Blog Archives
Recurring Problems
Recurring Problems –
When our Siberian Husky was young he chewed the fur off of his tail the first time he “casted.” Twice, or more, a year a Siberian Husky will shed its underfur, the bottom coat next to the skin, that allows a Husky to survive in extreme cold. When “casting” happens there’s a lot of scratching and chewing on his part, brushing and grooming on ours. Earlier this summer, for the first time in his life, Trooper contracted fleas. We washed him, sprayed him, brushed him, all in an effort to give him some relief. We were able to rid him of the fleas but washed him and sprayed him too much. This dried out the skin and caused more itching and biting. Earlier this week we noticed he had chewed and licked a bare spot on his back. We asked a specialist about what we could do and they recommended Coconut oil applied to the bare spot which will soothe his skin, stop the itching, and, hopefully, allow him relief and his fur to grow back.
Trooper is thirteen years old and this is the first time he’s done this behavior since he was a few months old. Old patterns of handling problems, challenges, and difficulties die hard. We think we’ve learned and know better only to repeat a negative pattern of behavior. New skills, ways of dealing with life and its ups and downs, good and bad, are necessary if we’re to live life moving forward instead of circling back again and again.
For more posts, reflections, poems, and other writings, please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
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Attitude?
Attitude? –
I was part of a conversation today where someone suggested another person, not present, had “an attitude.” It was news to me. I’ve had several encounters with this person and never picked up anything other than pleasantness. I’m also the first person to admit that I’m not the best at noticing.
When I was interviewing for a position in the mid-2000’s I felt like everything went well but Beth had a “feeling” about one of the members of the group who were in charge of filling the position. Sure enough, though I accepted the position, this person was a thorn in the staff’s side during my brief tenure.
I believe in looking for the best in the people I know, meet, work and live with but also old enough to know not everyone gets along, like each other, has compatible personalities. There are people you’d stop and help change a tire but wouldn’t go on vacation with or spend extra time with unless its necessary. I don’t think this has to be a negative trait but a truth we should respect and recognize in each other and ourselves.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Popped in the Mouth
Popped in the Mouth –
The other day I heard a discussion between two women about a mom “popping” her adolescent child in the mouth. I cringed as the two women agreed sometimes it has to be done when a kid won’t stop talking back. This week #RoaseanneBarr was “popped” for using words which degrade and dehumanize others. I once had an adult tell me they were “popped” in the mouth by a parent when they were in college for not respecting her parents. I think all of us at one point or another have been “popped” because of something coming out of mouths that weren’t needed, necessary or helpful.
The swift punishment “popping” implies is that the words were barely out of the mouth before being punished. I’ve reflected on the words which have come out of my mouth over the years and if I was punished for every wrong phrase or wording, egotistical and asinine thing I’ve let loose I’d be hurting a long time and most of the pain would be deserved.
Words matter! A famous wisdom quote reads; “Do not speak unless it improves upon silence.” Perhaps if we were slower to speak the world would have less pain and more love.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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In Memory of
In Memory of –
This is a strange holiday for me. It’s not strange in the sense that I don’t understand it or think it necessary but strange because I did not serve in the armed services nor lost a loved one while in military service. I don’t know what it’s like to charge up a hill with my unit, share foxholes with people who I depend on for my life, find the courage to carry out orders that put my life and others in danger and know not everyone is coming back from the mission. I don’t know what it is to get a knock on my door, a phone call, by servicemen or women to inform me a loved is not returning home. I can’t imagine the pain, heartache, loss, or pride that comes with Memorial Day.
I once served on a staff with a war veteran and we liked to talk politics, history, and war. He had seen action in the military while I sat in the safety of a university classroom. We’d have conversations about the justifications of war. I’d voice my opinion that Christians should follow Jesus’ example and be pacifists, opposed to all violence and then he’d tell me when and why I was wrong. I didn’t agree with everything he said about the military, nation-building, and protection but I was also humbled and silent as he spoke. I understood that he had served, put his life on the line for us to disagree and still be friends, still call ourselves by the same name; Americans.
“The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
#AbrahamLincoln #GettysburgAdress
Blessings & Thank you,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Casting
Casting –
Recently Beth and I went out-of-town. Before we left I gave Trooper, our Siberian Husky, a bath. He needed one after a long winter and he wasn’t smelling his best. Huskies and their underfur can be tricky to manage. There’s a lot of brushing and picking year round but it is recommended they only get bathed two or three times a year so as not to damage their underfur. The undercoat is a great protection from the weather, regulates their body temperature and deters fleas and ticks.
The bath I gave him a few weeks ago kick-started his seasonal casting. This is a process when a new undercoat pushes out their old one. As a result, he’s been biting, scratching, clawing and using our fingers as a way to remove it. He also likes to go outside and lay down on his back and move back and forth trying to scratch where it itches, which is everywhere! The best kindness we can give him is brushing him vigorously and do out best to get rid of the old fur.
Wisdom tells us that we have to shed the old to make room for the new. What once protected us, regulated us, helped us through seasons of life must be pushed out, let go, removed so that what’s new and better can replace it. It’s not easy but its necessary.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Deep Purple
Deep Purple –
This morning I turned on the water for all the outside faucets in a friend’s yard. As I waited for the water to reach the spigots I heard the unmistakable sound of gushing water. This is not what you want to hear after turning the water on for the first time since winter. Using my ears I could tell it was a pipe running under the deck. I loosened some sideboards which allowed me to see under the deck and sure enough, there was a busted PVC elbow that connected two pipes. Sigh. I was able to find all the pieces I needed without going to the hardware store and began sawing, drying, applying a deep purple primer and putting the new fittings together. I turned on the water for a quick test and it went to the outside spigots and then turned it off to apply some cement putty and ensure it won’t, hopefully, crack, bust, leak, at least for the summer.
As I squirmed and worked under the deck I thought about how all of us at one time or another, one season or another, end up being dry because our source has been diverted. What’s required is listening, heeding, discovering where the leak is so that it can be fixed. It’s often not an easy job but a necessary one.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Charging Stations
Charging Stations –
Where do we recharge? Where is a place we can go to renew and rejuvenate our body, emotions, mind, and spirit? One of the concepts I learned in a training I attended this week in Nashville, Tennessee was that everyone needs a safe place to go and refill, as one presenter said; “the “joy” juice.
These recharging stations are especially important if your life is filled with stress. Stress drains our brains, our souls. It has a way of stealing the “joy” from us and replacing it with a toxic combination which certainly damages us short-term and can damage us for a lifetime.
This is why places such as a church, park, gym, community center, friend’s house, favorite restaurant, mall or a backyard swing or hammock, can make a huge difference in our lives. These places give us an opportunity to breathe, clear our heads, relax, let go, reflect and process difficult experiences and relationships, simply be without needing to do anything else.
Recharging is not just for phones, tablets, and computers. It’s necessary for all of us whose batteries are running low.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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No Apologies
No Apologies –
I have a friend who is going through an incredibly difficult season of life. It’s not easy what she’s dealing with but we both know there are certain stages of this journey she must travel alone. It is hard watching a friend, a family member, a loved one going through a dark time and know we don’t have the power to stop it or even ease the pain. We long to wrap our arms around them and chase the doubts, confusion, fear, and pain away but in spite of our effort, it isn’t possible. My friend knows me and a host of others are there for her and doing what we can but the path she treks is long and oftentimes lonely.
One of the rules my friend and I have in place is that she doesn’t have to say she’s sorry. There are no apologies necessary when she doesn’t feel like talking or going somewhere, being social and choosing isolation. There is no; “I’m sorry.” There’s just now and getting through each day moment by moment.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Where You Heading?
Where You Heading? –
I’ve spent much of this week thinking about my past and considering my future. It’s always scary, wondering what’s around the corner.
I started two new jail classes this week. One of the first disciplines I teach is for them to consider their present and think about their future. The first part is necessary because it helps us take stock of what we’ve done, who we are, and how choices have led us to this place in our lives. After you’ve accepted where and who you are, then you decide if it is where you want to stay. “If you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.”
Most of the men I work with tell me they want to make better choices, be better men and fathers but it’s not enough to want, action must be taken. Different choices must be made to be a different man and father. I explain that; “What you do today determines who you’ll be, what you’ll be, tomorrow.”
This is true for all of us.
Blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Help
Help –
It happened several weeks ago but has happened before many times and chances are will happen again. A stranger, someone we don’t know and not sure we want to, approaches us and asks us for assistance. This last time it was at a gas station when a long, matted hair, holes in his shirt and pants man, with a gas can in his hand asked me to buy him some gas. I always feel vulnerable and suspicious when anything similar to this happens and try to take a look around without being obvious. I was almost finished filling my tank and told him to set his canister down and proceeded to give him enough to almost fill it. When I finished he said; “Thank you,” took the container and went back to where he and another person were sitting. I opened the front door, sat in the driver’s seat and told the story to Beth who had watched from inside our car.
It’s been a rule of mine for as long as I can remember to not ask or demand from someone what they will do with money, gas or whatever when I give it to them. I understand some people take advantage of others and use people’s generosity for nefarious purposes. I know others need genuine help. I also believe in serving angels unaware and there’s no doubt I can’t tell the difference between the three. When I give it is a letting go of the abundance I sometimes have and allow others to use it as they deem necessary.
Assisting another in need is often vague. However, giving to another isn’t about how they use the gift but having a heart that’s willing to help.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Missing
Missing –
This afternoon I received a cryptic message about meeting someone. I read it, checked my calendar, read the text again and checked my calendar again. I had no meeting scheduled. I went back into my emails and did a search and still couldn’t find any messages regarding the meeting and still couldn’t find anything. The sender of the message, however, had a picture of her calendar with my acceptance! There was no doubt the meeting was scheduled and I was supposed to be there. Unfortunately, I was in another county so was unable to make it. We rescheduled but I don’t like missing appointments whether they are or are not on my calendar.
It’s bothered me all afternoon. When I got home I checked my emails and calendars again but still didn’t locate anything regarding the meeting. The only thing I can figure is I have a new work phone and the first couple of days I was messing with it, trying to figure it out, I accepted the meeting and then somehow deleted it. I don’t know if this is happened and might not ever know.
Schedules, calendars, planning out our days is a necessary discipline. If we don’t at least attempt to live in an ordered manner the chaos of everyday life will take its toll. However, no matter how much control we think we possess when our calendars and schedules are in sync life has a way of surprising us with events and experiences that don’t fit our schedule and forces us to accept and adjust.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Spill
Spill –
This morning I had an early appointment so fixed my breakfast to go. I like cereal but not milk so I put some bran flakes in a cup, mixed in raisins and was ready. I even put a top on the cup of cereal so I wouldn’t spill it. I hopped in the truck and was on my way. When I made it to the highway and would be going straight without turning, I popped open the tabs on my coffee cup and drank and reached down, carefully took the lid off the cereal and then lifted it up to begin munching on my homemade raisin bran. As I did I caught the top of the cup on the lip of the cover of the console between the seats. Before I knew it the cup had been knocked out of my hand, landed side ways between the seats, spilling the cereal underneath my seat. There was barely any left to eat. Sigh. So much for breakfast.
As I continued driving to my appointment the growl in my stomach was ferocious but didn’t have time to stop and grab a bite anywhere. I drank my coffee which helped and by the time I arrived at my location I had nearly forgotten the mess of the spilled cereal.
Life is about learning to let go of things we care about. It’s about dealing with and accepting that even those things which we take great care of are still, one day or moment, going to slip through our fingers. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when.”
The question becomes; “Can we let go when the time comes? Are we able to continue to travel the path even with grief and loss? Do we understand that losing control, our grip, on the things we treasure is part of the necessary experiences that allow us to fully be and feel alive?”
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Attention Span
Attention Span –
Beth and I spent some time in our second home today, also known as Lowe’s Home Improvement Store. We needed some wood, a screen door and some other odds and ends. We filled our cart up and then headed to the garden section. We made our way down the aisle leading to outside there was a young mother, her baby and what I assumed was the grandmother. The eldest woman was holding a cup of coffee while the mom spoon fed the little one. They had to move out of the center of the aisle as we passed and something on our cart caught the grandmother’s attention. As she stared, the mom handed her the baby food container and as she grabbed it, still staring at our cart, the coffee cup slipped out of her hand and splashed on the floor. I couldn’t quite make out the expletive that escaped from her lips but the momentary frustration was soon followed by laughter from both the women.
I smiled at the situation because it seemed like something which would happen to me. It also caused me to reflect on the wisdom lessons of embracing what’s important, being fully present in the moment, not distracted by shiny things, and allowing things which aren’t necessary to slip through our grasp.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Run Over
Earlier this afternoon I stopped to get a cold drink. The temps today are in the 90’s with humidity close to this mark as well. I exited the truck and began to walk across the parking lot into the restaurant when a small white Chevy truck, moving faster than needed caught my eye. I stopped, he didn’t. I watched as he passed and he stared back at me. I was thankful to have looked before crossing and wondered why he was in such a hurry.
Following my close encounter I reflected on times when people had tried to “run me over.” Moments and seasons when someone had an aim, purpose, goal they wanted to reach and didn’t consider how it impacted those around them. Whether it was an over-powering personality, a self focused agenda, a spirit draining selfishness, their destination was reached at the peril of others.
I also thought about my own pursuits and how, at times, I was more concerned with the journey than my fellow sojourners. Finding the balance between getting where we need to go and being sure our passions and purposes do no harm is important and necessary to ensure we reach our destinations, together.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Urgency and Stillness
This morning I woke up about ten minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off and noticed my bladder was telling me to; “get up!” The bed however was giving me another message; “be still, stay, relax.” I compromised. Normally I hit the snooze three times before dragging myself out of the bed but today, because of my bladder’s urgency, it was only twice.
Life is filled with experiences in which we try to find the balance between stillness and urgency. There are moments, times, seasons when urgency is not only needed but necessary. Emergencies, crises, or other situations may require us to be more hurried in order to avoid dire, serious or even grave consequences. However, mostly our days are filled with the temptation to turn ordinary, normal occurrences and happenings into times of great stress and anxiety. Instead of allowing the usual to become the urgent wisdom teaches us to take a breath and let go of that which is not truly critical so we can embrace the crucial.
blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com
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Confrontation
Last night I had to confront someone on a bad decision they had made. It wasn’t easy. I’m not one for confrontation. I would rather build someone up, encourage them, congratulate them on their progress than look another person in the eye and tell them they’ve made a bad decision. However, this is what friends, mentors, leaders need to do and refusal would mean to abdicate our responsibility.
This gentleman is in one of my incarcerated father groups and he chose to get in a fight with another man in his pod after the two had unkind words with each other. As a result he has to serve thirty days in the maximum facility portion of the jail. I had heard about the scuffle before he came to class so after he came in I found a moment to ask him about it. This big man, six inches taller and quite a bit wider than me, quickly looked down at his feet and admitted what he had done. “You’ve got to make good choices!” I told him. “Good decision lead you to better places, bad ones bring you here, to stay.” He shook his head and told me he was sorry and that I was right. We didn’t have time to talk about it longer but set up a time to connect next week.
Confrontation, butting heads with someone, going toe to toe, eye to eye isn’t easy but at times is necessary. However, this can’t be the end of the conversation. When we sit down and speak about the matter I will encourage, remind him of his progress, how far he’s come and that he’s smart enough and good enough to learn from a poor decision and keep moving forward.
blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com
