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I am sitting at the foot of the hospital bed of my friend who’s been suffering for the last several weeks. The room is quiet except for the loud hum of a pump which is pulling toxins from his body and the oxygen machine, both attached to him. He’s still, trying to find the sleep which eluded him last night. He received a pain shot from a nurse a few moments ago and hopefully, this affords him a quiet mind and a less painful body for a while.

He looks weak, not at all the man I’ve known for most of my life. I know him and if he could leave this place he would in a moment, hospital gown and all. In fact last night someone asked him if they could do anything for him and he quipped; “Trade places with me.” I smiled and thought; “Be careful what you ask for…” It’s these little jokes he still manages that show me he’s still fighting, still holding on, still not ready to take his final steps into eternity.

His legs twitch while he tries to nap. I wonder if they are the result of a dream? Perhaps a time when we were hiking on the Appalachian trail or playing T-Ball, maybe it was working on a construction project at his home. I hope it’s good dreams and brings him happiness, even in sleep.

Still. Still hanging on. Still suffering. Still funny. Still hoping. Still trusting the path to what’s next is not too difficult.



The Hole –

The Hole

I used to hear tales of older folks who couldn’t eat certain foods too close before bed time or they’d have strange dreams and restless nights. I figured I hadn’t read that age yet until the last few times we’ve eaten pizza later than usual. Last night was one of those occasions. I ate one slice of supreme pizza with spicy sausage around 8pm and a couple of hours later crawled into bed.

I drifted off to sleep and it wasn’t long before one of the strangest dreams I’ve ever had began. It involved Sherman Hemsley, yes that; Sherman Hemsley, Mr. George Jefferson himself who starred in the titular role on the T.V show, “The Jefferesons.” ( I found myself sitting on the front row, in a large church with wooden pews along with a packed house as Mr. Hemsley was getting married to a woman of Japanese descent. The dream was so crazy I only remember snippets. There was singing, preaching, sushi and me thinking; “What am I doing here?” The service, and the dream, seemed to go on forever and then someone spoke to me; “You can focus on who put you in the hole or who pulled you out.” and then I woke up.

I told Beth the dream over breakfast at Cracker Barrel this morning. I like to try to decipher where my dreams come from, what events and experiences contributed to the images and speech found in them, especially the odder ones but for the life of me I don’t know where George Jefferson, Sushi and a wedding come from.

However, the words of wisdom; “You can focus on who put you in the hole or who pulled you out.” are powerful and certainly worth reflecting on.

Tonight, something bland for dinner and maybe an Nexium.

@BrianLoging (Twitter)


All Choked Up


Last night I had a strange dream. My brother and I we’re riding a single bicycle. I’m not sure how we fit on it but I do know I was pedaling while wearing a pair of black and blue tennis shoes. We rode around an unknown neighborhood.


At some point I obtained a piece of blue, maybe a life saver?, candy, put it in my mouth and began to suck and chew on it. A part of the candy became lodged in my throat and I started choking. However, no matter how much I struggled it wouldn’t come dislodged. I woke myself up coughing, awakened my wife with my gagging, who got up and brought me some water.

As I struggled to get back to sleep, and after waking up this morning, the dream remained vivid in my mind. I’ve never been good at interpreting dreams. The color blue seems to be important along with family and a bicycle.

I’ll continue to reflect and try to sort it out while remembering sometimes the dreams we have for our lives, if not held loosely, can choke the life out of us.

@BrianLoging (Twitter)


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