Today was busy! I know for some it was a holiday but my schedule was stuffed! The day started early and it felt like a sprint to the end of it. I don’t mind busy days most of the time because it keeps the time moving and there’s no boredom to fight off.
On the other hand, my wife had a holiday. Today is Martin Luther King day and she was able to sleep in, keep her PJs on and enjoy a wonderful day of doing nothing, purposefully. She’s been incredibly busy since November of last year and a day home, without me!, and zilch on her schedule was what she needed.
There is a thin line between balancing a healthy life or action and inaction. Our chaotic world and its need for non-stop entertainment, to-do lists, places to go, things to experience, can set a pace where eventually we burn out, fall apart, or both. We need to know when to stop, take our foot off the gas and be still; not just emotionally and mentally but physically.
Knowing, sensing, its time for a break, a rest, a lazy day is an important sense to develop and put into practice.
Change Myself –
The older I get the less knowledge and wisdom I think I possess. They say the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is two-fold; fearing God and knowing you know nothing. As each year passes the second part seems to get easier.
There was a time when I believed I knew much. Not just about myself but also about others. I could perceive motives both inward and outward, judge with impunity, and thought myself better and more able to live a life pleasing to God and myself than most other people. Then, I began to grow up.
The word growing brings with it a sense of serenity but growing is painful. It is bursting through old barriers, going places that are uncomfortable and unknown, daring to die in order to live, braving the challenges and elements that surround you.
With growth comes the realization you cannot force others to change. You do not have that power. You cannot stop the world from spinning out of control. You don’t have that ability. You can’t even get past your own hurts, habits, and hangups most days. You, I, am a perfect example of imperfection.
Wisdom and knowledge. They are as different as night and day but compliment each other when embraced and allowed to exist mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact, please you.”
This morning I had an early appointment so fixed my breakfast to go. I like cereal but not milk so I put some bran flakes in a cup, mixed in raisins and was ready. I even put a top on the cup of cereal so I wouldn’t spill it. I hopped in the truck and was on my way. When I made it to the highway and would be going straight without turning, I popped open the tabs on my coffee cup and drank and reached down, carefully took the lid off the cereal and then lifted it up to begin munching on my homemade raisin bran. As I did I caught the top of the cup on the lip of the cover of the console between the seats. Before I knew it the cup had been knocked out of my hand, landed side ways between the seats, spilling the cereal underneath my seat. There was barely any left to eat. Sigh. So much for breakfast.
As I continued driving to my appointment the growl in my stomach was ferocious but didn’t have time to stop and grab a bite anywhere. I drank my coffee which helped and by the time I arrived at my location I had nearly forgotten the mess of the spilled cereal.
Life is about learning to let go of things we care about. It’s about dealing with and accepting that even those things which we take great care of are still, one day or moment, going to slip through our fingers. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when.”
The question becomes; “Can we let go when the time comes? Are we able to continue to travel the path even with grief and loss? Do we understand that losing control, our grip, on the things we treasure is part of the necessary experiences that allow us to fully be and feel alive?”
I’m in a hurry! Even as I write this post I am getting ready to leave to teach a class. My brain is split between writing and the lesson soon to be delivered. Most of the afternoon has been non-stop.
I don’t like feeling pressured. I can’t stand the sense of being late, missing things because I’m trying to do too many things at once. There is a sense that my timing is off. My body, mind and spirit seems as if they’re trying to catch up to a clock that refuses to stand still, even for a moment.
Why do some days move so fast while others meander? I wish I could grab one of those hours which seemed to have lasted forever and put it between me and my next appointment. Just plop it down and say; “Enough!” and go find a hammock and take 60 beautiful minutes to do nothing. Sigh. Unfortunately life doesn’t work this way.
Wisdom teaches me to carry the stillness within. To remember that some days may feel shorter, like they’re moving at the speed of light, but the same amount of seconds, minutes and hours occupy each day. Perhaps it’s not time which needs to be adjusted, but me, the one who’s being swept away.
“Ugh!” was my first thought this morning when the alarm disturbed my slumber. After a few snooze button presses I slowly dragged myself out of the bed. Passing the front door on my way to the kitchen I heard the pounding of rain on the awning over the front porch. “Sigh!” I began washing a few dishes, fixing coffee, making some tea and then proceeded to drop items onto the floor. “It’s going to be one of the days.” I thought to myself. The dogs didn’t like being outside because of the wet ground, mud got on my bedroom shoes and my head was beginning to hurt. The rain stopped long enough for me to put my things in the truck but about a mile from my first stop of the day the “bottom dropped out“, rain poured and my shirt and pants became soaked. “Oy!” I hopped back into the truck, headed to the office and turned the heater on.
As my clothes began to dry I reflected on my current outlook. I arose with a negative view of things and it was playing out exactly as I envisioned. I began to wonder if, like the dampness in my clothes, my foul mood would also evaporate if I focused on the good instead of the not so good, the positive not the negative, the blessings of being alive. When I arrived at the office the rain had stopped and my sloppy attitude had begun to dry out as well.