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How Could He?

How Could He?

Here is Tennessee and even across America, there is a question that is on many people’s mind; “Why did the father of a five-year-old Autistic boy beat his son to death and then hide his body? How could this father then claim the boy had wandered off and allowed law enforcement officials, volunteers, and others to search areas near his home for three days thinking the boy was alive?” (http://fox17.com/news/local/dad-beat-son-joe-clyde-daniels-to-death-hid-his-body-in-remote-area-affidavit) Its horrible, vile, evil, confusing, and no matter the answers they will not satisfy a grieving family and community.

The next two days I will be training to be a trainer in Adverse Childhood Experiences. According to “SAMSHA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Agency) describes “Adverse childhood experiences or (ACEs)” as stressful or traumatic events, including abuse and neglect. They may also include household dysfunction such as witnessing domestic violence or growing up with family members who have substance use disorders. ACEs are strongly related to the development and prevalence of a wide range of health problems throughout a person’s lifespan, including those associated with substance misuse. ACEs include: Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical neglect, Emotional neglect, Intimate partner violence, Mother treated violently, Substance misuse within a household, Household mental illness, Parental separation or divorce, Incarcerated household member.”(https://www.samhsa.gov/capt/practicing-effective-prevention/prevention-behavioral-health/adverse-childhood-experiences)

Put simply; what happens to one when growing up impacts that individual’s behavior, physical and mental health as adults. It changes the question from; “Why or How could you?’ to ‘What happened to you?” The difference is all the difference. It allows for context and the ability to understand, not approve, why a person would do something incredibly harmful to others or to themselves by researching their backgrounds, cultural, community, familial and social environments.

It will be a challenging and difficult two days especially in light of the tragedy that unfolded over the past week. However, only when our emotional and intellectual biases are confronted can we move beyond them to greater wisdom and knowledge.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: ##witnessing, #ability, #abuse, #ACES, #adults, #Adverse, #AdverseChildhoodExperiences. #SAMSHA, #alive, #allowed, #allows, #answers, #approve, #associated, #Autistic, #backgrounds, #beat, #behavior, #beyond, #biases, #blessings, #body, #challenging, #changes, #childhood, #claim, #confronted, #confusing, #context, #cultural, #death, #development, #difference, #difficult, #divorce, #domestic, #dysfunction, #emotional, #Emotionalabuse, #Emotionalneglect, #environments, #evil, #experiences, #familial, #familymembers, #five-year-old, #greater, #grieving, #Growingup, #happens, #harmful, #healthproblems, #hide, #horrible, #household, #Householdmentalillness, #HowCouldHe, #impacts, #incarcerated, #include, #incredibly, #individuals, #intellectual, #Intimatepartnerviolence, #knowledge, #lawenforcement, #lifespan, #light, #mental, #mother, #move, #neglect\, #officials, #Parentalseparation, #persons, #physical, #Physicalabuse, #Physicalneglect, #prevalence, #question, #related, #researching, #satisfy, #search, #Sexualabuse, #simply, #social, #Stressful, #strongly, #SubstanceAbuseMentalHealthAgency, #substancemisuse, #substanceusedisorders, #thewannabesaint.com, #Tragedy, #trainer, #training, #traumatic, #treated, #understand, #unfolded, #vile, #violence, #violently, #volunteers, #wandered, #Whathappened, #widerange, #wisdom, @BrianLoging, Family, Community, Events, father, Health, Home, Mind

Reacting

Oct 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Reacting –

What are you reacting to? Such a wonderful and powerful question.

We live in a reactive world. Opinions, biases, judgments, loyalties, choosing sides, seems to be what everyone around us is doing. We don’t have to ask for someone’s thoughts on a matter before they tell it to us anyway. Social media is a primary culprit but I’ve heard stories of this happening in restaurants, gas stations, and grocery stores. People can’t shut up or stop typing. It is a wonder anyone can find interior peace when the exterior world bombards our ears with a cacophony of noise and words.

“The space in between” is a difficult discipline which needs broader acceptance. Basically, it teaches that between the incident and the comment is the moment to choose our response. Between the action and the reaction, we have the ability to make the situation better, the same, or worse. In the immediate time following an experience we have the ability to make it more or less unstable.

Reacting, choosing, deciding, what our reaction to a stimulus will determine our destiny. Will we be thoughtlessly reactive, speak without considering, act without thinking about the outcome? Or, will we remember the “space in between” and so grace, kindness, and love?

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Wisdom

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Tags: #ability, #acceptance, #act, #action, #better, #between, #biases, #bombards, #broader, #cacophony, #Choose, #choosing, #choosingsides, #comment, #considering, #culprit, #deciding, #decision, #destiny, #determine, #difficult, #discipline, #experience, #exterior, #gasstations, #grace, #grocerystores, #immediate, #incident, #interior, #judgments, #kindness, #loyalties, #matter, #opinions, #outcome, #primary, #Reacting, #reaction, #reactive, #remember, #response, #restaurants, #ShutUp, #situation, #socialmedia, #space, #spaceinbetween, #speak, #stimulus, #stoptyping, #teaches, #thinking, #thoughtlessly, #time, #unstable, #wonder, #words, love, Noise, Peace, Stories, Thoughts, World

Excuse Me?

Oct 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for favorite color

Excuse Me –

Someone asked me today; “Who’s your favorite killer?” I did a double take and asked in return; “My favorite what?” “Color,’ came the response, ‘favorite color?” “Oh!, blue,” I said. I was told I needed to work on my Tennessean listening skills.

It was a good laugh at my expense and a good reminder about listening. Each of us come from a unique background. We often forget that when we are speaking and listening to someone. People speak using words we don’t use, wouldn’t use, aren’t sure how to use. Folks speak with biases, colored by experiences, influenced by generational cycles of positive and negative cultural, religious and familial understandings.

This is why it is so important to listen with our whole being, not casually while we mess with our phones, distract ourselves with “more important” things or not honor the person who is speaking with mindfulness and focus.

Listening is a sacred gift we can give one another.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #background, #biases, #casually, #colored, #cycles, #distract, #expense, #experiences, #focus, #folks, #forget, #generational, #gift, #honor, #important, #influenced, #influences, #laugh, #listening, #often, #ourselves, #person, #positive, #reminder, #sacred, #speak, #speaking, #unique, Listen, mindfulness, Negative

Sing Along

Sep 3

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for sing along

Sing Along –

Earlier this week I had a song stuck in my head. It played over and over in my mind. It was from an artist I don’t like or dislike and was a song that was fine but not spectacular. These facts didn’t matter because the song was like an earworm which burrowed its way into my brain and wouldn’t stop. I found myself humming the tune, singing along, tapping my foot and fingers, when I was in meetings, classes, and other places.

It is hard to get a song out of your head sometimes. I usually try listening to it several times in a row which can dislodge it. Other times singing it out loud, all the way through, will do the trick. However, some songs refuse to let go and I just live with it until finally, another song, or silence if I’m lucky, takes it place.

I was speaking with someone this week about the causes of poverty, abuse, addiction, incarceration and the incredibly hard task it is to break free from these often generational, familial, cycles. Too often, people think the battles we face are won by acts of wills and choice. While these are important they are not the sum of all problems. When you have been surrounded with these ills of society and family you become used to a normal. You witness those you love and look up to make decisions that keep them trapped in the cycle. Growing up in these environments impact the way you think, your view of the world, and the hopelessness of being free. Who we are, what we are, are not only the choices we have made but from a myriad of choices which happen when we cannot decide for ourselves or even before we are born.

Understanding the truths about some of the people we meet each day will, hopefully, rewrite the judgmental and biased scripts we easily recite in our minds when we encounter the poor, drug addicted, alcoholic, homeless, ex-felons, and wonder; “Why can’t they do something about their lot in life?” Maybe, they need us to sing a new song to them.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #abuse, #actsofwills, #addiction, #alcoholic, #battles, #biases, #breakfree, #choice, #cycles, #decisions, #drugaddicted, #encounter, #environments, #ex-felons, #familial, #generational, #Growingup, #homeless, #hopelessness, #illsofsociety, #important, #incarceration, #incredibly, #judgments, #myriad, #normal, #poor, #poverty, #recite, #rewrite, #speaking, #surrounded, #trapped, #truths, #viewoftheworld, #witness

Simple

Aug 28

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for zen busyness

Simple –

There are days when I become frustrated that the world isn’t simpler. Everything around me seems complicated. There are dozens of hoops to jump through, obstacles to overcome, and challenges to be met.

A person I know is still dealing with the fall out of a bad decision that has haunted him for almost two years. He’s dealing with it the best he can but if he could he would make it all go away. He feels like he has paid his penance yet his punishment seems ongoing with no end in sight.

Another person I know is struggling with complications of a mental illness. This is a battle I know well. They are making the best decisions for themselves they can but family and friends are interfering and unable to understand the choices being made.

I was reminded yesterday of the death of someone close to many people who live in the area. It’s been a few months but since the beloved has passed away but those who were closest to them are still swimming in the ocean of grief and adjustment to the new normal.

Life is complicated. We don’t make it that way, it just is that way. We can make it even more daunting with selfishness, ego, and biases but even those who have chosen to walk the path of wisdom, acceptance and peace still find the path of life difficult to walk.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mental Health

1 Comment

Tags: ##pathoflife, #acceptance, #biases, #chosen, #complicated, #daunting, #difficult, #ego, #life, #path, #selfishness, #walk, #wisdom, Peace

Little Things

Aug 26

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for inchworm hands

Little Things –

Yesterday, while mowing the grass I ducked my head as I maneuvered the mower underneath a low hanging branch. When I came out from underneath it I felt something on my finger. Looking down I discovered an inch worm had hitched a ride. I wasn’t sure what to do with him so I made the magnanimous decision to shake him off on some cut grass so ensuring I wouldn’t run over him. Holding out my hand I shook and shook but the little inch worm wasn’t letting go. Finally, giving it one more violent, animated shake, I looked on my hand and it was gone. I continued mowing and a few minutes later I felt something crawling on my neck. I reached up and took a swipe and it was the inch worm. It hadn’t flown off until the grass but on my shirt and made its way to my neck. This little guy had grown quite attached to me! Aiming carefully I whipped my hand to some mowed grass and he disappeared.

Wisdom tells us that it can be the little things that attach themselves to us and are the hardest to get free from. We recognize the larger attachments to possessions, time, a desire for a good reputation, money, job status, pride, and ego but often miss the smaller ones. These can include resentments, biases, complaining, negative attitude, being myopic and not recognizing the good in others and all around us.

Smaller attachments might seem like only nuisances but they stick to us and impact our ability to live life with gratefulness and grace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #ability, #attach, #attachments, #Attitude, #biases, #complaining, #desires, #ego, #grace, #gratefulness, #impact, #jobstatus, #littlethings, #money, #myopic, #nuisances, #possessions, #pride, #recognizing, #reputation, #resentments, #time, #wisdom, Free, Negative

Invisible

Aug 17

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Invisible –

The other morning I took the dog outside for some “private” time and waited on the front porch for him to finish. He was taking an extra long so I started walking to make sure he was focused on the task at hand. However, as I stepped forward I walked into a spider web. It was on my face and I did the obligatory “spider web dance” everyone does where you throw your hands in the air, wipe your face and hands trying to get the sticky substance off your face and body. The web belonged to a small spider and the web was invisible until I walked into it.

I feel like our country and world has been walking into spider webs this week. Invisible, sticky, hard to avoid and get out of situations and circumstances. Things such as racial tensions which we avoid until we can’t have been front and center. Politics and how they divide us. History and its impact on our culture. Power, ego, arrogance, and leadership has stuck to those who are trying to direct and guide us. Mistakes, bad choices, negative thinking, biases, judgment, have all clung to us and seem impossible to get rid of.

Wisdom tells us that if we wish to know the true way we must be still, silent, at peace and humble. However, it seems impossible because new crises and threats emerge seemingly every day. There’s also another wisdom saying; “Be still for at least 30 minutes unless you are busy or in a hurry then sit still for an hour.”

I long for our world to simply be still, for a moment, and see the difference it could make.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #arrogance, #avoid, #badchoices, #biases, #circumstances, #country, #crises, #direct, #divide, #ego, #emerge, #guide, #hardtoavoid, #humble, #invisible, #judgment, #leadership, #mistakes, #negativethinking, #power, #racial, #silent, #situations, #sticky, #still, #tensions, #threats, #wisdom, Culture, History, Peace, Politics, World

knowing

Jul 3

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

knowing –

What is self-awareness? My favorite quote from Aristotle; “The mark of a wise mind is the ability to think a thought without believing it to be true.” The idea is that just because a thought pops into our minds or we’ve been convinced of a thought most of our lives doesn’t necessarily make it true or real.

The problem is that few people arrive at this level of self-awareness. Few question their beliefs, convictions, and paradigms of how life should be, how it’s supposed to work. In fact, for most, it’s the opposite. There’s never a question about themselves and how they came to think the thoughts, do the deeds, be the person in the mirror.

The most important journey each of us takes is the journey within. Knowing ourselves, accepting our prejudices, biases, preferences, and understanding how they make us unique and how they set us apart from others.

A wisdom proverb states; “What annoys you about others reveals the character within you.” The path to self-awareness is first setting aside your preconceptions about everything and allowing the world to just “be“. Each experience, moment, lifetime is a once in an eternity expression of the universe and it’s Creator. Allowing it to make its impression upon you instead of charging into it wanting to put your stamp on it is the first steps into a larger world and a deeper self.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

2 Comments

Tags: # understanding, #acceptance, #biases, #blessings, #intention, #journey, #knowing, #knowingoursevles, #preferences, #prejudices, #selfawareness, #setapart, #unique, #wisdom

Small Things

Feb 20

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

snail-rescue2-600x338

Small Things –

An Israeli woman accidentally stepped on a Garden Snail and instead of ignoring it, kicking it to the side, wiping off her feet in disgust, took the small creature to the veterinarian to save its life. (Full story and link below).

It’s the smallest things which make the biggest difference. We forget this wisdom lesson so easily. We are wrapped up in our world, being the center of our own universe, the main character, and hero of our own story. Too often the small, insignificant, unnoticed and nobodies are ignored and unseen.

A friend asked me today; “Is there an objective reality?” I answered; “I don’t think so. There is the reality we exist in which for us seems real but is in fact shaped by nature, nurture, our experiences and expectations. We believe it’s real but in truth, our reality is no more real than another person’s.” I continued; “I don’t believe we can find an objective reality but we can be aware of our own limited knowledge, biases, beliefs and agendas. When we become self-aware we are able to accept that which we cannot know and humility is the path to wisdom.”

A small snail crawling on the ground. An accidental injury. A reaction that seems extreme to some is empathy and kindness in this woman’s reality. To be aware of the small things, like snails and our own existence is to see and understand more than most.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Israeli Woman Accidentally Steps on Garden Snail, Takes It to the Vet to Save Its Life

(http://www.odditycentral.com/news/israeli-woman-accidentally-steps-on-garden-snail-takes-it-to-the-vet-to-save-its-life.html)

The life of one garden snail may not mean very much in the grand scheme of things, but for one Israeli woman who accidentally stepped on one, cracking its brittle shell, it was enough to warrant a visit to the local vet clinic.

It’s quite in rainy in Tel Aviv this time of year, and moisture-loving garden snails are very active. They sometimes venture outside their natural habitat, and, unfortunately, some of them get stepped on by careless humans. Most of the time the snail get squashed, but, in the most fortunate cases, only their shells get damaged. If they don’t suffer major injuries to their bodies, snails will usually fix their mobile homes by drawing in calcium, but one lady in the Israeli capital didn’t want to leave anything to chance after accidentally stepping on a slow-crawling snail.

Rather than simply ignoring the snail, the woman meticulously picked up all the pieces of its broken shell and took it to a local animal clinic. She was lucky enough to find a dedicated medical staff who, instead of brushing off her pleas for help to handle what other vets would probably consider more important cases, spent hours gluing the snail’s shell back together, using epoxy.

Photos posted on the Facebook page of Tel Aviv’s HaClinica animal clinic, show staff patiently gluing the shell to its original shape, while the “naked” mollusc patiently waits to move back into its home. “For the broken shell, we need a combination of patience and finesse with epoxy glue” the clinic wrote in a post. “We make sure the glue stays outside the shell and does not penetrate the inner patch.”

Luckily, their hard work paid off and they were able to not only fix the snail’s shell, but also mount it on the slimy owner. The operation was a success, and even though the snail will still need a few weeks, or even months, to fully recuperate, photos of it feasting on a bed of tasty vegetables in a glass tank suggest he’s doing just fine.

The staff of HaClinica have taken a liking to their tiny patient, and even named it Chevy. He’ll remain under their watchful eye as he recovers, and animal lovers are welcome to visit him during his recuperation.

By Spooky on February 17th, 2017 Category: News

Posted in Life

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Tags: #acceptance, #agendas, #awareness, #beliefs, #biases, #faith, #humility, #inspiration, #judgment, #knownothing, #life, #self-awareness, #smallthings, #wisdom

Maybe a Mexican!

Jun 7

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Maybe a Mexican!

Earlier this week I was in a store looking at shirts for summer. As I perused a middle-aged white woman walked up to me with a shirt in her hand and blurted out; “Isn’t this the ugliest shirt you’ve ever seen? Who would wear it? Nobody I know. Maybe a Mexican.” She laughed, I grimaced, forced a smile and choked back the question; “You’re a Donald Trump supporter aren’t you?” Instead I moved on, saddened by her attitude and aggression.

Too often people associate the unsightly, problematic, ills and woes of our families, communities and societies with certain races, religions, sexes and ages. Our biases and judgments automatically see the worst in others and the ugliness in ourselves stops us from beholding the beauty that exists in us all.

Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

2 Comments

Tags: #ages, #associate, #beholding, #biases, #communities, #exists, #families, #ills, #judgments, #ourselves, #problematic, #races, #religions, #sexes, #societies, #ugly, #unsightly, #woes, #worst, beauty, People

Unique Approach

Jun 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Unique Approach

Sometimes working with people can be exhausting. You think you’ve reached a turning point which will make all the difference only to discover that around the corner leads to a dead-end.

I was speaking to a group of dads today and explaining to them each family, similar to individuals are unique. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to helping people get well and healthy. It takes time, effort and a willingness to listen, get to know, build trust and a relationship. Only then are you able to guide folks toward choices which benefit them and those they love.

Too often we approach people and life with a predetermined way of how things should be. We allow our biases, judgments and limited knowledge to build a lens which distorts our view. If we are to be of real service to those we love, our neighbors, those in need ,we cannot skip over respect, listening, building trust and relationships. If we only have a part of the picture and proceed to “fix” what we believe to be the problem we may end up causing more harm than good.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #approach, #biases, #building, #causing, #distorts, #good, #harm, #judgments, #knowledge, #lens, #life, #limited, #listening, #neighbors, #picture, #predetermined, #problem, #respect, #service, #trust, People, Relationships

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Reacting

Excuse Me?

Sing Along

Simple

Little Things

Invisible

knowing

Small Things

Maybe a Mexican!

Unique Approach

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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