Blog Archives

Hangover

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Hangover

Today I am feeling the impact of three intensive days of training. My body hurts and my mind hurts. My eyes are tired from staring at a screen for too long. I have both a migraine and fuzzy brain. It’s hard to process new information today because of receiving so much from earlier in the week.  The data and detail are still bouncing around in my noggin and hasn’t found a place to settle. New thoughts and ideas are like puffs of smoke that never quite become solid enough to grasp. A couple of days of quiet and rest should do the trick but until then giving it my all will be less than.

Growing in our learning, understanding, and wisdom takes a toll. Its tough work which may be why we are hesitant to do it at times. Immersing ourselves in new thoughts, ideas, studies, to become more capable in our personal, relational, connections and jobs takes commitment and courage. Commitment because growth is effort and energy. Courage because when we dare to learn, understand gain wisdom, we change and we’re never sure who will be on the other side.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Digging Around

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Digging Around

This week I had to take three days of classes to qualify as a Certified car seat Technician. Part of the assessments required the students to install, uninstall, spot problems with seats installed by others and know which need to be replaced. It was three long days full of information and statistics.

One of the difficult tasks is sticking your fingers in places you can’t see when you’re searching for tethers, anchors and seat belt clips jammed in between the seats. Not every car is as clean as one would like and you never know what you might find when you’re digging around.

Last week, during therapy, my “talk doctor” told me we’d begin digging deeper in the coming months. We had reached a plateau and now it was time to turn over some fresh dirt. I agreed with her that it was time and needed. I’m not necessarily looking forward to the mental, emotional and spiritual energy required but I also know if you don’t look closer, feel around, poke harder, dig deeper there’s a chance you won’t find what you’re looking for.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Taking Up Space

Taking Up Space

I have a friend who has a boss who is a pain! At least that’s how they describe him. He’s often in the staff’s way, interrupting staff’s conversations with co-workers and clients, calling last-minute meetings, forcing staff to take late, early, shortened lunches and breaks. My friend is a good employee and enjoys their job and interaction with the customers but this boss makes the job unbearable at times. I told my friend that this guy doesn’t seem easy to work for but also noticed he was creeping into other conversations and being complained about excessively. “Be careful,’ I said, ‘not to let this guy take up space in your head.”

It’s easy to let other people, things, difficulties, hardships rent a place in our noggin. These are issues we must deal with, live with and are forced to confront. However, if we aren’t careful, aware, they can begin to invade the other parts of our lives. We ruminate, stew, in our negative thoughts and this takes energy and a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Learning how to deal with problems, finding solutions that help us keep them from encroaching in unwanted areas, takes wisdom, practice and awareness.

“Keep the doors to your mind open. Let problems come and go. Do not serve them tea.”
-author unknown

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

 

Curiosity

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Curiosity

Last week I wrote about a family of rabbits living under our shed. Yesterday I discovered one of the parents has become braver. I had let the dog out to take care of his business and realized too late there was a bunny in his vicinity. The rabbit watched Trooper as I watched it. It was perfectly still, on high alert, but didn’t move. Finally, our husky moved on and the rabbit relaxed until Trooper came bounding toward the front door ready to come in. It was then the bunny decided to high-tail it back under the porch.

A couple of weeks ago a rabbit ran right in front of Trooper and he casually looked at it and went about his duties. When he was younger he would’ve chased, and probably caught, the four-legged hopper. However, now that he is almost thirteen years old he conserves his energy for playing with us or sniffing the entire yard.

I wondered if the rabbit doesn’t feel afraid because Trooper has never chased it. Does his natural curiosity override his life-saving senses? As someone who lives with high anxiety, I too am “ready to run, fight, freeze” at the slightest threat. However, after I realize certain people aren’t a threat to harm, insult, shun me I relax and become curious enough to discover connection and relationship.

In a fast-paced busy world, it’s hard to take time to establish connections and build friendships. Hopefully, those of us who are more hesitant won’t be left behind.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Where You’re Going

Where You’re Going

This morning, at a community group for dads, I talked with the men about the importance of “Putting First Things First.” It’s a concept which deals with knowing what’s truly the most important things in our lives and using those as a framework for how we live. When you know what’s important then every decision is made according to your paradigm, your life’s mission statement. If a decision is made that does not fit the schematics of who you are and who you want to become you make it right. Otherwise, you are traveling in the opposite direction of where you need to go.

Everything we do, walking the road of life, involves passion, energy, and time. We have limited supplies of all three. We have to choose how we are going to use them. Our life is a list of the things we do and deem important. The more items on our list the less passion, energy, and time we have to give each item. The fewer items on the list the more we have to give.

This is why knowing what’s important, where you are going, is a must. It allows us to make sure some items remain on our list, what important, and eliminate the unimportant. Direction is easy once we decide where we want to go.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Grounded, Simple, Generous, Controlled, Joyful, Present

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Grounded, Simple, Generous, Controlled, Joyful, Present

The contemplative life isn’t hard to understand. Most of the teachings can be learned in a day but they offer a lifetime of wisdom.

A few moments ago I was sitting on the porch basking in the sun. It was wonderful. I had brought my phone with me but not sure why. I laid it down beside me and closed my eyes. It’s warm for the month of January. Yesterday it was cloudy and cool but in that present moment of sitting on the porch, the skies were a brilliant blue. Our Siberian Husky was sprawled out on the driveway, not a care in the world. As I embraced the beauty and warmth my attention kept going to the phone. I knew there wasn’t anything on it I needed to read or respond to but the fact it was there distracted me.

This is why simplicity is important in the contemplative life. Everything we own, invest our ourselves in, give our passion, energy and time takes a piece of us. The more we have in our lives the less contemplative we are able to be. Letting go of all that is superfluous allows us to focus on what’s important while the fluff floats away.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Words

Words

Today I had the privilege and duty to be a part of the memorial service for my father. It’s been surreal the last few days. So many errands to run, items to check off on a list, places to go, people to see. There’s been a sense of urgency, a nervous energy, a controlled chaos, riding a wave of sorrow and speed.  Because of the hectic pace of the last several days, I stood on the stage behind the pulpit at the service this afternoon with no notes, and no structure to the stories and experiences I wanted to share.

Words, they’ve flooded my mind and soul since Dad passed. Words from family and friends who care and are sorry for our loss. Words that go into an obituary, on a card for flowers, in a service program and used in phone calls, emails, and texts. So many words used to describe the love a family has for one who is, was, the central fixed, point.

Now, standing behind the pulpit at the memorial service today, I had no notes, no words written, no solid ideas, memories swarming in my head but none coming in for a landing. How do you choose the right words to convey the meaning of a life which impacted many people?  In the pantheon of phrases, how do you pick out those which will express the purpose of a life lived well?

A deep breath, a small prayer, and … share my heart, open my lips, loosen my tongue and let the words come. No, they will not be adequate. No, they will not be perfect. Yes, there will be second-guessing and memories that are forgotten to be shared.

Words. They are not, and cannot contain the heart’s cry of longing and loneliness or succinctly express the fondness, the love, the good of being apart from a person you love. This is okay. Living, being, existing, is more than words, deeper than condolences, greater than expressions of sympathy and sadness.

Living should be beyond our ability to communicate it easily if it is done well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Adjusting

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Adjusting –

Beth and I just finished moving furniture around in the living room. Couches, bookshelves, chairs, stools, everything. The reason we did this is that the bookshelves were given to us last week and the way we currently had our living room arranged wouldn’t work with them added. So, we moved and looked, moved and pondered, moved and finally have the room the way we think looks nice and is functional.

The last couple of hours have been a good reminder that anytime we add things to our lives, positive or negative, there is adjusting required. Each of us has a finite amount of time, energy and passion. The more stuff we have in our lives the less we have of the three. This is why mindfulness is so important. We must make sure what we add is worth the readjusting and investing of time, energy and passion.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Turbulence

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Turbulence

Yesterday I mowed with the riding lawn tractor and today I went out to use the push mower to go places the big mower can’t go. I used the last of the gas out of the can yesterday but for some reason, I thought there was plenty in the push mower. I was wrong. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed for the gas station. It was nice weather so I put the windows down.

On the way back I looked out my passenger seat window and there was a spider, on one strand of webbing, attached from the passenger mirror to the door. It looked as though it was holding on for dear life! However, what stunned me was the webbing held. The force of the wind was flowing around it and the webbing strong enough to hold it.

I watched and reflected on the strategy of the spider. It wasn’t trying to go forward or backward. It was still, trusting its “anchors” not to break.

The spider is a teacher. Often times, when stormy seasons and turbulent times rock our lives we want to retreat to some place safe or push ahead and get it over as quickly as possible. Perhaps, instead of using energy to try to avoid the difficulties we should be still and trust our anchor to hold fast.

I guess the question would be; “What are we anchored to?”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Fly Away

Fly Away

This morning I watched numerous birds flying around, landing on anything solid only to fly away again, seemingly without a care in the world. Birds are masters at looking as if there is nothing which tethers them to the ground, nothing that so burdens their minds they forget how to fly.

A depressive disorder has many symptoms but one of the most annoying and energy-consuming is; “ruminating.” Ruminating is thinking about something over and over. Turning it over in your mind. Looking at it from each and every possible angle and then doing the same thing again incessantly. It’s not being able to let a thought go whether it be a person, a situation (past, present, future) a fear or a source of anger. It is being tethered to and unable to allow the thought to fly away.

The quote (pictured) is a great reminder that we may be unable to stop a thought from landing in our minds but we can develop the discipline to let it go.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Sore

Sore

I am sore today! Yesterday we spent most of the day trimming and hauling away a big limb from one of the four huge trees in our yard. Today I am paying for it with sore arms, back, and legs. I don’t think I’ve developed any muscles but trying to lift some of the pieces we sawed off yesterday gave me an appreciation of how strong the wind must’ve been to down the limb and how strong the tree was to support a limb of such great weight. It took a lot of energy, strength and time to remove most of the obstacle.

I spoke with a few friends today who are also trying to overcome a great obstacle. They are, like we did yesterday, dealing with it one piece at a time. When you’re faced with a huge challenge there is a part of us who’d like to get it over with NOW! However, life doesn’t usually work according to our time schedules. We must take each step, walk each mile, and hope the journey ends well.

I imagine a person who lifts and cuts wood as their job must be strong. I also know that those who face tremendous battles will develop the strength and energy necessary to see it to the end, what the end may be.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

The Chase

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The Chase

This morning, on my way to work, I rounded a curve and was met with two dogs. I could tell by the look of the younger one a chase was about to go down. The other, who looked much older, wasn’t so sure. As I passed the younger it took off running as fast as it could trying to match my speed. I’m not sure he’d know what to do if he caught me but he was giving it his best effort. The elder ran for a while and then gave up. He knew he wasn’t fast enough to catch his prize. I smiled at the younger dog and his stamina. He kept up for a long time and even after I turned a corner and accelerated he was still giving it a go. I never saw the older dog again.

It reminded me of life. When we’re young we chase after shiny things, fast things. Our attention is easily captured by whatever’s on the horizon. We put a lot of effort into obtaining things which never satisfy or give us the rush of the chase. As we get older we realize there’s only so much passion, energy and time to give to pursuing and, hopefully, we understand there are precious few things worth chasing after.

Wisdom teaches us to filter and to focus on that which satisfies and to leave the chasing of fast, shiny things to others.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Look Closely

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Look Closely

This evening, on my way to an Incarcerated Father’s class, I stopped by Goodwill to donate a few items. I went inside and noticed they were having a sale on CDs. It’s been a long time since I have bought a compact disc but my truck has a CD player so I began looking at what was available. I went down each row of CDs looking for anything familiar and as I did an older gentleman ambled up beside me and began looking. The interesting thing about this man was that he either needed glasses or forgot his because he was bending over and his nose almost touched the CDs as he previewed. I smiled, feeling confident he couldn’t see the grin on my face. He was quite the sight hunched over and slowly looking, carefully choosing.

After I left the store I thought about the older gentleman and how close he had to get to perhaps find something worth buying. I also reflected on the truth my hunchbacked friend was teaching. Too often we don’t look close enough at things before we invest our time, energy, time, passion and money. In our instant gratification society, we grab and go not even sure what we are grasping or its grasp on us.

Wisdom tells us that what we choose to make a part of our lives should be looked at slowly, closely if we are to make choices that don’t just fill our lives but fulfills them.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Getting Rid of the Clutter

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Getting Rid of the Clutter

My workshop has gotten out of control lately. Because of outdoor projects, it’s mostly been used to house tools, scraps and other materials needed for whatever I’ve been working on outside. So, today I spent the afternoon cleaning it up and out. There was a lot of stuff which needed to be thrown away, some went to the burn pile, other to the local junk yard. I picked up tools and put them back in their place, wood went to the wood bin, lawn care to their place and replaced a table in the middle of the workshop with a long shelve on the side. This created a lot more space to work. I’m tired but it was a which needed to be done and one which will benefit me in the long run.

Wisdom tells us a decluttered life is also necessary to possess peace of life and spirit. When there are too many things occupying space in our minds, emotions, lives we seem to always be in a rush, stepping over, shuffling around, putting things where they don’t belong and not paying attention to a life filling up with many useless trinkets. Wisdom also reveals that the more things in our life the less time we have for those things. Our attention, love, relationships all suffer when our lives are cluttered.

Perhaps the New Year might be a good time to discover what is and what isn’t important. Accept the truth we only have so much energy, time and passion to whatever is in our lives and do some decluttering of own.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannbesaint.com

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No Dumping

No Dumping

The other day someone mentioned a piece of juicy gossip to me. I replied; “Hmmm…didn’t know that.” and quickly exited the conversation by finding something else to do some place else. One of the things I enjoy is; “Being out of the loop.” I don’t have any desire to know secrets, troubles, and provocative nuggets of information about other people. The truth is I have enough junk of my own  and enough problems to deal with that folks can keep others’ tidbits out of my life.

If someone is going through a hard time, facing unfortunate circumstances and needs an ear to bend, or a shoulder to lean on, mine are available but those who are only spreading family and friends’  business all over can stay away. I only have enough passion, energy and time to deal with what should be in my life not what others want to dump there.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Hate

Hate

Someone asked me today to define hate. I knew what they were asking. They were wanting to know if their dislike of another had gone far enough, grown enough to call it the “H” word. I described hate this way; “…an intense feeling of disdain, a lack of love and grace toward another, a set of blinders placed over one’s eyes and soul to stop from seeing anything good about the person.”

I’m not sure this is the best definition but it was one which resonated with my feelings of someone several years ago who had hurt me into the depths of my spirit. I couldn’t please this person, who focused on what I did wrong and rarely noticed what I did right, complained, criticized, isolated me from others and used up everything they needed and then threw me away like an empty beer can, never looking back.

If I’d ever hated someone this would be the person, but as I thought about them today the intensity was no longer there. It takes a lot of energy, passion, time, to hate someone. Hate occupies a lot of space in your brain, emotions, spirit and life. You dwell on the other, fueled by your extreme contempt. Hatred consumes you and there comes a point when you have to make a choice; “Will I allow my pain and scorn to become who and what I am? Or, do I begin to let it go?

It’s not an easy decision but its the only option which leads to wholeness and peace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Effort

Effort

I finished mowing the grass a few minutes ago. Last week’s rain did its work and the grass has exploded over the past 7 days.

This past fall, winter and spring, Beth and I added several objects to the back yard. Trees, bushes, grape-vine trellises, garden boxes, fire rings and more. While beautiful and adding character the yard they do make it more difficult to mow this year. There’s a lot bobbing and weaving, dodging and not quite being able to reach every spot of grass with the riding mower. As a result I have to also use a push mower, a weed eater and sometimes even my hands. After I’m finished I look over the yard and wonder if it’s worth all the extra effort?

Wisdom teaches us the more stuff we have in our lives the fuller they become and the harder they are to manage. While some things such as healthy relationships and productive hobbies are needed its prudent now and then to examine how much passion, energy and time all the extras take and if some need to be cut or trimmed out of our lives.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Full and Useful?

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It happens about every two weeks or so, we run out of ice. Our refrigerator doesn’t have an automatic ice maker and so we use about twenty of those plastic ice holders. You put water in, wait a few hours, and “voila!” ice. We have more than enough holders to always have plenty of ice… IF…the trays are refilled once they’re emptied. Therein lies the flaw in the system. Instead of taking a few moments to pour a little water in the tray and stick it into the freezer they get placed on the kitchen counter. Finally, the last cube is used from the last tray and then someone needs a glass of sweet tea chilled and the trays sit empty mocking the hot drink from the counter.

It doesn’t take much time to refill the trays but because of distractions, hurries  appointments, exhaustion it’s easier to leave them on the counter empty. It’s easier until we run out of ice. This morning I couldn’t ignore the empty trays any longer and refilled them. As I did I reflected on how life can do this to our energy, spirit, passion. We know we should take time to refill, pour in what has been taken out and if we do this we stay full and useful. However, oftentimes we allow life, its demands and difficulties to empty us until there’s nothing left.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

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Charge for a Change

The FedEx truck delivered my new phone today. Not really new but a “new to me.” It looks just like my old one, same brand, color and model with one BIG difference. This one charges!

The problem began a few weeks ago. I noticed one morning the battery percentage indicator had not increased in spite of the phone being plugged in all night. It seemed to be okay once it was rebooted.  A few days passed by and it happened again. Not being sure what was going on I tried different charging cords, cleaning the connectors and discovered that if I placed the phone at a certain angle, with the charging cord just so and didn’t so much as brush up against it, it might possibly, maybe, would charge. However, even this was temporary and as the weeks passed it became worse until I was able to get only a minimal charge even after several hours. Finally, I took it to the Verizon store and explained the problem to the sales rep. He determined it was the charging port and ordered me a replacement. So today my new phone arrived and I’ve spent most of the evening trying set it up.278342-samsung-galaxy-s3

Do we do this in our lives? Keep running with our batteries low, barely getting a charge, hoping to make it through another day? Trying to be mindful, restful but demands and commitments make these almost impossible.

We recognize we are tired, drained and listless. We try energy drinks, reading time management books, downloading new organization apps and vainly search for a way to be all things to all people at all times in all circumstances. It doesn’t take long to realize that aspirations of this kind and keeping even a minimal charge is wishful thinking.

Maybe we need to replace the lives we are trying to live, the people we are trying to be with someone else. Not new people just “new to us” and “new to those around us.” People who can do more than make it through the day. Folks who have the emotional, mental and spiritual energy to connect with life that is all around them in every moment.

a restful and reflective evening,

bdl

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