Blog Archives

Three Surpises

Image result for heaven

Three Surprises –

In a recent conversation that included a range of topics including heaven, I told a friend what had been said to me many years ago. “There will be three surprises when we get to heaven. People will be surprised who made it. People will be surprised who didn’t make it. Lastly, people will be surprised we made it!” It’s a humorous yet true statement about the afterlife and Heaven’s membership. There will be surprises aplenty so don’t be so convinced in your beliefs, ability, and acceptability that you lose the mystery of a God who knows more than you, sees more than you, and is bigger than you can imagine. Heaven mirrors God’s nature and love not ours.

Wisdom teaches us that our ways are not God’s ways, our thoughts are not God’s thoughts. In the Benedictine tradition, we are to keep our; “eyes tilted toward the ground.” We are to keep our sin and shortcomings always in front of us. Not as a burden to bear but a constant reminder of God’s goodness and a reason to rejoice.

Several years ago I was leading a Bible study and we were talking about God’s grace. I made the statement; “Without God, no matter what we said or did, we had no true goodness or love.” A man in our group spoke up and asked; “If we don’t have anything worth redeeming why does God love us?” “That,’ I answered, ‘is why they call it grace.”

For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

Leave a comment

Tags: #ability, #acceptability, #answered, #aplenty, #beliefs, #Biblestudy, #biggerthanyou, #blessings, #constantreminder, #conversation, #convinced, #eyes, #front, #God, #God’s, #Godloveus, #Godsgoodness, #Godsgrace, #grace, #ground, #heaven, #humorous, #Imagine, #inability, #keep, #lose, #membership, #mirrors, #mystery, #ourthoughtsarenotGodsthoughts, #ourwaysarenotGodsways, #poems, #posts, #redeeming, #reflections, #shortcomings, #statement, #surprises, #teaches, #three, #ThreeSurprises, #tilted, #true, #truegoodness, #whodidntmakeit, #whomadeit, #wisdom, #WithoutGod, #worth, #www.thewannabesaint.com, @BrianLoging, Afterlife, Benedictine, love, Nature, sin, Tradition, Writings

More than Divides Us

Jul 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

More than Divides Us –

Last week I made a political statement on a Facebook post written by a friend. It wasn’t too provocative but certainly made my point. I am always wary of posting political opinions on any social media platform because of how toxic these places have become. It didn’t take long for someone to respond and then another. The second one grabbed my attention and I considered deleting my original post because I didn’t want to be responsible for one more argument about politics on social media. However, to my surprise and joy, the first responder bowed out of the conversation gracefully not wanting it to turn into something nasty and then the second one did the same. It was amazing! Two people expressed their differences of opinions and no one lost their temper, started cursing, accusing, blaming, they simply tipped their hat to the other and that was the end of it.

I still believe that there is more that unites us than divides us. Too often it is forgotten in the heat of the moment, the political battle where one side has to win at the expense of the other. We can have different opinions, worldviews, beliefs, and still be kind and considerate. We just need to listen to our hearts instead of the voices who tell us otherwise.

For more posts, reflections, poems and other writings please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #accusing, #amazing, #argument, #beliefs, #believe, #blaming, #blessings, #certainly, #considerate, #considered, #conversation, #deleting, #differences, #differentopinions, #dividesus, #expenseoftheother, #expressed, #forgotten, #grabbedmyattention, #gracefully, #heat, #listentoourhearts, #media, #MorethanDividesUs, #nasty, #noonelosttheirtemper, #opinions, #originalpost, #poems, #politicalbattle, #politicalopinions, #politicalstatement, #posts, #provocative, #respond, #responsible, #social, #socialmedia, #startedcursing, #stillbekind, #surpriseandjoy, #toxic, #unitesus, #voices, #wary, #worldviews, #www.thewannabesaint.com, @BrianLoging, Politics, reflection, Writings

Everything But

May 16

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Everything But –

This morning I was shopping at Wal-Mart looking for items to check off my list. However, I couldn’t find one so I began to look for an employee to help me. I spotted a man in a white shirt, blue and white ID holder attached to a lanyard. He was about to leave so I called from the opposite end of the aisle; “Excuse me, sir? Could you help me?” He stopped and I walked up to and asked him where the item I needed was located. “Sporting goods. Over there.” and though I thought his answer was vague I thanked him and began looking again. I was frustrated he didn’t narrow down my search. Then, it hit me. The man I spoke to wasn’t a Wal-Mart employee. He just happened to look like one because I was searching for one. I laughed at myself and wondered about the guy who would tell his family and friends today about the stranger who mistook him for someone who worked at Wal-Mart.

Later in the day, I was teaching a Dad’s Community Group and we were learning about listening. One of the ways to be a better listener is to leave your biases out of the conversation. When we’ve made up our mind about a person to or the topic *before* listening and understanding what the person is saying, and feeling, we are not listening. We are only waiting to speak.

Listening is not about criticizing, advice giving, making the conversation about us. Listening is, at its essence, letting a person know they are valued, respected. Too often we make it about everything but…

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: # understanding, ##opposite, #advice giving, #answer, #ask, #began, #biases, #blessings, #called, #conversation, #criticizing, #essence, #EverythingBut, #find, #frustrated, #happened, #help, #laughed, #learning, #leave, #listenbetter, #listening, #located, #looking, #madeupourmind, #mistook, #moreeffectively, #narrow, #needed, #respected, #saying, #search, #searching, #speak, #spotted, #stopped, #stranger, #talking, #teaching, #thanked, #thewannabesaint.com, #topic, #vague, #valued, #waiting, #wondered, @BrianLoging, Mind

How do You Feel?

Mar 30

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for psychology medical

How Do You Feel?

Yesterday was my three-month check-up with the doctor in charge of the medicinal portion of my mental health plan. As someone with Chronic Severe Depression and a Severe Anxiety Disorder, the psychology group I go to has doctors who specialize in medical therapy and others who specialize in talk therapy. Together with the patient a plan is developed and intended to help them as much as possible.

Yesterday’s appointment was; “Meh, okay.” The therapist asked standard questions; “Are you taking your meds? How do you feel? Have you noticed any changes in mood or behavior? Any major life changes?” I answered all of them and told her I was following my plan except for one suggestion she’s made many times. We don’t agree and I don’t think it’s a big deal. She, the professional, thinks otherwise. I told her; “Yes, I am still…” she simply replied; “You know how I feel about that!” and we kept going with the conversation. I found it humorous that’s all she has to say and it’s enough. I either have to trust her and do it or not. She’s told me the benefits and even though I don’t see them I choose to fully follow the mental health plan or not. Sigh.

We’ve all been there with people we love and care for. We give them advice about life and after a point, we decide not to tell them again and again. We let them choose and deal with the results. I’ve done this with many of the people I work with but it’s interesting, and a little uncomfortable, to be on the other side.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #agree, #answered, #anxiety, #behavior, #benefits, #bigdeal, #blessings, #care, #changes, #check-up, #Choose, #chronic, #conversation, #deal, #decide, #depression, #disorder, #doctor, #doctor's, #either, #enough, #Except, #feel, #follow, #following, #group, #help, #humorous, #intended, #interesting, #life, #major, #medical, #medicinal, #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthplan, #mood, #patient, #plan, #point, #portion, #professional, #questions, #replied, #results, #severe, #simply, #specialize, #standard, #suggestion, #therapy, #thewannabesaint.com, #three-month, #trust, #uncomfortable, .#developed, @BrianLoging, advice, love, Psychology, Talk

In the Heart

Mar 28

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

In the Heart –

Earlier this week a friend called and during our conversation, she mentioned the weather forecast called for beautiful weather now and the foreseeable future. I explained it was overcast in Tennessee and rain was expected the next several days. The conversation then turned to something she needed to talk about and as I listened it dawned on me that my outside weather was cloudy and rainy and this mirrored her inside on a certain subject.

I hoped my advice helped, at least in part, to help the clouds to dissipate and for her inside and outside to match. The experience was a reminder that we carry seasons, weather in our souls. There are times and places where things are clear, warm, light, easy. There are others where our spirits are dark, overcast, dreary and difficult. Wisdom helps us monitor, adjust, and accept our inside forecast. We change what we have the power to and trust that even the worst of our inside days do not last forever.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #accept, #adjust, #beautiful, #blessings, #called, #carry, #certain, #change, #clear, #cloudy, #conversation, #dark, #dawned, #days, #dissipate, #dreary, #earlier, #easy, #episode, #expected, #explained, #forecast, #foreseeable, #forever, #friend, #Future, #hard, #heart, #help, #helped, #hoped, #inside, #last, #least, #light, #listened, #match, #mentioned, #mirrored, #monitor, #needed, #overcast, #place, #places, #power, #rain, #rainy, #reminder, #seasons, #souls, #spirits, #subject, #thewannabesaint.com, #trust, #warm, #wisdom, #worst, @BrianLoging, advice, Talk, Weather

Keep What Works

Mar 21

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Keep What Works –

This advertisement was in my Twitter feed this morning. When I was a pastor who had to prepare and deliver a message each Sunday I loved the times when after the service people would come up and ask a question, make a comment or even challenge something I said during the message. It meant they were listening! I would listen to them and then discuss whatever was on their mind. At the end of the conversation I would often tell them; “Don’t take what I say as the truth. Go search for yourself. Find out if the all or part of the message is for you and keep what works and leave the rest.” I understood that depending on where we were on our path greatly determined what our minds, emotions, and spirits could process and apply at any given moment. Most of us have had the experience of someone excitedly telling us about something they heard someone say, or read in a book, and how it changed their lives. While we are grateful for our friend’s epiphany we also think to ourselves; “I’ve told them this a thousand times and they never listened!” It’s because they weren’t ready. The good piece of advice, the important life lesson we told them wasn’t ready to be heard.

Wisdom teaches us that many truths surround us presently. However, we can only perceive a few, if any, because we are unaware, distracted. The best news is that these truths are timeless and sooner or later they’re ready to be received and applied. Sometimes we become frustrated because we seem to be learning the same things over and over. We need to learn to give ourselves a break and trust that one day the truth we’ve been searching for will be received and kept because it works.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

1 Comment

Tags: #advertisement, #applied, #apply, #best, #blessings, #challenge, #changed, #comment, #conversation, #deliver, #depending, #determined, #discuss, #distracted, #during, #emotions, #epiphany, #excitedly, #experience, #few, #frustrated, #givenmoment, #good, #grateful, #greatly, #heard, #important, #keep, #keepwhatworks, #kept, #later, #learn, #learning, #leavetherest, #lesson, #life, #listened, #listening, #lives, #loved, #Message, #minds, #ourselves. #break, #path, #perceive, #piece, #prepare, #presently, #process, #question, #received, #search, #searching, #sooner, #spirits, #surround, #teaches, #thewannabesaint.com, #think, #thousandtimes, #timeless, #trust, #truth, #truths, #Twitter, #unaware, #understood, #wisdom, @BrianLoging, advice, Listen, Mind, News, Pastor, Works

Protests

Mar 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for walk out protest

Protests –

Yesterday, almost one million students across the United States of America, walked out en masse to protest school shooting and the inability of adults to agree upon how to make our schools safer.

There were two types of protests that were happening. One was #walkout which encouraged students to leave their school classrooms and #walkup which encouraged these young adults to find someone who seemed to exist “on the edges” and talk with them eat lunch and begin a conversation that hopefully would develop into a relationship. I supported the #walkout and the #walkup protests and thought both had merit and could change lives. Neither was a perfect way of protesting but each one was worth doing.

However, I noticed that many folks were for one or the other. Not many looked for balance in the two approaches. Students were either labeled #walkup or #walkout. It seemed not much conversation was happening between the quickly diverging groups. This made me sad. The reason the students were protesting is that adults can’t talk to one another, find a compromise, work together on behalf of our nation’s youngest and brightest. Now, it was happening again.

I am sick of litmus tests that divide us as a nation, community, and families. I am tired of people not being able to listen to one another even if we do not agree with the other. There is almost always a middle way where we remember we’re all human, deserving of respect and kindness instead of disdain and meanness. Perhaps one day we will realize we have more in common than what we allow to tear us apart.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

1 Comment

Tags: ##enmasse, #able, #across, #adults, #again, #agree, #allow, #apart, #approaches, #balance, #begin, #behalf, #between, #blessings, #brightest, #change, #classrooms, #common, #compromise, #conversation, #deserving, #develop, #disdain, #diverging, #eatlunch, #encouraged, #exist, #families, #find, #groups, #happening, #hopefully, #human, #inability, #instead, #kindness, #labeled, #leave, #litmus, #lives, #looked, #meanness, #merit, #middleway, #nation, #nation's, #noticed, #onemillion, #ontheedges, #perfect, #protest, #protesting, #protests, #quickly, #realize, #reason, #remember, #respect, #sad, #safer, #school, #schoolshootings, #seemed, #shootings, #sick, #students, #supported, #tear, #tests, #thewannabesaint.com, #types, #UnitedStatesofAmerica, #walkout, #walkup, #worktogether, #worth, #youngadults, #youngest, @BrianLoging, Community, Listen, Relationship, Talk

What Did You Hear?

Feb 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for listening

What Did You Hear?

Listening is an art form. It has to do with more than hearing words. It also hears silences, tones and the organizations of words into sentences and questions. Listening is wanting to hear what the other is saying and being willing for those words to impact, challenge, and change the listener. Listening is not, however, always agreeing with the other. You can listen and believe differently than what the other is saying but you listen out of respect.

A friend of mine a few weeks ago was telling me about a conversation he had with a dear friend and said; “It didn’t go the way I planned!” His friend became upset with the conversation. I asked my friend; “Did you ask your friend what she had heard you say?” “No,’ he replied, ‘Why?” “Because,’ I said, “She might have heard something completely different from what you were saying.”

It’s amazing but communicating with others is a combination of listening, speaking, processing, projecting, interpreting and understanding. When one of these is missing the connection with the other can be lost, disrupted and the moment can never be repeated.

Listening is a sacred act, do it well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

1 Comment

Tags: # understanding, #agreeing, #always, #amazing, #ask, #believe, #blessings, #challenge, #change, #combination, #communicating, #completely, #connection, #conversation, #different, #differently, #disrupted, #form, #friend, #hear, #heard, #hearing, #hears, #impact, #interpreting, #learn, #listener, #listening, #lost, #missing, #never, #organizations, #planned, #processing, #projecting, #questions, #repeated, #replied, #respect, #sacred, #sentences, #silences, #sounds, #speaking, #tones, #upset, #words, Art, Listen, moment

Right or Wrong?

Feb 3

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Right or Wrong –

This morning I watched a political debate that quickly turned into a shouting, insulting, “I’m right and you’re wrong” diatribe from both parties. It’s disheartening to look at our present cultural landscape and realize not many people know how to talk to each other about things upon which they disagree.

One of the lessons I teach residents in my jail class is how to respect each other even if we disagree. We talk about eye contact (which may be while social media is the worst place to have a meaningful conversation), asking questions politely, consider your body language, what to do with your hands, monitor facial expressions, remember that listening is not agreeing and two people can be right or wrong about one subject. It amazes me that my jail students are often nicer, more respectful when discussing a difficult topic than many people on Facebook.

Hopefully, it won’t be this way forever. Debate and deep conversation are some of the values and pillars of a democratic society. I fear, however, perhaps we’ve gone too far and may never recover our civility.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #agreeing, #amazes, #asking, #average, #blessings, #body, #civility, #class, #consider, #conversation, #cultural, #debate, #deep, #democratic, #diatribe, #disagree, #discussing, #disheartening, #expressions, #eyecontact, #Facebook, #facial, #far, #fear, #forever, #hands, #hopefully, #insulting, #jail, #landscape, #language, #lessons, #listening, #meaningful, #monitor, #never, #nicer, #parties, #person, #pillars, #politely, #political, #posture, #present, #questions, #quickly, #realize, #recover, #remember, #residents, #respect, #respectful, #right, #rightorwrong, #shouting, #socialmedia, #society, #students, #subject, #teach, #topic, #turned, #values, #watched, #worst, #wrong, however

Nothing is Lacking

Feb 1

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for taoist quote

Nothing is Lacking–

I was a part of a conversation this week where a group of people was giving a person advice. The advice was based on what the person had shared; a story of love and betrayal. On the wrong side of a bad choice is a terrible place to be and the person was fixated on how to either get over on the person who hurt him or get over it period. Two choices were staring him the face and he was going to choose either one or the other.

Decisions based on pain are almost always bad ones. We make these in times of stress, confusion, doubt, and loneliness. We feel as though we have lost something, had it taken away from us, and we want it back or rather life back the way it was or the way it should be.

Wisdom teaches us that suffering is the gap between how life is, reality, and how we think life ought to be. The greater the gap the more suffering. It is why learning to let go and acceptance are two of the greatest life lessons we can learn and practice. Life is rarely if ever, the way we want. Even if for a while it seems to be sooner or later it changes and we have no control over this truth. To live with open hand, to not try to grasp, force life to stay the same and allow for the inevitable change is to know and live in peace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #acceptance, #advice. #based, #allow, #almost, #always, #away, #bad, #betrayal, #blessings, #change, #changes, #choice, #choices, #Choose, #confusion, #control, #conversation, #decisions, #doubt, #face, #feel, #fixated, #force, #gap, #getover, #giving, #grasp, #greater, #greatest, #group, #hand, #hurt, #inevitable, #know, #lacking, #later, #learn, #learning, #lessons, #letgo, #life, #lost, #nothing, #open, #pain, #period, #practice, #rarely, #reality, #shared, #shouldbe, #side, #sooner, #staring, #staythesame, #story, #stress, #suffering, #taken, #teaches, #terrible, #think, #times, #truth, #wantitback, #wisdom, #wrong, loneliness, love, Peace, People

Hate

Jan 21

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for hate

Hate –

I listened to a conversation this week where the person told another, to their face, that they hated them. “I hated you when you left,” they said. “It took a long time to not hate you anymore.” It was an honest and startling admission. Most times people are adept at not showing the person they hate their true feelings.

It left me with a question; “Have I ever, in my life, hated someone?” I define hate; as the inability to see the good in someone. As I reflected on the question a person came to mind. If I’ve ever hated someone, according to my definition, this man fit the criteria. I had the hardest time seeing the good, the light, the benefit of his existence, the unique expression of God in him. It was, at times, impossible to not be suspicious of his motives, think of the worst outcome of his decisions, belittle his beliefs and talents. Then, one day, ranting in my head about something he had done the question came from out of the blue; “Can you see any good in this man?” My mind stopped dead in its tracks. The answer was “no, I couldn’t.” It was then I realized the problem wasn’t him it was me.

I’d love to post about how this moment fixed everything but it didn’t. However, it did give me a new way of looking at this person and my role in the frustration, anxiety, and chaos within me. It took me a long time to forgive the hurt and betrayal he had caused but I began focusing on what was going on inside of me instead of what someone was doing on the outside. This made all the difference.

“You will never see God until you can see Him in every next face you see.” #SaintMotherTeresa

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: ##SaintMotherTeresa, #according, #adept, #admission, #answer, #anxiety, #beliefs, #belittle, #benefit, #betrayal, #blessings, #caused, #chaos, #conversation, #criteria, #dead, #decisions, #define, #definition, #difference, #expression, #face, #feelings, #fit, #fixed, #focusing, #forgive, #frustration, #God, #good, #hardest, #hate, #hated, #head, #honest, #hurt, #impossible, #inability, #inside, #instead, #left, #life, #light, #listened, #long, #longtime, #looking, #motives, #never, #newway, #next, #no, #outcome, #outoftheblue, #outside, #person, #post, #problem, #question, #ranting, #realized, #reflected, #role, #seeing, #showing, #startling, #stopped, #suspicious, #talents, #think, #time, #times, #tracks, #true, #unique, #within, #worst, existence, love, Mind, moment

Heart Space

Dec 10

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for broken heart

Heart Space –

This morning at worship service with my mom I bumped into an old friend and asked him how things were going. His birthday was a few weeks ago and he said that he was going to celebrate with a trip but had encountered some heart problems and wasn’t able to go.

I’ve reflected on the short conversation several times today. It is Advent season. A time of joy and celebration but our hearts are heavy with the passing of my dad. As we sat in church this morning, visited a home improvement store (which my dad loved to do), did some work around the house our hearts just haven’t been in it.

We know this is the path we must travel and one day much of the pain will dissipate but right now, this evening, it is not the time. Our broken hearts still ache and space which my dad filled is empty. There is no template for mourning, no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. We take it one day at a time, one moment, one tear and laugh as the memories, experiences, and love flood us and fill us.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #able, #ache, #advent, #birthday, #blessings, #broken, #celebrate, #Celebration, #conversation, #dissipate, #empty, #encountered, #experiences, #fill, #filled, #flood, #friend, #grieve, #heart, #hearts, #HeartSpace, #heavy, #improvement, #joy, #laugh, #memories, #morning, #mourning, #notthetime, #one, #oneday, #onemoment, #pain, #passing, #path, #problems, #reflected, #right, #right. #wrong, #season, #service, #space, #tear, #template, #visited, #worship, church, Home, love, Travel

Undercover

Sep 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Undercover –

I was talking with a friend this week about the different masks we wear when we go different places. There’s a work mask, family mask, friend mask, public mask, and somewhere, often buried deep is our true authentic ourselves. The problem is that we become so accustomed to wearing masks we never take one off for too long or risk showing the world who we are under all the fantasy. The conversation continued and we wondered if any of the illusions we create could eventually lead us to allow others to see the genuine person.

The conversation continued and we wondered if any of the illusions we create could eventually lead us to allow others to see the genuine person. We are so accustomed to hiding the “real” us, the person we think people won’t like, that wearing masks become our default and our defense.

The question becomes how do we break free of this habit of wearing masks? Overcome the fear of our authentic selves not being good enough? How do we begin to discover who we are when concealing our true identity has been our goal for most of our life? This is the reason we are here now, the journey we are meant to travel, the discovery, not of a lifetime, but of life.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes.”
#MarcelProust

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #accustomed, #allow, #authentic, #break, #concealing, #consists, #continued, #conversation, #create, #default, #defense, #discover, #discovery, #fear, #genuine, #goal, #habit, #hiding, #identity, #illusions, #journey, #lifetime, #MarcelProust, #masks, #overcome, #person, #question, #reason, #seeking, #selves, #true, #voyage, #wearing, #wondered, Free, Travel

Code

Sep 13

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for pinpad

Code –

This afternoon I stopped by a store to pick up some sodas for our incarcerated father’s class. I grabbed and carried them to the cashier station. I waited on the woman in front of me and when she was finished stepped up and watched the cashier scan the drinks and stick them in plastic bags. When it was time, I scanned my card and then entered my pin number. However, as soon as I punched the digits in I knew it was the wrong pin. I told the cashier and she reset the scanner. For a moment I couldn’t separate all the pins and passwords in my life and choose the correct one but finally settled on the right one. It worked and I walked out with my purchase.

As I drove to the jail I thought about the men in my class who were receiving their certificates of completion tonight. I thought about the different men in the program and how each of them has certain “codes” which work for them. For one humor might be the key, another is not being singled out in class but letting him join the conversation when he’s ready. Our goal at the jail is to give the men a collection of tools and skills which will keep them clean, responsible, have abilities that many people on the outside take for granted. However, getting them to participate and accept the knowledge is tricky. Not any one approach works with all. We must take the time, learning about the men, connecting with them, understanding the way they think so we can “break the code” that will help them make life changing choices.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: # understanding, #abilities, #accept, #approach, #breakthecode, #certain #codes, #certificates, #choices, #clean, #collection, #completion, #connecting, #conversation, #different, #goal, #granted, #help, #jail, #join, #key, #knowledge, #learning, #lifechanging, #participate, #program, #responsible, #skills, #tools, #tricky, Humor

To Listen

May 11

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for tough conversation

to Listen –

I have a friend who had a tough conversation earlier this week with one of the leaders at her work. It was a conversation long overdue but oftentimes these are easier to avoid than begin. Part of the challenge is the fact that once a grievance is aired, it can’t be taken back. If the person is caught unawares the conversation can get uncomfortable, quick! Another risk is the recipient might also see this time as an opportunity to unload something they’ve been holding back.

However, this wasn’t my friend’s experience. Her perception of the conversation was that the other wasn’t listening. There wasn’t much feedback or input from the other party. They sat there, injected a few words, and then moved on to another topic before ending the conversation. My friend was frustrated because nothing was solved and the subject will have to be addressed again.

Wisdom teaches us that; “Listening is not agreeing.” Too often, when someone confronts us, challenges our way of thinking, we become aggressive and want to prove to them and our ourselves we are right in our thinking. So, instead of listening while they are talking, understanding and evaluating what they have to say, we are too busy planning what we are going to say next in our minds. We don’t listen and aren’t open to something that might be said which we need to hear. Even if, as we carefully and contemplatively listen, don’t find something we can at least show the other person what they say matters.

Listening is not agreeing but it is allowing the other person to be and have a worldview which might not be ours but is respected because we honor them.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #Confrontation, #conversation, #honor, #needtohear, #otherperson, #respect, #saywhatmatters, #theother, Listen

Uncontrollable Words

Dec 13

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for ear plugs

Uncontrollable Words –

The other day I was cornered by someone who felt they needed to tell me something…actually, it was a lot of somethings. This person kept going on and on and on. I could literally feel myself wearing down from all the words, phrases that were being thrown my way. We weren’t communicating. I was doing my best to listen at first but after a while, I noticed they were just throwing words at me hoping something would stick. I was wrestling with which would be better; sticking my fingers in my ear while chanting; “La, la, la, la.” Grabbing a passerby and introducing the person to them hoping their focus would shift and I could sneak away or just making a break for it, running and seeing if they would pursue.

I was speaking, communicating, with another person last week about the art of talking and listening to another person. Wisdom tells us that true conversation is a sacred act. Meeting someone new, hearing secrets, weaknesses, dreams, memories, connecting on a deeper level requires not just words and phrases but silence and pauses. We allow the other’s being to be revealed and we share our own. This can’t be done if we never take a breath, if we are only wanting to be heard not also wanting to hear.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #beheard, #connection, #conversation, #listening, #pauses, #speak, #speaking, #toomanwords, #toomanyphrases, #understand, #wisdom, Listen, Silence

No Escape

Dec 11

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

download

No Escape –

This morning, on my way into the worship center, I was greeted by a gentleman I’ve talked to many times. He’s a nice guy and does a lot for the church and community. However, he can also be described as a “close talker” (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Close%20talker).

A close talker is someone who has a small personal space. They don’t mind getting real near when they are speaking. I, on the other hand, have a social anxiety disorder, along with being claustrophobic. My personal space is huge and as this guy pushed in, I pulled away. I try to be aware that my personal space is bigger than others and do my best to compensate but I felt like we were dancing. He stepped toward me, I stepped back. We repeated this process until I was almost out of the worship center doors. I am still unsure whether he ever picked up on my uncomfortableness with him invading what is sacred to me.

There was/is no animosity towards this man. He was asking for some assistance and I was glad to help. It was, however, a good reminder that when we seek to connect with one another we must be aware of ourselves and the other so both can benefit from being together.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #assistance, #closetalker, #conversation, #dancing, #life, #personalspace, #selfawareness, #tooclose, #wisdom

on Fire

May 9

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

This morning I overheard a conversation involving someone who was either incapable, unwilling, or had never been taught how to listen. He insulted the people around him, calling them; “idiots” and made sure he was the “Alpha Dog.” As I listened to him not listening, I thought about our culture and the many voices, personalities, activists, politicians (especially politicians), talk show hosts, pod-casters, television and music stars and others, who scream, pontificate and insist vehemently that their view of themselves, others, the nation and the world is the only correct one and any who might dare disagree should be consumed with ferocity.

We live in such an inflammatory time when it seems most burn with self-righteous indignation and personally justified rage. We yell, fight, accuse, condemn and never stop to look around and see what this incendiary atmosphere is doing to everything and everyone around us. People burn with hatred and fear rushing to fight whatever threatens their way of life. One life ignites another and another and another…

As I listened to this man I wondered if it’s too late to change and what would be left when the flames of ego, greed, foolishness and closed ears, burned us up and out.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #burn, #consume, #conversation, #fire, #flame, #foolishness, #ignite, #spark, #truth, #wisdom, Listen, mindfulness

Lost in Translation

Apr 25

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

This morning I gave a presentation to a group composed of English-speaking and Spanish-speaking only individuals. This mix of people meant using a translator. This was a new experience for me. I quickly learned the differences in lecturing with and without one. The first was pacing. I couldn’t use my normal pace because of the pause required to let the translator interpret the words, phrases and ideas being presented to those who only spoke Spanish. The second was trusting the translator to interpret everything I said correctly. Even now I have no way of knowing what she did and didn’t say to those who were listening to her.

One of the positives, while also being strange, in using a translator, was the pause between speaking. While she spoke I could decide how to present my next idea. I used these gaps to make sure extra, unneeded words and phrases were removed while important crucial points were made as clear as possible.

Though difficult I do wonder if every day communicating would benefit from pausing between each sentence, thought and idea to ensure every word, even the gaps, are filled with meaning and purpose? Perhaps we’d have a more peaceable world if we were forced to think before we speak.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #communication, #conversation, #ideas, #pause, #speak, #speaking, #translation, #translator, #wisdom, Thoughts

Leadership & Personalities

Apr 7

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

This morning someone asked me if; “a leader with a strong personality is a good or bad thing?” I reflected for a few moments on the leaders I have served under. Surprisingly there haven’t been too many who’ve had strong personalities. As I whittled my way through the last I thought of two who fit the description. Interestingly enough one had the opposite personality of the other.

The first was gregarious, affable and larger than life in his expressions of love and support for friend and stranger. He was the type who would come unexpectedly into my office, plop down in a chair, talk for a while and then decide we needed to go to breakfast, no matter the time of day. He wasn’t in competition with his staff, allowed others to shine and didn’t keep a scorecard.

The other wasn’t at all like the former. His personality was certainly large but in a way that kept others in fear of their job or at least being aware their job’s future was in his hands. I do not doubt his love for other people but his leadership style could be overbearing and constraining. There was one way, his, one voice, also his. He believed his vision for where the organization was to go was the right one and took umbrage to anyone who challenged this belief. For those who were comfortable with his style, and their place in the food chain, things were pretty smooth. For those who struggled under the weight of his personality it could be difficult and debilitating.

As the conversation with my friend continued I spoke about both leaders, their style of leading and managing and their grandiose personas. “For those with over-sized personalities, whose job it is to guide staffs, peoples and organizations, not taking oneself too seriously is a good trait to possess. Humility, a servant’s heart and a willingness for others to succeed, to surpass and outgrow your ability to lead are also rare and valuable gifts. Leadership isn’t about sitting, guarding the big chair, but helping others find big chairs of their own to sit in.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #ability, #conversation, #friend, #gifts, #grandiose, #guide, #humility, #job, #leading, #managing, #organizations, #outgrow, #personalities, #personas, #servantsheart, #staffs, #succeed, #surpass, #valuable, #willingness, Lead, Leaders, People, Style

Confrontation

Mar 24

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Last night I had to confront someone on a bad decision they had made. It wasn’t easy. I’m not one for confrontation. I would rather build someone up, encourage them, congratulate them on their progress than look another person in the eye and tell them they’ve made a bad decision. However, this is what friends, mentors, leaders need to do and refusal would mean to abdicate our responsibility.

This gentleman is in one of my incarcerated father groups and he chose to get in a fight with another man in his pod after the two had unkind words with each other. As a result he has to serve thirty days in the maximum facility portion of the jail. I had heard about the scuffle before he came to class so after he came in I found a moment to ask him about it. This big man, six inches taller and quite a bit wider than me, quickly looked down at his feet and admitted what he had done. “You’ve got to make good choices!” I told him. “Good decision lead you to better places, bad ones bring you here, to stay.” He shook his head and told me he was sorry and that I was right. We didn’t have time to talk about it longer but set up a time to connect next week.

Confrontation, butting heads with someone, going toe to toe, eye to eye isn’t easy but at times is necessary. However, this can’t be the end of the conversation. When we sit down and speak about the matter I will encourage, remind him of his progress, how far he’s come and that he’s smart enough and good enough to learn from a poor decision and keep moving forward.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

img_0511-2

Posted in Mindfulness

Leave a comment

Tags: #Confrontation, #conversation, #decision, #encourage, #how_far, #learn, #moveforward, #necessary, #progress, #remind, #smart

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

Three Surpises

Everything But

In the Heart

Keep What Works

Protests

What Did You Hear?

Right or Wrong?

Hate

Heart Space

Undercover

Code

To Listen

Uncontrollable Words

No Escape

on Fire

Lost in Translation

Leadership & Personalities

Confrontation

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this:

Share w/ Someone...

Like this: