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How do You Feel?

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How Do You Feel?

Yesterday was my three-month check-up with the doctor in charge of the medicinal portion of my mental health plan. As someone with Chronic Severe Depression and a Severe Anxiety Disorder, the psychology group I go to has doctors who specialize in medical therapy and others who specialize in talk therapy. Together with the patient a plan is developed and intended to help them as much as possible.

Yesterday’s appointment was; “Meh, okay.” The therapist asked standard questions; “Are you taking your meds? How do you feel? Have you noticed any changes in mood or behavior? Any major life changes?” I answered all of them and told her I was following my plan except for one suggestion she’s made many times. We don’t agree and I don’t think it’s a big deal. She, the professional, thinks otherwise. I told her; “Yes, I am still…” she simply replied; “You know how I feel about that!” and we kept going with the conversation. I found it humorous that’s all she has to say and it’s enough. I either have to trust her and do it or not. She’s told me the benefits and even though I don’t see them I choose to fully follow the mental health plan or not. Sigh.

We’ve all been there with people we love and care for. We give them advice about life and after a point, we decide not to tell them again and again. We let them choose and deal with the results. I’ve done this with many of the people I work with but it’s interesting, and a little uncomfortable, to be on the other side.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Big Ol’ Pile

Mar 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Big Ol’ Pile –

In our second bedroom/exercise room, we have a queen size bed. At least we think we do. Most of the time it is covered in clean clothes. We call the ever-growing pile; “Mount Clothesmore.” Eventually, we decide to scale the mountain and fold the clothes. This was my chore today. I don’t like folding clothes. I think it’s because it never ends. You fold, put them up, wear them, wash and dry them, and then back on the bed. The cyclic nature of it all can make you feel as if it doesn’t matter whether the chore gets done or not. To prove my point, when I finished today Beth said; “There are more clothes in the dryer!” See? Never ending. Most of life is this way. You get up and do the same things over and over. Eating, working, exercise (maybe), chores, bed. Repeat. It can begin to feel as if nothing matters.

How do we keep going? How do we find meaning in this Big Ol’ Pile of cyclic activities we call; “life“? Being mindful helps. Trying to be aware of the differences each unique day and moment brings. There are new things to see, to experience. Things which give us a one of a kind, never done before, never to be repeated, life.

Perhaps, the question to ask ourselves is; “Am I ready? Am I looking? Am I expecting to see, to find, that new thing which makes all the other mundane stuff worth doing?”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mindfulness

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Tags: #activities, #ask, #aware, #back, #bed, #bedroom, #before, #begin, #BigOlPile, #blessings, #brings. #new, #chore, #chores, #clean, #clothes, #covered, #cyclic, #decide, #differences, #doing, #done, #eating, #ends, #eventually, #ever-growing, #exercise, #expecting, #experience, #feel, #find, #finished, #fold, #folding, #going, #helps, #keep, #keepgoing, #life, #looking, #matter, #matters, #meaning, #mindful, #mountain, #MountClothesmore, #mundane, #never, #nevertoberepeated, #nothing, #oneofakind, #point, #prove, #queen, #question, #ready, #Repeat, #scale, #second, #size, #stuff, #thewannabesaint.com, #think, #today, #trying, #unique, #wash, #way, #wear, #working, #worth, @BrianLoging, moment, Nature

Watching Over

Jan 31

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Watching Over –

This afternoon I ran into a store to grab something I needed. The place didn’t have the item so I exited the store. As soon as I stepped outside I could hear a toddler screaming. I looked and the mom, clearly at her breaking point, was fussing at a small boy and neither was getting the better of the other. Finally, the mom, who was waiting for the dad to come out with keys told this boy and his sister who was standing beside the grocery cart watching the scene unfold, to wait while she ran into the store. I sat and watched as she left both toddlers by the car and began to walk inside. I couldn’t leave. I thought to myself; “Someone has to watch over these kids.” Suddenly the little girl bolted towards the mom who was inside the store by now. I tried to watch over both of them making sure no cars were coming or that anything else would happen to them. After a few moments, the mom emerged holding the hand of her daughter walking toward the boy who had only gotten louder when mom disappeared leaving him in the cart. I left knowing they were safer than when they were alone.

This post isn’t about how bad the mom handled the situation. I’m not a parent and have no idea what its like to have children wanting, needing, things all day every day. It’s about helping others, watching over them, caring enough to protect even if the parties don’t realize you’re there. There are times in our lives when all of us need someone to watch over us.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: # moments, ##protect, #allday, #alone, #beside, #better, #blessings, #bolted, #boy, #breaking, #caring, #children, #clearly, #Dad, #daughter, #disappeared, #emerged, #enough, #everyday, #exited, #hand, #handled, #hear, #helping, #him, #holding, #idea, #inside, #knowing, #leave, #Leaving, #left, #little, #lives, #louder, #makingsure, #mom, #need, #needed, #needing, #others, #outside, #over, #parent, #parties, #point, #realize, #safer, #scene, #screaming, #Sister, #situation, #small, #standing, #stepped, #Suddenly, #toddler, #toward, #unfold, #wait, #waiting, #walk, #walking, #wanting, #watched, #watching, #watchover

I Insist

Jan 16

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

I Insist –

A few days ago I posted a political article on my Facebook page. It was a snarky article but I thought it spoke beyond the snark and pointed to a larger and important point. It didn’t take long for people on both sides of the political landscape to begin voicing their opinions. By the time I woke up the next morning my Facebook feed was littered with exuberant cheers and bellicose jeers. After reading a few comments on the article I deleted it. I don’t have any desire to be one more voice in the cacophony of political arguments that dominate our national disagreements.

It was a stark reminder that we live in perilous times where debate and discussion have disappeared and have been replaced by something else that’s a mean, vicious, attack and take no prisoners approach to others who have a different opinion, view on politics, world affairs, life in general and specific.

I don’t want to be in this place personally or culturally. Somehow we must find our way back from allowing our identities to be attached to fleeting things; people, regions, political parties, church affiliation, and cultural icons. We need to discover who we are by journeying inward not abdicating ourselves to what’s outside of us. It’s our only hope for survival and peace.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #abdicating, #affairs, #affiliation, #allowing, #approach, #arguments, #attached, #attack, #bellicose, #beyond, #blessings, #both, #cacophony, #cheers, #comments, #cultural, #culturally, #debate, #deleted, #desire, #different, #disappeared, #discover, #discussion, #dominate, #exuberant, #Facebook, #feed, #find, #fleeting, #hope, #icons, #identities, #identity, #important, #Insist, #inward, #jeers, #journeying, #landscape, #larger, #life, #littered, #mean, #opinions, #outside, #page, #parties, #perilous, #personally, #place, #point, #pointed, #political, #posted, #reading, #regions, #reminder, #replaced, #sides, #snark, #snarky, #specific, #spoke, #stark, #survival, #takenoprisoners, #vicious, #view, #voice, #voicing, #way, #woke, Article, church, National, Opinion, Peace, Politics, World

Pardon the Interruption

Jan 12

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Pardon the Interruption –

When my wife and I first moved up north we were aware there would be cultural differences that both the people we work with and we would need to get used to. For instance, down south we say we’re going to put something “in the hopper,” which means we’ll think about it. Up north, however, it has something to do with a commode. So, that was a phrase I stopped using. Another difference was people interrupting each other. It didn’t take long to notice, especially at meetings, that people would start talking before another person was finished. When this happened the person interrupted either returned the favor or waited for the interruptee to stop before they started up again. In the south, we might fake it but we at least acted like we were listening and waited for the person to finish before we began to talk.

I remember bringing this up at a meeting where people were talking all over each other. I stated the difference and perhaps if we waited, and listened until the other was finished, perhaps our meetings would be more productive and not last as long. It didn’t go over well. No one told me to get over it but the behavior never stopped and I never brought up the subject again.

This was about 10 years ago and I’ve noticed rudeness isn’t going anywhere. In fact, rudeness seems to be expanding at an incredible rate. From radio to tv, social media, family, friends, co-workers, people at grocery stores, arguing and not listening, folks stubbornly stating their point of view, driving haphazardly, everyone in a hurry and not caring who they offend to get their lists of to-do’s done. Even our president cusses, calls people names, makes fun and insults others. Rudeness is winning.

So, how do we stop rudeness from continuing to be the norm? My only answer is kindness, patience, being at peace and giving peace. It’s not about arguing a point but being what you hope others will become.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #acted, #answer, #arguing, #aware, #become, #before, #behavior, #blessings, #bringing, #brought, #calls, #caring, #co-workers, #commode, #continuing, #cultural, #cusses, #differences, #especially, #everyone, #expanding, #fake, #favor, #finish, #finished, #folks, #friends, #fun, #giving, #grocery, #haphazardly, #hope, #hopper, #hurry, #incredible, #instance, #insults, #interrupted, #interruptee, #interrupting, #Interruption, #kindness, #least, #listening, #lists, #media, #meetings, #moved, #never, #norm, #north, #notice, #noticed, #offend, #Pardon, #patience, #perhaps, #person, #phrase, #point, #President, #productive, #radio, #rate, #returned, #rudeness, #social, #start, #started, #stated, #stating, #stop, #stopped, #stores, #stubbornly, #subject, #think, #to-do's, #toilet, #view, #waited, #winning, Family, Driving, Peace, Talk, TV

Stuck

Jan 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Stuck –

This morning my wife had to be at work early. She’s not a morning person so when this happens I try to stay out of the way! After she left I was about to make some coffee when the phone rang. It was Beth frantically telling me that a couple of miles down the road a horse had fallen into a mostly frozen pond and would I do something? “Uh, sure?” I answered. I hopped in the truck, which was very cold inside and out, and drove down the road until I spotted it. Sure enough, there was the poor animal front half end above the ice and it’s back completely submerged. The question quickly became; “What do I do?” The field with the pond and the horse has no house near it. There are a row of houses on the other side but no way to tell which one, if any, owned the horses and/or the field. There were vehicles behind me so I pulled off the road. Feeling helpless and unsure I dialed 911 hoping they would be able to do something or point me in the right direction. A man answered the phone and I told him the story. I gave him the address of the house immediately across the road from the stuck horse and he said help would be on the way. I couldn’t stay where I was parked and the field had no gates to drive through so I trusted the man on the phone and went home.

Sitting here this evening I don’t know what happened to the horse. It wasn’t moving when I called the emergency number and I don’t have any idea how long it was stuck in the ice and freezing water. I hope it will be okay. I hope the help got there in time. I hope someone who could do something got it unstuck and it, along with the other horses, will stay away from the pond until it warms up.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #911, #above, #animal, #answered, #backend, #blessings, #completely, #dialed, #direction, #end, #fallen, #feeling, #frantically, #front, #frozen, #half, #happened, #help, #helpless, #hoping, #horse, #ice, #idea, #immediately, #long, #morning, #moving, #okay, #owned, #parked, #point, #pond, #poor, #pulled, #question, #quickly, #right, #road, #Sitting, #spotted, #stay, #stuck, #submerged, #time, #trusted, #unstuck, #unsure, #way, #WhatdoIdo, Home

Words

Dec 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Words –

Today I had the privilege and duty to be a part of the memorial service for my father. It’s been surreal the last few days. So many errands to run, items to check off on a list, places to go, people to see. There’s been a sense of urgency, a nervous energy, a controlled chaos, riding a wave of sorrow and speed. Because of the hectic pace of the last several days, I stood on the stage behind the pulpit at the service this afternoon with no notes, and no structure to the stories and experiences I wanted to share.

Words, they’ve flooded my mind and soul since Dad passed. Words from family and friends who care and are sorry for our loss. Words that go into an obituary, on a card for flowers, in a service program and used in phone calls, emails, and texts. So many words used to describe the love a family has for one who is, was, the central fixed, point.

Now, standing behind the pulpit at the memorial service today, I had no notes, no words written, no solid ideas, memories swarming in my head but none coming in for a landing. How do you choose the right words to convey the meaning of a life which impacted many people? In the pantheon of phrases, how do you pick out those which will express the purpose of a life lived well?

A deep breath, a small prayer, and … share my heart, open my lips, loosen my tongue and let the words come. No, they will not be adequate. No, they will not be perfect. Yes, there will be second-guessing and memories that are forgotten to be shared.

Words. They are not, and cannot contain the heart’s cry of longing and loneliness or succinctly express the fondness, the love, the good of being apart from a person you love. This is okay. Living, being, existing, is more than words, deeper than condolences, greater than expressions of sympathy and sadness.

Living should be beyond our ability to communicate it easily if it is done well.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #ability, #adequate, #apart, #behind, #being, #beyond, #blessings, #calls, #card, #care, #central, #chaos, #check, #Choose, #come, #communicate, #condolences, #contain, #controlled, #convey, #cry, #Dad, #days, #deep, #deeper, #duty, #easily, #emails, #errands, #existing, #experiences, #express, #expressions, #fixed, #flooded, #flowers, #fondness, #forgotten, #friends, #greater, #head, #heart, #hearts, #hectic, #ideas, #impacted, #items, #landing, #last, #lips, #list, #living, #longing, #loosen, #loss, #meaningofalife, #Memorial, #memorialservice, #memories, #nervous, #notes, #obituary, #open, #pace, #pantheon, #passed, #person, #phone, #phrases, #places, #point, #privilege, #program, #pulpit, #riding, #rightwords, #run, #sadness, #second-guessing, #sense, #service, #several, #share, #shared, #solid, #sorrow, #sorry, #speed, #stage, #standing, #structure, #succinctly, #surreal, #swarming, #sympathy, #texts, #today, #tongue, #urgency, #wave, #words, #Written, Family, breath, Energy, father, loneliness, love, Mind, People, Prayer, purpose, Soul, Stories

Starting Point

May 17

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Starting Point

Much of the work I do with men is helping them see their life; “as it is” not how they think it is, where they are, not where they think they’re located. Many times we think that to improve our lives we just leave the past behind, imagine what we want and go in the direction of our dreams. However, until we know who we are, what we are, we cannot change our life’s trajectory.

Imagine having a map of New York and wanting to visit the Statue of Liberty. You find the world-famous landmark and begin to plan how long it will take and what resources you’ll need to complete your journey. However, if you don’t know where you are you have no starting point, no place of reference. You can’t take the first step towards the future until you discover where you’re standing presently. There are two different type of planning are required if you’re already in New York or if you’re coming from Chicago.

Self-awareness and intense discernment are required for us to forge a new path for our lives. Who, what and where we’ve been determines the genesis point, the starting place that will take us where we need to go.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

1 Comment

Tags: #determines, #discernment, #forge, #genesis, #intense, #lives, #path, #place, #point, #self-awareness, #starting

In the Rubble

May 15

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Life can be hard, difficult, painful and full of loss. There are times, seasons, when the chaos of existence seems to strip us of everything we hold dear and we wonder; “Is there a reason to keep going? What’s the point when everything has been taken away?” When all around us has crumbled, our foundations have been shaken and those things which we’ve placed our faith in no longer exist and we come to place where love, grace and miracles are illusion, what do we do?

At this crisis point we are faced with the decision to trust when there doesn’t seem reason, to see blessing when your way is cursed, to expect life as death hovers near. From the rubble of disappointment, disease, defeat, dejection, even death comes a chance at a new beginning, an appreciation for what will emerge after all we value disappears.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #appreciation, #beginning, #blessing, #chance, #crisis, #cursed, #death, #decision, #defeat, #dejection, #disappears, #disappointment, #disease, #emerge, #expectations, #life, #new, #point, #reason, #rubble, #trust, #value

Sifting and Sorting

Dec 23

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Pallets make a great source of free wood for our fire and the ash is a good fertilizer. But, to use the ash you must first separate it from the metal nails and staples. This past weekend I bought a magnet from a hardware store so that when the ash cools it can be used to pick up what is detrimental to growing things.

Yesterday, I tried it out and it worked well. A quick swipe and a lot of metal was stuck to the magnet. As I removed the nails, screws and staples I thought about how nice it would be to have a magnet for our spirits, emotions and thoughts which we could swipe over ourselves removing any attitudes, dispositions, hostility, confusion, doubts, fears anything that keeps us from growing, maturing, walking the path of wisdom and peace.

However, the more I considered this the more I saw that oftentimes it is the battles, the hardships, the weaknesses we overcome that can be our greatest source of growth. It is in the sifting, the sorting, the separation of the positive and negative influences upon our lives where we find our strength and purpose.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

1 Comment

Tags: #basis, #cause, #grounds, #justification. #growth, #motivation, #motive, #occasion, #point, #reason, purpose

TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

Blog Archives

Big Ol’ Pile

Watching Over

I Insist

Stuck

Starting Point

In the Rubble

Sifting and Sorting

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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