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How Could He?

How Could He?

Here is Tennessee and even across America, there is a question that is on many people’s mind; “Why did the father of a five-year-old Autistic boy beat his son to death and then hide his body? How could this father then claim the boy had wandered off and allowed law enforcement officials, volunteers, and others to search areas near his home for three days thinking the boy was alive?” (http://fox17.com/news/local/dad-beat-son-joe-clyde-daniels-to-death-hid-his-body-in-remote-area-affidavit) Its horrible, vile, evil, confusing, and no matter the answers they will not satisfy a grieving family and community.

The next two days I will be training to be a trainer in Adverse Childhood Experiences. According to “SAMSHA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Agency) describes “Adverse childhood experiences or (ACEs)” as stressful or traumatic events, including abuse and neglect. They may also include household dysfunction such as witnessing domestic violence or growing up with family members who have substance use disorders. ACEs are strongly related to the development and prevalence of a wide range of health problems throughout a person’s lifespan, including those associated with substance misuse. ACEs include: Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical neglect, Emotional neglect, Intimate partner violence, Mother treated violently, Substance misuse within a household, Household mental illness, Parental separation or divorce, Incarcerated household member.”(https://www.samhsa.gov/capt/practicing-effective-prevention/prevention-behavioral-health/adverse-childhood-experiences)

Put simply; what happens to one when growing up impacts that individual’s behavior, physical and mental health as adults. It changes the question from; “Why or How could you?’ to ‘What happened to you?” The difference is all the difference. It allows for context and the ability to understand, not approve, why a person would do something incredibly harmful to others or to themselves by researching their backgrounds, cultural, community, familial and social environments.

It will be a challenging and difficult two days especially in light of the tragedy that unfolded over the past week. However, only when our emotional and intellectual biases are confronted can we move beyond them to greater wisdom and knowledge.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: ##witnessing, #ability, #abuse, #ACES, #adults, #Adverse, #AdverseChildhoodExperiences. #SAMSHA, #alive, #allowed, #allows, #answers, #approve, #associated, #Autistic, #backgrounds, #beat, #behavior, #beyond, #biases, #blessings, #body, #challenging, #changes, #childhood, #claim, #confronted, #confusing, #context, #cultural, #death, #development, #difference, #difficult, #divorce, #domestic, #dysfunction, #emotional, #Emotionalabuse, #Emotionalneglect, #environments, #evil, #experiences, #familial, #familymembers, #five-year-old, #greater, #grieving, #Growingup, #happens, #harmful, #healthproblems, #hide, #horrible, #household, #Householdmentalillness, #HowCouldHe, #impacts, #incarcerated, #include, #incredibly, #individuals, #intellectual, #Intimatepartnerviolence, #knowledge, #lawenforcement, #lifespan, #light, #mental, #mother, #move, #neglect\, #officials, #Parentalseparation, #persons, #physical, #Physicalabuse, #Physicalneglect, #prevalence, #question, #related, #researching, #satisfy, #search, #Sexualabuse, #simply, #social, #Stressful, #strongly, #SubstanceAbuseMentalHealthAgency, #substancemisuse, #substanceusedisorders, #thewannabesaint.com, #Tragedy, #trainer, #training, #traumatic, #treated, #understand, #unfolded, #vile, #violence, #violently, #volunteers, #wandered, #Whathappened, #widerange, #wisdom, @BrianLoging, Family, Community, Events, father, Health, Home, Mind

Disposal

Mar 10

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Disposal –

This afternoon I took a trailer full of wood and debris to the local dump. When I arrived there was a line on one side of the dumpster and not the other so I chose the less crowded side. I chose poorly. I pulled up behind a man who was shoveling dirt, plain dirt, into the dumpster. This struck me as strange and watching him I thought; “Mister? Why are you shoveling dirt into a dumpster? Isn’t there someplace else you could put that dirt in your yard, a hole you could fill, a spot which needs leveling?” Finally, he finished, gave me a friendly wave, and was on his way.

I reflected on the man and his load of dirt which needed to be disposed of. Each of us has burdens which need to be lifted, weights taken off our shoulders, troubles to be solved, millstones to be removed, from our lives. We often do not know the difficulties family, friends and strangers are carrying. It is not our place to judge but instead to understand that none of us journey the road of life burden free.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Protection

Feb 27

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Protection –

We have a family of rabbits living underneath our shed. Every now and then, when we go outside, we spot one of them. They aren’t too afraid of us because we do our best not disturb the big or little ones. Trooper, our Siberian Husky, on the other hand, is on the lookout for a new play buddy. The problem is his “toys” are deceased after he plays with them. So, we have become the rabbit’s protectors. We do our best to make sure they aren’t in the area Trooper likes to frequent outside, know there is danger nearby making noise and giving them reasons to run and hide for a while. Though we try we know that Trooper or another predator could make quick work of the rabbit family. Snakes, cats, coyotes, raccoons, other varmints are dangers which could strike any day at any time.

There are many things we desire to protect in life. Some are possessions but for most of us, we long to protect the ones we love. However, as grow older, and hopefully wiser, the more we realize we cannot protect them from everything. Truthfully we cannot protect them from much that life throws their way. We can be there for them we can help them through the difficulties they are going through. This is a form of protection, one which reminds them they are never alone.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: ##protect, #afraid, #after, #alone, #area, #best, #blessings, #danger, #dangers, #deceased, #desire, #difficulties, #disturb, #form, #frequent, #giving, #grow, #help, #hide, #hopefully, #life, #living, #lookout, #nearby, #never, #older, #outside, #possessions, #predator, #problem, #protection, #protectors, #quick, #realize, #reasons, #reminds, #run, #strike, #thewannabesaint.com, #throws, #Truthfully, #way, #wiser, #work, @BrianLoging, Family, love, Noise

Behind the Eyes

Feb 22

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Behind the Eyes –

I saw a picture of me from several years ago today. As most people, I don’t care for my photo to be taken but when it is I “grin and bear it.” Looking at the picture today the smile was there but it wasn’t genuine. There was also something missing in the eyes. There was no light behind them. They were hollow and sad. I was surrounded by friends in the photo, good friends. It should’ve been a time of stories, thankfulness, and memories but I can tell in my eyes it wasn’t any of those for me, only a blank stare and pasted smile. This was about a year before I was diagnosed with a Chronic Major Depressive Disorder.

The journey over these last years has been a hard one and there is still far to go but looking back I can see where I’ve come from and this does bring me relief. I’m not stuck in the same place even though sometimes it feels that way.

I’ve been watching a documentary titled; “The Kingdom of Us.” (https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/oct/08/the-kingdom-of-us-review-netflix-teenagers-lucy-cohen) It is the story of a family recovering from their father’s suicide. They listen to recordings of his voice, often in song, and watch videos of him and the family. They ask each other repeatedly, “Look at him! He’s so sad. Why didn’t we see it?” I know the answer; “because he didn’t want it to be seen.” We’ve all been there and done that; plastered on a smile when our hearts are breaking inside. We’ve pushed on even though everything feels broken inside.

Too often we take people’s word when we ask; “How are you?” and they reply; “Fine’ or ‘Good.” The key to discovering the truth is asking more than once and keep at it until they feel you might actually want to know.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in #depression, Mental Health

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Thoughts and Prayers

Feb 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Thoughts and Prayers –

I have to admit I am sick of the phrase; “Thoughts and prayers,” which inevitably occur each and every time there is a mass shooting in our country. As of yesterday, according to data from the Gun Violence Archive, a total of 30 mass shooting incidents have occurred as of February 14, 2018, including Wednesday’s school shooting in Florida. Thirty! That’s almost 1 every day. Following these mass killings, politicians play two cards; “Thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families,” followed by; “Now’s not the time to talk about gun control and what we can do to stem the tide of gun violence in our nation.” Every time one of these politicians speak these words or ones like them I almost throw the remote at the TV. Kids are dying! Most of these politicians are pro-life, anti-abortion, but somehow someway they play a Jedi-mind trick with themselves and see these as two separate issues. I can’t do that, I won’t do that. Something needs to be done.

I am acutely aware of the mental health angle and the restriction for individuals who mentally should not own a gun. I understand waiting periods for guns and background checks but we must do more. Our children are dying! The National Rifle Association is a powerful entity. They lobby and support many politicians:

La. Sen. Bill Cassidy, tweets his sympathy and prayers – received $2,800,000 from NRA.
Ohio Sen. Rob Portman tweets prayers – received $3,000,000 support from NRA.
Iowa Rep., Janie Ernst tweets, join me in prayer – received $3,100,000 from NRA.
Fla. Sen. Marco Rubio tweets, a terrible day you pray never comes – received $3,300,000 from NRA.
Colorado Sen. Cory Gardner tweets, heartbreak and prayers – received $3,900,000 from NRA.
Az. Rep. John McCain tweets his prayers – received $7,700,000 from NRA.
Fla. Gov. Rick Scott ordered flag to be lowered for senseless tragedy – received A+ rating from NRA.
V.P. Mike Pence tweets heartache and prayers – received A+ rating from NRA.
Donald J. Trump tweets his prayers – received more than $21,000,000 from NRA in 2016 election.

I don’t know what to do. People smarter than me have been trying and yet for some reason are met at every turn with obstruction and obfuscation. I also want to know where the church is on this?!?! It’s clear to me Jesus never condoned violence of any kind and sticking up for the poor, down-trodden, innocent ones was his mission and should be ours. We’ll stand on a street corner with pro-life signs, slap a pro-life bumper sticker on our car but few vote for stricter gun laws.

I don’t want to start a debate. I want a solution. I want kids to stop dying and the church be silent no more. The youngest and brightest among us are dying. Thoughts and prayers do nothing without actions backing them up. Do something or stop saying it!

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Leadership

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Tags: #, #2018, #association, #commonsense, #control, #florida, #floridashooting, #gun, #guncontrol, #gunlaws, #gunviolence, #innocent, #law, #laws, #mass, #masskillings, #massshootings, #nationalrifleassociation, #nra, #prayers, #rifle, #shooting, #shootings, #stopthekilling, #thoughtsandprayers, #victims, Family, National, Thoughts

Sweeping Up

Feb 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Sweeping Up–

This past weekend my wife and I were going to do some needed cleaning. However, as the weekend wore on we both discovered motivation was lacking. I told her I would vacuüm the house one day this week and today was it. I began with a simple vacuüm across the floors but then noticed there were dust bunnies under a piece of furniture. I grabbed the broom and swept up the dirt only to discover there was more than I thought. Getting down on my hands and knees I swept all the way back and to the sides. There wasn’t a dust bunny it was more like a family of rabbits. I then began to do this to all the furniture and; “Wow!” The vacuuming chore took more time than I anticipated because of the extra work required. Real cleaning is a whole other level of commitment.

As I swept up all the little furballs and removed and returned furniture back to its original place I reflected on the need to deep clean our minds and spirits. It’s not too difficult to do a quick surface sweep but to get down to the hidden dirt and grime that reside in the dark places we must be willing to be uncomfortable and humble.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Testing, 1, 2, 3

Jan 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Testing, 1, 2, 3 –

Today was my annual Tuberculosis test for the non-profit where I am employed. I don’t like tests, shots, or pain so this was a three for three experience of joy! It’s the same every year. I go into a small room, the nurse tells me this is going to hurt but not too much. I look away and tell her I don’t want to know when just do it. She does and then tells me to come back in 2-3 days for the results. So, I wait.

I don’t have Tuberculosis. At least I don’t think I do. Would I know it if I did? The test makes me think about it. Each year I forget what a positive result looks like so I google the symptoms and then look at my arm over the next couple of days to make sure I don’t have what I don’t think I have…

Life has a way of making us worry about a lot of stuff. You watch, read or listen to the news you begin to worry about things you hadn’t even thought of before. You talk with family, friends and they’ll give you something else to be concerned about. Before you know it, if you’re not careful, you have enough stress and anxiety to last a lifetime.

Wisdom teaches us that agonizing, over thinking, brooding, and panic are not a healthy state of mind or emotions. Letting go of that which distresses us might not be easy but carrying around a load of tension and agitation ensure we will never find the peace which we desperately desire and need.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mental Health

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Teaching Peace

Jan 26

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Teaching Peace –

Earlier this week I was talking with a man who has a confessed anger problem. He’s also been hurt by some people he trusted. The pain and rage of this betrayal occupy his thoughts and revenge is his stated goal. As we spoke with each other I explained to him that violence is not going to fix things. It will only make it worse for the man and his family. “Good mental health, the ability to process our emotions in a healthy, positive way will have a lasting impact on your family. Not choosing wisely will hurt you and those you love. I know the feelings are there and they’re eating you up inside but taking a path which doesn’t lead to peace punishes everyone.”

Peace is a hard concept and discipline to put into practice. We live in a world which claims the right to revenge and paying people back for the harm they’ve caused us. However, if we stubbornly stay on the path to; “right the wrongs” done to us we will not find contentment but an endless cycle of violence and retribution.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #ability, #anger, #betrayal, #blessings, #caused, #choosing, #claims, #concept, #confessed, #contentment, #cycle, #discipline, #eating, #emotions, #endless, #explained, #feelings, #find, #fix, #goal, #good, #hard, #harm, #healthy, #hurt, #impact, #inside, #lasting, #live, #man, #mental, #mentalhealth, #occupy, #pain, #path, #paying, #positive, #practice, #problem, #process, #punishes, #rage, #retribution, #revenge, #right, #spoke, #stated, #stay, #stubbornly, #talking, #teaching, #trusted, #violence, #way, #wisely, #worse, #wrongs, Family, Health, Lead, love, Peace, People, Thoughts, World

No Apologies

Jan 22

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

No Apologies –

I have a friend who is going through an incredibly difficult season of life. It’s not easy what she’s dealing with but we both know there are certain stages of this journey she must travel alone. It is hard watching a friend, a family member, a loved one going through a dark time and know we don’t have the power to stop it or even ease the pain. We long to wrap our arms around them and chase the doubts, confusion, fear, and pain away but in spite of our effort, it isn’t possible. My friend knows me and a host of others are there for her and doing what we can but the path she treks is long and oftentimes lonely.

One of the rules my friend and I have in place is that she doesn’t have to say she’s sorry. There are no apologies necessary when she doesn’t feel like talking or going somewhere, being social and choosing isolation. There is no; “I’m sorry.” There’s just now and getting through each day moment by moment.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #alone, #apologies, #arms, #blessings, #certain, #chase, #choosing, #confusion, #dark, #deal, #dealing, #difficult, #doubts, #ease, #easy, #efforts, #fear, #feel, #friend, #hard, #incredibly, #isolation, #life, #lonely, #long, #lovedone, #member, #necessary, #no, #now, #oftentimes, #pain, #path, #possible, #power, #rules, #season, #social, #sorry, #spite, #stages, #stop, #talking, #through, #treks, #watching, #wrap, Family, moment

Pardon the Interruption

Jan 12

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Pardon the Interruption –

When my wife and I first moved up north we were aware there would be cultural differences that both the people we work with and we would need to get used to. For instance, down south we say we’re going to put something “in the hopper,” which means we’ll think about it. Up north, however, it has something to do with a commode. So, that was a phrase I stopped using. Another difference was people interrupting each other. It didn’t take long to notice, especially at meetings, that people would start talking before another person was finished. When this happened the person interrupted either returned the favor or waited for the interruptee to stop before they started up again. In the south, we might fake it but we at least acted like we were listening and waited for the person to finish before we began to talk.

I remember bringing this up at a meeting where people were talking all over each other. I stated the difference and perhaps if we waited, and listened until the other was finished, perhaps our meetings would be more productive and not last as long. It didn’t go over well. No one told me to get over it but the behavior never stopped and I never brought up the subject again.

This was about 10 years ago and I’ve noticed rudeness isn’t going anywhere. In fact, rudeness seems to be expanding at an incredible rate. From radio to tv, social media, family, friends, co-workers, people at grocery stores, arguing and not listening, folks stubbornly stating their point of view, driving haphazardly, everyone in a hurry and not caring who they offend to get their lists of to-do’s done. Even our president cusses, calls people names, makes fun and insults others. Rudeness is winning.

So, how do we stop rudeness from continuing to be the norm? My only answer is kindness, patience, being at peace and giving peace. It’s not about arguing a point but being what you hope others will become.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Hubris

Jan 3

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Hubris –

Hubris – excessive pride or self-confidence. synonyms: arrogance, conceit, haughtiness, hauteur, pride, self-importance, egotism, pomposity, superciliousness, superiority.

I watched a webinar today hosted by an esteemed professor on the role of genetics in the development of humanity both culturally and individually. It was an interesting presentation and clearly, the man was intelligent and dogmatic in his proposal. It didn’t take long, however, to realize the man was also proud of himself and said more than once; “This is the way it is and there is no other way.” He even went as far as to insinuate that if a person thought differently they were clearly not his equal.

This attitude has always rubbed me the wrong way. The thinking and feeling of someone else that they are superior to others. While it is true individuals may have more learning in certain areas than others it is usually because the other hasn’t put the time into the subject as another not because they are; “smarter.”

I’ve worked with and for leaders who have shown hubris, pride, arrogance. I’ve also worked with and for leaders who are humble. I have family and friends who fit both these descriptions. And, to be honest, I could rightly be accused of hubris on more than one occasion.

It’s an easy path to walk, the way of self-importance and self-indulgence. A wise person once told me; “Ego breeds ego.” In other words, no one wins when egos clash, but the fallout always brings pain and difficulty to many lives.

But I know that today many seek their way gropingly and don’t know in whom to trust. To them I say: believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. #AndreGide

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Wisdom, Wisdom Quotes

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Secrets

Dec 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Secrets –

Secrets can destroy lives. Secrets can make enemies of friends. Secrets have a way of eating at us, not giving us any peace and taking over all we say and do. Yet, most of us still hold on to them for fear the secret being found out is worse than the misery it causes each day.

Several years ago I had a friend who was ready to leave his current job for a “better” one. We went out to eat and he laid all his grievances out about his current job. He disliked his occupation, didn’t agree with his boss about the direction of the company and was sick to his gut every day he came to work. To others, he was the model employee but secretly he desperately wanted to go somewhere else. After he finished making his case he took a breath and we talked about the new opportunity and I told him I would be happy to give him a recommendation.

A few hours after our lunch my cell phone rang and it was my friend. We chit chatted a few moments and then he said; “I forgot to ask you, what do you think about me leaving?” I told him it sounded like a good job, the move on his family would be disruptive but manageable and to remember wherever he went he was taking himself with him. I went on to explain that some of his unease and difficulty with his present position was not just the job but were the secrets and burdens he carried with him. “No matter where you go,’ I said quoting one of my favorite wisdom teachers, ‘there you are. “

Don’t carry your secrets and burdens with you.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Refelction

Dec 25

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Reflection –

As I wrote about yesterday, this has been a somber and low-key Christmas for my family. It’s been a crazy, hectic, sorrowful month. Today is Christmas day and it feels like Christmas, sort of. My mind can’t help but think about Christmases which have gone by when the family was all together and laughter and joy filled the air.

I was reflecting on Christmas past this morning as my wife slept in. Being a couple who can’t have children we’ve never had the “privilege” of little ones waking us up at 4 or 5 in the morning declaring; “Santa’s come and it’s time to open presents!” Nevertheless, I am married to a woman who loves Christmas and even in the midst of this year’s challenge to find the Christmas spirit she has filled our home with laughter, reindeer antlers on her head, too many Christmas carols and songs, baked goodies and more. She’s been this way since I’ve known her and the only Christmas I can remember her not celebrating was when her mother passed, December 8, 2006. She is in many ways a light in my darkness.

So today I am thankful for the gift of a beautiful, fantastical, in touch with her inner-child wife who won’t and can’t be stopped from bringing a little Christmas cheer.

Best. Gift. Ever.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Anticipation

Dec 24

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Anticipation –

There is a noticeable lack of Christmas spirit in my family this year. It’s been a long year as my dad battled cancer and passed away on the first of December. The anticipation of Christmas coming has been replaced with a feeling of; “Is it over yet?” I don’t think it’s Christmas per se’ but we’re anticipating the end of 2017 and 2018 to begin.

Anticipation can be a dangerous state of mind, emotion, and spirit. For all we know, 2018 will be as rough, perhaps more so, than 2017. It’s not a pleasant thought but it is a possibility. This is why wisdom teachers discourage anticipation. Life rarely lives up to what we think, or wish would happen. It’s almost always different and this can be good or bad, negative or positive. When life fails to fill our desires suffering, pain, confusion can occur.

So, my family and many others wait in this no man’s land hoping Christmas will not be too difficult and 2018 will be a better, certainly different, year.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #2017, #2018, #anticipation, #bad, #battled, #begin, #better, #blessings, #cancer, #certainly, #christmas, #confusion, #dangerous, #december, #desires, #different, #discourage, #end, #fails, #feeling, #fulfill, #good, #happen, #hoping, #Isitover, #lack, #life, #livesup, #newyear, #noman'sland, #noticeable, #occurs, #pain, #passed, #pleasant, #positive, #possibility, #rarely, #replaced, #rough, #spirit, #suffering, #teachers, #think, #wait, #wisdom, #wish, #year, Family, Emotion, Mind, Negative, Thought

A Box of Peace

Dec 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

A Box of Peace –

I received flowers for the first time in my life yesterday. Sure, Beth and I as a couple have gotten flowers and plants from family members and friends but flowers for just me? This was the first time. My wife and I opened the box and pulled out a beautiful Peace Lilly (pictured). It is a luscious green with one bloom but the potential for several more. There was also a candle and condolence card. The gifts were from my co-workers and I’m thankful to work with such kind souls.

We placed the flower on a stand near a window where it will receive plenty of sun. I’ve looked at it many times today and have reflected on the last couple of long weeks since my father passed. I like that the Lilly isn’t in full bloom yet. It’s symbolic. It’s a reminder that peace will come in its time. Right now we are in the early stages f grief and there may be moments of peace but it hasn’t healed the wounds in our hearts. However, if we give it time we will notice blossoms of peace spring up more and more until one day, hopefully, there will be more peace than sorrow.

Until then, we’ll hold to the promise, the hope, that better days are ahead.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Silence

Dec 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Silence –

Today has been unusually quiet compared to the last several days since my father has passed. My wife and my mother spent some time together today which left me in her house alone. I reflected a bit on the week that has been but mostly I have slept. I am an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety so it takes little imagination to understand the state of mind I am in because deaths and memorial services, errands and condolence phone calls, emails and texts are anything but quiet and stress reducing.

My wife and my mom knew sleep and silence are what I needed today and am thankful they gave me some space. I am running on empty and my body, emotions, mind, and soul craves the quietude of muted phones, ignored texts, emails that can wait, errands which didn’t happen and the downtime which occurs the days and weeks after a loved one leaves this world.

They say the hardest part of a dear one passing isn’t the days immediately following. Days which are filled with planning, non-stop moving, endless words and memories are hard but can sweep you away in a flood of activity. It’s the days after which grow long. They are filled with loneliness, and questions, confusion, anger, and doubt. The flood of phone calls slow to a trickle, the flowers stop coming, the cards aren’t in the mail, and life goes on. The silence following the cacophony can be deafening.

So, what is a balm for me will become hurt, especially for my mother. It is in these times I must trust the memories will comfort, family and friends will step in for support and we will learn to live with the blessing of silence.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Words

Dec 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Words –

Today I had the privilege and duty to be a part of the memorial service for my father. It’s been surreal the last few days. So many errands to run, items to check off on a list, places to go, people to see. There’s been a sense of urgency, a nervous energy, a controlled chaos, riding a wave of sorrow and speed. Because of the hectic pace of the last several days, I stood on the stage behind the pulpit at the service this afternoon with no notes, and no structure to the stories and experiences I wanted to share.

Words, they’ve flooded my mind and soul since Dad passed. Words from family and friends who care and are sorry for our loss. Words that go into an obituary, on a card for flowers, in a service program and used in phone calls, emails, and texts. So many words used to describe the love a family has for one who is, was, the central fixed, point.

Now, standing behind the pulpit at the memorial service today, I had no notes, no words written, no solid ideas, memories swarming in my head but none coming in for a landing. How do you choose the right words to convey the meaning of a life which impacted many people? In the pantheon of phrases, how do you pick out those which will express the purpose of a life lived well?

A deep breath, a small prayer, and … share my heart, open my lips, loosen my tongue and let the words come. No, they will not be adequate. No, they will not be perfect. Yes, there will be second-guessing and memories that are forgotten to be shared.

Words. They are not, and cannot contain the heart’s cry of longing and loneliness or succinctly express the fondness, the love, the good of being apart from a person you love. This is okay. Living, being, existing, is more than words, deeper than condolences, greater than expressions of sympathy and sadness.

Living should be beyond our ability to communicate it easily if it is done well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Searching

Dec 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Searching –

This morning my family gathered together to write my father’s obituary and order of service for his memorial. After a while, we took a break and I walked outside with my niece and spotted a huge Sycamore leaf. It was the biggest one at first we could see and then it became a competition on who could find the largest one of all. We searched a long time and when we were convinced we had discovered the most sizeable one we began looking for the smallest one. This was harder because we had to look under, beside and move other leaves to find the smallest. Finally, we believed we had the tiniest Sycamore leaf in the yard.

It was another busy day with people visiting, numerous phone calls, memorial service being organized, visiting the florist, and other errands. In the hustle and bustle of things, a family must do when one they love has passed it’s hard to find the peace one desires. The big things, the things which must get done are easy to find, it’s the small things; the glimpses of hope, the good memories, times when the good of a life well-lived shines in the darkness of a loved one parting.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Saint John, chapter 1

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, scripture reflection

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Renewal

Nov 26

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Renewal –

Last night I sat in front of a roaring fire outside at our fire-pit. I had cleaned up the yard over the last two days and had limbs and other stuff we no longer needed to burn. I watched as the flames consumed the items and then deposit them in the air as smoke and ash.

I thought about life and all that we hold dear is quickly used up and thrown away. Nothing in this world is permanent. Everything is transient. I reflected upon the life of my friend who is suffering in a hospital holding on to a life which isn’t intended to endure. However, he holds on as tight as he can because he loves his family and his friends. He and we don’t want to say; “Goodbye.” In his weakened condition, he still worries about others and how they will make it without him.

The fire burns down and I start to feel the cold of the evening. I’ve run out of fuel to feed the flames. They get lower, the embers glow less brightly and soon will go out. I get up and move inside. A place of warmth, safety, and comfort. I pray my friend, at the right time, will leave this cold world and find his eternal dwelling place as well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Till Death

Nov 18

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Till Death –

Today I had the honor of officiating the marriage between a young woman I have known for a long time and her finance. It was a homespun affair. The bride, groom and myself on the porch, the rest of the family and friends in mismatched chairs under two canopies to keep away the strong wind and drizzle that wouldn’t give up the fight. It was a beautiful wedding. The bride and groom truly cared for each other and it showed. They wrote most of their vows which is the norm these days. However, they still included the phrase; “Till death do us part.” Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment.

Before I arrived at the home where the event was held I pulled into a church parking lot to put on my dress shirt and tie. Afterwards, since I was running early, I sat in the car and watched a family walk through a maze of headstones trying to pick one out at a Memorial and Engraving shop which was located just down from the church. I wondered about their story, the person they were looking for.

I thought about the experience after the wedding as well and hoped for a story of long-lasting love and a life-long commitment for the couple who said their; “I do’s.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #Afterwards, #arrived, #blessings, #commitment, #couple, #death, #Engraving, #event, #experience, #headstones, #hoped, #lifelong, #long-lasting, #looking, #marriage, #maze, #Memorial, #part, #person, #story, #walk, #watched, #wedding, #wondered, Family, church, love

Forgive

Nov 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Forgive –

I found this to be an interesting quote. I’m not sure how to forgive; “everything” or if everything needs forgiveness but certainly believe that forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness is in short supply.

We live in a world where everyone seems angry over something. We fight with family, friends, strangers, internet buddies, internet trolls about banal topics that are of no consequence and about subjects with grave consequences. The problem is we can’t tell the difference and fight over everything.

To live with an attitude of forgiveness, to be a walking, breathing living example of forgiveness in a world that hates, fights, shames, shuns, is to invite hurt, pain, betrayal, and accusations of being out of touch. However, it’s also the antidote to the poison that threatens to kill all we hold dear.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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