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Can You Hear Me?

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Can You Hear Me?

Earlier this week I had a frustrating conversation with someone (not Beth). I was attempting to explain and they weren’t receptive to my words body language and insistence. Finally, we decided we’d try again at a later date when cooler heads would prevail.

It is amazing how difficult it can be to communicate; listen and speak. It doesn’t only involve ears and mouths but minds, bodies, times, temperaments, and most of all the willingness of both parties to check their egos at the door. This is where I made my mistake. I was attempting to force someone to listen, to see and understand what I was doing and it wasn’t taking. Forcing people to do anything rarely, if ever, works. After we both stepped away I realized the whole situation was my fault. I wasn’t showing empathy but exasperation and that’s never a good head-space to be in when trying to speak to someone.

Thankfully, when we came back together I was able to recognize where I went wrong and tried a different way. I instructed and acted more respectfully and thoughtfully. I made sure not to try to cram information into someone but to let them absorb it. When it was over I apologized for my shortsightedness and hope this is a lesson I will take to heart.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #absorb, #acted, #amazing, #apologized, #attempting, #blessings, #bodies, #bodylanguage, #bothparties, #CanYouHearMe, #communicate, #conversation, #coolerheads, #cram, #decided, #differentway, #difficult, #ears, #egos, #empathy, #exasperation, #explain, #fault, #force, #Forcingpeople, #frustrating, #head-space, #heart, #hoped, #information, #insistence, #instructed, #involve, #know, #language, #lesson, #minds, #mistake, #mouths, #prevail, #rarely, #receptive, #recognize, #respectfully, #see, #shortsightedness, #speak, #stepped, #temperaments, #Thankfully, #thewannabesaint.com, #thoughtfully, #times, #together, #wholesituation, #willingness, #words, #wrong, @BrianLoging, Listen

Everything But

May 16

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Everything But –

This morning I was shopping at Wal-Mart looking for items to check off my list. However, I couldn’t find one so I began to look for an employee to help me. I spotted a man in a white shirt, blue and white ID holder attached to a lanyard. He was about to leave so I called from the opposite end of the aisle; “Excuse me, sir? Could you help me?” He stopped and I walked up to and asked him where the item I needed was located. “Sporting goods. Over there.” and though I thought his answer was vague I thanked him and began looking again. I was frustrated he didn’t narrow down my search. Then, it hit me. The man I spoke to wasn’t a Wal-Mart employee. He just happened to look like one because I was searching for one. I laughed at myself and wondered about the guy who would tell his family and friends today about the stranger who mistook him for someone who worked at Wal-Mart.

Later in the day, I was teaching a Dad’s Community Group and we were learning about listening. One of the ways to be a better listener is to leave your biases out of the conversation. When we’ve made up our mind about a person to or the topic *before* listening and understanding what the person is saying, and feeling, we are not listening. We are only waiting to speak.

Listening is not about criticizing, advice giving, making the conversation about us. Listening is, at its essence, letting a person know they are valued, respected. Too often we make it about everything but…

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: # understanding, ##opposite, #advice giving, #answer, #ask, #began, #biases, #blessings, #called, #conversation, #criticizing, #essence, #EverythingBut, #find, #frustrated, #happened, #help, #laughed, #learning, #leave, #listenbetter, #listening, #located, #looking, #madeupourmind, #mistook, #moreeffectively, #narrow, #needed, #respected, #saying, #search, #searching, #speak, #spotted, #stopped, #stranger, #talking, #teaching, #thanked, #thewannabesaint.com, #topic, #vague, #valued, #waiting, #wondered, @BrianLoging, Mind

Silent

Jan 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Silent –

I read an interview this week of an actress who was verbally attacked by a well-known director this summer. He insulted her current movie and her by proxy. Her response? She didn’t say anything. She kept silent in spite of the fact that her movie was one of the summer’s biggest blockbusters. In the last few weeks, she was asked why she never responded to the criticism of the director. She answered simply; “I didn’t want to give him the attention he was looking for.”

Two or three days ago a journalist began publicizing his book about the president. The book and the author weren’t at all flattering of the man or the job he’s doing as our nation’s leader. In response, the president responded with insults, negative tweets, threatening lawsuits and gave the author what he wanted most; more attention. I’ve heard even the most ardent supporters of the president question why he couldn’t leave it alone?

Wisdom teaches us to know when to speak and when to stay silent. If you’re wondering which to do a favorite quote of mine is; “No one regrets a rushed word unspoken.” The truth is we talk too much. We are too quick to defend ourselves. Most can’t handle a perceived slight. Our tongues and lips seem to be “at the ready” to do battle with whoever and whatever insults, belittles, or challenges our view of the world or ourselves.

Wisdom reveals that silence and patience are signs of maturity in those who have a strong sense of who and what they are as a person.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #alone, #answered, #ardent, #asked, #attacked, #attention, #attheready, #author, #battle, #belittles, #blessings, #challenges, #criticism, #defend, #director, #favorite, #flattering, #give, #insulted, #insults, #interview, #journalist, #keptsilent, #lawsuits, #leader, #leave, #lips, #maturity, #moreattention, #nation's, #never, #patience, #perceived, #person, #President, #proxy, #publicizing, #question, #quick, #quote, #regrets, #responded, #response, #reveals, #rushed, #sayanything, #sense, #signs, #silent, #simply, #slight, #speak, #strong, #supporters, #teaches, #threatening, #tongues, #toomuch, #trump, #truth, #tweets, #unspoken, #verbally, #view, #wisdom, #wondering, Negative, Silence, Talk, World

Sifted

Nov 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Sifted –

We live in a world where our thoughts are too easily written down and dispersed on an unexpecting and often unwanting public. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and more give us the options of pairing our words with pictures, emojis, aesthetic backgrounds as if that makes them seem more important. What we are missing is a filter which asks; “Does this post hurt you or others?” If the answer is; “Yes” then we don’t put it out there for the whole world to see.

The question; “Does this hurt you or others?” should also apply to what we say in the real world to each other. I’ve heard people say things to another human being which should simply never be said. The problem is “No Filter.” We have latched on to the idea that if we think it, it is worth expressing, and we don’t consider the consequences of the words we speak.

Words, perhaps more than any other weapon, has the power to create or destroy life. May we use them carefully.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #aesthetic, #apply, #backgrounds, #carefully, #consequences, #consider, #create, #destroy, #dispersed, #emojis, #expressing, #filter, #heard, #humanbeing, #hurt, #idea, #important, #latched, #life, #missing, #never, #NoFilter, #options, #pairing, #pictures, #post, #power, #problem, #public. #Facebook, #realworld, #simply, #speak, #Twitter, #unexpecting, #unwanting, #weapon, #Written, Instagram, People, Thoughts, World

Reacting

Oct 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Reacting –

What are you reacting to? Such a wonderful and powerful question.

We live in a reactive world. Opinions, biases, judgments, loyalties, choosing sides, seems to be what everyone around us is doing. We don’t have to ask for someone’s thoughts on a matter before they tell it to us anyway. Social media is a primary culprit but I’ve heard stories of this happening in restaurants, gas stations, and grocery stores. People can’t shut up or stop typing. It is a wonder anyone can find interior peace when the exterior world bombards our ears with a cacophony of noise and words.

“The space in between” is a difficult discipline which needs broader acceptance. Basically, it teaches that between the incident and the comment is the moment to choose our response. Between the action and the reaction, we have the ability to make the situation better, the same, or worse. In the immediate time following an experience we have the ability to make it more or less unstable.

Reacting, choosing, deciding, what our reaction to a stimulus will determine our destiny. Will we be thoughtlessly reactive, speak without considering, act without thinking about the outcome? Or, will we remember the “space in between” and so grace, kindness, and love?

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Wisdom

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Tags: #ability, #acceptance, #act, #action, #better, #between, #biases, #bombards, #broader, #cacophony, #Choose, #choosing, #choosingsides, #comment, #considering, #culprit, #deciding, #decision, #destiny, #determine, #difficult, #discipline, #experience, #exterior, #gasstations, #grace, #grocerystores, #immediate, #incident, #interior, #judgments, #kindness, #loyalties, #matter, #opinions, #outcome, #primary, #Reacting, #reaction, #reactive, #remember, #response, #restaurants, #ShutUp, #situation, #socialmedia, #space, #spaceinbetween, #speak, #stimulus, #stoptyping, #teaches, #thinking, #thoughtlessly, #time, #unstable, #wonder, #words, love, Noise, Peace, Stories, Thoughts, World

Fear

Oct 19

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Fear –

I heard someone talking today about a giant animated spider a neighbor has in their front yard along with several other Halloween decorations. The problem isn’t the decor but the animated spider scares the man and his dog each time they walk near the house The spider is motion activated so there’s never a moment when the spider won’t “react” when he and the pooch are near the house. He’s resigned to walk a different way and in a different direction until his neighbor puts away the spider. He’s hoping the Christmas decorations will be less traumatic for him and his dog.

As I listened to his story I thought about fear; our reaction to it and it’s reaction to us. There are different things we are each afraid of. What scares one might not bother the other and the stuff of nightmares to one is shrugged off by another.

The man would be silly to try to tell his dog; “It’s not real. It’s fake. Stop being fearful!” Two things keep the dog from understanding. One, the dog doesn’t speak or comprehend language. Two, fear doesn’t work that way. How the man handled it is spot on. He walked a different way so he and his dog would be able to walk in peace.

Too often we try to convince people not to be scared of things. Sometimes this works but most of the time we and the person we are trying to convince not to be fearful end up frustrated and eventually separated. Facing our fears is fine in certain cases but in others walking with another a different way shows love, empathy, and acceptance.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: # understanding, #able, #acceptance, #afraid, #another, #bother, #certain, #comprehend, #convince, #different, #empathy, #eventually, #Facingourfears, #fake, #fear, #feardoesntworkthatway, #fearful, #frustrated, #handled, #language, #listened, #most, #nightmares, #notreal, #reaction, #scared, #scares, #separated, #shrugged, #silly, #speak, #story, #walked, #walking, #way, love, Peace, Works

Excuse Me?

Oct 4

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Excuse Me –

Someone asked me today; “Who’s your favorite killer?” I did a double take and asked in return; “My favorite what?” “Color,’ came the response, ‘favorite color?” “Oh!, blue,” I said. I was told I needed to work on my Tennessean listening skills.

It was a good laugh at my expense and a good reminder about listening. Each of us come from a unique background. We often forget that when we are speaking and listening to someone. People speak using words we don’t use, wouldn’t use, aren’t sure how to use. Folks speak with biases, colored by experiences, influenced by generational cycles of positive and negative cultural, religious and familial understandings.

This is why it is so important to listen with our whole being, not casually while we mess with our phones, distract ourselves with “more important” things or not honor the person who is speaking with mindfulness and focus.

Listening is a sacred gift we can give one another.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #background, #biases, #casually, #colored, #cycles, #distract, #expense, #experiences, #focus, #folks, #forget, #generational, #gift, #honor, #important, #influenced, #influences, #laugh, #listening, #often, #ourselves, #person, #positive, #reminder, #sacred, #speak, #speaking, #unique, Listen, mindfulness, Negative

Aroma

Jul 26

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Aroma –

I drove to the dump today on my way to a meeting. When I opened the door the stench of heat, humidity and heaps of garbage smacked me in the face. As quick as I could I deposited my trash into the container and left. There’s nothing quite like the smell of a dump in the middle of July. I’ve lived in a lot of places but the dumps in July seem to share the same aroma no matter where I’m at. To put it delicately, they all have an unpleasant smell, or they stink!

I was talking with someone this week about unpleasant people and the way they try our nerves, disturb our stillness and negatively impact our lives. We all have those people in our life, those folks whose attitude, demeanor, demands and difficult ways give off an unpleasant aroma.

How we handle these foul folks reveal more about us than they do the other person. It’s easy to respect someone who respects us, compliment those who say nice things, return kind gestures and empathize with those who care. However, for the ones who stink it’s easier to get in and out of their presence as quickly as possible and avoid if doable.

To respect, speak kindly, act generously and care for these smelly ones takes a conviction in the deepest part of ourselves that gracious, grace-giving, living isn’t about the other person, it’s about who we are and want to be.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #aroma, #Attitude, #avoid, #conviction, #deepest, #dump, #garbage, #gracegiving, #kind, #lives, #presence, #smell, #speak, #stink

Uncontrollable Words

Dec 13

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Uncontrollable Words –

The other day I was cornered by someone who felt they needed to tell me something…actually, it was a lot of somethings. This person kept going on and on and on. I could literally feel myself wearing down from all the words, phrases that were being thrown my way. We weren’t communicating. I was doing my best to listen at first but after a while, I noticed they were just throwing words at me hoping something would stick. I was wrestling with which would be better; sticking my fingers in my ear while chanting; “La, la, la, la.” Grabbing a passerby and introducing the person to them hoping their focus would shift and I could sneak away or just making a break for it, running and seeing if they would pursue.

I was speaking, communicating, with another person last week about the art of talking and listening to another person. Wisdom tells us that true conversation is a sacred act. Meeting someone new, hearing secrets, weaknesses, dreams, memories, connecting on a deeper level requires not just words and phrases but silence and pauses. We allow the other’s being to be revealed and we share our own. This can’t be done if we never take a breath, if we are only wanting to be heard not also wanting to hear.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Contemplative, Life

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Tags: #beheard, #connection, #conversation, #listening, #pauses, #speak, #speaking, #toomanwords, #toomanyphrases, #understand, #wisdom, Listen, Silence

Muddy Words

Sep 23

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Muddy Words –

I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman this week who had a unique combination of over-confidence, a persecution complex, an incredibly loud voice and a gift(?) for being able to talk for long periods without taking a breath.

It was hard to follow everything he was saying. There were times when I tried interrupting, even holding up my hand to try to get him to pause long enough for me to say anything! No luck, so I took a breath. Wisdom tells me when water is muddy only being still will allow you to see clearly.

So, I listened, without obstructing his word flow and waited. Finally, he was finished and I knew what he was trying to tell me. I didn’t agree but listening and agreeing aren’t the same thing. When I was able to speak with him I did so slowly, purposefully, not with the idea of changing him, but letting him know he had been heard. Doing this made all the difference in the rest of our time together.

It was another reminder we are never the master, always the student when it comes to the lessons wisdom tries teaching us.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Wisdom, Wisdom Quotes

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Tags: #agree, #changing, #difference, #finished, #heard, #idea, #lessons, #Master, #obstruction, #purposefully, #reminder, #slowly, #speak, #student, #tryingtotellme, #wisdom, Listen

Shhhhh

Aug 29

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Shhhhh… –

What does it mean to listen?

I had a conversation with a gentleman today about what it means to truly hear another person, to listen intently, empathetically, contemplatively. It’s not an easy discipline to master. To hear another, to touch their true selves takes practice and no small amount of humility.

Most of the time when we are conversing with another person we are simultaneously thinking about what we are going to say in response and filtering what the other is saying through our own life filter. In other words, we hear according to who we are not the person speaking to us. If we desire to listen, hear the other person speak, feel their words, the emotions behind them we must be a blank paper that they can write upon.

We live in a world where listening is quickly becoming a lost art, a forgotten discipline. To listen to someone is to make a bond, join together, connect on a deeper level than all the drivel which inundates our lives through TV, radio, internet, social media each day.

Contemplative listening is letting a person speak their words, to have them imprinted upon us, without a ready response or hasty judgement. It is to touch the soul of the other and know that neither will be the same afterwards.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Contemplative

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Tags: #blankpaper, #bond, #connect, #deeperlevel, #desire, #drivel, #emotions, #feel, #forgottendiscipline, #hastyjudgement, #hear, #imprinted, #internet, #inundates, #jointogether, #listening, #lostart, #radio, #readyresponse, #socialmedia, #speak, #touchthesoul, Contemplative, Listen, TV, World

Telling It Like It Is

May 11

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

“Telling it like it is” is not something I like to do. I try to always tell the truth but being brutally honest with someone is an uncomfortable style for me. I like a conversation rather than a confrontation.

However, there are times when; “telling it like it is” has to be done. Today, I needed to look someone in the eye and tell them a hard truth. Their body language told the story. They looked away, squirmed in their seat and their words back to me had a decided edge. We continued the talk and by the end of our time together we were on the same page but it was still tense.

There are moments when we must choose to speak the truth and suffer the consequences. Truth has a way of straining, testing, challenging and taking an exacting toll on relationships. Wisdom teaches us that the hard decision to be truthful, no matter the cost, is worth the possible consequences to others and ourselves.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: # moments, #challenging, #Choose, #consequences, #decision, #speak, #straining, #suffer, #teaches, #testing, #toll, #truth, #truthful, #wisdom, Relationships

Lost in Translation

Apr 25

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

This morning I gave a presentation to a group composed of English-speaking and Spanish-speaking only individuals. This mix of people meant using a translator. This was a new experience for me. I quickly learned the differences in lecturing with and without one. The first was pacing. I couldn’t use my normal pace because of the pause required to let the translator interpret the words, phrases and ideas being presented to those who only spoke Spanish. The second was trusting the translator to interpret everything I said correctly. Even now I have no way of knowing what she did and didn’t say to those who were listening to her.

One of the positives, while also being strange, in using a translator, was the pause between speaking. While she spoke I could decide how to present my next idea. I used these gaps to make sure extra, unneeded words and phrases were removed while important crucial points were made as clear as possible.

Though difficult I do wonder if every day communicating would benefit from pausing between each sentence, thought and idea to ensure every word, even the gaps, are filled with meaning and purpose? Perhaps we’d have a more peaceable world if we were forced to think before we speak.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: #communication, #conversation, #ideas, #pause, #speak, #speaking, #translation, #translator, #wisdom, Thoughts

TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

Blog Archives

Can You Hear Me?

Everything But

Silent

Sifted

Reacting

Fear

Excuse Me?

Aroma

Uncontrollable Words

Muddy Words

Shhhhh

Telling It Like It Is

Lost in Translation

Brian Loging, OSBO

@BrianLoging

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TheWannabeSaint.com

…..a place for sojourners on this spiritual path called life

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Brian Loging, OSBO

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