Blog Archives
One Good Man
One Good Man –
My wife was asked on Monday and Tuesday if she had been abused. It’s startling but understandable. She had oral surgery last week and they had to remove part of her jaw bone to get the job done. They used a tool to keep her mouth open as wide as possible and the result was a large bruise on the left side that stretches from her bottom lip to below her chin. It looks as someone punched her in the face. Her father was the first who asked, more than once I might add, to make sure she wasn’t being hurt by me or anyone. The next several times were by the nurses and doctors when she had another small procedure done on Tuesday. They asked her if she was being abused, felt safe. Beth and I were talking about this when she came home yesterday evening. She said; “People asked about me being abused by my husband.” I told her I was thankful and wanted her to feel safe. I think a good man and a father wants to know (for sure!) that his daughter is not being harmed. Beth’s dad is both and I wouldn’t expect anything less. A good doctor, nursing staff, will do the same.
I’m still haunted by the Supreme Court hearings that concluded last week. Testimonies were given, victimization claimed, both parties using a woman as a political prop. It broke my heart and made me angry. I kept waiting for one good man, from either side, to step up. Then the President went to a rally and insulted, demeaned, and accused the woman who testified at the hearings of being a; “hoax.” Then men stood up…and cheered.
Why is being a good man, which is the only way to be a good husband, father, and friend, in such small demand these days?
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Like Him
Like Him –
I spent most of last week helping a friend clean up and prepare her yard for winter. There were other friends helping. On Friday, there were several trailer and truck full of limbs, trees, and yard debris. Almost everyone had a truck so we teamed up and began taking loads to the local Refuse and Recycle Center. There was a dump designated for yard trash and my partner and I pulled up and began unloading. There was a lot to put in the dumpster and towards the bottom of the pile I bent down to pick up a dropped limb and when I stood back up my partner was gone! I looked to see if he was in the truck ready to leave, if he’d fallen, or what happened. Then I spotted him. He was at another dumpster over helping an elderly couple with their trash. I hadn’t even seen them but he did and left to offer aid. I was impressed by his sight and his willingness to serve even as he was serving someone else. Even now my heart is warmed by his empathy.
I’ve decided, even though I’m almost 50 as I grow up I want to be like him.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
For more posts, reflections and other writings please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com
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Little Things
Little Things –
I’m bringin’ home my baby bumblebee,
won’t my Mama be so proud of me?
I’m bringin’ home my baby bumblebee,
Ouch! It stung me.
Last night I took the dog outside, turned on the water spigot, and began to water our flowers. The dryness and heat we’ve had the last several weeks have taken their toll. The flowers look wilted and their color is fading. I finished up watering as the dog finished up his business and went back inside. I sat down on the couch and watched TV. As I sat there my leg, just above my left knee, began to itch. I scratched but it kept itching so I scratched it again and this time I realized it wasn’t itching there was something crawling on me! I thought about jumping up but didn’t want to lose whatever it was on the couch or on the floor. I quickly grabbed a napkin and used it to scoop up what I thought had to be a spider. After catching it I went to the kitchen where the light was better and slowly opened up the napkin and found a baby bumblebee inside. It wasn’t scary or aggressive it was there in the napkin and began buzzing. I took it outside and let it go hoping it would be able to find its way back to wherever it came from.
Life comes full circle. Last week I wrote about a dying adult bumblebee which still had enough life in it to sting me when I accidentally stepped on it. This week it was a baby bumblebee beginning its journey. Since the beginning of this week, I’ve read announcements of births and deaths on social media sites from people I know. I talked with a friend last night who mentioned the daylight is already getting noticeably shorter.
Often it’s the little things that remind us the seasons of life keep moving and we’re passengers along for the ride.
For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
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Bad News
Bad News –
A new pastor, on his first Sunday, preached the sermon and following the dismissal prayer, greeted people at the door as they were leaving. A man in a bright red sports jacket was next in line and before the preacher could say anything he blurted out; “That was a terrible sermon!” Taken aback the pastor tried to figure out his next words but the man left before he could reply. After a while, he noticed the man in the bright red sports jacket in line again. This time he said; “You could not have possibly studied for that message. It was a mess!” Again the pastor was at a loss for words and the man was gone. As the line to meet the new pastor was ending he couldn’t believe the last person in line was the guy in the red sports jacket! “I don’t know if I’ll come back if that’s the best you can do!” Abruptly he walked out the door and this time the pastor watched him get into his car and drive away. The new reverend, obviously shaken by this man’s constant critique saw a group of folks in the foyer, wandered over, and asked’ “What is the deal with the man in the red sports jacket?” “Oh, don’t worry about him replied a parishioner. He only repeats what he hears other people saying.”
Bad news. Sometimes we expect it other times it takes us by surprise. No matter who we are, what we do, sooner or later we get bad news. It may be from our spouse, boss, doctor, friend, co-worker, or stranger. The challenge isn’t what to do if bad news comes but when it shows up. Our choices following an announcement of bad tidings are often more important, and have a greater impact, than the news itself. The space in between the news and the choices we make are critical. This is why wisdom, knowledge, peace, acceptance, clarity should be discovered now. When bad news comes chances are you will do what you know and many times the battle is won before the soldier takes the field.
For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
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Plus One
Plus One –
When I attend a lecture-luncheon I look for two things when choosing my seat. The first is a seat at the edge of a table which helps with my claustrophobia and the second is the middle to back of the room. If I need to get up for any reason I don’t want to block people’s view of the speaker or meander around a bunch of tables to get to my destination.
Today, while attending one of these lecture-luncheons, a woman arrived late picked up a box lunch, and proceeded to find a seat at the back of the room only to spot a friend and then zigzagged around the other attendees, dropping her box lunch in the process, and finally settling at the table closest to the front of the room. She couldn’t have been more of a distraction if she tried! Finding a familiar face was worth the risk.
After all, isn’t that what all of us are seeking? To discover we are not alone.
For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings please visit
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
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Black and White
Black and White –
Last night I had the privilege to be the representative of our company as a partner with our local Housing Authority at their annual Family Night. It was fun, festive and hot! There was a balloon obstacle course, face painting, lots to eat, door prizes and giveaways. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.
My booth was to inform families, moms, caregivers and especially dads how important it is for children to develop a love of reading. We had free books, zip line book bags, and special gifts for a lucky few. As I met countless people and watched the afternoon turn into evening it was nice to see people of all shades and colors coming together. It was also great to see community organizations, churches, other agencies give of themselves to a common cause.
There is much division in our families, neighborhoods, communities, nation, and world. Everyone sees things as black and white, one side or the other, friend or enemy and it seems there is no common cause to gather around. I wish I knew what that cause could be or how to make people drop their raised fists and shake one another’s hand. The world isn’t black and white. It never has been but this doesn’t mean we can’t come together if we have the eyes to see.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Firsts
Firsts –
Today was a great day for working in the yard. The sun stayed behind thin clouds, a breeze kept one from getting too warm and no rain. As I mowed, trimmed, collected trash and went to the dump, helped my wife with the flowers, I reflected on a friend who’s going to an event tonight for the first time since her life changed dramatically several months ago. I know, in part, what she’s feeling. In 2014 my life irrevocably morphed into something I didn’t recognize anymore. After the trauma its difficult to try to find your way back to balance, peace and growth. It’s been four years for me and I am still waiting for the dust to settle.
The first year might be the most demanding and punishing. It is a “year of firsts.” Life goes on no matter how much you want it to stop so you can catch your breath. Things keep moving and you feel run over. The firsts keep coming; anniversaries, special days, holidays, birthdays, events, occasions, and there’s no ignoring them. It is a challenge to try and can be heartbreaking when the healing wound is punctured again. You hope, pray, you’ll be able to make it.
Wisdom teaches us that a humble spirit, good friends, and patience are the way to a new kind of wholeness and acceptance.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Cling
Cling –
I spent the day helping a friend go through the belongings of a dear loved one who has passed. It’s tough going. One might think it’s the expensive toys, gadgets, and gizmos which you’d want to hold on to but instead, it’s the little things; sheets of paper, old license plates, CDs, notepads. Items which wouldn’t sell at a yard sale or purchased at Goodwill are of immense value, a treasure to the ones who remain.
Death is often an open wound. Scabs may form, some healing might occur, but grasping at past memories and experiences, strains and pulls apart the wound and the pain, heartbreak of loss returns. Its hard letting go. It’s difficult to say; “goodbye.” but death demands we do it again and again in many ways, on many occasions and you wonder if it will ever be the last time.
Moving on requires that one live open-handed, no clinging to earthly, temporal things, allowing the shared life of the one who is gone to be enough.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Starting Over
Starting Over –
I was speaking with a friend this week who struggles with anger. We were trying to figure out how to take a breath before responding to a situation or a person who triggers his angry responses. We talked about tricks and tips to get him to breathe in fully and exhale before whatever words were forming on his tongue. I told him; “At that moment think, see with your mind what the consequences of your words are going to be.” It’s the discipline of ‘the space in between.’ The greater the space in between the stimuli and the response the better. Take time to think, to breathe, there is healing, understanding, awareness, and acceptance in that moment. Use it.”
With each breath is a new beginning, a starting over, an opportunity to live and give life.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Gathering
Gathering –
This morning I stopped by the office on my way to a Community Group for Dads. It was cold today. Last night it was below freezing and when I left the house it was lightly snowing! I know Spring is supposed to be here but I wish it would step up and exert itself! Anyhow, when I arrived at the office there was the familiar hum of a leaf blower. Even though its cold the grass is still growing and the flowers are still blooming. I parked the truck and as walked to the office door I noticed what the maintenance man was doing. There are trees planted near the building that houses a suite of offices. Because of the wind and cold, the petals were scattered over the parking lot and in front of the office doors. Opening ours I saw them tumble into the foyer. The man operating the blower was trying to collect them into a corner and then sweep them into a trashcan. Expertly he gathered them setting the blower on high when moving them from a big space and then on low to push them into the area they needed to go.
Exiting the office, I reflected on the petals. They reminded me of the many thoughts which swirled in my head. Its Monday and my mind was filled with a list of; “to-dos, schedules, phone calls, meetings, reports, and a host of other things” which have already filled my week. My thoughts, like the petals, were scattered and needed to be gathered and sorted. I will follow the discipline of my leaf blower friend and willfully, but gently, take control where once there had been chaos by paradoxically, stilling my mind and spirit.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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In the Heart
In the Heart –
Earlier this week a friend called and during our conversation, she mentioned the weather forecast called for beautiful weather now and the foreseeable future. I explained it was overcast in Tennessee and rain was expected the next several days. The conversation then turned to something she needed to talk about and as I listened it dawned on me that my outside weather was cloudy and rainy and this mirrored her inside on a certain subject.
I hoped my advice helped, at least in part, to help the clouds to dissipate and for her inside and outside to match. The experience was a reminder that we carry seasons, weather in our souls. There are times and places where things are clear, warm, light, easy. There are others where our spirits are dark, overcast, dreary and difficult. Wisdom helps us monitor, adjust, and accept our inside forecast. We change what we have the power to and trust that even the worst of our inside days do not last forever.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Knocking
Knocking –
This morning I woke up with a headache. It felt like a giant was knocking on the front door of my face. I at breakfast took a pill and laid back down. It helped a little but it’s been painful off and on most of the afternoon.
Last week a friend told me he had a “secret knock” whenever he went over to his mother’s home. He said this knock was for her to know that it was him without looking out the window to see. I liked this idea both the reality and the thought behind it.
We have ideas which knock on the doors of our heads. Some of these thoughts, especially the ones filled with doubt, confusion, anger, can take us to places we don’t want to go. Wisdom teachers call this; “monkey mind” a mind filled with chatter like monkeys in a tree, never-ceasing or giving a moment’s peace. It can also be called; “thought train” which is a mind that’s on a particular set of tracks taking us to places it’s not always wise to go.
The good news is we are able to train our minds to recognize “monkey minds, thought trains” and refuse to let them take over our spirits and emotions. The key to mindful living is to be present, in the now. Our minds are not all-powerful and we do have the capability of saying; “No” to negative, repetitive, thoughts and “Yes” to those which keep us centered, balanced and at peace. We simply need to know when and when not to open the door.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Blue
Blue –
Everyone has a bad day once in a while. Mine was today. It started this morning and lasted all day. It was a bad day for decisions, conversations, yard working and everything else I tried. Finally, this evening, sitting in the yard of a friend, reflecting on this terrible, bad, no good day, a Bluebird landed on a branch not far from where I was sitting. I watched it. I would love to write it turned my whole day around but it didn’t. It did, however, impress me with its shade of blue. Beautiful. It was especially gorgeous against the brown yard and my dark mood. It was a reminder of spring, newness, and rebirth. I stared at it and the simple, obvious thought; “tomorrow is a new day,” echoed in my mind and spirit. I couldn’t argue with the Bluebird and as it flew off I was thankful this day was also quickly fleeting and the next one will be arriving shortly.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Temporary
Temporary –
The sun, which shone so brightly the last couple of days filling my spirit and mind with images of spring, is gone today, replaced by gray, gloomy clouds. My wife’s flu bug which bit her last week seems to have been squished and she’s on the mend. The weekend is winding down and soon a new week will start.
I commented to a friend today about a photograph taken about 4 years ago that; “sometimes it seems long ago and other times yesterday.” I think that’s life. When younger I was told; “time moves faster as you get older.” It didn’t make sense to me then but now, on the other side of the hill (midlife), it’s a boulder rolling faster and faster.
The present moment, where we long to continuously dwell, is the one place that brings thankfulness, humility, and acceptance. We are thankful because we are only “grass that whithers, blows away, and its place remembers it no more.” Every moment is precious, even the ones we’d rather not experience. We are humbled by the brevity of ourselves and the things around us. Nothing is permanent which we can touch, see, feel, hear, or taste. “All things are passing away.” By accepting this truth we can choose to consciously, deliberately, live leaving nothing unfinished, and embrace this flash of light we call being alive.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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What Do You Smell?
What Do You Smell? –
Yesterday morning I ironed a shirt for Beth to wear to work. This particular shirt was given to my wife by a friend who passed away several years ago. However, even after all this time, the shirt still smelled like our friend. The fragrance immediately brought back nice memories of her kindness, joy, love and grace-filled life. It’s amazing what smells can trigger. I have another friend who had a rough childhood and the smell of certain foods triggers terrible memories. Scientists say smell is one of the major components of remembering the past.
I’ve thought about the shirt Beth wore yesterday and I ask myself; “What would someone think of if a smell triggered a memory? What smells would remind others of me?” One of the central lessons of wisdom is that everything we do leaves an imprint upon another. Good or bad, negative or positive, our lives leave a fragrance to those around us.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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What Did You Hear?
What Did You Hear?
Listening is an art form. It has to do with more than hearing words. It also hears silences, tones and the organizations of words into sentences and questions. Listening is wanting to hear what the other is saying and being willing for those words to impact, challenge, and change the listener. Listening is not, however, always agreeing with the other. You can listen and believe differently than what the other is saying but you listen out of respect.
A friend of mine a few weeks ago was telling me about a conversation he had with a dear friend and said; “It didn’t go the way I planned!” His friend became upset with the conversation. I asked my friend; “Did you ask your friend what she had heard you say?” “No,’ he replied, ‘Why?” “Because,’ I said, “She might have heard something completely different from what you were saying.”
It’s amazing but communicating with others is a combination of listening, speaking, processing, projecting, interpreting and understanding. When one of these is missing the connection with the other can be lost, disrupted and the moment can never be repeated.
Listening is a sacred act, do it well.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Go Your Own Way
Go Your Own Way –
A friend of mine told me a story yesterday and I told her; “That would make a good blog post!” So, here goes…
My friend had a procedure done yesterday and needed someone to drive her home from the doctor’s office and to any other place she needed to go. However, on the way to her appointment, my friend’s friend was telling her to go and drive a certain way. On the way home, when my friend’s friend was driving she did the same thing. Because they are good friends and can tell each other almost anything they quickly made a deal. They agreed to allow the other person to drive the way they drive and to go the route they wanted to go. The one who was the passenger would only be a passenger, not a side seat driver. Problem solved. My friend made the comment; “She goes and does her way, I go and do mine. As long as we get where we need to go, the other stuff doesn’t matter.”
I’ve reflected on this story for the last two days. We live in a world divided. People argue and end friendships over big and small things. It makes me wonder why we can’t agree to disagree. We don’t have to be enemies with those who challenge our beliefs, think differently, walk another path, find peace and do kindness different from us. What matters is we all get where we need to go.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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No Apologies
No Apologies –
I have a friend who is going through an incredibly difficult season of life. It’s not easy what she’s dealing with but we both know there are certain stages of this journey she must travel alone. It is hard watching a friend, a family member, a loved one going through a dark time and know we don’t have the power to stop it or even ease the pain. We long to wrap our arms around them and chase the doubts, confusion, fear, and pain away but in spite of our effort, it isn’t possible. My friend knows me and a host of others are there for her and doing what we can but the path she treks is long and oftentimes lonely.
One of the rules my friend and I have in place is that she doesn’t have to say she’s sorry. There are no apologies necessary when she doesn’t feel like talking or going somewhere, being social and choosing isolation. There is no; “I’m sorry.” There’s just now and getting through each day moment by moment.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Secrets
Secrets –
Secrets can destroy lives. Secrets can make enemies of friends. Secrets have a way of eating at us, not giving us any peace and taking over all we say and do. Yet, most of us still hold on to them for fear the secret being found out is worse than the misery it causes each day.
Several years ago I had a friend who was ready to leave his current job for a “better” one. We went out to eat and he laid all his grievances out about his current job. He disliked his occupation, didn’t agree with his boss about the direction of the company and was sick to his gut every day he came to work. To others, he was the model employee but secretly he desperately wanted to go somewhere else. After he finished making his case he took a breath and we talked about the new opportunity and I told him I would be happy to give him a recommendation.
A few hours after our lunch my cell phone rang and it was my friend. We chit chatted a few moments and then he said; “I forgot to ask you, what do you think about me leaving?” I told him it sounded like a good job, the move on his family would be disruptive but manageable and to remember wherever he went he was taking himself with him. I went on to explain that some of his unease and difficulty with his present position was not just the job but were the secrets and burdens he carried with him. “No matter where you go,’ I said quoting one of my favorite wisdom teachers, ‘there you are. “
Don’t carry your secrets and burdens with you.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Today
Today –
I was speaking with a friend this week who is incredibly busy. So busy it seems things that need to get done will never get accomplished. As we spoke I heard the hurry in their voice. “I’ve got to do this, then that, then the next!” Simply listening made me tired. I know the feeling of having too much stuff to get done and that all the time in the world doesn’t seem enough. I also know when I feel like that, take on that burden, I am stepping out of mindfulness and stillness. I am allowing the world and its chaotic rhythm sweep me away to a place where I don’t belong.
After my friend’s list was given I told them it sounded like they needed a nap, a time of stillness and letting go of lists, chores, to-do’s and embracing a still and mellow attitude. “Things will get done,’ I told my friend, ‘do what you can and leave what you can’t. Eventually, all the important stuff will be taken care of and all the rest? Who cares.”
If we aren’t careful we can fill our lives with so much to do that nothing gets done, not even living.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Your Friend?
Jun 17
Posted by thewannabesaint.com
Your Friend?
One of the hardest things to do in this toxic environment of political, religious and cultural fog we find ourselves in is staying friends with people who do not share our beliefs. Yesterday, a friend online and in real life, put a placard on his Facebook page that said; “I am a supporter of (fill in the blank). If you do not like that feel free to unfriend me.” It’s where we are today in the world on social media, instant commentary, and judgment. I responded back to his post that I respected him and his family no matter his political, cultural or religious leanings and that he was my friend. Period. He liked my response and I was thankful because he and his family are important to me.
Friendship is underrated. One of the parts of social media I’ve never liked is calling a person you’re connected to online a “friend.” I think, hope, friendship is deeper than a connection between two computers. Sadly, however, I’ve been proved wrong a lot lately. I’ve heard people talking, read social media posts that declare the end of friendships. I want it to be hyperbole but relationships are tenuous in a chaotic world. We quickly find out who will and won’t stay friends with us. Division and dissolution of friendships and connections happen at lightning speeds.
We need to slow down. Take a breath. Remember that friendship should be more than affiliations, litmus tests, preferences and choosing sides.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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