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Rainfall

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Rainfall –

We need rain! Our grass is turning brown from intense heat and barely any rain the last several weeks. The grass was a beautiful green most of the summer, with showers almost daily, and then not much since mid-July. I have a friend who keeps me informed of their weather and they said its raining almost every day. I asked them to send some our way but that didn’t work. I mowed patches of grass and dirt last Friday and the lack of moisture was noticeable.

I’m curious how in some places they’ve had too much rain and its flooding, in other places like California forest fires rage and they are desperate for it. My friend who’s been getting rain almost every day reminded me of the Biblical statement; “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.” That didn’t help because I don’t know if I’m doing something right or wrong but I’d be happy to change to receive the needed rain.

Like summer droughts our souls are at times parched, cracked from dryness, and we need nourishment to replenish us. A person facing a difficult time asked a question yesterday about burnout and I told them some of my symptoms a few years ago and pointed them to my writings from the last several years as one person’s experience of spiritual drought and emotional barrenness. I hope a post or a poem helps remind them what I have learned; the mountaintop highs and the valley lows are all part of this journey of life. Rain does indeed fall on the just and unjust. Don’t let your desperation for rain, for nourishment, convince you the healing will be quick or easy. Rest. Find peace in the dust and dirt. Trust that it will not be like this forever.

For more posts, reflections, poems and other writings, please visit:
http://www.thewannabesaint.com

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)

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Smoldering

Mar 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Smoldering –

On Saturday afternoon I burned a pile of branches, old newspapers, and other miscellaneous items. The smell of the ashes and leftover debris lingered in the air the next day. I had forgotten to grab an old wooden rocking chair out of the reading room which also needed to be disposed of. When I noticed it Sunday afternoon I wondered if the smoldering ash would still be hot enough to do anything. I took the chair out, broke it into several pieces and put some under the coals, which were still a faint orange, and put the rest in a pile on top. I checked it after a while and noticed the smoke had increased. About an hour later the wood was ablaze with a good flame. It didn’t take long to consume it once the fire restarted. Not too long afterward the chair was gone.

I wrote last week about the struggles I have when February rolls around. Many years have passed but the layers of hurt, anger, and uncertainty still lay buried, ready to ignite when fuel is added. What I try to do, instead of dwelling on the past, is not feed the flames. When I am aware and notice my mind drifting back to the place of pain I find a place to breathe. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I remind myself of the truth that I cannot change the past but I can be present in the now. Does it always work? No. Does it work? Yes. Maybe one day I will be healed, maybe not, but I don’t want to give up on living today because of the difficulties of yesterday.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Old News

Mar 2

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Old News –

The last couple of weeks of February have been a rough time for me the last several years. There are painful, heart hurting memories which seem to resurface and dealing with these challenging emotions is difficult.

Today I cleaned up our yard after a round of storms and rain this last week. I threw them on a burn pile and set it afire. I also had some old fence pieces and newspapers to burn. The newspapers are from my wife. She is doing her best to understand and begin to use extreme couponing in an effort to save money. I made sure to take old piles of newspaper and watched as the flames began consuming them. I tried reading some of the headlines and articles before the fire reached them and then they were gone.

As the fire leaped into the air I thought about it being old news which was out of date and historical. I also reflected on the memories I’ve struggled with the last few weeks and tried to remind myself that healing and time can also consume the heartache of the past and that our history enlightens our present.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #afire, #air, #began, #begin, #being, #blessings, #burn, #cleaned, #consume, #consuming, #couponing, #dealing, #difficult, #effort, #emotions, #enlightens, #extreme, #extremecouponing, #flames, #gone, #headlines, #healing, #heart, #heartache, #historical, #hurting, #last, #leaped, #memories, #newspapers, #oldnews, #outofdate, #painful, #past, #pile, #present, #rain, #reached, #reading, #reflected, #remind, #resurface, #rough, #several, #storms, #struggled, #thewannabesaint.com, #time, #understand, #watched, #years, @BrianLoging, Articles, History, Negative, News, Old, Thought

Enemy Within

Jan 25

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for taoist thought of the day

Enemy Within –

I had a meeting with my talk therapist yesterday. It went well. She is professional, a good listener and has a way of pointing out things I miss in life experiences. We were talking about a certain subject, one I struggle with mightily at times, and asked a question that made me think in a completely different way. She didn’t say; “Think this way.” Like a good therapist should do, she allowed me to look inside and find my way out of dark corners.

As someone with a Chronic Severe Depression disorder the battle with ruminating thoughts, anger, doubt, confusion, and fear cover my mind, emotions, and spirit like a wet blanket. Some days I can shake the blanket off of me, other days it’s like a chill in my bones and I can’t get warm. Therapy helps remind me that many of the feelings, and non-feelings, which come with depression may not be gotten rid of completely but a new thought, a burst of light, a letting go of some of the negative, can make room for hope and a willingness to continue the journey.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #allowed, #anger, #battle, #blanket, #blessings, #bones, #burst, #certain, #chill, #chronic, #completely, #confusion, #corners, #cover, #dark, #depression, #different, #doubt, #emotions, #enemy, #experiences, #fear, #feelings, #find, #goodlistener, #hope, #illness, #inside, #journey, #lettinggo, #life, #light, #look, #makeroom, #meeting, #mightily, #miss, #non-feelings, #pointing, #professional, #question, #remind, #rid, #ruminating, #session, #severe, #shake, #spirit, #stay, #struggle, #subject, #therapist, #think, #warm, #wet, #willingness, #within, #yesterday, Mind, Negative, Talk, Thought, Thoughts

How’s Your Aim?

Jan 23

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for gun church

How’s Your Aim? –

This past Sunday morning the Mrs. and I went to our neighborhood church. It’s a small country congregation who meet in a small white building complete with steeple. We arrived as the service was starting and were quickly noticed by one of our neighbors and invited to sit with them. As with most small churches guests are welcomed profusely and it seemed as if every person in the worship room wanted to shake our hands and to tell us how happy they are to see us. This is one of the reasons I love small churches.

Finally, we were able to sit down and the music minister asked everyone to stand. We sang a few hymns and then the pastor stepped up on the platform to preach. As he was walking up to the pulpit I noticed he was carrying a firearm in a holster on his hip. I began looking around and noticed the music minister, and two ushers also were packing heat! Four guns in a group of about 30 people in a room no bigger than 25 feet by 50 feet. Needless to say, I didn’t feel safer and whispered to my wife; “There are 4 people with guns in this room. If someone comes in and starts shooting there will be bullets coming from every direction. Get on the ground and stay as low as you can!” The pastor spoke on; “Guarding your thoughts” but I must admit my thoughts were on all the firepower in the room and what would happen if someone’s gun fell out their holster and start going off!

This isn’t an anti-gun post it is simply surreal that guns in church are now an acceptable casualty of our culture. It also begs the question; “What would Jesus say about guns in a place of peace?”

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Jesus, The Master; The Gospel according to Saint John, Chapter 14

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: # neighborhood, #acceptable, #admit, #Advocate, #afraid, #Aim, #anti-gun, #around, #arrived, #blessings, #building, #bullets, #carrying, #casualty, #churches, #congregation, #country, #culture. #begs, #direction, #Finally, #firearm, #firepower, #give, #gospel, #ground, #group, #Guarding, #guests, #guns, #hands, #happy, #hearts, #holster, #HolySpirit, #hymns, #invited, #leave, #looking, #Master, #minister, #morning, #Needless, #neighbors, #noticed, #packingheat, #preach, #profusely, #pulpit, #question, #quickly, #reasons, #remind, #safer, #SaintJohn, #sang, #service, #shake, #shooting, #simply, #small, #spoke, #stand, #starting, #steeple, #stepped, #Sunday, #surreal, #teach, #troubled, #ushers, #walking, #welcomed, #whispered, #white, #worship, church, father, Jesus, love, music, Pastor, Peace, Platform, Thoughts, World

On Demand

Jan 5

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

On Demand –

This afternoon I had a follow-up appointment at the doctor’s office. They needed to do a routine check-up and wanted a deposit. I had figured as much so I made sure not to leave my deposit at home before I left. I went to the restroom, readied the bottle and…nothing. No matter how much I concentrated there just wasn’t anything that was going to happen. After several minutes I meekly came out of the lavatory and explained the situation to the nurse. She then sent me to the staff vampire who had no such trouble sticking me with a big needle and taking my second deposit by force. I now have a cotton ball and medical tape covering a hole in my arm.

We live in an; “On Demand” world. We get and expect things instantaneously. The problem is sometimes life doesn’t work that way. We may demand expediency but delay and obstruction is what we’re given. If we decide to take what we need to wait on by force pain is often the what we receive instead of what we desire.

It does us good to wait, to not get what we want, to be told; “No!” It reminds us we aren’t all-powerful, possess full control, aren’t as able as we’d like to believe. Wisdom, and the lessons it uses in everyday life remind us who we are, who we aren’t and how to be at peace with both.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #able, #allpowerful, #appointment, #believe, #blessings, #bottle, #check-up, #concentrated, #control, #decide, #delay, #demand, #deposit, #desire, #expect, #expediency, #explained, #follow-up, #force, #fullcontrol, #going, #good, #happen, #instantaneously, #instead, #lessons, #life, #meekly, #minutes, #needed, #nothing, #obstruction, #OnDemand, #pain, #possess, #powerful, #problem, #readied, #receive, #remind, #restroom, #routine, #second, #several, #situation, #staff, #sticking, #taking, #trouble, #vampire, #wait, #whatwewant, #wisdom, Peace, to be told; "No!" It #reminds, World

Ego Breeds Ego

May 12

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Ego breeds ego.

I have a friend who is dealing with the impact of another person’s giant ego. This person throws his weight around, reminds subordinates of their place in the company’s food chain, bullies, threatens and seems completely unaware of his self obsession. He feeds his ego by feasting on others. Meetings are uncomfortable because other employees aren’t sure who the target of wrath will be for the day. “It seems selfish,’ says my friend; ‘but when he chooses someone else I’m relieved that it isn’t me even though I feel the other person’s pain.'” My friend has tried fighting back, confronted his rudeness, challenged his preconceptions, pointed out mistakes, but it hasn’t seemed to matter. “I’ve found that when I begin to focus on taking him down a notch or two, proving he’s not as great as he thinks, my ego begins to grow and manifests itself in ugly ways.”

As we worked though this issue I reminded my friend that; “Ego breeds ego. When your goal is to win or someone else to lose, you both suffer.” One of the most difficult people to deal with are those with an inflated opinion of themselves, especially when they are in positions of power. Wisdom teaches us that humility, even in the face of the egotistical, is the path we should walk. Power, pride, personal gratification always slips through the fingers of the grandiose. Starve ego, don’t feed it or breed it.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #breed, #breeds, #difficult, #ego, #egotistical, #feed, #friend, #goal, #grandiose, #gratification, #humility, #inflated, #issue, #lose, #path, #position, #power, #pride, #remind, #slips, #Starve ego, #suffer, #teaches, #walk, #win, #wisdom, Opinion, Personal

Confrontation

Mar 24

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Last night I had to confront someone on a bad decision they had made. It wasn’t easy. I’m not one for confrontation. I would rather build someone up, encourage them, congratulate them on their progress than look another person in the eye and tell them they’ve made a bad decision. However, this is what friends, mentors, leaders need to do and refusal would mean to abdicate our responsibility.

This gentleman is in one of my incarcerated father groups and he chose to get in a fight with another man in his pod after the two had unkind words with each other. As a result he has to serve thirty days in the maximum facility portion of the jail. I had heard about the scuffle before he came to class so after he came in I found a moment to ask him about it. This big man, six inches taller and quite a bit wider than me, quickly looked down at his feet and admitted what he had done. “You’ve got to make good choices!” I told him. “Good decision lead you to better places, bad ones bring you here, to stay.” He shook his head and told me he was sorry and that I was right. We didn’t have time to talk about it longer but set up a time to connect next week.

Confrontation, butting heads with someone, going toe to toe, eye to eye isn’t easy but at times is necessary. However, this can’t be the end of the conversation. When we sit down and speak about the matter I will encourage, remind him of his progress, how far he’s come and that he’s smart enough and good enough to learn from a poor decision and keep moving forward.

blessings,
@BrianLoging
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #Confrontation, #conversation, #decision, #encourage, #how_far, #learn, #moveforward, #necessary, #progress, #remind, #smart

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

Rainfall

Smoldering

Old News

Enemy Within

On Demand

Ego Breeds Ego

Confrontation

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

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