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Confusion

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Confusion

Earlier today I was trying to get the mowing done before a storm front moved through our area. I saw Beth come outside with our Siberian Husky, Trooper and waved at her. My attention went back to the mowing and when I looked up again she had Trooper by the collar with one hand and was shooing two brown dogs with the other. I quickly disengaged the blades and drove down the hill in our backyard to help.

The two dogs didn’t seem aggressive just curious but Trooper was also curious and you’re never sure what’s going to happen when unfamiliar dogs get too near each other. I jumped off the mower and had the brown dog’s attention now and Beth was able to get ours inside. I clapped my hands, marched toward the dogs, while yelling; “Go home! Now!” The younger of the two dogs began trotting home but the older one looked at me and wasn’t intimidated. Once I noticed Beth and Trooper inside I made my way back to the mower and headed again to the backyard. The older dog followed. I tried yelling again. It used the bathroom and continued to go wherever I drove and mowed. Finally, I finished mowing and told it to; “Please! Go home!” and thankfully, it did.

I don’t know whose dog exactly it was but I think it confused me with its owner. It never growled nor did its hair stand up, it just wanted to be loved, petted, played with? I’m not sure what it wanted which makes me confused as well.

Life is never predictable. We get confused and this makes us frustrated and desperate. We follow what seems familiar only to find ourselves in a strange place with no sense of direction. Hopefully, eventually, someone or something will help us find our way.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Not so Fast

Not So Fast!

Today, on my way to a meeting in Shelbyville, Tennessee I was cruising along at a crisp 60MPH when I spied a flashing construction sign which read; “New Signal Light Ahead. Be Prepared to Stop!” I was confused because I’ve never known this road to be extra busy but began to slow down as I rounded a curve and sure enough a new traffic light had been installed. It was red when I first saw it and stayed red…for a long time! I thought maybe the light was broken and we should begin proceeding carefully but none of the other vehicles moved. Finally, it turned green and as I reached the new light there were two signs which read; “Stop Here On Red.” “Maximum Time for Red Light: Three Minutes.” When you’re traveling three minutes can feel like an eternity and certainly did as I waited for the green. For the record, the light was red on my way out-of-town as well. Grrrr!

Practicing stillness is important. I do it every day when I meditate, pray and at various other times, especially when it’s been hectic. Stillness is a central discipline to gaining wisdom and experiencing life. However, I’d prefer to dictate when I will and won’t be still. I’d like it to be my decision. I surely didn’t want it on my way to a meeting, driving down a country road. Yet, here was a time of stillness forced upon me but instead impatience, confusion was the result.

To truly know stillness is to carry it with you. It shouldn’t need to be conjured up on a timetable. Being still is more than a way of life it’s a way of being. It’s also a lesson and a discipline I’m still working on.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Motion


Motion

When your only bathroom in the house is being remodeled you find creative ways to workarounds the missing bathroom. You wash your hair with a cup in the kitchen sink, take sponge baths, and other ways to do other bathroom things.

Life has a way of making us adapt. We get used to what’s normal just to experience the demolition and forced to adjust or be lost in confusion.

Wisdom teaches us to be aware of how transient life is and how “normal” is an illusion. Everything temporal is always in flux. The key isn’t finding a place that never changes but learning to find peace in the motion.

Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

P.O.S’s

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P.O.S.’s

Beth and I spent most of the day taking care of P.O.B’s (Piles of Beth or Brian). It’s those ever-increasing places at home that seem to collect stuff we put down when we come in the door, lay down when our hands are full, place somewhere; “only for a moment.” However, before you know it a couple of months have gone by and we’ve continued to add, never subtract, from the piles and they seem to take over the house. So today we began tackling them, going through, getting rid of what’s now not needed, putting up what is actually still useful in our lives.

As we worked from room to room we also talked about things which we could’ve conversed about weeks ago but hadn’t. We teased each other, laughed and broached topics that were sensitive and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable, not defensive.

Wisdom tells us that our lives can quickly become P.O.S.’s (piles of stuff). They fill our minds and lives, clutter our spirits and if we’re not diligent, suffocate the light by which we navigate. It’s not easy to sort through the messes but living with the chaos proves much harder the longer we try and exist in the junk and confusion.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Texting the Deceased

I texted a deceased person today. I intended to text the person I just didn’t know he had passed away on Sunday evening.

On my way to a community meeting this morning I drove through a small town and read on a local business sign; “R.I.P. Jim Smith.“* It took me a moment, the name sounded familiar, and then I recognized it as a name of one of the fathers in our program. The next second it dawned on me he had also once worked at the business with the sign. I called someone who knew the father and he confirmed that; “Yes, he was in a car accident over the weekend and lost his life.” It became even more shocking when I realized I’d texted the deceased father a couple of hours earlier. I was doing my routine check-in with him and many of the other dads our program works with to see how their week was going. Jim* was an engaged father, in his early 20’s, with one infant daughter he adored. He worked full-time, went to school and loved his wife and family.

After the confirmation of his passing everything else melted away. I prayed for his family but truly cannot imagine the hurt, doubt and confusion they are experiencing. At lunch I talked with Beth and told her about the dad. She then said she had spoken with a wife this morning, whose husband had recently taken his own life, after a long battle with alcohol. Death, it seems, is making it’s presence known this Tuesday. We both told each other; “I love you very much!” as we ended the conversation.

We are but candles swiftly extinguished. The light of our lives burn brightly and quickly dim. There is no tomorrow, no guarantee of another breath, moment or chance to let those we care for, appreciate and love know how much they mean to us.

*names have been changed to protect confidentiality

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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Lemonade

When life gives you lemons…

I talked with a dad yesterday who is having a very difficult time lately. His marriage is strained, his children are making poor decisions and he’s trying to hold everything together. He is heartbroken and struggling to see the truth of what we’ve been working on for the last year; “Good choices make good men who make good fathers.” He wonders if its worth all the passion, energy and time he’s putting in if, in his words, “everything’s going to hell!” We talked for a little while about the problems his family is having and then I turned the conversation to him. We spoke about different ways of communicating with his loved ones, how to accept the things he couldn’t change and take action on what could make a difference. I assured him that the effort he’d put in walking the path was not wasted and that in all the chaos it’s more important than ever to be the man his family needed him to be.

There are seasons in life when seemingly all the good has gone and nothing remains but confusion, doubt, fear and frustration. In those times we do not abandon the path of wisdom but allow the challenges to remind us how important it is to keep walking and don’t look back.

blessings,
BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Cleaning or Fixing

My face has several areas of dry skin. I try to keep it moisturized but often, during the day, these areas become flaky again and need more lotion applied. To this end I keep moisturizer at home, work and in the truck. The last few weeks, however, when driving around, I’d notice a dry spot reach for and apply the lotion but after putting it back in the holder somehow there would be moisturizer on my pants, the steering wheel, cup holder, floor board and I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Finally, yesterday, I noticed there was a crack in the bottom of the white lotion tube. I didn’t see it before because the lotion and the plastic are the same color. Once I spied it, the messes made sense. I grabbed some duct tape (one of the greatest inventions ever!) and fixed it.

Shaking my head and laughing at my confusion I wondered why I hadn’t seen the crack before. The simple answer was because I never looked for it. I just cleaned up the mess and kept going. I reflected on this and wondered how often we just keep cleaning up the messes that spill into our lives without ever checking to see to where they come from? We get so used to habits, hurts, hangups and learning how to live with them. What if, instead of cleaning the mess, we fixed the problem?

blessings,
BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Overflow

Drip, drip, drip.”  For a homeowner there aren’t too many sounds which make your anxiety and frustrations rise. This morning, after washing the dishes, I began to make a pot of coffee and heard a noise which sounded like water splashing on a surface. I began to look around and finally noticed liquid coming out from the dishwasher. Our old farmhouse has lots of eccentricities and one of them is the dishwasher leaks occasionally when the clothes washer and sink drain at the same time. We’ve had a plumber look at the problem and, while aggravating, will require a significant undertaking and monies to fix the problem. Until we can afford it we try our best not to let the bottom of the dishwasher fill up and begin to spill over to the kitchen floor. I grabbed every dirty towel I could find in the laundry room and cleaned up the mess.

Afterwards I thought about how life can be similar. Most days difficulties and problems spill into our lives and we’re able to deal with and dispose of it. However, there are seasons when chaos, hurt, doubt and confusion rush into our lives like a torrent and we are overwhelmed. We feel helpless as problems and pain seemingly flood every corner of our existence. Wisdom tells us there’s no shame in admitting life can sometimes be too much for us to handle and, with newfound humility, begin cleaning up the mess.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

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Leftovers

Last night I took the dogs out for their last opportunity to do some business for the day. I was about to release them when a shadow caught my eye, then another. I grabbed both dog’s leashes and strained to see what was running through the yard. I couldn’t quite tell but it was either stray dogs or coyotes. I kept the dogs close to me to be on the safe side. This morning, when I let the dogs out again, our Siberian Husky began chasing scents all over the area where the other animals had been. He was so preoccupied with tracking the shadow’s trail he forgot to do what needed to be done.

I watched him dart to and fro and thought how sometimes we are like my crazy dog. We chase after shadows of the unknown, things that scare us or bring confusion and doubt. We allow these distractions to take our focus away from the present and from our purpose.

Don’t dwell in the past or be obsessed with the future. Live in the now.

blessings,
@brianloging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

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