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Frustration

Frustration –

This morning I had an early appointment in Nashville to being a training. I put the address in my GPS app on my phone and off I went. It took me to the exact spot I’d entered into the phone but there was one problem, it was the wrong address. It took me a moment to realize my mistake until I literally got to the end of a dead-end road. Argh! I felt my frustration starting to grow. Instead of being 30 minutes early I was going to be late. I checked the address again, realized where I made my mistake, and set off in the right direction. Trying not to let my anxiety rise to a harmful level I turned on a three-lane road and stopped at a traffic light. I was in the far right lane, an SUV in the center lane, and a sports car in the left lane. I heard yelling and realized it was the SUV driver and the sports car driver having a road rage episode. I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying and the words I could understand I don’t dare repeat.

I sat there listening and watching the living embodiment of frustration out of control; testosterone, anger, and vitriol spewing out of both of them. It made me take stock of my mood and I realized it wasn’t worth getting upset over my mistake and to let it go. I did, arrived at the training on time and am thankful for the lesson two men out of control could teach me.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Smoldering

Mar 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Smoldering –

On Saturday afternoon I burned a pile of branches, old newspapers, and other miscellaneous items. The smell of the ashes and leftover debris lingered in the air the next day. I had forgotten to grab an old wooden rocking chair out of the reading room which also needed to be disposed of. When I noticed it Sunday afternoon I wondered if the smoldering ash would still be hot enough to do anything. I took the chair out, broke it into several pieces and put some under the coals, which were still a faint orange, and put the rest in a pile on top. I checked it after a while and noticed the smoke had increased. About an hour later the wood was ablaze with a good flame. It didn’t take long to consume it once the fire restarted. Not too long afterward the chair was gone.

I wrote last week about the struggles I have when February rolls around. Many years have passed but the layers of hurt, anger, and uncertainty still lay buried, ready to ignite when fuel is added. What I try to do, instead of dwelling on the past, is not feed the flames. When I am aware and notice my mind drifting back to the place of pain I find a place to breathe. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I remind myself of the truth that I cannot change the past but I can be present in the now. Does it always work? No. Does it work? Yes. Maybe one day I will be healed, maybe not, but I don’t want to give up on living today because of the difficulties of yesterday.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #ablaze, #added, #air, #always, #anger, #ash, #ashes, #aware, #back, #blessings, #breaths, #broke, #buried, #burned, #cannot, #change, #checked, #close, #coals, #consume, #debris, #deep, #difficulties, #disposed, #drifting, #dwelling, #eyes, #faint, #February, #feed, #find, #flame, #flames, #forgotten, #fuel, #giveup, #healed, #hot, #hurt, #ignite, #increased, #instead, #items, #layers, #leftover, #lingered, #living, #maybe, #miscellaneous, #Myself, #needed, #notice, #noticed, #now, #pain, #passed, #past, #pieces, #pile, #place, #present, #ready, #remind, #rest, #restarted, #smell, #smoldering, #struggles, #thewannabesaint.com, #time, #today, #truth, #uncertainty, #Under, #wondered, #work, @BrianLoging, breathe, Mind

Wrinkles

Jan 18

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for iron clothes

Wrinkles –

This morning, per our routine, I ironed Beth’s clothes as she was getting ready for work. I turned the iron on and then took the dog outside. When I returned to the clothes that needed pressing I began to run the iron over them. My mind was elsewhere, on things I needed to do today, and so I didn’t notice the wrinkles weren’t being removed. When I finished I held the dress up to look at it and it was still full of wrinkles! “Argh!” I grunted exasperatedly. I checked the iron and it was cool to the touch. I looked at the lights on the iron which indicate the amount of heat that is being emitted and then noticed the automatic off had been activated while I was outside with the dog. I had been gone too long.

Today is my birthday. The older I get the more I understand there’s always going to be wrinkles in my life, imperfections. I’m never going to be perfect and that’s okay. There will be days I get it right, on time, with no mistakes and other days when I wait too long, mess it up, wonder why I keep trying. Such is life and I am doing my best to live it.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #activated, #amount, #automatic, #began, #best, #birthday, #blessings, #checked, #clothes, #elsewhere, #emitted, #exasperatedly, #finished, #full, #grunted, #heat, #imperfections, #indicate, #ironed, #life, #mess, #mistakes, #morning, #needed, #never, #notice, #noticed, #Off, #okay, #older, #perfect, #removed, #returned, #right, #routine, #thewannabesaint.com, #time, #today, #toolong, #touch, #trying, #turned, #understand, #wait, #wonder, #Wrinkles, @BrianLoging, Mind

Caged

Jan 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for caged tiger

Caged –

He paced back and forth like a caged tiger. I watched him as he went side to side, back to front. At first, he was on a phone call and then afterwards he continued his anxious pacing. I was sitting, waiting, in a room at our county jail which was mostly glass facing the pacing man. I knew what he was feeling because I was struggling with the same anxiety. My classroom wasn’t ready and I was asked to stay in one room until the other one was available. Inside I felt emotionally restless, ready to go, get the class underway.

However, unlike the man pacing back and forth, I noticed what I was doing and took a breath. I folded my hands together placed them on my knees, inhaled and exhaled again. When I was allowed into the classroom I was no longer anxious but settled. I organized the chairs, wrote my notes on the dry-erase board as the men began to come in and find their seats. A worker from the jail checked in to see if everything was okay and I assured her it was. She apologized for the wait. “That’s okay,’ I replied, ‘sometimes having nothing to do, being forced to wait is exactly what we need.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mental Health

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Tags: ##struggling, #Afterwards, #allowed, #anxiety, #anxious, #apologized, #asked, #assured, #available, #back, #blessings, #Caged, #call, #checked, #classroom, #continued, #emotionally, #exhaled, #facing, #feeling, #first, #folded, #forced, #forth, #front, #hands, #inhaled, #inside, #need, #nolonger, #nothing, #noticed, #organized, #paced, #pacing, #phone, #readytogo, #restless, #settled, #side, #Sitting, #tiger, #underway, #wait, #waiting, #watched, breath

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Frustration

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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Frustration

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Smoldering

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Wrinkles

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Caged

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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