life. “Too often,’ I told him, ‘We let difficulties and hardships build up and if we don’t have a way of letting them go, cleaning out the gunk, dealing with them, they will take their toll on us and those we love.”
Even the strongest of us need support, the bravest of us; a safe place, the most patient; a chance to scream and complain, the ultra dependable; a chance to pass and let someone else do it.
Moments and seasons of release and relaxation aren’t for the weak but the wise and well balanced.
Blessings,
@BrianLoging
http://www.thewannabesaint.com