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What Do You Feel?

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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What Do You Feel?

Identifying feelings can be hard. One doesn’t usually experience just one feeling but a myriad of them. When we ask someone; “What do you feel? or How do you feel?” what is our honest expected answer. There are many events I attend, running into acquaintances and they ask; “How are you?” I wonder what they’d do if a person told them their feelings. If someone actually laid our their emotions, the good, bad and in between, what would be the response? I think most of us wouldn’t know how to handle it. When we ask; “How are you?” there is an unspoken code that says; “Fine, good, or okay” is the appropriate comebacks. We get used to this and even when someone we love and loves us inquires about feelings we give the easy answers.

Therapy was today. My talk therapist doesn’t let me get away with; “Fine, good, okay.” She digs deeper, wanting to know what I’m feeling, why these feelings, what happened to produce these feelings. She’s big on feelings and questions about feelings! I’m not big on answering them. Honestly, I squirm, become animated and agitated, but she’s persistent and eventually, we dig down deep enough where there’s no longer pleasantries but raw emotion.

I realize we can’t do that with everyone but there are times if we’re focused and aware of the person we are talking with we notice the answer doesn’t match the facial expressions, the tone of voice, the hollow eyes or body language. Are we willing to set aside our schedule to dig deeper, offer a listening ear, reach out to help? Feelings and emotions are messy. However, if someone opens up to you be sure not to let this amazing moment pass by.

For more posts, reflections and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannebsaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

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Tags: #acquaintances, #agitated, #animated, #answer, #appropriate, #aside, #aware, #bad, #bigonfeelings, #blessings, #bodylanguage, #digsdeeper, #easyanswers, #emotions, #eventually, #expected, #experience, #facialexpressions, #feelings, #Fine, #focused, #good, #handle, #help, #holloweyes, #honest, #Howdoyoufeel, #Identifying, #inbetween, #inquires, #listeningear, #messy, #myriad, #or okay, #persistent, #pleasantries, #produce, #questions, #rawemotion, #reachout, #realize, #response, #schedule, #squirm, #talktherapist, #therapy, #toneofvoice, #unspoken, #WhatDoYouFeel, #Whathappened, #whatImfeeling, #whythesefeelings, @BrianLoging

Source

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Source –

I mowed the grass today. Actually, I mowed patches of grass that have grown in spite of their being no rain for the last several weeks. Where it has grown was tall but a most of the yard is dead or dying grass that crunches under your feet as you walk on it. However, up the hill in the corner our backyard, there was a place where the grass has grown well. It’s where I have a hose set up to automatically deliver water to an Apple tree we planted this year. Anytime we turn on the water by the house to water flowers, wash vehicles or clean something the Apple tree is given sustenance. When I was weed-eating today this area was thick and lush. The difference between the watered area and about six feet away was remarkable with the latter area being brown and brittle.

As I finished trimming the area I reflected on both patches and how we live our lives. The drought we are experiencing has impacted land as far as the eye can see; brownish grass, trees dropping their leaves, creeks, and streams low and barely moving. However, where there has been a source of water the grass is green, the trees are healthy, blooms and blossoms abound and leaves are strongly attached. It’s a good reminder that we make the choice of being a source of love, goodness, kindness, and life to a parched world. Many times emotions, spirits, lives can dry up. Events and happenings can sap us of our will to live. Difficulties, challenges, tragedies, empty us of the joy and experience of what it means to be alive. We can be a source to help them in their times of drought and hope when our spirits and emotions are depleted, others will return the favor.

For most posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

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Tags: #area, #attached, #bealive, #blessings, #blooms, #blossoms, #brittle, #brownishgrass, #challenges, #choice, #crunched, #dead, #deliver, #depleted, #difficulties, #driedup, #drought, #dying, #emotions, #emptyus, #experience, #experiencing, #flowers, #goodness, #grasshasgrown, #healthy, #hope, #hose, #howweliveourlives, #joy, #kindness, #life, #lives, #lush, #misery, #norain, #patches, #place, #poems, #posts, #reflected, #reflections, #reminder, #returnthefavor, #source, #sourceofhelp, #sourceoflove, #sourceofwater, #spirits, #strong, #thick, #timesofdrought, #tragedies, #treesdroppingtheirleaves, #water, #wateredarea, #watersource, #willtolive, #www.thewannabesaint.com, @BrianLoging, Writings

Shake it Off

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Shake it Off –

Being the owner of a Siberian Husky is a challenge in many ways, not least of which is keeping the hair cast-off in check. Huskies “cast” their fur twice a year which is when they get rid of their entire under-coating. However, they shed year round. Brushing, sweeping, vacuuming, are part of the deal when dealing with this breed. One of the first acts Trooper does when going outside is rolling over on his back trying to get rid of loose hair that’s been itching and bothering him. Following this, he has grass clippings, small limbs, and leaves all over his back. So, we have taught him to “shake off” before coming into the house. We give him the command and most times he’ll give a good shake before coming inside.

Watching him do this is a good reminder that life can be burdensome. There are people, places, and things which annoy us. If we aren’t careful we can carry difficulties and challenges with us instead of letting them go. I don’t think we need to roll around on the ground or have a fit before walking inside our homes, but mentally we can shed our minds, emotions, and spirits of the negative bothersome issues of life.

Shake it off. Find relief and peace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #annoyus, #blessings, #bothering, #bothersome, #burdensome, #carry, #cast-off, #challenges, #dealing, #difficulties, #emotions, #findrelief, #getridof, #goodreminder, #goodshake, #Ifwearentcareful, #instead, #issues, #itching, #lettingthemgo, #life, #loose, #mentally, #places, #rollaround, #rollingover, #ShakeitOff, #shakeoff, #shed, #shedourminds, #spirits, #thewannabesaint.com, @BrianLoging, Negative, Peace, People

Once Bitten

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Once Bitten –

What started as a day of cleaning up the yard for guests who were coming turned into a near death adventure for a couple. A woman was weeding her flower bed when she spotted a snake. Frightened, she screamed, and her husband came running to see what was wrong. Spotting the snake he decapitated it with a shovel, “killing” it, saving his wife from harm. A few minutes later he returned to remove the snake body…

“But what they (the Sutcliffes) didn’t know is that snakes can still bite and inject venom for at least an hour, if not more, after being decapitated. So when Jeremy went to pick up the snake’s head about 10 minutes later, he never expected it to bite him in the hand…” (Read Full Story: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/06/07/a-texas-man-decapitated-a-rattlesnake-it-bit-him-anyway-and-he-nearly-died-his-wife-says/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.8359d1db2ddd)

This harrowing tale came from the Washington Post. I read it this morning and learned a dead snake isn’t exactly dead. The article goes on to say that a snake’s head can bite you up to an hour after it died or more! That’s incredible that something no longer alive can still be a danger.

Reflecting on the article I thought about how most people have hurts, habits, and hang-ups in their lives and how often these can rear their ugly heads and strike even after we thought we had dealt with them. I listened to a story today about a woman who is an alcoholic, rageaholic and can’t stay out of jail. She struggles to make it two weeks. She has a history of trauma and abuse and her emotions and body bear the scars.

The dead, the past, have ways of haunting the present. Always proceed with caution.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #abuse, #adventure, #afteritdied, #alcoholic, #bearthescars, #blessings, #body, #danger, #dealt, #emotions, #exactlydead, #expected, #Frightened, #habits, #hang-ups, #harm, #harrowing, #haunting, #howoften, #hurts, #incredible, #killed, #learned, #listened, #lives, #neardeath, #nolongeralive, #OnceBitten, #present, #proceedwithcaution, #rageaholic, #rear, #reflecting, #remove, #stillbite, #strike, #struggles, #thedead, #thepast, #thewannabesaint.com, #trauma, #uglyheads, @BrianLoging

Cries

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Cries –

Outside our kitchen window, beside the front door is a bird’s nest under a wooden box. Inside this nest are several baby birds that apparently need a lot of attention. Because of where they are situated we can hear them every time they begin to cry for their parents and believe me when I write; “We can hear them!” They also cry each time we go out the front door because of the vibration. I want to pick the box up and look at them. I want to tell them to; “Pipe down! and give mom and dad a break!” However, I dare not risk disturbing the nest, the birds or frighten off the parents during this delicate time of growth.

As I type this post I am listening to the baby birds and reflecting on the needs of those around us. When we hear the needy cry we want to run to their rescue, free them from anything that might be holding them back and give them whatever they need whenever they need it. This sounds like what any person with empathy and a heart would do but can inhibit their growth. We should be careful not to let our emotions get ahead of us. The best case scenario is working with them, helping them so that, eventually, they can help themselves. If we come running each and every time they cry, giving them what they want, never teaching them how to make it without assistance, they will never learn to do and be.

One day soon the mom and dad will stop coming to the nest and the baby birds will have to make it on their own. When that day comes mom and dad’s skills at being parents for their needy ones will be revealed.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #apparently, #attention, #babybirds, #believe, #bestcase, #birdsnest, #blessings, #break, #BrianLoging#thewannabesaint.com, #careful, #coming, #cries, #cry, #darenot, #delicate, #disturbing, #emotions, #empathy, #eventually, #freethem, #frighten, #give, #giving, #growth, #hear, #heart, #helping, #helpthemselves, #holdingback, #inhibit, #inside, #learn, #listening, #makeitontheirown, #need, #needs, #needycry, #needyones, #nest, #Pipedown, #reflecting, #rescue, #revealed, #risk, #run, #running, #scenario, #situated, #skills, #stop, #working

What’s Inside

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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What’s Inside –

This afternoon I burned old collected limbs which had fallen this past winter. Along with twigs and branches, there was a stack of large limbs that I cut up last year when part of a big tree was torn down by a thunderstorm. They had finally dried out enough where they would burn quickly. It didn’t take long to have a large fire burning brightly and hot! After a while, there wasn’t much left of the burn pile but red, orange, and blue scorching ashes. Before heading to the house I took a water bottle that was almost half filled with water and laid it on the hot embers. I watched as it shrunk, popped the top off and melted the places of the bottle where there wasn’t any water. However, where there was water the plastic didn’t melt. I watched as the water inside began to boil but the plastic wasn’t consumed. Because of the water inside the plastic didn’t melt outside. It was awesome to watch and wait to see how long it lasted. Finally, of course, the water evaporated and the plastic shriveled by the flames but it took longer than it should have given the power of the heat and flame.

It was a wonderful reminder that what’s inside; our spirit, emotions, mentality, don’t just protect what can’t be seen but also protects the outside, what we can see; our health, bodies, and relationships.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

Tags: ##protect, #ashes, #awesome, #blessings, #blue, #bodies, #boil, #branches, #brightly, #burned, #burning, #burnpile, #consumed, #didn't, #down, #embers, #emotions, #evaporated, #fallen, #Finally, #fire, #flame, #flames, #given, #halffilled, #heat, #hot, #large, #lasted, #lastyear, #limbs, #long, #longer, #melt, #melted, #mentality, #muchleft, #orange, #outside, #places, #plastic, #popped, #power, #protects, #quickly, #red, #reminder, #scorching, #shriveled, #shrunk, #spirit, #stack, #thewannabesaint.com, #thunderstorm, #torn, #twigs, #wait, #wasn't, #watch, #watched, #water, #waterbottle, #waterinside, #WhatsInside, #wonderful, @BrianLoging, Health, Relationships

Charging Stations

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Charging Stations –

Where do we recharge? Where is a place we can go to renew and rejuvenate our body, emotions, mind, and spirit? One of the concepts I learned in a training I attended this week in Nashville, Tennessee was that everyone needs a safe place to go and refill, as one presenter said; “the “joy” juice.

These recharging stations are especially important if your life is filled with stress. Stress drains our brains, our souls. It has a way of stealing the “joy” from us and replacing it with a toxic combination which certainly damages us short-term and can damage us for a lifetime.

This is why places such as a church, park, gym, community center, friend’s house, favorite restaurant, mall or a backyard swing or hammock, can make a huge difference in our lives. These places give us an opportunity to breathe, clear our heads, relax, let go, reflect and process difficult experiences and relationships, simply be without needing to do anything else.

Recharging is not just for phones, tablets, and computers. It’s necessary for all of us whose batteries are running low.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #backyardswing, #batteries, #be, #blessings, #body, #brains, #ChargingStations, #clearourheads, #combination, #communitycenter, #concepts, #damages, #difference, #difficult, #drains, #emotions, #experiences, #favorite, #filled, #friends, #hammock, #Huge, #joy, #juice, #learned, #let go, #life, #lifetime, #mall, #necessary, #needing, #opportunity, #park, #process, #recharge? #renew, #recharging, #refill, #Reflect, #rejuvenate, #relax, #replacing, #restaurant, #safeplace, #short-term, #simply, #souls, #spirit, #stations, #stealing, #stress, #thewannabesaint.com, #toxic, @BrianLoging, breathe, church, Mind, Relationships

Another Way

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Another Way –

This morning the pastor spoke from a selection of scripture regarding the story of how David, from the Bible, became King and conquered Jerusalem. It is an interesting story from the book of Second Samuel. When David, newly anointed, marched with his armies to the city of Jerusalem to reclaim it from the Jebusites, the foreigners were unimpressed. A ragtag, wannabe, King with his little army? How could they defeat the Jebusite army who far outnumbered them and were held up in the city of Jerusalem which had a great wall around it to repel invasion forces? They mocked David and told him they could put blind and lame men at the main gate and David still wouldn’t get in. However, David knew there was an access to the city through its water supply and his men came up through a well in the city and mounted a surprise attack to conquer the Jebusites.

“The king and his men marched to Jerusalem to attack the Jebusites, who lived there. The Jebusites said to David, “You will not get in here; even the blind and the lame can ward you off.” They thought, “David cannot get in here.” Nevertheless, David captured the fortress of Zion—which is the City of David.

On that day David had said, “Anyone who conquers the Jebusites will have to use the water shaft to reach those ‘lame and blind’ who are David’s enemies.[a]” That is why they say, “The ‘blind and lame’ will not enter the palace.”

David then took up residence in the fortress and called it the City of David. He built up the area around it, from the terraces[b] inward. And he became more and more powerful because the Lord God Almighty was with him.”
-Book of Second Samuel, Chapter 5

As I listened to the story I thought of challenges, difficulties, illnesses and other “enemies” had strongholds in my life. It seemed no matter what I tried I couldn’t defeat them. It was only after I stopped trying to take them “head on” that wisdom made known to me another way. There are battles for our spirits, emotions, our innermost being that requires us to be not frantic but still, not exhausting ourselves but saving our strength, not egotistical but willing to ask for and accept help, not stubborn but soft and bending, not stronger but wiser.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #accept, #access, #another, #anotherway, #area, #askfor, #attack, #battles, #being, #bending, #blessings, #blind, #builtup, #called, #captured, #challenges, #chapter, #conquer, #defeat, #difficulties, #egotistical, #emotions, #enemies, #exhausting, #forces, #frantic, #greatwall, #headon, #heldup, #help, #Illnesses, #innermost, #interesting, #Invasion, #inward, #lame, #life, #listened, #marched, #mocked, #mounted, #ourselves, #outnumbered, #powerful, #ragtag, #reclaim, #repel, #requires, #residence, #Samuel, #saving, #second, #secondsamuel, #seemed, #shaft, #soft, #spirits, #spoke, #still, #stopped, #strength, #stronger, #strongholds, #stubborn, #supply, #surprise, #thewannabesaint.com, #tried, #trying, #unimpressed, #wannabe, #ward, #water, #way, #well, #willing, #wisdom, #wiser, @BrianLoging, Pastor, Thought

Gathered Together

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Gathered Together –

All over the world today youths and people of every color, creed, and nationality, clergy, organizational representatives, politicians, movie and music stars, are gathered together to protest gun violence and by their voices and presence hope to convince those who have the power to do something about people dying. You don’t have to agree with their position to respect their right and motivation to come together and show their solidarity and support. In this crazy, mixed up and messed up world at least they are doing something.

“Decisions are made by those who show up.” -Anonymous

It is amazing what a group of people, gathered together, with peace, justice, kindness, and determination can accomplish. Too often we sit on the sidelines and voice our opinions, make fun or mock those who think differently than us and are doing what their heart, emotions, and spirits, say is right and good. Perhaps we’ll make mistakes, maybe our ideas aren’t totally thought out and ordered. However, can you imagine an international movement where everyone decided to take action, do good, seek justice and change the world for the better? I can.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Keep What Works

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Keep What Works –

This advertisement was in my Twitter feed this morning. When I was a pastor who had to prepare and deliver a message each Sunday I loved the times when after the service people would come up and ask a question, make a comment or even challenge something I said during the message. It meant they were listening! I would listen to them and then discuss whatever was on their mind. At the end of the conversation I would often tell them; “Don’t take what I say as the truth. Go search for yourself. Find out if the all or part of the message is for you and keep what works and leave the rest.” I understood that depending on where we were on our path greatly determined what our minds, emotions, and spirits could process and apply at any given moment. Most of us have had the experience of someone excitedly telling us about something they heard someone say, or read in a book, and how it changed their lives. While we are grateful for our friend’s epiphany we also think to ourselves; “I’ve told them this a thousand times and they never listened!” It’s because they weren’t ready. The good piece of advice, the important life lesson we told them wasn’t ready to be heard.

Wisdom teaches us that many truths surround us presently. However, we can only perceive a few, if any, because we are unaware, distracted. The best news is that these truths are timeless and sooner or later they’re ready to be received and applied. Sometimes we become frustrated because we seem to be learning the same things over and over. We need to learn to give ourselves a break and trust that one day the truth we’ve been searching for will be received and kept because it works.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Intimacy

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Intimacy –

This afternoon I stopped by a store to run in and grab a few items. When I parked there was a man sitting in his car and as I pulled into a spot he was staring at me. I gave him a head nod and didn’t think much of it As I gathered my things and exited the truck I looked again and he was no longer visible because his, I am assuming, girlfriend was bending sideways across the center console “appreciating him.” She was kissing him and whatever else because I averted my eyes not wanting to see anything that would burn an image in my brain! I went into the store came out a few minutes later and was hoping the car had gone but alas it was still there. Most of the windows were fogged up except the driver’s window and the driver was smoking a cigarette. I looked at my keys, hopped in the truck and drove away, quickly.

Intimacy is one of the greatest emotions and connections humans can share. Lust, on the other hand, is hormonal, selfish, addicting, and satisfied in ways which can hurt others. Our world is filled with lust. Lust for power, fame, money, reputation, knowledge can all be subjects of our lust if they are used only for our selfish purposes. True intimacy is also powerful but the opposite of lust. Lasting intimacy is giving ourselves to another. We have intimacy when we decide to put the other one first, serve the other. In a world where lust burns quickly, brightly, we need those who would rather do a slow burn which lasts a lifetime.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Invasion

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Invasion –

The past few weeks there’s been an invasion of Middle Tennessee! The multi-legged, orange-colored, flying insects called Ladybugs. They’re everywhere and this morning they kept stealing my attention away from the pastor as he spoke from the Book of Saint John, chapter 12. They were collecting near every light fixture which was about 10 feet from the pews the people were sitting in. Every now and then one or ten would fly across the room landing on someone. One tried to use my neck as a resting place but he didn’t stay there long. I watched hundreds on one light fixture as they crawled around it seemingly looking for a way in. I am not sure if they were attracted to the heat or the light. Of course, once in it was nearly impossible for them to get out. They very thing they were after was actually a trap. They would die there getting what they wanted but not able to get out.

I reflected on the Ladybug’s fate and how it also mirrored our own fascination with those things in life which promise safety, warmth, and light. We become fixated on things which we believe will make life better, bring satisfaction and enlightenment only to find out once we’ve achieved or possessed them it was an illusion. Wisdom teaches that what is worth having comes to us. It is our humility, our acceptance that we are not able to control or manipulate love, peace, kindness and a grace-filled life that makes it possible for these to permeate our minds, emotions, and spirits and bring a unique warmth and light to our cold and dark world.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Knocking

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Knocking –

This morning I woke up with a headache. It felt like a giant was knocking on the front door of my face. I at breakfast took a pill and laid back down. It helped a little but it’s been painful off and on most of the afternoon.

Last week a friend told me he had a “secret knock” whenever he went over to his mother’s home. He said this knock was for her to know that it was him without looking out the window to see. I liked this idea both the reality and the thought behind it.

We have ideas which knock on the doors of our heads. Some of these thoughts, especially the ones filled with doubt, confusion, anger, can take us to places we don’t want to go. Wisdom teachers call this; “monkey mind” a mind filled with chatter like monkeys in a tree, never-ceasing or giving a moment’s peace. It can also be called; “thought train” which is a mind that’s on a particular set of tracks taking us to places it’s not always wise to go.

The good news is we are able to train our minds to recognize “monkey minds, thought trains” and refuse to let them take over our spirits and emotions. The key to mindful living is to be present, in the now. Our minds are not all-powerful and we do have the capability of saying; “No” to negative, repetitive, thoughts and “Yes” to those which keep us centered, balanced and at peace. We simply need to know when and when not to open the door.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Old News

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Old News –

The last couple of weeks of February have been a rough time for me the last several years. There are painful, heart hurting memories which seem to resurface and dealing with these challenging emotions is difficult.

Today I cleaned up our yard after a round of storms and rain this last week. I threw them on a burn pile and set it afire. I also had some old fence pieces and newspapers to burn. The newspapers are from my wife. She is doing her best to understand and begin to use extreme couponing in an effort to save money. I made sure to take old piles of newspaper and watched as the flames began consuming them. I tried reading some of the headlines and articles before the fire reached them and then they were gone.

As the fire leaped into the air I thought about it being old news which was out of date and historical. I also reflected on the memories I’ve struggled with the last few weeks and tried to remind myself that healing and time can also consume the heartache of the past and that our history enlightens our present.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Slowing Down

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Slowing Down –

The last few days have been slooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. We’ve had overcast skies, plenty of rain and this makes for a dreary season and spirit. April showers may bring May flowers but February showers bring time to a standstill. The last few months have been long. I always have a difficult time between Thanksgiving and Easter. It’s dark when you arise and when you arrive home in the evening. The darkness that surrounds me seems to permeate my emotions. As someone with Chronic Severe Depression and a Severe Anxiety Disorder the days slowing to a crawl, mess with my balance and threaten to send me over the edge into negative thought patterns and fixations on disappointments and failures.

The balance, of course, is not letting the anxiety get in there and make my brain whirl like a drugged up hamster on a greased up wheel. Again, it is balance. I make sure the things which help me; meds, exercise, talking to others about how I’m feeling, are done and not discarded even when tempted to do so.

The balance to keep life’s rhythm manageable is an everyday if not every moment discipline. If we let it we would be either swept away in a chaotic whirlwind of activity or mired in a despondent state of surrender. Slowing down isn’t the goal but balance and mindful living are what keeps us sane and steady on the path.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Sharp

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Sharp –

Today is a wonderful, relaxing, rainy Saturday. A day where the tin roof on the porch sings; “Rest, take it easy, don’t worry about what can’t be done. Just be.” It’s the kind of day we all need more than “once in a while.” We’ve lost the art of powering down, putting off things until tomorrow, sitting and letting go of schedules, to-do lists, and allowing our spirits, minds, emotions, and bodies to heal, recover from the hurry, harried pace of our lives.

“Staying constantly sharpened can wear out the blade.” Wisdom teaches us to wait, enjoy the serenity, like a leaf in a slow-moving part of the stream. Sooner or later the pace picks up and life starts to quicken but for now, in this moment, simply soak in the stillness.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Testing, 1, 2, 3

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Testing, 1, 2, 3 –

Today was my annual Tuberculosis test for the non-profit where I am employed. I don’t like tests, shots, or pain so this was a three for three experience of joy! It’s the same every year. I go into a small room, the nurse tells me this is going to hurt but not too much. I look away and tell her I don’t want to know when just do it. She does and then tells me to come back in 2-3 days for the results. So, I wait.

I don’t have Tuberculosis. At least I don’t think I do. Would I know it if I did? The test makes me think about it. Each year I forget what a positive result looks like so I google the symptoms and then look at my arm over the next couple of days to make sure I don’t have what I don’t think I have…

Life has a way of making us worry about a lot of stuff. You watch, read or listen to the news you begin to worry about things you hadn’t even thought of before. You talk with family, friends and they’ll give you something else to be concerned about. Before you know it, if you’re not careful, you have enough stress and anxiety to last a lifetime.

Wisdom teaches us that agonizing, over thinking, brooding, and panic are not a healthy state of mind or emotions. Letting go of that which distresses us might not be easy but carrying around a load of tension and agitation ensure we will never find the peace which we desperately desire and need.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Teaching Peace

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Teaching Peace –

Earlier this week I was talking with a man who has a confessed anger problem. He’s also been hurt by some people he trusted. The pain and rage of this betrayal occupy his thoughts and revenge is his stated goal. As we spoke with each other I explained to him that violence is not going to fix things. It will only make it worse for the man and his family. “Good mental health, the ability to process our emotions in a healthy, positive way will have a lasting impact on your family. Not choosing wisely will hurt you and those you love. I know the feelings are there and they’re eating you up inside but taking a path which doesn’t lead to peace punishes everyone.”

Peace is a hard concept and discipline to put into practice. We live in a world which claims the right to revenge and paying people back for the harm they’ve caused us. However, if we stubbornly stay on the path to; “right the wrongs” done to us we will not find contentment but an endless cycle of violence and retribution.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Enemy Within

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Enemy Within –

I had a meeting with my talk therapist yesterday. It went well. She is professional, a good listener and has a way of pointing out things I miss in life experiences. We were talking about a certain subject, one I struggle with mightily at times, and asked a question that made me think in a completely different way. She didn’t say; “Think this way.” Like a good therapist should do, she allowed me to look inside and find my way out of dark corners.

As someone with a Chronic Severe Depression disorder the battle with ruminating thoughts, anger, doubt, confusion, and fear cover my mind, emotions, and spirit like a wet blanket. Some days I can shake the blanket off of me, other days it’s like a chill in my bones and I can’t get warm. Therapy helps remind me that many of the feelings, and non-feelings, which come with depression may not be gotten rid of completely but a new thought, a burst of light, a letting go of some of the negative, can make room for hope and a willingness to continue the journey.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Idols and Illusions

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Idols and Illusions –

I would add to the quote attached to this post anything that’s fleeting, temporal, transitory, this that tell us lies about ourselves or others. Things like politics, money, jobs, reputations. Idols are all of these and more which fix our focus on the illusion that we are in control, we are powerful and by our wills, the world can be recreated in our image. It is this illusion that destroys our world and ourselves.

This morning part of my contemplation and meditation time included a portion of the Second Book of Kings, chapter seventeen, verse 15; “They worshipped false idols and became false.” I have read that several times today, talked about it with a friend and wrote it down in a journal. It says we become what we worship. Where our heart is, our mind, emotions, spirits, where our energies are applied is what we are and what we become.

Idols and illusions are hard to see sometimes. Breaking free from them isn’t easy. #AlbertEinstien said; “All of reality is an illusion, a persistent one, but still an illusion.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Flashback

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Flashback –

Today, while working out, I began to think of someone I haven’t thought of in a long time. It was a song that started the flashback. The memories began emerging and it wasn’t long before I began to feel the emotions, experience the memories and time melted away. It was almost as if I was back in the place, with the person and struggling. This person and I had a difficult relationship. There are times when two people don’t mesh. Sometimes there are reasons other times there are not. The pairing produces negative results, hurt feelings, harmful actions, and regrets.

I was thankful my anxiety didn’t take me too far down the road. There are times when my anxiety disorder goes into high gear and I can’t turn my thoughts off. They keep coming and it seems I am at their mercy. Today, the flashback was only a few moments and I was able to move on.

Though unexpected and unwanted the flashback was a good reminder that I have put a lot of distance between what was then and what is now. Most of the pain has vanished, the hurt feelings healed, the memories and experiences seen differently. The person is no longer my adversary but a fellow sojourner trying to find their way home on another path.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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