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Seriously

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Seriously –

I saw her when we came into the church this morning. She was standing far enough away from us that I found my seat before she zeroed in. This woman, this hugger, does not take “No thanks!” for an answer. A couple of weeks ago she was standing at the front door of the church greeting folks as they came in. She hugged my wife, who is a great hugger! and then extended her arms to me. I tried to fend off her advances by grabbing a hand and shaking it but she was too quick. I even told her; “I’m not a hugger.” Didn’t matter. She replied as she thwarted my defenses; “Well I am and you’re a man and can handle it.” I didn’t have time to answer and had no desire to debate so once she was finished I found my seat but never the rhythm of the service. I was thankful this morning she was far enough from me I could slip in under her radar.

You’re a man and can handle it.” Actually, no, I can’t. I have a well established large personal space. It comes from being introverted, claustrophobic and someone who deals with social anxiety. When someone insists on hugging me it’s not about me it’s about them. She would respond; “I’m friendly.” Imagine me saying that to a woman who didn’t want a hug and then forcing one upon her. I don’t think “friendly” is what she’d feel about me.

It’s a reminder that we are all wired differently. Some people are talkers, others observers. One person may love being a social butterfly while another can think of nothing more joyful than a night at home. Extroverts, introverts, center of attention and wallflower. Knowing people, respecting them and helping them feel comfortable and at ease requires a relationship. When someone tells you, asks you to do or not to do something don’t dismiss it. Listen to it, take it seriously, and proceed with kindness and caution.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Handle with Care

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Handle with Care

Today the Mrs. and I decided to reorganize the kitchen. We wanted to rid ourselves of extra cups, plates, tea brewers, cake molds and more. As a man who is married to a wonderful cook, I knew when we started I was on her turf. As I moved anything breakable a gorgeous pair of blues eyes watched me. There were times when I would bump coffee mugs, Lenox ware, and other fragile items and though I didn’t break them I could feel her cringe every time. We finally finished with what we could do together and she told me she would take care of the few remaining items. I am positive it was her not so subtle way of saying; “You’ve been in my space long enough!” I didn’t argue and told her if she needed me to say something. Not a word was uttered.

Honoring each other’s space is wise. Different people have different spaces but each should be entered and exited with care. I knew a minister who used to have a large personal space. When you’d go to shake his hand he would lock his arm and elbow and not let you get any closer to him. Recognizing that places and spaces are valuable to people allows you to add a layer of respect and makes a way for deeper, more intimate conversation and strong relationships.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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No Escape

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No Escape

This morning, on my way into the worship center, I was greeted by a gentleman I’ve talked to many times. He’s a nice guy and does a lot for the church and community. However, he can also be described as a “close talker” (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Close%20talker).

A close talker is someone who has a small personal space. They don’t mind getting real near when they are speaking. I, on the other hand, have a social anxiety disorder, along with being claustrophobic. My personal space is huge and as this guy pushed in, I pulled away. I try to be aware that my personal space is bigger than others and do my best to compensate but I felt like we were dancing. He stepped toward me, I stepped back. We repeated this process until I was almost out of the worship center doors. I am still unsure whether he ever picked up on my uncomfortableness with him invading what is sacred to me.

There was/is no animosity towards this man. He was asking for some assistance and I was glad to help. It was, however, a good reminder that when we seek to connect with one another we must be aware of ourselves and the other so both can benefit from being together.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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