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Watching

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Watching

Last night Beth boiled tea and I prepared it to be put it in the refrigerator. I had to remove a pitcher half filled to put the full one with tea on the back part of the shelf. I’m still not sure what happened but when I put the half-filled container back in it didn’t sit fully on the shelf. As soon as I let go the pitcher I watched it fall and spilled its contents under the fridge and all over the kitchen floor. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement.  This morning, the wind was blowing quite hard and I went to get a sheet we’d hung up outside. I grabbed it and began folding it as I went inside. I wasn’t watching where I was going and stubbed my toes on a big rock! They’ve been sore all day.

I told Beth last night my brain was tired. I confirmed it with these two incidents and others. It’s been tough focusing on reading or even watching TV. My brain feels as if it’s in a fog. Grief, stress, trauma, life’s challenges can sap us physically, mentally and spiritually. We must be careful to take the time needed to recharge, replenish and renew or suffer the spills and stumbling along the way.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Still

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Still

I am sitting at the foot of the hospital bed of my friend who’s been suffering for the last several weeks. The room is quiet except for the loud hum of a pump which is pulling toxins from his body and the oxygen machine, both attached to him. He’s still, trying to find the sleep which eluded him last night. He received a pain shot from a nurse a few moments ago and hopefully, this affords him a quiet mind and a less painful body for a while.

He looks weak, not at all the man I’ve known for most of my life. I know him and if he could leave this place he would in a moment, hospital gown and all. In fact last night someone asked him if they could do anything for him and he quipped; “Trade places with me.” I smiled and thought; “Be careful what you ask for…” It’s these little jokes he still manages that show me he’s still fighting, still holding on, still not ready to take his final steps into eternity.

His legs twitch while he tries to nap. I wonder if they are the result of a dream? Perhaps a time when we were hiking on the Appalachian trail or playing T-Ball, maybe it was working on a construction project at his home. I hope it’s good dreams and brings him happiness, even in sleep.

Still. Still hanging on. Still suffering. Still funny. Still hoping. Still trusting the path to what’s next is not too difficult.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

Afraid

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Afraid –

This morning, driving to a Father/Child reading event I was rounding a curve when out of nowhere came a big white dog, barking and headed straight for the truck. I didn’t have much time to react when at the last second it decided to turn back. My heart went into my stomach and as I looked in the rearview mirror the dog made its way back to the bush it was hiding behind to wait for its next victim. It was frightening to have this huge canine all of a sudden appear on what should have been an easy drive to a county library.

After my heart and stomach settled I thought about the dog and the fright it gave me. The fear had subsided and I wondered where its owner was, why the dog was allowed to play this dangerous game when, in a collision, the vehicle almost always wins?

I don’t like being afraid. Fear is unsettling and I’d prefer to live life without it. However, I admit that life can be a lot like the, almost, run in with the dog today. We navigate the road of life the best we know how hoping to reach our destination. When, out of nowhere, something happens which makes us afraid. It may be a brush with death, a lingering sickness, a mental health issue, a financial crisis, a danger or challenge to friends and family. In these moments we become afraid. Our goal is no longer reaching our destination but getting through each next moment. Everything slows down and our attention becomes solely on the fear.

In one sense it’s helpful our vision is singularly focused. It helps us concentrate on what’s in our way and how to avoid it or fight it. However, if we are not careful the thing which makes us afraid becomes the only thing we see and our vision to all the beauty and wonder of life is obscured. Balancing being fearful and mindful is tricky but is the only way we make sure we don’t spend our lives afraid to live.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Comparisons

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Comparisons

Someone told me today about a friend they have who is unhappy. This is the opposite of her usual demeanor. By most accounts, she’s always been a go lucky, chipper, satisfied, joyful person. However, in the last several months who mood has changed and the sparkle in her eye has dulled considerably. The person sharing this with me said her friend’s unhappiness with life has increased along with her social media consumption. She’s said; “When I read my friends’ posts on Facebook, look at their pictures on Instagram, see their interactions with countless other folks on Twitter, my life seems rather dull, empty, lacking.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone relay this type of story to me. Social media can be a wonderful tool and a good way to share select moments of our lives with our friends and family but we must remember the words; SELECT MOMENTS. Those inspirational posts on Facebook often come from a book or web page of quotes. The beautiful pictures on Instagram don’t show the before and after of getting ready to take the photo and recovering from it. Twitter can be an okay place to exchange ideas but more often its people shouting their opinions at each other.

Comparisons can be dangerous, especially on social media.  Most of what we see on these platforms are illusions. They rarely give us a real glimpse of who a person is and what their life is truly like. We have to be careful comparing our life, which we know intimately, with another’s snapshots of theirs. Our life may seem bland, our thoughts benign, our family and friendships boring, but that’s okay. Most of the time, if we were to see what a Facebook friend’s life is like, or the reality behind a Twitter account, or the other moments when everyone isn’t smiling on Instagram we might decide our life is good and worthy of our thanks.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

The Universe in a Choice

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The Universe in a Choice

The idea of the world having a conscious is intriguing. Many wisdom proverbs speak of the commonality every single human being on the planet possesses. We are united and bound together in much more ways than we are separated. Unfortunately, we focus on those few things that divide and in being pulled apart everyone loses.

The last couple of weeks I have been watching an historical documentary series which focuses on the; “what ifs” of the last 100 years. The premise is that if major figures over the last century would have made different choices, thought and acted in different ways our world would be in a better place. From the first two world wars, nuclear bombings of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Korea, to space exploration, race relations, Vietnam, Desert Storm, financial and housing markets, Operation Freedom, Guantanamo Bay, and other critical turning points that, perhaps, if people would’ve focused on less on themselves and more on others, our world may be a much different place.

Some choices seem to have little consequence on ourselves, those we love and all others who surround us. However, there are decisions which we make that could have a lasting impact on many lives for generations to come.

Wisdom tells us to be mindful, for in every choice hangs the fate of the universe.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Walking With 

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” -Book of Proverbs, chapter 13, verse 20

Walking With

The above scripture was included in my morning prayers today. As I meditated on it, I thought about the men and fathers in the addiction groups I lead.

One of the steps to becoming and staying clean and sober is to understand that those you consider friends, love like family, perhaps are family, if they use drugs or alcohol, can no longer be a part of your life. It seems harsh but staying on the path of sobriety tales tremendous courage and fierce determination.

This is truth not only for recovering addicts but for us all. If we aren’t careful with who’s a part of our lives we’ll find our lives falling apart.

Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Swing and Miss

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Swing and Miss

Finger meet hammer, hammer; finger.”

Earlier today I was trying to wedge a piece of wood into a tight spot without damaging it. I grabbed another block of wood to use as a buffer from the hammer while getting the wood in place. It was slow work but working when I became distracted, the block of wood slipped, or simply poorly aimed and I whacked my thumb with the hammer. “OUCH!” I immediately dropped both the hammer, the block of wood, stepped away and took several deep breaths and tried to shake the pain away. Several hours later the finger still hurts and I’m still not sure how I managed to try to pound my digit instead of the wood.

Wisdom teaches us there are painful lessons in life. We can reflect back upon some and realize the mistakes which were made, things we could have handled differently, while other events seem to happen for no rhyme or reason. Part of living a mindful lifestyle is knowing there isn’t a lesson in every accident, difficulty or problem. The pain is real, the healing takes time and we move on wiser for knowing nothing more than sometimes things just happen.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
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Feel the Heat

This morning I burnt my tongue. I drank too much coffee, too fast and am paying the price. I’ve scalded my tongue before and it hurts, every time. I don’t like the pain or the sensation when I rub it against the roof of my mouth. There are treatments I could try to dull the discomfort but, from experience, time is the greatest healer.

As I’ve dealt with my injury this morning I’ve reflected on both the damage a tongue can receive and deliver. What if hot beverages and spicy foods weren’t the only ways to harm our tongues? What would happen if our tongues were burnt when we used words that were too hot, highly charged, and injured another? What if our speech inflicted wounds upon us when they did to our brothers and sisters? How much more careful might we be with careless, rushed, rude, insulting, judgmental language if we too felt the pain our words can cause?

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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