Listening is Not Agreeing –
Late last week someone said something about me and that I didn’t agree. At first, the emotion was to respond, defend myself, dig in my heels, push back against the criticism. It wasn’t something overwhelmingly harsh but it did rub me the wrong way.
Instead of responding right away I sat with it for a bit and reflected on it. Oftentimes critiques are met with resistance. We want to defend ourselves. However, if we are too quick to jump our own defense we might miss something constructive. There’s an old wisdom saying; “Both criticism and compliments should be taken with the same weight.” Receiving compliments and praise can be easier but they have a way of pumping up our ego and sense of self. Criticisms, if held on to, can create bitterness, rivalry, and ruptured relationships.
One of the greatest disciplines of contemplative listening is found in the truth; “Listening is not agreeing.” When someone speaks to us a compliment or criticism we do not have to own it, take it inside of us, let it mingle with our minds, emotions, and spirits. We can examine it, turn it over in our minds and, if we have self-awareness, can decide if it is meant for us, to grow, to learn, to let it become a part of us. Perhaps its simply another’s opinion and through insight and stillness, we discover that we can let it go. It’s not for us.
“The mark of a wise mind is the ability to hold a thought in our heads
and not necessarily believe it to be true.” #Aristotle
A few weeks ago I broke the wooden handle on my shovel. This week my wife bought me a new one. It’s a Kobalt and guaranteed “unbreakable“. I did bend it a little today uprooting a stubborn bush. So unbreakable? Perhaps. Un-bendable? Nope.
It was, still is, a gorgeous day outside. Tomorrow the heat and humidity are supposed to come sweeping in but we enjoyed the moment of this day by working way too hard. We’re both exhausted but it’s a good tired.
As I dug holes for bushes and trees, filled the back of the truck with dirt and planted some grass with my new shovel I thought about the digging we do in our lives. Stillness, mindfulness, reflection are basically the same discipline with its goal to remove anything that stifles the life within us.
Digging around isn’t easy on the outside or on the inside but it’s necessary if we are to make old things new, ugly stuff beautiful, and go deep enough that growth, life, is possible.
Being an owner of a Siberian Husky is to accept the shedding that goes along with it. However, the sweeping up and disposing of hair goes into overdrive when these pooches “cast” their coats.
At least once every twelve months huskies will shed their entire under coating which is what protects them from extremely cold temperatures. This hair is incredibly soft, thick and everywhere! It’s outside, inside, on your clothes, on the furniture and the poor dog looks like it has the mange. For six to eight weeks it can be almost impossible to keep up with the old fur that’s being pushed out to make way for the new. When the casting’s done the husky looks twenty pounds lighter.
The last few weeks our Siberian Husky, Trooper, has been casting. He’s over ten years old so we’re used to it. We’ve brushed, plucked, pulled and he’s gnawed, scratched, rubbed against everything he can find to get the loose under fur gone.
As I was picking up fists full of hair over the weekend I thought about how nice it would be to shed certain unwanted things from our lives occasionally. It would be great to “cast away”; hurt feelings, bitterness and failures. Let loose of times we were selfish, short sighted, shallow and sinful. To no longer be incumbered by regrets about what we did or didn’t do, ashamed at how we behaved, mourning the moments we should’ve spoke up or wish we’d been silent.
Wisdom teaches us that we can’t keep carrying around the painful parts of our past. However, in order to be rid of the nagging weight it has on our souls we must accept what’s been done and allow it to help us know how to live and who to be in the present. Only with humility can we lose the old and welcome the new.
This might be one of the strangest commercials I have ever seen…
I don’t get it, I really don’t. Every time it comes on the television it gives me a headache. It’s weird, odd, confusing and makes me not want to buy a Fiat, or ever drive again.
The other day this commercial popped up and I finally understood…it’s not for me. I’m too old to get it. This commercial is a check on my mortality. I’ve also noticed that most of the songs played in sit-down restaruants I recognize, this used to never happen. I’m singing along and it dawns on me; “these songs are 10, 15, 20 years old!”
Beth and I celebrated 24 years of marriage last month. 24! I’ve now been married to her 6 years longer than I was ever single. Whoa.
Maybe it’s Fiat, maybe its my friend’s funeral last week, maybe I’m just tired, but where does the time go, where does life go?
“…we are dust.
The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.”
Book of Psalms, #103