What’s in a Day? –
I was once asked by someone; “What do you want to do with your life? What are your plans for the future?” I was sitting outside, leaned back and thought for a moment and then surprising my interrogator and myself replied; “I’m doing it. I am content. I have no more plans.” My friend didn’t like my answer because everyone should have something they are striving for. How else can you measure life unless it’s by your accomplishments? As a contemplative wisdom teaches that days are measured by the moments when you are aware of your connectedness to all living things and that the universe is in every experience.
What would you do if today were your last? Martin Luther is reputed to have said, “If I knew the world would end tomorrow, I would plant a tree.” In other words, I would contribute to the beauty of the world and thus the universe. As Marcus Aurelius states in the quote, I would want to live my last day as I hope to live every day; “without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense.”
New Plan –
After my incarcerated fathers class this afternoon I met with a resident for a time of mentoring. He was excited because he had received a letter from his estranged daughter and his time for release is coming quickly. We discussed his plans for getting out; what he was going to do, where he was going to go, short-term and long-term goals. After he laid out his plan I asked him what was plan B and plan C? I explained that one of the keys to not coming back was his ability to adjust to the unexpected. “Hopefully,’ I said, ‘everything goes well but in case it doesn’t, how will you reflect, react and remain on the right path?'” He told me he would work on plan C and discuss it when we meet again in a couple of weeks.
Wisdom stresses the need to be flexible in our plans, pursuits and purposes. Life’s journey has a way of surprising us with its twists and turns and not being able to correct our course can leave us lost in an unpredictable world.
Crawl. Walk. Run.
A couple of weeks ago I shared; “My Depression and Anxiety Story” (https://thewannabesaint.com/2016/04/27/my-depression-and-anxiety-story/) after I had gone on my first run in over two years.
My goal was simple. I would run/walk as often as my physical and mental health would let me. Knowing it would take time to build strength and endurance I took days off and did my best to pace myself. It was important that I didn’t push too hard so I tried to be careful not to strain or sprain anything. However, after two weeks, I noticed both knees were beginning to hurt and by Wednesday of this week I couldn’t walk without severe pain and there were times I thought about crawling from my office to the truck or from the couch to the kitchen. On Friday I went to the doctor and she noticed there was swelling on both knees and we made the decision for me to receive one steroid injection in each leg. Following the shots the physical therapist told me; “Stay off your legs as much as possible until Sunday afternoon. The less you are on your feet the more potent the steroid will be to the injured areas.” So, on a beautiful weekend, I am stuck on the couch. “Ugh!”
Long journeys never seem to abide with our plans. Doing my best to follow the doctor’s advice the last couple of days I’ve had time to reflect on this long journey with Depression and Anxiety. Much like dealing with knee difficulties there have been days with depression and anxiety when all I could do was sit despondently and watch the world go by. Other days I’ve crawled along the path. Most days I walk, albeit slowly, and one day I hope to be able to mentally run on my journey toward recovery.
Wisdom teaches us to crawl, walk then run. Whatever we do, wherever we go, there is a pace, a rhythm. One must be in sync to find and navigate the path towards wholeness and healing.
On my journey with these diseases I cannot dictate the speed. Instead I must accept that each day will be unique and sometimes stillness is the only way forward.
This morning I stumbled into the kitchen to get my “go-go” juice ready to help me wake up and face the day. I replaced the old filter containing Monday’s coffee grinds with a new filter and a mix of fresh Colombian and Breakfast blends. Pressing the start button I began to walk back to the bedroom. However, within a few seconds the; “beep!” which signals the coffee is ready to be served went off. Our coffee maker is fast but not instantaneous. For a moment confusion, then realization. I had done everything needed except put the water in. There was nothing to mix with the grounds to make the java. The coffee maker was empty and there’d be no coffee until I filled it with water.
It was a; “DOH!“, face-palm moment but also a wonderful reminder that no matter how prepared we think we are, how many pieces we have in place, how assured and confident of success and the inevitable fulfillment of our plans and purpose, without the flow of wisdom, passion and spirit into our lives, coursing through everything we do, all we desire will amount to nothing.