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Gently

Gently –

I saw him as soon as I pulled up to the stoplight. He was a man in late 50’s, early 60’s slowly, carefully, walking down a hill away from the traffic signal. He was slow, taking painful steps. I didn’t want to stare so I looked out the corner of my eye; watching every step, shuffle and pause. His face showed his age, his wincing revealed a hard, difficult, life. Many of his steps were unsteady causing worry that he might fall but he progressed on his way in spite of the awkwardness of his gait.

As I watched him I thought about family, friends, clients who struggle to make their way on this path called life. I’m one who struggles. I think at times we all have seasons where we’re just trying not to fall or fall back. It is in these times especially we should treat ourselves gently, remembering the words of the philosopher #Plato:

“Never judge a person’s progress, no matter how slow.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Knocking

Mar 16

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Knocking –

This morning I woke up with a headache. It felt like a giant was knocking on the front door of my face. I at breakfast took a pill and laid back down. It helped a little but it’s been painful off and on most of the afternoon.

Last week a friend told me he had a “secret knock” whenever he went over to his mother’s home. He said this knock was for her to know that it was him without looking out the window to see. I liked this idea both the reality and the thought behind it.

We have ideas which knock on the doors of our heads. Some of these thoughts, especially the ones filled with doubt, confusion, anger, can take us to places we don’t want to go. Wisdom teachers call this; “monkey mind” a mind filled with chatter like monkeys in a tree, never-ceasing or giving a moment’s peace. It can also be called; “thought train” which is a mind that’s on a particular set of tracks taking us to places it’s not always wise to go.

The good news is we are able to train our minds to recognize “monkey minds, thought trains” and refuse to let them take over our spirits and emotions. The key to mindful living is to be present, in the now. Our minds are not all-powerful and we do have the capability of saying; “No” to negative, repetitive, thoughts and “Yes” to those which keep us centered, balanced and at peace. We simply need to know when and when not to open the door.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Old News

Mar 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Old News –

The last couple of weeks of February have been a rough time for me the last several years. There are painful, heart hurting memories which seem to resurface and dealing with these challenging emotions is difficult.

Today I cleaned up our yard after a round of storms and rain this last week. I threw them on a burn pile and set it afire. I also had some old fence pieces and newspapers to burn. The newspapers are from my wife. She is doing her best to understand and begin to use extreme couponing in an effort to save money. I made sure to take old piles of newspaper and watched as the flames began consuming them. I tried reading some of the headlines and articles before the fire reached them and then they were gone.

As the fire leaped into the air I thought about it being old news which was out of date and historical. I also reflected on the memories I’ve struggled with the last few weeks and tried to remind myself that healing and time can also consume the heartache of the past and that our history enlightens our present.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #afire, #air, #began, #begin, #being, #blessings, #burn, #cleaned, #consume, #consuming, #couponing, #dealing, #difficult, #effort, #emotions, #enlightens, #extreme, #extremecouponing, #flames, #gone, #headlines, #healing, #heart, #heartache, #historical, #hurting, #last, #leaped, #memories, #newspapers, #oldnews, #outofdate, #painful, #past, #pile, #present, #rain, #reached, #reading, #reflected, #remind, #resurface, #rough, #several, #storms, #struggled, #thewannabesaint.com, #time, #understand, #watched, #years, @BrianLoging, Articles, History, Negative, News, Old, Thought

Stolen

Feb 14

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Stolen –

Earlier this week someone took something that didn’t belong to them. I knew who it was but had to figure out how to ask for the item back without humiliating or embarrassing the person in front of his peers. At first, I asked the group if anyone had forgotten to return all items they had used. Nothing. So then, standing next to the man who had the item, I said; “Okay, who has (insert item name)?” The man started to laugh and gave it to me while the other people in the group laughed with him. “I almost got away with it,” he said with a chuckle in his voice. I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew I couldn’t let him walk away and a confrontation could have a detrimental impact on the progress we’ve made. Obviously, he’s still a work in progress but aren’t we all?

Good choices. It’s the cornerstone of all the services our organization does with males. Without good choices, life is harder than it needs to be and can exact a tremendous and painful toll. Old habits, ways of thinking, choosing the best isn’t easy but not impossible. Grace, kindness and an opportunity for forgiveness are things we all need.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #almost, #ask, #asked, #belong, #best, #blessings, #breathed, #choices, #choosing, #chuckle, #Confrontation, #cornerstone, #detrimental, #easy, #embarrassing, #exact, #figure, #forgiveness, #forgotten, #front, #gave, #good, #goodchoices, #gotaway, #grace, #group, #habits, #harder, #humiliating, #impact, #impossible, #item, #kindness, #laugh, #laughed, #life, #males, #man, #needs, #next, #nothing, #Obviously, #opportunity, #organization, #painful, #peers, #progress, #relief, #return, #services, #sigh, #standing, #started, #Stolen, #toll, #took, #tremendous, #voice, #Walkaway, #waysofthinking, #workinprogress, Old

Change Myself

Dec 22

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Change Myself –

The older I get the less knowledge and wisdom I think I possess. They say the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is two-fold; fearing God and knowing you know nothing. As each year passes the second part seems to get easier.

There was a time when I believed I knew much. Not just about myself but also about others. I could perceive motives both inward and outward, judge with impunity, and thought myself better and more able to live a life pleasing to God and myself than most other people. Then, I began to grow up.

The word growing brings with it a sense of serenity but growing is painful. It is bursting through old barriers, going places that are uncomfortable and unknown, daring to die in order to live, braving the challenges and elements that surround you.

With growth comes the realization you cannot force others to change. You do not have that power. You cannot stop the world from spinning out of control. You don’t have that ability. You can’t even get past your own hurts, habits, and hangups most days. You, I, am a perfect example of imperfection.

Wisdom and knowledge. They are as different as night and day but compliment each other when embraced and allowed to exist mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact, please you.”
#ThomasMerton

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #ability, #able, #actually, #ahead, #allowed, #barriers, #beginning, #believe, #believed, #better, #blessings, #braving, #Bursting, #certain, #challenges, #change, #compliment, #control, #daring, #day, #desire, #die, #different, #elements, #emotionally, #example, #exist, #fearing, #following, #force, #God, #growing, #growup, #habits, #hangups, #hurts, #idea, #imperfection, #impunity, #inward, #judge, #knowing, #knowledge, #life, #live, #LordGod, #mentally, #motives, #Myself, #night, #nothing, #order, #outward, #painful, #past, #perceive, #perfect, #pleasing, #possess, #power, #realization, #road, #sense, #serenity, #spinning, #spiritually, #surround, #think, #ThomasMerton, #through, #time, #uncomfortable, #unknown, #wisdom, World

Abundance

Nov 8

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Abundance –

To be unselfish is the key to abundance. To not hold on to anything, desire anything, be covetous of anything or anyone. Abundance comes from being content and this comes from acceptance of all life brings our way.

Too often we see the lives of others or review our own lives and wish they would have turned out different brings suffering. These illusions only lead to pain and heartbreak. What we have received is only temporary. As hard as it is to accept this world only gives us transient treasures and trinkets. Whether it be people or things, our inability to control when and how they leave our lives is a lesson we need to learn.

Only eternal gifts last. When we are given them we may hold on to them as tightly as possible but to do this we must let go of what we hold dear that is not eternal. Transience is not evil. To love those who bring wonder, kindness, and love to our life is not wrong. However, it is a bittersweet connection because it is temporary. While this is painful to know and experience it also makes every moment more treasured.

Most of our lives are full of abundance but knowing they are not ours forever is the test of true life, true love, true wisdom.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #abundance, #accept, #acceptance, #bittersweet, #connection, #content, #control, #covetous, #desire, #different, #eternal, #evil, #experience, #forever, #gifts, #heartbreak, #hold, #holdon, #illusions, #inability, #key, #kindness, #lesson, #letgo, #pain, #painful, #possible, #suffering, #temporary, #tightly, #transience, #treasured, #treasures, #trinkets, #truelife, #truelove, #truewisdom, #unselfish, #wonder, #wrong, love, moment, Review

Filling

Sep 14

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Filling –

This morning I went to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist! I went at 7:30AM because thinking about the appointment all day would make my anxiety grow by the hour. This way I wake up and go straight there and get it over. I take my phone and ear buds along with me to listen to, a dose of anti-anxiety medicine, and the dentist provides comforting words, gentle work and a supply of Nitrous Oxide (https://www.google.com/search?q=nitrous+oxide&oq=nitrous+o&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.2956j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8). When I first went to the dentist we sat and talked about my anxiety and claustrophobia issues. He understood and has done a fantastic job making me feel the least anxiety as possible. After it was over I left, slightly woozy but two teeth which needed fillings done completely.

The dentist is one of those things in life you don’t want to do but know have to be done. Know matter how much worry, dread, and procrastination, sooner or later you have to go and if it’s too much later you will regret it. As the numbing in my lips and gums wore off I thought about other things in life we don’t like to do but should. Forgiving people who have hurt us, asking forgiveness of those we have offended, reflecting on difficult and painful situations and asking; “What did I learn?”, allowing wisdom to search the deepest places in our lives, filling the holes in our minds, emotions, and spirits to be filled with kindness, love, and grace. These are never easy but waiting until we are ready might mean we never reach a place of healing and peace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #deepest, #difficult, #dread, #emotions, #forgiveness, #forgiving, #grace, #healing, #holes, #hurt, #kindness, #learn, #minds, #numbing, #painful, #procrastination, #reflecting, #regret, #search, #situations, #spirits, #waiting, #wisdom, #worry, Dentist, love, Peace

Strained

Sep 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Strained –

I have a strained, pulled, hurt a muscle. The good thing is it’s one on my back next to my shoulder-blade so I only use it…all the time! I have no idea how I hurt the muscle. I haven’t done anything differently the last few days and yet it has been giving me fits. It’s the sort of strained muscle you only notice when you are lifting, pulling, picking up, putting on a shirt or reaching. When I’m sitting and relatively still I almost forget it’s there until I use it.

I was thinking about a person this week whom I knew long ago. It really does seem it was another life. There was a strain in our relationship. It was painful and awkward. To this day I’m not sure how it became so bad. When I was in the middle of it I often thought it was their fault but now that I am older and think I know myself better I see my part in it. It was both of us. It didn’t always show itself. We both made efforts but when any pressure was put on the relationship it was evident and hurtful.

I sometimes wonder if speaking again after this time of being apart from each other would help heal the rift. I’m not sure. It might only bring the differences and damaged parts to the surface. So, for now, I will rest my shoulder and my anxious mind and trust healing will come.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #anxious, #apart, #awkward, #bad, #damaged, #differences, #efforts, #evident, #fault, #heal, #healing, #hurtful, #painful, #pressure, #rift, #speaking, #strain, #surface, #trust, #wonder, Mind, Relationship

Non-Stop

Jul 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Non-Stop –

One of my favorite wisdom images is that of a waterfall slowly wearing down the rock it is falling upon. It is one of the paradoxes of life; softness combined with persistence is more powerful than the hardest substance or obstacle.

There are many things in life which are hard to overcome. Diseases, health issues, broken relationships, betrayal, and death of loved ones, are never easy to face or deal with on a long-term basis. We’d rather bad things were quick. It’s why people become addicts of all sorts. To rid ourselves of the pain, almost anything else seems preferable.

Life is hard. No one said it would be easy and yet for most of us, our expectation is that it will be, until… Until something happens when we’re young or old that changes our understanding of life being fair, equal, honorable. Bad stuff happens and when it does something inside us breaks and we’re faced with the decision to harden our wills or our hearts.

If we harden our wills, let them be soft but strong, accepting life as it is not as we wish it to be we can overcome almost anything. If we harden our hearts, we keep people at a distance, refuse to be engaged in a dangerous and painful world, and wall ourselves off, stone cold, inside and out.

The choice is ours. It is the choice of living at peace or becoming the walking dead.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

2 Comments

Tags: #acceptance, #choice, #difficult, #harden, #hearts, #life, #painful, #walkingdead, #waterfall, #will, #wisdom, Peace, Relationships

Mirror

May 30

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Mirror –

How we see ourselves is one of the most important roles of self-awareness.

I am amazed at two things; one is how un-self-aware some people are at times and how un-self-aware I am most of the time.

Last week an event happened which caused me to look at myself and see how petty I had been about a situation. I wish this awareness had happened during meditation, scripture reading, prayer or a time of reflection but it didn’t. I am thankful for not making a fool out of myself in front of anyone.

I wish it wasn’t so, that many times in life we didn’t have to gain a measure of self-awareness, wisdom, in such jarring and shameful ways but at least we learn and hopefully never repeat the mistakes, stubbornness, perhaps sinful behavior again.

Truly seeing ourselves for who we are can be painful and regretful. It can also be a relief and bring freedom to our spirits, chained by obliviousness, to who and what we are after seeing ourselves in the mirror of self-awareness.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #behavior, #fool, #jarring, #mirror, #mistakes, #painful, #petty, #regretful, #scripture, #seeingourselves, #selfaware, #selfawareness, #stubbornness, #wisdom, meditation, Prayer

Mind Your Feet

Feb 1

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Minding Your Feet –

Earlier today I stopped to get gas. I got out of the truck, inserted my bank card into the machine slot, chose my fuel type and began to pump. As I stood there I thought I might as well put my wallet back in my bag and began stepping over the hose which was connected to my truck and the pump. As I tried this, which I’ve done dozens if not hundreds of times, somehow one foot or both feet got caught on the hose and down I went. WHACK! right onto the cement. It happened so fast I don’t remember much but I must’ve screamed when I started to fall because a kind gentleman stopped to see if I was ok. I assured him I was although I wasn’t actually sure. My arm was hurting but my pride was hurting more at that particular moment. I finished getting gas, gingerly climbed back in the truck and have been nursing my right arm, which took the brunt of the fall, ever since.

It was a painful reminder not to get ahead of ourselves as we walk the road of life. When I went to put my stuff in the cab I just assumed I had cleared the hose instead of looking to make sure. Minding our feet is imperative if we want to stay upright, keep going and make it home.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #discipline, #falldown, #mindyourfeet, #pain, #painful, #reminder, #wisdom, knowwhereyouregoing

Left Overs

Jul 23

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Left Overs –

It’s now the third day after my oral surgery this past Wednesday. After a numbing gel on the impacted areas, shots of Novocaine which deadened gums, nerves, tongue, nitrous oxide which made me loopier than usual and a painkiller prescription, all that’s left over, 72 hours later, is the swelling and tenderness. I do have a few powerful pills but use them with extreme caution and sparingly for fear of becoming dependent. Even bread is hard to chew! The dentist said; “It would take time, not to rush it, invest in some ice cream.” Ice cream? Perhaps the dentist isn’t all bad. 🙂

There’s something about a part of your mouth feeling different from normal that makes you want to rub your tongue over the impacted area. With it I can tell where the surgery happened but must be gentle not to cause further pain. The first two days the ache wasn’t so bad but now that all the other desensitizing agents have worn off there’s only swelling, aching and waiting that’s left over.

Wisdom teaches us that traumatic and painful events, experiences happen to us all. We may have ways of coping with the hurt, masking the discomfort, ignoring the suffering, however, sooner or later, we must acknowledge the damage which has been done. We must accept the left overs in our lives that heartbreak and distress cause. Only then can we know the wound’s severity. Only then can we treat ourselves with gentleness and patience. Only then can we begin to heal.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #accept, #coping, #damage, #discomfort, #distress, #experiences, #gentleness, #heal, #heartbreak, #hurt, #ignoring, #masking, #painful, #patience, #suffering, #teach, #traumatic, #treat, #wisdom, #wound, Events

About Time

May 24

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

On Sunday I was working outside, trimming Lemon grass. It can be tricky working with this plant because of the thin, long leaves which can cause a nasty cut if a person is careless. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as vigilant as needed and received a gash in my pinky finger. Small cuts might not bleed much but they can be quite painful. It didn’t take long to forget about the mishap but ever since, each time I apply soap or antibacterial gel, I’m reminded the cut hasn’t completely healed. It’ll take a few more days before the wound is closed and no longer a painful reminder of my carelessness.

Life’s journey is filled with difficult and hurtful places, events, and seasons. Our recovery from these take time and often we encounter reminders of these painful moments which cause the agony to resurface. Our reliving of these can be disappointing and a cause for despair. We think; “Shouldn’t this wound be healed? Why is there still suffering? Will I ever be fully well, whole again?” In these times it’s important to be patient. Recovery moves at a different pace for everyone. You can’t rush restoration and redemption. “Progress, no matter how slow, is still forward.” –Plato

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: # moments, #agony, #cause, #despair, #difficult, #disappointing, #encounter, #forward, #healed, #hurtful, #journey, #life, #pace, #painful, #patient, #plato, #progress, #recovery, #redemption, #reliving, #reminders, #restoration, #resurface, #seasons, #suffering, #whole, #wound, Events

All that’s Left

Oct 19

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Cold, dry temps are not a friend to my fingers. The last several weeks I’ve been doing as much outside work as possible before winter decides to set up camp permanently. Sawing, nailing, raking, planting, digging and more have left my fingers bereft of moisture and they’ve begun to split along fingerprint ridges. Add to that scrapes, cuts and splinters and I have one rough-looking set of hands. Last night I poured hydrogen peroxide into a large platter and submersed my fingers up to my wrist. OUCH! It felt as if my hands were on fire! They were burning as the solution made its way into every crack and crevice, cleaning out the gunk, germs and goo. Following this I washed them with soap and water and then placed Neosporin and Band-aids on my poor digits.It’s been interesting trying to type and write today with fingers wrapped in a protective bandage, ointment getting on the keyboard and paper but the recovery will be worth the struggle.

Similarly life has a way of beating us up, scratching, scraping, wearing us raw. Our spirits and emotions are drained away and all that’s left is dryness and the wounds of battle. We long for recovery and restoration of spirit and mind but the way to wholeness and peace can be painful. The hurts must be recognized, cleaned and bandaged and living well while recuperating can be a struggle.

Learning new ways of being and doing is never easy. However, when the repair work is done and healing and health return we’ll be thankful for recovery and maybe even the scars.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #battle, #drained, #dryness, #emotions, #hurt, #life, #Livingwell, #painful, #recovery, #recuperating, #restoration, #spirit, #struggle, #wholeness, #wounds, Mind, Peace

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

Gently

Knocking

Old News

Change Myself

Abundance

Filling

Strained

Non-Stop

Mirror

Mind Your Feet

Left Overs

About Time

All that’s Left

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

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