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What Do You Feel?

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What Do You Feel?

Identifying feelings can be hard. One doesn’t usually experience just one feeling but a myriad of them. When we ask someone; “What do you feel? or How do you feel?” what is our honest expected answer. There are many events I attend, running into acquaintances and they ask; “How are you?” I wonder what they’d do if a person told them their feelings. If someone actually laid our their emotions, the good, bad and in between, what would be the response? I think most of us wouldn’t know how to handle it. When we ask; “How are you?” there is an unspoken code that says; “Fine, good, or okay” is the appropriate comebacks.  We get used to this and even when someone we love and loves us inquires about feelings we give the easy answers.

Therapy was today. My talk therapist doesn’t let me get away with; “Fine, good, okay.” She digs deeper, wanting to know what I’m feeling, why these feelings, what happened to produce these feelings. She’s big on feelings and questions about feelings! I’m not big on answering them. Honestly, I squirm, become animated and agitated, but she’s persistent and eventually, we dig down deep enough where there’s no longer pleasantries but raw emotion.

I realize we can’t do that with everyone but there are times if we’re focused and aware of the person we are talking with we notice the answer doesn’t match the facial expressions, the tone of voice, the hollow eyes or body language. Are we willing to set aside our schedule to dig deeper, offer a listening ear, reach out to help? Feelings and emotions are messy. However, if someone opens up to you be sure not to let this amazing moment pass by.

For more posts, reflections and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannebsaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

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Forgetfulness

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Forgetfulness

He forgot! That was his excuse, his reason for not being in the place he told me he’d be. I was on time, early actually, and waited. After a while, I began to wonder if I got the date wrong so I checked my phone calendar and I was on time, in the right place. Several moments passed and I texted him and waited. After a while, a text came back which read; “I’m sorry! We won’t be able to meet tonight. I told others and forgot to tell you.” I took a deep breath as frustration washed over me but didn’t last long. He forgot. I forget. There are times I’ve missed appointments and have let someone down. He didn’t do it on purpose. I knew him well enough to know he would’ve told me if he had remembered. I turned the key to my truck, put it in drive and left for home. Soon I was lost in thought driving down a road and had forgotten the whole situation. The next day he was in contact with me again trying to make things right. There wasn’t anything wrong. He had forgotten, I knew how he felt, and I’d moved on as did he.

People make mistakes. No one is perfect and yet sometimes we beat ourselves up or others for making mistakes. If we are honest we know mistakes happen and will keep happening. We do our best not to make them often and forgive others as, hopefully, they have and will forgive us.

For more reflections, posts, and other writings, please visit: http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

Putting Feet to Your Faith

Putting Feet to Your Faith

This morning, in worship service, when one of the staff members went up on stage and gave the announcements she talked about a missions class. She said; “This class will help you put feet to your faith!”  To my knowledge, this is the first time I heard this phrase or at least the first time it resonated with me. I liked the idea of beliefs and action coexisting, what I think, say and do being in sync.

Later I reacted to a post from someone on Facebook who’s having a rough couple of weeks. There has been progressing in the recent past but for some reason, the last month or so battles thought won were being fought again. I replied to her post; “I understand and live these “honest and ugly” truths. It’s tough, feeling like you have to start over, but I’m reminded by wisdom and therapy that we’ve grown, have learned/are learning, experienced a new normal and the starting line has been moved. We may not be where we want to be but thankfully are not where we started.”

Even when it seems like our journey is two steps forward and three, maybe five, steps back we are making progress. We ask, no plead, for the faith to keep walking, to put feet to our faith.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Corner of My Eye

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Corner of My Eye

This morning I stopped by our main offices to pick up a package and papers which had arrived. As I was leaving the building, looking through my mail, a person caught the corner of my eye. However, my interest was in my hands, not in anything else. “Hi! How are you?” I stopped in my tracks and looked up to see the person asking the question was a co-worker. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there!” I hastily replied not wanting to come off rude just unobservant. “How was your weekend?” I inquired and we chatted briefly. She left to go inside and I climbed into my truck.

Once inside I thought about my response; “I didn’t see you there.” It was an honest confession albeit not a good one. I did see someone, a shape, a movement, someone not important enough to tear myself away from looking at the package I received. When I realized it was someone I knew my demeanor and perspective changed. However, the truth is that if it wasn’t someone I knew I never would’ve given the person a second glance. I want to change that. I want to “see” everyone, acknowledge each person I possibly can, not give extra attention simply because I know them but because they are worth looking at, engaging and connecting.

I want to see every “You” there.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Hate

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Hate

I listened to a conversation this week where the person told another, to their face, that they hated them. “I hated you when you left,” they said. “It took a long time to not hate you anymore.” It was an honest and startling admission. Most times people are adept at not showing the person they hate their true feelings.

It left me with a question; “Have I ever, in my life, hated someone?” I define hate; as the inability to see the good in someone. As I reflected on the question a person came to mind. If I’ve ever hated someone, according to my definition, this man fit the criteria. I had the hardest time seeing the good, the light, the benefit of his existence, the unique expression of God in him. It was, at times, impossible to not be suspicious of his motives, think of the worst outcome of his decisions, belittle his beliefs and talents. Then, one day, ranting in my head about something he had done the question came from out of the blue; “Can you see any good in this man?” My mind stopped dead in its tracks. The answer was “no, I couldn’t.” It was then I realized the problem wasn’t him it was me.

I’d love to post about how this moment fixed everything but it didn’t. However, it did give me a new way of looking at this person and my role in the frustration, anxiety, and chaos within me. It took me a long time to forgive the hurt and betrayal he had caused but I began focusing on what was going on inside of me instead of what someone was doing on the outside. This made all the difference.

“You will never see God until you can see Him in every next face you see.” #SaintMotherTeresa

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Hubris

Hubris

Hubris – excessive pride or self-confidence. synonyms: arrogance, conceit, haughtiness, hauteur, pride, self-importance, egotism, pomposity, superciliousness, superiority.

I watched a webinar today hosted by an esteemed professor on the role of genetics in the development of humanity both culturally and individually. It was an interesting presentation and clearly, the man was intelligent and dogmatic in his proposal. It didn’t take long, however, to realize the man was also proud of himself and said more than once; “This is the way it is and there is no other way.” He even went as far as to insinuate that if a person thought differently they were clearly not his equal.

This attitude has always rubbed me the wrong way. The thinking and feeling of someone else that they are superior to others. While it is true individuals may have more learning in certain areas than others it is usually because the other hasn’t put the time into the subject as another not because they are; “smarter.”

I’ve worked with and for leaders who have shown hubris, pride, arrogance. I’ve also worked with and for leaders who are humble. I have family and friends who fit both these descriptions. And, to be honest, I could rightly be accused of hubris on more than one occasion.

It’s an easy path to walk, the way of self-importance and self-indulgence. A wise person once told me; “Ego breeds ego.” In other words, no one wins when egos clash, but the fallout always brings pain and difficulty to many lives.

But I know that today many seek their way gropingly and don’t know in whom to trust. To them I say: believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. #AndreGide

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Not Out There

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Last night we had our Spring 2016 certificate ceremony for our incarcerated fathers’ class; Inside Out Dad. For the last session I give them their certificates and we talk about what we’ve learned over the last 3 months. One of the key points I focus on is self-awareness. It is the realization that most, if not all, our problems and challenges start with us. I tell the men; “Self-awareness is like looking in a mirror and truly seeing ourselves. We are able to recognize the good, bad, positive, negative, things we do well and things which need improvement.” I remind them to move beyond blaming others for our present conditions, accept responsibility for what we’ve done and should have done, and take an honest look at who we are and what we’ve become. “Only when we truly know ourselves can we be and do better.

It’s a wisdom lesson for us all, a discipline which takes a lifetime to learn and practice, and one we can’t start soon enough.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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