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Image result for propane tank large truck


C.S. Lewis said; “Isn’t life interesting. One day everything looks the same and then, after some time passes, all things look differently.”

Yesterday, just after noon, I heard a door slam outside of our front door. I went outside and there was a large truck with a crane in the driveway turning around and reversing toward the backyard. I had no idea what was going on so I asked, more rudely then I intended, “Can I help you?” I shouted to the man over the noise of the truck who was directing the driver. “We’re here to pick up your propane tank!” he shouted back. Then it all made sense. Over a year ago we turned off the propane and called the propane company to come and pick up the tank. At long last, they were here and after only a few minutes they were gone with the tank on a flatbed truck.

It was dark when I got home last night so I didn’t ask Beth if she noticed any difference in the yard. This morning, however, as I walked her outside for work I popped the question. “I don’t see anything,‘ she said looking around. “Look harder.” I encouraged her. Wham! She saw it or rather didn’t see it. “They came and got the tank!” Eyes opened and a big smile.

Plato says; “We should not judge anyone’s progress no matter how slowly.”

It’s important for those of us who are slow to change, find it difficult to see the difference, to discover we are making progress. Wisdom teaches us not to be in a rush. Trust the way and it will lead us home.

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Image result for deep pit


Last night I had a dream about falling down a bottomless pit. My speed kept increasing and I was doing my best not to hit the walls of the pit and hurt myself. However, as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see there were ladders attached to the walls and if I timed it right I could catch a rung and begin climbing out of the pit. I woke up before I had decided to try and catch myself on a ladder or keep falling.

I have a lot of dreams like this one. Dreams of being late to a meeting and not being able to get there. Dreams of having to take a test and never have been in class, the teacher, the other students, the room are all unrecognizable but it’s time for the test. Dreams of being stuck, lost, and a sense of impending doom. I often wake up from these dreams and have no idea where I am. For a fleeting moment, my own homeĀ is unfamiliar. It’s always frightening but slowly I remember and things come into focus.

I’ve spoken with my talk therapist about it and it’s not unusual. Having a mental illness that includes a severe anxiety disorder is, in part, living scared. The key is finding my center, relocating my balance and allowing the fear to sometimes leave but most times settle so I can get out of bed and refuse to let it win.

In my dream, I didn’t grab the ladder but right now, at this moment, I know that I am reaching out and that has to be good enough.

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