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No Other Direction

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No Other Direction

I broke my lawn mower yesterday! That might be an overstatement. I misjudged how close I could mow to a fence post and smashed the wheel up against it. When I did that I messed up the steering wheel and had to mow the last half of our yard only being able to turn the steering wheel right. When I turned left the steering wheel wouldn’t turn the wheels. It was frustrating figuring out how to only turn right and accomplish the job. It took longer but I finally mowed the whole yard.

I’ve reflected on the frustration of only being able to turn in one direction. There have been times in my life when I wanted to go one way and haven’t been able to. I struggled, fought, complained, and smashed myself against the way I wanted to go only to go nowhere. I still have that feeling about a particular section of my life. It’s an area I derived a lot of pleasure and purpose but it seems closed off to me and has been for a while. It’s been several years and several failed attempts to turn my life in that direction. As time goes by my doubts of ever being able to turn in that direction grows while hope fades.

Perhaps this is the way it is supposed to be. Maybe still longing for it shows I have growing to do. I can fix the lawnmower but there are seasons in life that are never to be repeated.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

For more posts, reflections and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com

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Stop and Go

Stop and Go

Ever feel like traffic lights are purposefully hindering your travel? Yesterday I attended an event in a city about an hour and a half from our house. I left early enough to still arrive on time if there was any trouble on the way. Fortunately, there were no accidents or incidents but it seemed as if every traffic light was red or turning red when I approached. It was frustrating! It all evened out on the way back because it was mostly green lights but then I didn’t have to be somewhere at a certain time.

The stop and go of driving is draining for me. You build up some momentum only to have it taken away by watching a green light turn yellow and then red. There’s the thought of speeding up when the light is yellow or ignoring a just changed red light but that’s how accidents happen. As my truck sits there at the light, my eyes focused, waiting for it to turn green I hear the voice of wisdom in my head; “The lights aren’t doing this on purpose. You have plenty of time. There’s no need to feel rushed. Don’t give into the frustration. Breathe Brian. Breathe.” Usually, I can catch myself before I lose it and was able to yesterday although it was close! I arrived at the event with plenty of time to spare. The day was not ruined by traffic lights. All was well.

Life is similar at times. We build up momentum to change a problem, overcome a difficulty, make progress on our journey of life, only to run into roadblocks, obstacles, and setbacks. It can be easy to give up and become negative and a malcontent. We must remember to breathe, that most hard times are followed by easier, less testing times. Life is a long road. As sojourners we hope for the best, plan for the worst and find our way somewhere in between.

For more posts, reflections and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

Can You Hear Me?

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Can You Hear Me?

Earlier this week I had a frustrating conversation with someone (not Beth). I was attempting to explain and they weren’t receptive to my words body language and insistence. Finally, we decided we’d try again at a later date when cooler heads would prevail.

It is amazing how difficult it can be to communicate; listen and speak. It doesn’t only involve ears and mouths but minds, bodies, times, temperaments, and most of all the willingness of both parties to check their egos at the door. This is where I made my mistake. I was attempting to force someone to listen, to see and understand what I was doing and it wasn’t taking. Forcing people to do anything rarely, if ever, works. After we both stepped away I realized the whole situation was my fault. I wasn’t showing empathy but exasperation and that’s never a good head-space to be in when trying to speak to someone.

Thankfully, when we came back together I was able to recognize where I went wrong and tried a different way. I instructed and acted more respectfully and thoughtfully. I made sure not to try to cram information into someone but to let them absorb it. When it was over I apologized for my shortsightedness and hope this is a lesson I will take to heart.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Torture

Image result for wet siberian husky

Torture

Earlier this afternoon I tortured my Siberian Husky. I am sure that’s his point of view. Mine? I gave him a bath. He hates baths. From the time he was a puppy to now that he’s over thirteen years old when the water hits him and the soap is scrubbed into his thick fur he begins to howl and wail like someone is beating him! He tries running away, shaking the soapy water off, and is uncooperative from beginning to end. If it wasn’t so frustrating it would be funny.

I think many of us are like Trooper. There are hard, difficult, challenging things we go through that we’d rather not experience. However, it could be these very things that help us grow, get rid of old hurts, habits, and hangups. It may seem like torture when we go through it but afterward, we may even be thankful.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Stuck Behind

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Stuck Behind

This morning, on my way to a community group for dads, I turned left on a road and ended up stuck behind a FedEx truck. He was going slow and I couldn’t tell if it was him or if there was a slow-poke in front of him. I don’t like being behind large semi-trucks, vans with no windows or box trucks because you can’t see what’s ahead. We were on a two-lane road with no place to pass and no way of knowing how many vehicles I’d have to get in front of if I tried passing. I was stuck. The FedEx truck was intermittently breaking taking me by surprise and frustrating me. So, I took a breath and let off the gas and gave the obstacle in my way, blocking my view, more room. We finally made it to a four-lane road and I passed him noting there were a few cars in front of him that he had been stuck behind.

It was a good reminder that at times, in certain seasons, we can’t make the progress we’d like to make. For whatever reason we are stuck and the way forward is hidden from view. We try to fight it, force it, make it work the way we want it to but this only keeps us frustrated. Allowing for slowness, even stillness gives us a chance to catch our breath and trust that when its time the way forward will come into view.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Why did the Cow Cross the Road?

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Why did the Cow Cross the Road?

There’s nothing quite like living in an agricultural community. You never know what strange experiences each day holds. This morning, on my way to an appointment, I was driving behind a car who suddenly hit their breaks, red lights shining brightly. I quickly hit my brakes and wondered why we were stopping and then noticed a big black cow standing in the right lane. We were on the crest of a hill and couldn’t drive around it for fear of being struck head-on by another vehicle. The driver in front of me beeped her horn, inched toward the animal, even tried shewing it but the bovine paid no attention. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the cow sauntered off the road and into the brush. Shaking my head, I carefully drove past it and wondered how and why it was in this place at this time.

Life’s road is similar to my experience this morning. You never know what’s going to cross your path, stand in your way, refuse to be moved. Many times we try to force, coerce, bribe our way around obstacles but they stubbornly resist movement of any kind. Sometimes the obstacle is the path, the lesson, which needs to be learned before it moves on. Other times life makes less sense and an obstacle is simply a barrier we must figure out how to move or get around.

Whatever the obstacle, no matter how big, imposing, or frustrating we should remember this too shall pass. All things are transient and nothing lasts forever.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Redeemed

Redeemed

This morning my scripture readings included the 43 chapter of Isaiah. I had heard a selection of this chapter earlier this week at my dad’s memorial service. He mentioned these verses many times and one of his favorite words in this passage was the word; “Redeemed.”

To redeem means to; “compensate for the faults or bad aspects of (something), to gain or regain possession of (something) in exchange for payment.”

My dad wasn’t a perfect man. He had his habits, hurts, and hangups as we all do. Sunday afternoon, as my mother and I traveled back to her house after meeting the pastoral team who would do his service, I mentioned to my mom that for days all we heard was the good stuff about dad. She responded; “People think he’s a saint!” We both laughed and talked about the myriad of frustrating things dad did that aggravated us so much and the things we did that triggered him.

“The beginning of love is to let the one we love be perfectly themselves,
not twist them to fit our own image.
Otherwise,
we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
#ThomasMerton

Remembering someone after they’ve passed is to try to hold the whole of them together in our hearts and minds. The good and not so good. The positive and the negative. The stuff we loved and the things which drove us crazy.

Loving each other isn’t about forcing someone to change to meet our expectations or being blind to their faults. It is allowing a fusion of imperfect souls to connect in a deeper way where; “love covers a multitude of sins,” a mountain of aggravation, a collection of experiences that allows each one to maintain their unique identity but also redeems both the loved and the lover and together they are better and greater because of it.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Continues

Image result for raking leavesContinues

I spent most of the day raking leaves and mowing the grass in the front yard. Raking isn’t my most favorite thing but it did get me out of the house on this beautiful, cool, day. As I raked I thought about a couple of things. I thought about my friend, who’s in the hospital right now fighting a losing battle for his life. I reflect on the leaves, now brown and shriveled were green and beautiful not too long ago. Time passes so very quickly and it catches us by surprise no matter when it runs out.

The wind was also blowing as I raked today and it was frustrating at times when it would catch a group of leaves I was trying to make go one way and send them scattered the opposite way. I noticed if I could collect a large group of them together it made a difference in getting them to the spot I needed them to go. The larger the group the better it worked. As I used this strategy I was thankful for the help and support of others as my friend battles an ominous disease. He doesn’t fight alone.

A quiet day, a somber day, a beautiful day with a reminder that even as life ends, it also continues.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Stuck

Image result for lawn mower stuck in ditch

Stuck

Yesterday afternoon on my way to a fatherhood class I was driving down a road and rounded a curve with a truck parked almost in the middle and its hazard lights flashing. I slowed down and getting closer I saw the problem. A guy and his lawnmower were stuck in a ditch. The man who owned the mower seemed at a loss as the driver of the truck attempted to tie a rope around the mower and pull it out of the ditch. It was going to be a feat because somehow the man has positioned his mower where all four wheels were not touching any ground. I hoped everyone was safe and they were able to get the man and his machine mowing again.

Continuing on my way I reflected upon the man and his mower. I’ve felt like him before. There have been times when navigating the road of life, following the path I believed was correct, when all of a sudden there was no traction, no way forward or backward. I was simply and absolutely stuck.

This can be a horrible and helpless feeling. To not know how to proceed or retreat. Finally, after all attempts to get going I accepted the truth I wasn’t going anywhere. In these frustrating times, I learned to be still. Trusting the way would be made available I made the place where I was stuck an altar, a place of divine intervention. Sooner or later someone or something would always come and help me get moving again. My focus in these times moved from being stuck to being still.

Wisdom taught me that not being able to move was a blessing, a season of rest and a time of trust.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Weightlessness

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Weightlessness

It’s cold today! Yesterday was mild but it has turned and now it’s a “see your breath” every time you go outside. Today is sunny but the days are getting shorter and it’s near dark at 5:00 PM. I feel like hibernating, going into my bedroom, turning up the mattress warmer as high as it will go, snuggling into the covers as deep as possible and not coming out until warmth and long light have returned.

However, I know this isn’t possible. The world doesn’t stop because the season I dread the most, which isn’t even officially here until next Wednesday!, descends upon our part of the world and brings with it cold, barren, colorless, darkness.

One of the hardest lessons to accept from Wisdom is that; “Life keeps moving.” It doesn’t stop. All things transition, nothing lasts, everything has its place, for a while, and then dissolves so another thing will take its place and the cycle is never-ending. It’s a beautiful, frustrating, paradoxical, primordial, truth.

It’s cold today. I breathe out then in, accept with open hands, feel the weightlessness of the present moment and know it is not forever.

@BrianLoging
BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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What’s Next?

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What’s Next?

A fly flew up my nose today as I was mowing grass! One moment I’m on the riding mower trimming the lawn, the next I’m trying to remove this insect from my nostril! (I’ll save you the word picture of how this was accomplished. You’re welcome.) After I ensured it was gone I began mowing again and thought; “What’s the likelihood my nose and the fly would be at the same place, in the right position, at the exact time this could happen? What are the odds?” I know they can’t be zero since it happened but wouldn’t think they’d be too high either.

Life is never dull. The unexpectedness of it can be thrilling, frightening, enlightening, frustrating. When life continues to give us surprises which delight we are thrilled and count ourselves blessed. However, when life’s unforeseen circumstances continue to cause us discomfort or heartache we may wonder if we’re cursed.

Wisdom tells us to live life not expecting or anticipating. We are to be fully immersed in the now. What waits for us around the corner can not be known but if we can know true peace, stillness, in whatever our present circumstances, we can be assured we can handle what comes next.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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