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How Could He?

How Could He?

Here is Tennessee and even across America, there is a question that is on many people’s mind; “Why did the father of a five-year-old Autistic boy beat his son to death and then hide his body? How could this father then claim the boy had wandered off and allowed law enforcement officials, volunteers, and others to search areas near his home for three days thinking the boy was alive?” (http://fox17.com/news/local/dad-beat-son-joe-clyde-daniels-to-death-hid-his-body-in-remote-area-affidavit) Its horrible, vile, evil, confusing, and no matter the answers they will not satisfy a grieving family and community.

The next two days I will be training to be a trainer in Adverse Childhood Experiences. According to “SAMSHA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Agency) describes “Adverse childhood experiences or (ACEs)” as stressful or traumatic events, including abuse and neglect. They may also include household dysfunction such as witnessing domestic violence or growing up with family members who have substance use disorders. ACEs are strongly related to the development and prevalence of a wide range of health problems throughout a person’s lifespan, including those associated with substance misuse. ACEs include: Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical neglect, Emotional neglect, Intimate partner violence, Mother treated violently, Substance misuse within a household, Household mental illness, Parental separation or divorce, Incarcerated household member.”(https://www.samhsa.gov/capt/practicing-effective-prevention/prevention-behavioral-health/adverse-childhood-experiences)

Put simply; what happens to one when growing up impacts that individual’s behavior, physical and mental health as adults. It changes the question from; “Why or How could you?’ to ‘What happened to you?” The difference is all the difference. It allows for context and the ability to understand, not approve, why a person would do something incredibly harmful to others or to themselves by researching their backgrounds, cultural, community, familial and social environments.

It will be a challenging and difficult two days especially in light of the tragedy that unfolded over the past week. However, only when our emotional and intellectual biases are confronted can we move beyond them to greater wisdom and knowledge.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Putting Feet to Your Faith

Apr 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Putting Feet to Your Faith –

This morning, in worship service, when one of the staff members went up on stage and gave the announcements she talked about a missions class. She said; “This class will help you put feet to your faith!” To my knowledge, this is the first time I heard this phrase or at least the first time it resonated with me. I liked the idea of beliefs and action coexisting, what I think, say and do being in sync.

Later I reacted to a post from someone on Facebook who’s having a rough couple of weeks. There has been progressing in the recent past but for some reason, the last month or so battles thought won were being fought again. I replied to her post; “I understand and live these “honest and ugly” truths. It’s tough, feeling like you have to start over, but I’m reminded by wisdom and therapy that we’ve grown, have learned/are learning, experienced a new normal and the starting line has been moved. We may not be where we want to be but thankfully are not where we started.”

Even when it seems like our journey is two steps forward and three, maybe five, steps back we are making progress. We ask, no plead, for the faith to keep walking, to put feet to our faith.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in #anxiety, #depression, Mental Health

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Tags: #action, #battles, #beliefs, #blessings, #coexisting, #do, #experienced, #faith, #feeling, #Feet, #firsttime, #forward, #fought, #grown, #heard, #help, #honest, #ideas, #journey, #keep, #knowledge, #learned, #learning, #live, #making, #moved, #newnormal, #past, #progress, #progressing, #put, #PuttingFeettoYourFaith, #reacted, #reason, #recent, #reminded, #resonated, #rough, #say, #started, #startingline, #startover, #steps, #stepsback, #sync, #Thankfully, #therapy, #thewannabesaint.com, #think, #tough, #truths, #ugly, #understand, #walking, #wisdom, #won, @BrianLoging

Intimacy

Mar 19

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Intimacy –

This afternoon I stopped by a store to run in and grab a few items. When I parked there was a man sitting in his car and as I pulled into a spot he was staring at me. I gave him a head nod and didn’t think much of it As I gathered my things and exited the truck I looked again and he was no longer visible because his, I am assuming, girlfriend was bending sideways across the center console “appreciating him.” She was kissing him and whatever else because I averted my eyes not wanting to see anything that would burn an image in my brain! I went into the store came out a few minutes later and was hoping the car had gone but alas it was still there. Most of the windows were fogged up except the driver’s window and the driver was smoking a cigarette. I looked at my keys, hopped in the truck and drove away, quickly.

Intimacy is one of the greatest emotions and connections humans can share. Lust, on the other hand, is hormonal, selfish, addicting, and satisfied in ways which can hurt others. Our world is filled with lust. Lust for power, fame, money, reputation, knowledge can all be subjects of our lust if they are used only for our selfish purposes. True intimacy is also powerful but the opposite of lust. Lasting intimacy is giving ourselves to another. We have intimacy when we decide to put the other one first, serve the other. In a world where lust burns quickly, brightly, we need those who would rather do a slow burn which lasts a lifetime.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: ##brain, ##opposite, #across, #appreciating, #assuming, #averted, #bending, #blessings, #brightly, #burn, #burns, #center, #connections, #decide, #easily, #emotions, #exited, #fame, #filled, #first, #fogged, #gathered, #girlfriend, #giving, #greatest, #hoping, #hormonal, #humans, #image, #intimacy, #kissing, #knowledge, #lasting, #lasts, #lifetime, #longer, #looked, #lust, #money, #need, #ourselves, #parked, #power, #powerful, #purposes, #quickly, #rather, #reputation, #satisfied, #selfish, #serve, #share, #sideways, #slowburn, #staring, #stopped, #subjects, #thewannabesaint.com, #think, #true, #visible, @BrianLoging, World

Enemies

Feb 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for taoist quotes

Enemies –

I sat and talked with a gentleman yesterday about a disappointing experience which had happened to him in recent days. We spoke about turning negatives into positives and how what we might label as “bad” doesn’t have to be a continuing negative experience. “What you do with this extra time, a time you might not have wanted, but have been given will go a long way in shaping the rest of your life. This time is either a blessing or a curse and the choice is yours.”

We underestimate the moments and seasons in our lives that are unwanted and seem to be working against the goals and dreams we have for the present and the future. Wisdom teaches us that every experience can enlighten us, give us knowledge and wisdom, and take us further along the path of life we all are traveling.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: # moments, #against, #bad, #blessing, #blessings, #choice, #continuing, #curse, #disappointing, #dreams, #enemies, #enlighten, #experience, #extra, #further, #Future, #gentleman, #given, #goals, #knowledge, #label, #life, #negatives, #path, #positives, #present, #rest, #seasons, #shaping, #talked, #teaches, #time, #traveling, #turning, #underestimate, #unwanted, #wanted, #way, #wisdom, #working, Negative

Seeds

Jan 14

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Seeds –

It is COLD today. Thankfully the sun is out and the icicles and patches are melting. The yard looks so brown and bland. I went to check the mail last night and the ice on the grass crunched under my feet. It’s winter and though I try not to have favorites this particular season isn’t in my top three.

It’s hard to see the green for all the brown but knowledge, wisdom and experience tell me that it won’t stay that way. Even today, in spite of the cold, seeds are germinating and sometime, hopefully soon, they will make themselves known. I anticipate that day but need to be patient. Long, cold, seasons have their place in our lives. True, they help us appreciate other seasons when they come but finding peace and acceptance in the barren times is an important discipline.

Too often we project our lives to a period in front of or behind us when we can discover life, real life, exactly where we are now.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #acceptance, #anticipate, #appreciate, #barren, #behind, #bland, #blessings, #brown, #cold, #crunched, #discipline, #discover life, #exactly, #favorites, #finding, #front, #germinating, #green, #hard, #help, #hopefully, #ice, #icicles, #important, #knowledge, #lives, #long, #melting, #now, #particular, #patches, #patient, #period, #project, #real, #season, #seasons, #seeds, #soon, #stay, #sun, #Thankfully, #today, #true, #winter, #wisdom #experience, #yard, Grass, Peace

Change Myself

Dec 22

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for taoist thought of the day

Change Myself –

The older I get the less knowledge and wisdom I think I possess. They say the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is two-fold; fearing God and knowing you know nothing. As each year passes the second part seems to get easier.

There was a time when I believed I knew much. Not just about myself but also about others. I could perceive motives both inward and outward, judge with impunity, and thought myself better and more able to live a life pleasing to God and myself than most other people. Then, I began to grow up.

The word growing brings with it a sense of serenity but growing is painful. It is bursting through old barriers, going places that are uncomfortable and unknown, daring to die in order to live, braving the challenges and elements that surround you.

With growth comes the realization you cannot force others to change. You do not have that power. You cannot stop the world from spinning out of control. You don’t have that ability. You can’t even get past your own hurts, habits, and hangups most days. You, I, am a perfect example of imperfection.

Wisdom and knowledge. They are as different as night and day but compliment each other when embraced and allowed to exist mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact, please you.”
#ThomasMerton

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Contemplative, Contemplative Quotes

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Code

Sep 13

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for pinpad

Code –

This afternoon I stopped by a store to pick up some sodas for our incarcerated father’s class. I grabbed and carried them to the cashier station. I waited on the woman in front of me and when she was finished stepped up and watched the cashier scan the drinks and stick them in plastic bags. When it was time, I scanned my card and then entered my pin number. However, as soon as I punched the digits in I knew it was the wrong pin. I told the cashier and she reset the scanner. For a moment I couldn’t separate all the pins and passwords in my life and choose the correct one but finally settled on the right one. It worked and I walked out with my purchase.

As I drove to the jail I thought about the men in my class who were receiving their certificates of completion tonight. I thought about the different men in the program and how each of them has certain “codes” which work for them. For one humor might be the key, another is not being singled out in class but letting him join the conversation when he’s ready. Our goal at the jail is to give the men a collection of tools and skills which will keep them clean, responsible, have abilities that many people on the outside take for granted. However, getting them to participate and accept the knowledge is tricky. Not any one approach works with all. We must take the time, learning about the men, connecting with them, understanding the way they think so we can “break the code” that will help them make life changing choices.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Leadership

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Tags: # understanding, #abilities, #accept, #approach, #breakthecode, #certain #codes, #certificates, #choices, #clean, #collection, #completion, #connecting, #conversation, #different, #goal, #granted, #help, #jail, #join, #key, #knowledge, #learning, #lifechanging, #participate, #program, #responsible, #skills, #tools, #tricky, Humor

Waiting

Jul 12

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for waiting room hospital

Waiting –

Today I spent most of my day in a hospital waiting room. There were all sorts of people there; young and old, loud and quiet, book readers and tv watchers. All of us there in one of the most powerless positions imagined. Each of us trying to find something to do to occupy our minds while a loved one’s life was in another’s hand.

It’s not a good feeling. To kiss, hug, say goodbye, to someone who means so much to you and trust the person who will be doing the surgery that they have enough knowledge, training, and skill to hold another’s life in their hands and know what to do with it.

I was by myself, which was fine. Others had one, two or a whole group to help them through the challenge of waiting. Finally, my name was called to the post-op area and was able to go back and see that everything was fine and breathed a sigh of relief and thankful words.

Waiting is never easy but key to building trust.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #hospital, #knowledge, #skill, #training, #trust, #waiting, #waitingroom, #wisdom

Tag Along

Apr 17

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for tag along

Tag Along –

One of the more interesting things to watch as the two men we hired to remodel our bathroom is how one of them tags along behind the other. Clearly one has the experience, the know-how, to redo the bathroom and overcome any obstacles they encounter. The other, younger one, has the strong back and follows orders instantly. Whatever the older needs his assistant retrieves so the work can be done as quickly as possible. I’m not sure how much the younger knows but I do know he is under no illusion that his knowledge matches or surpasses the veteran builder. Wherever the seasoned worker goes the other tags along; handing him the tools, wood, drywall, fixtures and whatever else might be needed. They seem to make a good team.

I was talking with some men last week and asked them if they’ve ever encountered a “know it all?” Every one of them raised their hands. “The problem with ‘knowing it all’, I said is you never learn anything.”

A wise man once said; “If you’re dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If you’re smart, surround yourself with people who disagree with you.”

Socrates said; “True knowledge begins
in knowing that you know nothing.“

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #assistance, #knowitall, #knowledge, #learnanything, #tagalong, #trueknowledge, #wisdom, Socrates

Ah, Interesting!

Dec 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

never-say-oops-always-say-ah-interesting-quote-1

Ah, Interesting!

Yesterday I arrived home worn out. It had been a long day. I had a lot of stuff to bring inside but wasn’t in the mood to make two trips. So, I grabbed everything and stumbled, bumbled my way to the front door. Contorting and twisting I was able to open the front door and set down my leather work bag. That’s when I noticed that one of the items, an almost empty coffee mug with a cap, wasn’t as securely closed, or had become opened with all the twisting and turning I did opening the door, and coffee to spill into one of the other bags I was carrying. “Argh!” My frustration wasn’t at the coffee dripping off of the sweater in the bag but at myself for not taking the time to make two trips.

Wisdom teaches us that balance and not carrying more than we can handle is central to peace of mind. My refusal to live this lesson yesterday left a big mess. I sometimes wonder if I am the example wisdom uses to teach others how not to live.

I washed off the coffee stains as best I could, asked Beth to wash the sweaters, put on some comfy clothes and breathed out the irritation at self. Perhaps one day these lessons I write about will sink below knowing and become part of my being.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #balance, #betheexample, #impatience, #knowledge, #lifelessons, #morethanicanhandle, #turning, #twisting, #unbalanced, #wisdom, breathe

Unique Approach

Jun 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Unique Approach

Sometimes working with people can be exhausting. You think you’ve reached a turning point which will make all the difference only to discover that around the corner leads to a dead-end.

I was speaking to a group of dads today and explaining to them each family, similar to individuals are unique. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to helping people get well and healthy. It takes time, effort and a willingness to listen, get to know, build trust and a relationship. Only then are you able to guide folks toward choices which benefit them and those they love.

Too often we approach people and life with a predetermined way of how things should be. We allow our biases, judgments and limited knowledge to build a lens which distorts our view. If we are to be of real service to those we love, our neighbors, those in need ,we cannot skip over respect, listening, building trust and relationships. If we only have a part of the picture and proceed to “fix” what we believe to be the problem we may end up causing more harm than good.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #approach, #biases, #building, #causing, #distorts, #good, #harm, #judgments, #knowledge, #lens, #life, #limited, #listening, #neighbors, #picture, #predetermined, #problem, #respect, #service, #trust, People, Relationships

Public or Private?

Apr 11

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

I have to admit, I thought this was funny and inside of me an attitude of; “that’s what the driver deserved!” It’s a needed lesson for this young man and couldn’t be easy to learn in such a way with many people looking on, laughing, cheering, yelling at him.

I then thought; “what if all my mistakes were so public? What if every time I made a bad choice, a wrong decision, it was being recorded and a put on large display, which made everyone look at me, see my lack of wisdom and knowledge?” I wouldn’t like it. I would be embarrassed. I would hopefully never make the same misjudgment again but the shame of how I learned would be with me for a very long time.

A wise sage once said; “Praise in public, correct in private. This is how wisdom is best gained.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #badchoices, #decision, #embarrassed, #knowledge, #lack, #learn, #misjudgment, #mistakes, #private, #public, #wisdom, #wise, #wrong, shame

Humility & Ignorance

Jul 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Last night I participated in a group discussion about the need for leaders and teachers to always be learning. We talked about simply telling staff/students to have a life long thirst for knowledge and truly having a personal desire to never stop growing in wisdom. As the discussion progressed one of the participants made the comment; “I have a bacehlor’s and master’s degree. If someone is going to teach me they need to realize and respect how much I already know !” After a few moments I quoted to him a thought from Galileo Galilei;

“I’ve never a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.”

A wisdom which is grounded in humility is a heart felt conviction that every person, situation, event is an opportunity to grow, mature, become more aware of a much larger world. Humility allows us to explore the deepest recesses of humanity, be made aware of how small we are and how large the universe of which we are apart.

“To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour.” ― William Blake, “Auguries of Innocence”

Wisdom teaches us to leave our perceptions, labels, convictions of our own aptitude and grandiose opinions of our intellect and accept that we can learn much more when we understand how little we actually know.

TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

Blog Archives

Putting Feet to Your Faith

Enemies

Seeds

Change Myself

Code

Waiting

Tag Along

Ah, Interesting!

Unique Approach

Public or Private?

Humility & Ignorance

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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