Christmas is an elusive feeling, one that I’ve lost and have had a hard time locating. I’m not sure when I misplaced it but it’s been several years ago. When I was younger Christmas was a time of joy and hope, family and friends, a season of stillness in an often too chaotic world. Now, however, it seems to simply come and go without much impact upon my life or spirit. I understand the; “Christmas Spirit,” cannot be forced and that feelings shouldn’t be manipulated but the intangible-ness of a warmed heart, intimacy for those we love, a sense of home and family have left me feeling empty and cold during a time when I desire the opposite.
I wish I could put my finger upon the reason for my inability to capture the essence of Christmas in my soul. Perhaps it has to do with getting ready to move in consecutive years and our current house is still too new to us to feel like home. Maybe it is the loss of loved ones to death who made special gifts, baked seasonal goodies, brought love and laughter at this special time of year. Whatever the reason I miss Christmas but I still have hope that one day it will find me again.