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The Little Things

The Little Things –

A few moments ago I walked outside to put the cover back on the fire-pit. I was burning debris on Saturday then Sunday and Monday it rained so today it has been drying out. It was a spur of the moment decision and took me less than 3 minutes. While outside I noticed it looked like rain was coming. Back inside I let the dog out to do his thing and brought him back in just as the clouds opened up and the rain began to pour. I couldn’t have timed it better if I had tried. The soaking rain will be good for the trees in our yard that are sprouting new leaves, the gorgeous green grass, and the blossoming flowers.

I sat at the front door as the storm swept through and listened to rhythmic drops of rain on the roof. In the span of five minutes little, ordinary things made my day.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: # moments, #ago, #better, #blessings, #blossoming, #Clouds, #decision, #drops, #drying, #flowers, #good, #gorgeous, #listened, #little, #littlethings, #noticed, #opened, #ordinary, #pour, #rain, #rhythmic, #soaking, #span, #sprouting, #spur, #storm, #swept, #thewannabesaint.com, #timed, #trees, @BrianLoging, Grass, moment

Slowing Down

Feb 17

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Slowing Down –

The last few days have been slooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. We’ve had overcast skies, plenty of rain and this makes for a dreary season and spirit. April showers may bring May flowers but February showers bring time to a standstill. The last few months have been long. I always have a difficult time between Thanksgiving and Easter. It’s dark when you arise and when you arrive home in the evening. The darkness that surrounds me seems to permeate my emotions. As someone with Chronic Severe Depression and a Severe Anxiety Disorder the days slowing to a crawl, mess with my balance and threaten to send me over the edge into negative thought patterns and fixations on disappointments and failures.

The balance, of course, is not letting the anxiety get in there and make my brain whirl like a drugged up hamster on a greased up wheel. Again, it is balance. I make sure the things which help me; meds, exercise, talking to others about how I’m feeling, are done and not discarded even when tempted to do so.

The balance to keep life’s rhythm manageable is an everyday if not every moment discipline. If we let it we would be either swept away in a chaotic whirlwind of activity or mired in a despondent state of surrender. Slowing down isn’t the goal but balance and mindful living are what keeps us sane and steady on the path.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in #anxiety, #depression, Mental Health

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Tags: ##brain, #activity, #anxiety, #appointments, #arise, #arrive, #away, #balance, #blessings, #chaotic, #chronic, #crawl, #dark, #darkness, #days, #Depression #Severe, #despondent, #difficult, #disappointments, #discarded, #discipline, #disorder, #down, #dreary, #drugged, #Easter, #edge, #emotions, #exercise, #failures, #February, #feeling, #fixations, #flowers, #focus, #greased, #hamster, #help, #last, #lifes, #living, #long, #manageable, #May, #meds, #mess, #mindful, #mired, #months, #overcast, #path, #patterns, #permeate, #plenty, #rain, #rhythm, #sane, #season, #severe, #showers, #skies, #Slowing, #Slowingdown, #spirit. #April, #standstill, #state, #steady, #surrender, #surrounds, #swept, #talking, #tempted, #thanksgiving, #threaten, #time, #wheel, #whirl, #whirlwind, Home, moment, Negative, Thought

Surprise!

Feb 13

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Surprise! –

Earlier today, on the way home from a meeting, I dropped by a store and picked up flowers, a card and a small gift for Valentine’s day. I was going to hide them and then, before Beth got up in the morning, put them on the kitchen counter. She was going to be surprised and happy and this brings me great joy. I arrived home and put everything on the counter. I fixed my lunch and sat down. Not long after there was a knock on the front door. I went to see who and it was Beth. She had gotten off work early today and as she came inside I remembered the flowers, card, and gift on the counter. “Don’t look on the counter!” I yelled, knowing it was too late. Her surprise of coming home early ruined my planned surprise for tomorrow.

Life is full of well…surprises. For a while, I was irritated things didn’t work out the way I anticipated but it occurred to me that its hard to give a gift of love with frustration in your heart. I shook it off and told her; “Happy Valentines Day!”

She did say she wouldn’t open the card until tomorrow.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #anticipated, #arrived, #blessings, #card, #door, #early, #fixed, #flowers, #frustration, #full, #gift, #give, #going, #great, #happy, #hard, #heart, #inside, #irritated, #joy, #knowing, #late, #life, #long, #look, #morning, #occurred, #Off, #open, #picked, #planned, #remembered, #ruined, #shook, #surprise, #surprises, #today, #tomorrow, #Twitter, #Valentines, #valentinesday, #way, #work, #workout, #yelled, @BrianLoging, Home, love, thewannabesaint

A Box of Peace

Dec 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

A Box of Peace –

I received flowers for the first time in my life yesterday. Sure, Beth and I as a couple have gotten flowers and plants from family members and friends but flowers for just me? This was the first time. My wife and I opened the box and pulled out a beautiful Peace Lilly (pictured). It is a luscious green with one bloom but the potential for several more. There was also a candle and condolence card. The gifts were from my co-workers and I’m thankful to work with such kind souls.

We placed the flower on a stand near a window where it will receive plenty of sun. I’ve looked at it many times today and have reflected on the last couple of long weeks since my father passed. I like that the Lilly isn’t in full bloom yet. It’s symbolic. It’s a reminder that peace will come in its time. Right now we are in the early stages f grief and there may be moments of peace but it hasn’t healed the wounds in our hearts. However, if we give it time we will notice blossoms of peace spring up more and more until one day, hopefully, there will be more peace than sorrow.

Until then, we’ll hold to the promise, the hope, that better days are ahead.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: # moments, #ahead, #beautiful, #betterdays, #blessings, #bloom, #blossoms, #Box, #candle, #co-workers, #condolence, #couple, #early, #first, #firsttime, #flowers, #friends, #full, #gifts, #healed, #hearts. #give, #hold, #hope, #hopefully, #kind, #last, #life, #long, #looked, #luscious, #many, #members, #more, #notice, #opened, #passed, #PeaceLilly, #placed, #plenty, #potential, #promise, #received, #reflected, #reminder, #replaced, #several, #sorrow, #souls, #spring, #stages, #sun, #symbolic, #thankful, #time, #wounds, Family, father, Peace

Silence

Dec 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Silence –

Today has been unusually quiet compared to the last several days since my father has passed. My wife and my mother spent some time together today which left me in her house alone. I reflected a bit on the week that has been but mostly I have slept. I am an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety so it takes little imagination to understand the state of mind I am in because deaths and memorial services, errands and condolence phone calls, emails and texts are anything but quiet and stress reducing.

My wife and my mom knew sleep and silence are what I needed today and am thankful they gave me some space. I am running on empty and my body, emotions, mind, and soul craves the quietude of muted phones, ignored texts, emails that can wait, errands which didn’t happen and the downtime which occurs the days and weeks after a loved one leaves this world.

They say the hardest part of a dear one passing isn’t the days immediately following. Days which are filled with planning, non-stop moving, endless words and memories are hard but can sweep you away in a flood of activity. It’s the days after which grow long. They are filled with loneliness, and questions, confusion, anger, and doubt. The flood of phone calls slow to a trickle, the flowers stop coming, the cards aren’t in the mail, and life goes on. The silence following the cacophony can be deafening.

So, what is a balm for me will become hurt, especially for my mother. It is in these times I must trust the memories will comfort, family and friends will step in for support and we will learn to live with the blessing of silence.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #activity, #after, #alone, #anger, #away, #balm, #become, #blessing, #body, #cacophony, #cards, #comfort, #compared, #condolence, #confusion, #craves, #days, #deafening, #dearone, #deaths, #diagnosed, #doubt, #downtime, #emotions, #empty, #endless, #errands, #especially, #filled, #flood, #flowers, #following, #friends, #hard, #hardest, #hurt, #I, #imagination, #immediately, #introvert, #learning, #leaves, #lifegoeson, #live, #long, #lovedone, #memorialservices, #memories, #mother, #moving, #muted, #needed, #non-stop, #part, #passed, #passing, #planning, #questions, #quiet, #quietude, #reducing, #reflected, #running, #several, #sleep, #slept, #slow, #socialanxiety, #space, #stateofmind, #stepin, #stopcoming, #stress, #support, #sweep, #thankful, #today, #trickle, #trust, #understand, #unusually, #wife, #words, Family, father, loneliness, Mind, Silence, Soul, World

Words

Dec 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Words –

Today I had the privilege and duty to be a part of the memorial service for my father. It’s been surreal the last few days. So many errands to run, items to check off on a list, places to go, people to see. There’s been a sense of urgency, a nervous energy, a controlled chaos, riding a wave of sorrow and speed. Because of the hectic pace of the last several days, I stood on the stage behind the pulpit at the service this afternoon with no notes, and no structure to the stories and experiences I wanted to share.

Words, they’ve flooded my mind and soul since Dad passed. Words from family and friends who care and are sorry for our loss. Words that go into an obituary, on a card for flowers, in a service program and used in phone calls, emails, and texts. So many words used to describe the love a family has for one who is, was, the central fixed, point.

Now, standing behind the pulpit at the memorial service today, I had no notes, no words written, no solid ideas, memories swarming in my head but none coming in for a landing. How do you choose the right words to convey the meaning of a life which impacted many people? In the pantheon of phrases, how do you pick out those which will express the purpose of a life lived well?

A deep breath, a small prayer, and … share my heart, open my lips, loosen my tongue and let the words come. No, they will not be adequate. No, they will not be perfect. Yes, there will be second-guessing and memories that are forgotten to be shared.

Words. They are not, and cannot contain the heart’s cry of longing and loneliness or succinctly express the fondness, the love, the good of being apart from a person you love. This is okay. Living, being, existing, is more than words, deeper than condolences, greater than expressions of sympathy and sadness.

Living should be beyond our ability to communicate it easily if it is done well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #ability, #adequate, #apart, #behind, #being, #beyond, #blessings, #calls, #card, #care, #central, #chaos, #check, #Choose, #come, #communicate, #condolences, #contain, #controlled, #convey, #cry, #Dad, #days, #deep, #deeper, #duty, #easily, #emails, #errands, #existing, #experiences, #express, #expressions, #fixed, #flooded, #flowers, #fondness, #forgotten, #friends, #greater, #head, #heart, #hearts, #hectic, #ideas, #impacted, #items, #landing, #last, #lips, #list, #living, #longing, #loosen, #loss, #meaningofalife, #Memorial, #memorialservice, #memories, #nervous, #notes, #obituary, #open, #pace, #pantheon, #passed, #person, #phone, #phrases, #places, #point, #privilege, #program, #pulpit, #riding, #rightwords, #run, #sadness, #second-guessing, #sense, #service, #several, #share, #shared, #solid, #sorrow, #sorry, #speed, #stage, #standing, #structure, #succinctly, #surreal, #swarming, #sympathy, #texts, #today, #tongue, #urgency, #wave, #words, #Written, Family, breath, Energy, father, loneliness, love, Mind, People, Prayer, purpose, Soul, Stories

Want to See

Jun 9

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Want to See –

Last spring my wife planted some Petunias in a steel bucket that sits in our front yard. This spring she’s been too busy. In place of the beautiful flowers we had last year there are several weeds growing. This afternoon, while mowing the grass, I looked in the steel bucket and there was one single pink Petunia. It was small, crowded and shadowed by the weeds but it was there none the less. If I wasn’t looking in the right place and the right time I would have missed it.

Life can be similar to the small flower in that bucket. There are plenty of weeds; stress, schedules, emergencies, life changing decisions, habits, hang-ups, and hurts. It can be easy not to see the good when we are surrounded by so many things which crowd our lives and shadow our hearts. However, if we keep looking, daring to hope and dream perhaps we will see the beauty of kindness, grace, and love blossom before our eyes.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Contemplative Quotes

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Tags: #blossom, #Emergencies, #fatigue, #flowers, #grace, #grow, #keeplooking, #kindness, #pressure, #schedules, #stress, #weeds, #wheretolook, beauty

TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

Blog Archives

The Little Things

Slowing Down

Surprise!

A Box of Peace

Silence

Want to See

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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Selected Poems

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TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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The Little Things

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Slowing Down

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Surprise!

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A Box of Peace

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Silence

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Words

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Want to See

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Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

Recent Articles

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