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Surfing or Drowning

Surfing or Drowning

I just finished reading an article from seven years ago today about a father and son who were killed by a drunk driver. The mom shared it on social media and the heartache is still present and the wound raw. I can’t imagine the pain. I knew the father a little. He was in our church’s youth group. He was a few years older than me but always seemed cool. He was an athlete. He ran, biked, swam, and surfed. The morning dad and son were killed they were training for a triathlon. The father was named after his father and the son carried on the tradition. He was the III.

How do you have hope in the midst of such loss? How do you not drown in sorrow? How do you not get lost in such darkness? I don’t think there’s an easy answer. Quips and quotes don’t begin to address the brokenness and reveal our lack of intimacy with death. We do everything we can to avoid it. Most of us try to prolong our lives by any means necessary. When death finally does come we are quick to make the arrangements, organize a memorial or funeral service and push past it as fast as possible. But even then, death finds a way to corner us, trap us, confront us. After the hustle and bustle of meals, flowers, sympathy cards, and services we find ourselves alone when death, misery, mourning, comes calling.

Experts tell us that when we are caught in a riptide to not fight the current or it will surely drown its victim. Let it grab you and then slowly, moving parallel to the shore, slip from its grip. I think this is how we deal with the loss of those we love. There’s no escaping and fighting and refusing to acknowledge its power end in certain defeat. To allow it take hold, scare us, shake our faith, sweep our “normal” life away, but not giving up is the key. Slowly our strength returns, we regain our bearings, we slip from its grip, rise above the waters and live.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Intimacy

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Intimacy

This afternoon I stopped by a store to run in and grab a few items. When I parked there was a man sitting in his car and as I pulled into a spot he was staring at me. I gave him a head nod and didn’t think much of it As I gathered my things and exited the truck I looked again and he was no longer visible because his, I am assuming, girlfriend was bending sideways across the center console “appreciating him.” She was kissing him and whatever else because I averted my eyes not wanting to see anything that would burn an image in my brain! I went into the store came out a few minutes later and was hoping the car had gone but alas it was still there. Most of the windows were fogged up except the driver’s window and the driver was smoking a cigarette. I looked at my keys, hopped in the truck and drove away, quickly.

Intimacy is one of the greatest emotions and connections humans can share. Lust, on the other hand, is hormonal, selfish, addicting, and satisfied in ways which can hurt others. Our world is filled with lust. Lust for power, fame, money, reputation, knowledge can all be subjects of our lust if they are used only for our selfish purposes. True intimacy is also powerful but the opposite of lust. Lasting intimacy is giving ourselves to another. We have intimacy when we decide to put the other one first, serve the other. In a world where lust burns quickly, brightly, we need those who would rather do a slow burn which lasts a lifetime.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Intimacy

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Intimacy

This evening, on my way into the classroom at the county jail for our incarcerated fathers class, I passed two inmates. One was sitting in a chair while the other cut and trimmed his goatee and hair. There was absolute trust, no shaking, or worrisome behavior, just an intimate moment between two men.

Intimacy, for most folks, means something other than what it meant for these guys. For them, and the other inmates, putting their hair, face, neck in the hands of another man is what they have to do if they don’t want to look like BigFoot.

I watched without staring and was reminded that we are to be intimate with each other. How many family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances would let us cut their hair and shave their face? This type of intimacy is built over time and out of necessity.

Our world today could use more acts of intimacy, trust and moments that inspire others to do likewise.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

 

Connection

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Connection

Cell phone reception at our house if iffy. Depending on where you stand, what hand you’re holding the phone, clear or clouded skies, moving or standing still, makes a huge difference in being able to talk with someone or missing a call entirely.

Yesterday, Valentine’s day, Beth called me on her way home from work. I had my phone with me but was in a bad part of the house for phone calls. I was able to answer it but she was unable to hear me. I said; “Hello?” and the would reply; “Hello?” and no matter what I did I could hear her but she couldn’t hear me. Finally, I got in a spot where she could hear every other word but the connection was so poor that I yelled; “See you when you get home!” and hoped she heard the words but not the rising frustration in my voice. After a few moments, concerned my agitation offended her I went outside and called her back. She answered; “Hello?I replied; “Hey. Where are you?” “Pulling into the driveway.” I turned around to see her and was so thankful to hang up the phone and talk to her face to face. I kissed her on the head and apologized for becoming upset and she accepted. We walked into the house hand in hand.

It was a great reminder that true relationship, conversation, intimacy isn’t possible without personal contact. There’s a lot to say for computers, smartphones, social media and the many ways we can interact with others but nothing can replace face to face, eye to eye, skin to skin connection with another and I’m certain nothing ever will.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Conflict

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Conflict

I attended a webinar today discussing the topic of conflict. The main emphasis was conflict in the workplace but it could be applicable to many other situations.

The presenter shared the following story…a boss and an employee needed to talk about the amount of pay the employee was making and the amount of work the employee was putting in. In the boss’ opinion, the employee was overpaid. The conversation needed to happen but neither one wanted to have it. There was tension and suspicion from both parties. They went out to lunch and the way back to the office, walking on a street in a busy downtown city, the boss brought up the topic. “Boom!” The employee lost it as soon as the boss mentioned the subject and they both ended up yelling at each other while countless passerby’s watched in stunned silence.

The presenter, a conflict specilaist, was called in to try to get the two parties to resolve the conflict. She spent time with both the employee and the boss individually trying to understand their point of view. When she felt she had a grasp of who they were as people, what motivated them, why the argument happened, and how far both were willing to go for a fair settlement, she brought them together and they resolved their conflict.

Conflict with other people is going to happen. Each of us as individuals come from a unique natural and nurtured environment. We have different life experiences, preferences, sets of morals and values, fears, goals, strengths, weaknesses, ideas about life and what is and isn’t a part of it.

We forget too easily the other person is coming from a distinct place separate from us. It’s only when we take the time to get to know each other, build relationships, be willing to accept what we understand and don’t understand regarding the other that true intimacy and understanding can take place.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Handle with Care

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Handle with Care

Today the Mrs. and I decided to reorganize the kitchen. We wanted to rid ourselves of extra cups, plates, tea brewers, cake molds and more. As a man who is married to a wonderful cook, I knew when we started I was on her turf. As I moved anything breakable a gorgeous pair of blues eyes watched me. There were times when I would bump coffee mugs, Lenox ware, and other fragile items and though I didn’t break them I could feel her cringe every time. We finally finished with what we could do together and she told me she would take care of the few remaining items. I am positive it was her not so subtle way of saying; “You’ve been in my space long enough!” I didn’t argue and told her if she needed me to say something. Not a word was uttered.

Honoring each other’s space is wise. Different people have different spaces but each should be entered and exited with care. I knew a minister who used to have a large personal space. When you’d go to shake his hand he would lock his arm and elbow and not let you get any closer to him. Recognizing that places and spaces are valuable to people allows you to add a layer of respect and makes a way for deeper, more intimate conversation and strong relationships.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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