Blog Archives
Forgetfulness
Forgetfulness –
He forgot! That was his excuse, his reason for not being in the place he told me he’d be. I was on time, early actually, and waited. After a while, I began to wonder if I got the date wrong so I checked my phone calendar and I was on time, in the right place. Several moments passed and I texted him and waited. After a while, a text came back which read; “I’m sorry! We won’t be able to meet tonight. I told others and forgot to tell you.” I took a deep breath as frustration washed over me but didn’t last long. He forgot. I forget. There are times I’ve missed appointments and have let someone down. He didn’t do it on purpose. I knew him well enough to know he would’ve told me if he had remembered. I turned the key to my truck, put it in drive and left for home. Soon I was lost in thought driving down a road and had forgotten the whole situation. The next day he was in contact with me again trying to make things right. There wasn’t anything wrong. He had forgotten, I knew how he felt, and I’d moved on as did he.
People make mistakes. No one is perfect and yet sometimes we beat ourselves up or others for making mistakes. If we are honest we know mistakes happen and will keep happening. We do our best not to make them often and forgive others as, hopefully, they have and will forgive us.
For more reflections, posts, and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
Anger
Anger –
One of the first questions I have, when teaching a new class or working with a father, is “Tell me how you express your feelings. Can you show you are angry, disappointed, frustrated in a healthy way or does it all come out as toxic anger?” Toxic anger is dangerous and greatly inhibits a child’s growth, impedes communication with others, and can lead to abuse and neglect. Understanding how a father deals with his feelings is key to understanding his relationship with his family, friends, and community.
One of the most common responses on how men deal with the feeling of anger is; “I want to hurt someone else. I want another to feel pain. I don’t want to be alone in my suffering.” This can surface in many ways, a bruising hand, a mouth filled with hurtful and caustic words. Other men leave and don’t come back, others come back but never talk about the emotion that erupted like a volcano. A lot of men simply get mad and stop talking, letting their silence oppress everyone who is near them.
Most men have never learned to deal, and healthfully express, their feelings. This is why for most men anger is their default emotion. The saddest part is they pass these traits along to children and the unhealthy cycle starts all over again.
An old Zen proverb says; “To hold on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.”
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Not so Fast
Not So Fast! –
Today, on my way to a meeting in Shelbyville, Tennessee I was cruising along at a crisp 60MPH when I spied a flashing construction sign which read; “New Signal Light Ahead. Be Prepared to Stop!” I was confused because I’ve never known this road to be extra busy but began to slow down as I rounded a curve and sure enough a new traffic light had been installed. It was red when I first saw it and stayed red…for a long time! I thought maybe the light was broken and we should begin proceeding carefully but none of the other vehicles moved. Finally, it turned green and as I reached the new light there were two signs which read; “Stop Here On Red.” “Maximum Time for Red Light: Three Minutes.” When you’re traveling three minutes can feel like an eternity and certainly did as I waited for the green. For the record, the light was red on my way out-of-town as well. Grrrr!
Practicing stillness is important. I do it every day when I meditate, pray and at various other times, especially when it’s been hectic. Stillness is a central discipline to gaining wisdom and experiencing life. However, I’d prefer to dictate when I will and won’t be still. I’d like it to be my decision. I surely didn’t want it on my way to a meeting, driving down a country road. Yet, here was a time of stillness forced upon me but instead impatience, confusion was the result.
To truly know stillness is to carry it with you. It shouldn’t need to be conjured up on a timetable. Being still is more than a way of life it’s a way of being. It’s also a lesson and a discipline I’m still working on.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
A Little Help
A Little Help –
This afternoon I took a large load of yard debris to the county dump. It was a truck and trailer full. When I arrived I began unloading the trailer first. It was filled with rotten deck boards and trusses. It was quite a bit to handle by myself but the man standing at the dumpster, who presses the button to activate the compactor, wasn’t in the mood to help. In fact, he asked me to walk to the other side of the dumpster to push in a small piece of lumber which was sticking out. I thought to myself; “Dude. You see how much junk I am trying to unload. A little assistance would be greatly appreciated.” Sigh. I finished with one dumpster and moved to the second one, unloaded what was left and drove off.
I don’t know what kind of day the worker had. He might’ve helped everyone before me and was too tired to be of any assistance. It is unfair to judge him by one encounter and so I let the frustration go. However, the lesson of offering help to those in need, little and big gestures of kindness and grace, wasn’t missed. Hopefully, the next time I can lend a hand I’ll remember and not leave someone hanging.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
Location, Location, Location
Location, Location, Location –
Last week I ordered some pizzas from the Pizza Hut down the street from our offices. I have done this before, several times, when we’ve had our Incarcerated Father’s class Certificate ceremony. Yesterday morning I dialed the same number as always and no one ever answered. I tried again and again with no luck. It was getting close to needing to pick up the pizzas so I decided to hop in my truck and drive there, order them and sit and wait.
When I arrived I was greeted with a sign on the door which read; “We’ve Moved!” It had a new address so I jumped in the truck once again and found their new location. The door was open, I walked in but immediately noticed the machines weren’t hooked up and no pizzas were going to be made there anytime soon. Exasperation set in. I felt as if I was wandering all over Columbia, TN looking and needing something which wasn’t going to be found or attained. Finally, I went to another place, bought their pizzas and everything worked out fine.
The path of life is rarely dull. I was talking with a friend earlier this week and we discussed the places on the journey we find ourselves. He expressed frustration that he hadn’t arrived at the point he wanted to be, being who he desired. We shared our mutual frustration at times when what we’re looking for and what we long to embrace cannot be found when we feel we need them most. A sense of frustration and loss can set in. However, we also reminded each other the path and path maker can be trusted to provide what we seek and what we need at the right time and the right place.
blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com
Blinded by the Light
Yesterday evening, as the sun set and the autumn cool air settled in, I gathered some wood, placed it in the fire pit, started a fire, sat in an Adirondack chair and stared at the stars becoming visible in the quickly darkening sky. I breathed out the hustle and bustle and breathed in relaxation. Silence and beauty, what more could you want after a busy day?
Then, out of the corner or my eye, I spied a bright light. I looked over and let out a frustrated “sigh!” The farmer who owns the land adjacent to ours had come on his big, green, John Deere tractor to rake the hay he cut earlier in the day. “Ugh!” What was a serene, peaceful moment of reflection and relaxation turned quickly into a noisy, dusty, beams of lights in my eyes disappointment.
I understand the days are getting shorter. I know the seasons are changing. I recognize the driver of the big, loud machine would also rather be somewhere else but this knowledge still didn’t stop me from being annoyed. As I sat there stewing a few questions came to my mind and spirit; “Is the fire no longer beautiful? Are the stars any less in number? Did the fall breeze cease?” Of course the answers to each of these were; “no.”
In life few things are, or stay, our definition of perfection. Wisdom teaches us that acceptance and embrace of change, disruption, the passing of “perfect” moments is vital to peace of mind and spirit. Being able to adapt, finding the gift, and the good, even in moments of frustration and disappointment is needed and necessary.
blessings
@BrianLoging
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
Harassment at Hardee’s
This morning I was running early for my fathers with addictions group so I stopped at the local Hardee’s and studied while enjoying a cup of coffee. I was reading the page (pictured above) when I heard a raised voice coming from the counter. Apparently a man had ordered his breakfast and they never let him know it was ready or he didn’t hear when they announced his ticket number. Either way he was not happy and let the employee know it with a loud and thunderous; “Thank you!” when he received his food, jerked the tray off the serving area and complained boisterously all the way back to his seat.
The above definition states that; “Good mental health is the ability to think things through so that you can adjust to and meet life’s demands in ways that don’t harm you or others.” I had two thoughts as I watched this angry man grumble and wolf down his biscuit. One, there is a lot of wisdom in this definition and it’s applicable to everyone. Two, who we are, especially in crisis and moments of frustration, reveal our character perhaps more than any other time.
blessings,
@BrianLoging
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
Bird Poop & Positive Outcomes
This morning I walked outside and was greeted by several large “surprises” birds had left on my truck over the weekend. It was unsightly and unappealing but I had no time to do anything before I drove to work. What a way to start off the week! Oy!
After a community father’s group this morning I packed up my supplies for an offsite afternoon group and headed back to my truck. It was pouring rain. One more Argh! on a Monday. By the time I got everything in the vehicle I was soaked but I also noticed the shower had washed the bird refuse off the truck and onto the ground.
I sat in the driver’s seat and reflected on how often things we wouldn’t choose, ask for, or even desire can have positive impacts on our lives. Aggravating situations, difficult circumstances, the storms of life can be the very things which wash the crud away.
blessings,
@BrianLoging
http://www.thewannabesaint.com