Blog Archives

Falling

Image result for deep pit

Falling

Last night I had a dream about falling down a bottomless pit. My speed kept increasing and I was doing my best not to hit the walls of the pit and hurt myself. However, as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see there were ladders attached to the walls and if I timed it right I could catch a rung and begin climbing out of the pit. I woke up before I had decided to try and catch myself on a ladder or keep falling.

I have a lot of dreams like this one. Dreams of being late to a meeting and not being able to get there. Dreams of having to take a test and never have been in class, the teacher, the other students, the room are all unrecognizable but it’s time for the test. Dreams of being stuck, lost, and a sense of impending doom. I often wake up from these dreams and have no idea where I am. For a fleeting moment, my own home is unfamiliar. It’s always frightening but slowly I remember and things come into focus.

I’ve spoken with my talk therapist about it and it’s not unusual. Having a mental illness that includes a severe anxiety disorder is, in part, living scared. The key is finding my center, relocating my balance and allowing the fear to sometimes leave but most times settle so I can get out of bed and refuse to let it win.

In my dream, I didn’t grab the ladder but right now, at this moment, I know that I am reaching out and that has to be good enough.

For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging

Advertisements

What’s on Your Plate?

Image result for full plate

What’s on Your Plate? –

This afternoon, at a county health council meeting, a speaker from Vanderbilt Hospital gave us a lecture on the importance of heart health. February is Heart Health Month so it was certainly appropriate. He talked about healthy eating even stating; “If it tastes good it’s not good for you!” That certainly got everyone’s attention. He softened the blow a little by following up with limiting the amount of unhealthy, high fat, processed, high-calorie food and increasing healthy choices. The speaker had arrived late and lunch had been served before his lecture. The food wasn’t what he’d call the best in choices but not the worst either. After he sat down and the meeting dismissed someone mentioned to the attendees that there was plenty of food left over from the lunch and to please take some home. I can only imagine what the speaker was thinking as he watched people make “to go” plates. It certainly is a difficult job to get people to think differently, choose differently.

One of the disciplines of mindfulness is mindful eating. It is the recognition that everything we put in our mouths comes from the world around us. It’s not just consuming but being aware that each piece of meat, every spoonful of veggies, a bite of fruit, is a result of the creation we all apart of, participate in and exist in intimate connection. Too often, however, we just consume. Not only food but almost everything in our lives is used and abused, grabbed and possessed, with no thought of creation or consequence to our consumption.

What’s on our plate is, and is more than, the food we eat but also what we allow to fill up our lives.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

%d bloggers like this: