Change Myself –
The older I get the less knowledge and wisdom I think I possess. They say the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is two-fold; fearing God and knowing you know nothing. As each year passes the second part seems to get easier.
There was a time when I believed I knew much. Not just about myself but also about others. I could perceive motives both inward and outward, judge with impunity, and thought myself better and more able to live a life pleasing to God and myself than most other people. Then, I began to grow up.
The word growing brings with it a sense of serenity but growing is painful. It is bursting through old barriers, going places that are uncomfortable and unknown, daring to die in order to live, braving the challenges and elements that surround you.
With growth comes the realization you cannot force others to change. You do not have that power. You cannot stop the world from spinning out of control. You don’t have that ability. You can’t even get past your own hurts, habits, and hangups most days. You, I, am a perfect example of imperfection.
Wisdom and knowledge. They are as different as night and day but compliment each other when embraced and allowed to exist mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact, please you.”
Each Decision –
One of the hardest disciplines to commit to in life is letting go of things, places, and people who are not good for us.
Wisdom teaches us that to have an ordered life, one that is not torn between calm and chaos, requires us to evaluate all that we possess, or possess us. In an examination such as this, we decide what is holding us back and what will allow us to let go and find serenity.
Google defines serenity as; the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled (“an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city”). As I read this definition and it’s example, I was struck with the image. As OASIS in a BUSTLING city. The place of peace and stillness is not found in the desert, on a mountain top, a cabin in the woods but in the midst of the hustle and bustle of today, this moment.
Letting go or being dragged comes down to how we want to exist in our physical, emotional and spiritual being. It is the choice we make as each second ticks by leading us to the destination that is dictated by our most important decision.
Good and Bad –
Earlier this week a link to an old style entertainment wrestling video appeared in my Facebook feed. I recognized the wrestler and I admit succumbing to the temptation to click on the link. Watching it I was taken back to my childhood and enjoying these entertainment wrestling shows. My parents weren’t fans so my brother and I made sure they weren’t aware of what we were filling our brains with on the boom tube.
These wrestlers were incredible. They wore flashy clothes, had muscles everywhere, took a beating, kept on going and most of the time the good guy won the match. One of the reasons I liked wrestling as a kid was because you knew who the good and bad guys were by the way the dressed, talked, wrestled (good guys never cheated) and behaved in and outside of the ring. As a kid these were real life heroes and villains fighting for right and wrong, good and bad, justice and injustice every Saturday. Back then I didn’t know it was a lot more entertainment than wrestling. As I grew up I came to realize it was athletic acting, a male dominated, sports soap opera.
Someone asked me a few days ago who they should vote for in the upcoming presidential race. “Both candidates have tremendous flaws! As a Christian, how should we vote?” I shook my head and simply said; “I think you should pray.” “About who to vote for?” they asked. “No,’ I replied, ‘I’m not sure as a Christian you can, with a Holy conscience, vote for either one. But you can pray.”
The older I get the harder to tell who the good and bad people are anymore. Our world is so full of mixed signals, compromise and confusion. I don’t think its going to get any better. Prayer, humility, serenity of spirit is what it takes to survive and hope in times and seasons such as these.
Come Out & Play –
Ever feel life is similar to this poor Giant Panda Bear (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_panda) staff member? You’re doing everything you can to keep your life neat and orderly, to do what you need to do, and forces beyond your control are conspiring against you to keep it from happening.
Watching this video I couldn’t help but feel sorry and empathize with the zoo keeper. I’ve been there. On good days, when my Clinical Depression and Severe Anxiety are kept at bay, I’m able to accomplish what I set my mind to do. However, on those days when my D&A decide to run wild it takes everything I’ve got to get the simplest project done or task completed.
Those days when Depression and Anxiety; “come out to play” and wreak havoc I do my best to remember tomorrow, or some day soon, they’ll stay away long enough for life to regain a semblance of order and serenity.
#EndtheStigma of #MentalHealth
He seemingly came out of nowhere! Amidst the first rays of light, the summer haze and the grogginess that often accompanies me on early outings, a stranger took me by surprise!
About a month ago our Siberian Husky was greeted rather harshly by a large dog. During one of our regular jaunts up and down the rolling hills of Manheim this beautiful and rambunctious Golden Retriever, who usually just barks, came out of his yard and proceeded to jump onto Trooper’s back, growling and being rather pushy! Trooper did a good job of staying calm and I was able to maneuver him away from the misbehaving canine. The owner, who came running down the driveway, was doing her best to help. Dogs not liking other dogs are par for the course when you get out as much as we do so the whole event was soon forgotten.
This morning, before 7AM, while the moon was still visible in the sky and the varying colors announced the sun’s ascent I had reached the bottom of the hill adjacent to the yard where the Golden Retriever was “Lord of his domain!” As we began to climb the hill I spotted a man, in a dark outfit, hands in pocket, eyes focused, walking straight toward me. I had not thought about the incident from four weeks ago and was unsure of what and why this was happening. Most roads in this area are not well populated. Lots of cornfields, lots of space, lots of places to bury a body! As a precaution I moved to the other side of the road. This didn’t deter him as he simply adjusted his trajectory. He was getting closer and I wasn’t at all comfortable. My anxiety and suspicion were spiking!
Finally we both stopped and I positioned the Husky between us. He told me he was the husband of the lady who pulled the dog off of Trooper a few weeks ago and wanted me to know that he and his wife were very sorry about the trouble and hoped we both were okay. I assured him everything was copacetic and that this wasn’t the first or last time another dog would act up when feeling threatened or sensed their territory was being invaded. I found out from the gentleman that the Golden’s name was Parker, introduced the man to Trooper and noted that he was wearing a patch on his uniform that read “Hershey.” The Hershey plant in Hershey, Pennsylvania is not far from where we live and I asked him how long he had been working there and if he knew someone named Jim, whom Hershey also employed, and attended our church. We chatted for a few moments, began walking and when we reached his driveway, Parker’s driveway?, I told him thanks again and we parted ways.
As Trooper and I headed home I thought about how weary I was when Jay, the man’s name, first invaded my space. I was very much like Parker; antsy, frustrated and quite hinky. I crossed the road, sped up, eagle-eyed him and if I could’ve barked …? Instead I met a nice guy who is no longer a stranger.
Oftentimes we are quick to be suspicious, expect danger, throw up our defenses when someone or something new comes along. Something we don’t like, someone acts in a way that makes us uncomfortable, anything that disrupts our comfort zone, makes us quickly assume that “stranger equals danger.”
“Serenity and suspicion rarely go well together”.
My early morning run-in helped remind me of this and the need to be mindful of my first reaction. Thanks Jay and Parker, see you soon!
wisdom and comfort,