Taking Up Space –
I have a friend who has a boss who is a pain! At least that’s how they describe him. He’s often in the staff’s way, interrupting staff’s conversations with co-workers and clients, calling last-minute meetings, forcing staff to take late, early, shortened lunches and breaks. My friend is a good employee and enjoys their job and interaction with the customers but this boss makes the job unbearable at times. I told my friend that this guy doesn’t seem easy to work for but also noticed he was creeping into other conversations and being complained about excessively. “Be careful,’ I said, ‘not to let this guy take up space in your head.”
It’s easy to let other people, things, difficulties, hardships rent a place in our noggin. These are issues we must deal with, live with and are forced to confront. However, if we aren’t careful, aware, they can begin to invade the other parts of our lives. We ruminate, stew, in our negative thoughts and this takes energy and a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Learning how to deal with problems, finding solutions that help us keep them from encroaching in unwanted areas, takes wisdom, practice and awareness.
“Keep the doors to your mind open. Let problems come and go. Do not serve them tea.”
Elephant in the Room –
I was talking with someone earlier this week about a situation he is experiencing. He is forced to make a choice between one thing and another. It’s not a choice he doesn’t want to make. As he belabored the unjustness of the decision, listing the pros and cons, complaining about the consequences of each side of the coin, I asked him a simple question. “What’s the elephant in the room?” He paused and reflected. “What do you mean?” he inquired. “Dig deeper, past the choice and the consequences, what’s the reason you’re having to make this decision?” He was quiet, then took a deep breath and answered. He had clarity. Like a man in a cloudy stream, only when his mind was still, did the water clear.
I once had a co-worker whose personality and mine didn’t click. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s the way it is sometimes. He was in charge of employee evaluations. When we met in his office he read over my “grades” and was surprised they were all high. “I didn’t expect this!” he exclaimed. I sat there thinking; “You didn’t expect this because I’ve never had issues with anyone or any part of this job. The problem is you don’t like me and this colors everything.” We chatted and then I left thankful for my scores but still burdened by the negative relationship.
Wisdom teaches us to make sure we deal with the thing that matters not everything else.
Secrets can destroy lives. Secrets can make enemies of friends. Secrets have a way of eating at us, not giving us any peace and taking over all we say and do. Yet, most of us still hold on to them for fear the secret being found out is worse than the misery it causes each day.
Several years ago I had a friend who was ready to leave his current job for a “better” one. We went out to eat and he laid all his grievances out about his current job. He disliked his occupation, didn’t agree with his boss about the direction of the company and was sick to his gut every day he came to work. To others, he was the model employee but secretly he desperately wanted to go somewhere else. After he finished making his case he took a breath and we talked about the new opportunity and I told him I would be happy to give him a recommendation.
A few hours after our lunch my cell phone rang and it was my friend. We chit chatted a few moments and then he said; “I forgot to ask you, what do you think about me leaving?” I told him it sounded like a good job, the move on his family would be disruptive but manageable and to remember wherever he went he was taking himself with him. I went on to explain that some of his unease and difficulty with his present position was not just the job but were the secrets and burdens he carried with him. “No matter where you go,’ I said quoting one of my favorite wisdom teachers, ‘there you are. “
Don’t carry your secrets and burdens with you.