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Today has been unusually quiet compared to the last several days since my father has passed. My wife and my mother spent some time together today which left me in her house alone. I reflected a bit on the week that has been but mostly I have slept. I am an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety so it takes little imagination to understand the state of mind I am in because deaths and memorial services, errands and condolence phone calls, emails and texts are anything but quiet and stress reducing.

My wife and my mom knew sleep and silence are what I needed today and am thankful they gave me some space. I am running on empty and my body, emotions, mind, and soul craves the quietude of muted phones, ignored texts, emails that can wait, errands which didn’t happen and the downtime which occurs the days and weeks after a loved one leaves this world.

They say the hardest part of a dear one passing isn’t the days immediately following. Days which are filled with planning, non-stop moving, endless words and memories are hard but can sweep you away in a flood of activity. It’s the days after which grow long. They are filled with loneliness, and questions, confusion, anger, and doubt. The flood of phone calls slow to a trickle, the flowers stop coming, the cards aren’t in the mail, and life goes on. The silence following the cacophony can be deafening.

So, what is a balm for me will become hurt, especially for my mother. It is in these times I must trust the memories will comfort, family and friends will step in for support and we will learn to live with the blessing of silence.

@BrianLoging (Twitter)


Listen, Understand, Grace


Listen. Understand. Grace.

This week I had an appointment with a person, at a place, I’ve never been before. Arriving at where I thought it would be I checked in with the receptionist. She looked at her schedule and couldn’t find my name. I told her perhaps I was at the wrong address but she seemed to have missed that because she had me sit and wait. About 10 minutes passed and a gentleman came to the reception area and had me follow him. We sat and talked for a while but I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. After another 10 minutes were gone the receptionist came in and interrupted us and said to me; “I think you’re in the wrong place. You want the building next door.” Frustration built as I, through gritted teeth, told her; “Thank you.” I made my way quickly to the other office building, found the correct place and checked in, again. I was late for my appointment but they worked me in and we’re understanding about the mix up. Their acceptance of my predicament was a gift of peace in a chaotic situation.

It was a great reminder that listening to the other person is essential if we are to help them get where they need to go and giving grace and understanding to those who are lost is like balm, a healing ointment for the soul.

@BrianLoging (Twitter)


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