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Scattered

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Scattered –

Last night I stuck a bag of trash on the porch. Living in the country and not placing garbage in a receptacle is like playing Russian Roulette. Sometimes a varmint gets into it and other times they just pass it by. Unfortunately, last night something got into the trash and scattered it all over the driveway. It was the first thing I saw when letting the dog out this morning. I went inside, grabbed a new bag and began recollecting the trash. There’s nothing quite like picking up frost-covered garbage at dawn.

As I was gathering it and stuffing it into the bag I began to recall a Jewish wisdom tale;

A woman repeated a story (gossip) about a neighbor. Within a few days, everyone in the community knew the story. The person she talked about heard what had been said about her and she was very sad. Later, the woman who had spread the story learned that it was not true. She was very sorry and went to a wise rabbi and asked what she could do to repair the damage. After giving this some thought, the rabbi said to her, “Go home, get one of your feather pillows, and bring it back to me.” Surprised by the rabbi’s response, the woman followed his advice and went home to get a feather pillow and brought it to the rabbi. “Now,” said the rabbi, “open the pillow and pull out all the feathers.” Confused, the woman did what she was told to do. After a few minutes, the rabbi said, “Now, I want you to find every one of the feathers and put them back into the pillow.” “That’s impossible,” said the woman, almost in tears. “The window is open and the wind has scattered them all over the room and blown many feathers outside. I can’t possibly find them all.” “Yes,” said the rabbi. “And that is what happens when you gossip or tell a story about someone else. Once you talk about someone, the words fly from one person’s mouth to another, just like these feathers flew in the wind. Once you say them, you can never take them back.”

It was a great reminder that not only every word but every action has consequences that we cannot foresee. Our lives should be lived mindfully aware that our scattered thoughts, words, and actions will impact the world for evil or for good.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Enemies

Feb 6

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Enemies –

I sat and talked with a gentleman yesterday about a disappointing experience which had happened to him in recent days. We spoke about turning negatives into positives and how what we might label as “bad” doesn’t have to be a continuing negative experience. “What you do with this extra time, a time you might not have wanted, but have been given will go a long way in shaping the rest of your life. This time is either a blessing or a curse and the choice is yours.”

We underestimate the moments and seasons in our lives that are unwanted and seem to be working against the goals and dreams we have for the present and the future. Wisdom teaches us that every experience can enlighten us, give us knowledge and wisdom, and take us further along the path of life we all are traveling.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: # moments, #against, #bad, #blessing, #blessings, #choice, #continuing, #curse, #disappointing, #dreams, #enemies, #enlighten, #experience, #extra, #further, #Future, #gentleman, #given, #goals, #knowledge, #label, #life, #negatives, #path, #positives, #present, #rest, #seasons, #shaping, #talked, #teaches, #time, #traveling, #turning, #underestimate, #unwanted, #wanted, #way, #wisdom, #working, Negative

Long

Dec 31

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Long –

A question was asked today; “If you had one word to describe this year what would it be?” I knew the answer before the question was finished. The answer was/is looooooooooooooong.

My father passed away on December 1st. His battle with pancreatic cancer began near the first of the year. I went through it with him and my mom long distance, over the phone, and travelled down to South Carolina several times to see them. What they went through, the endless doctor’s appointments, the good news and bad news proclamations from well-meaning physicians, the ultimate acceptance of; “there’s nothing more we can do,” and then his sudden demise. As I said, “long year.”

Yet, paradoxically, there is a part of me that is holding on to 2017. It may have been fraught with battles and ultimately surrender but at least there was still a fight to be had. Since December 1st and the flurry of activity of the next few days prepping for his memorial service, the days have been living in slow motion. In spite of it’s pace, this was the last month I can say that I saw him, talked with him, sat in his presence, read and prayed with him. Now, in just a few hours I won’t have that attachment any longer.

It is quite difficult to let go, to walk into an unknown future, live a new normal with only 30 days of adjustments and finding our place, gaining our balance. It will be a challenge to press on into this new, strange year, but it must be done.

A soft, sorrowful; “Goodbye 2017” and a hesitant, and perhaps hopeful; “Hello” to 2018.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #2017, #2018, #30days, #acceptance, #activity, #adjustments, #answer, #appointments, #asked, #attachment, #away, #bad, #balance, #battle, #battles, #began, #blessings, #cancer, #challenge, #December1st, #demise, #describe, #difficult, #doctor's, #endless, #fewhours, #fight, #finding, #finished, #first, #flurry, #fraught, #Future, #gaining, #good, #goodbye, #Hello, #hesitant, #holding, #hopeful, #least, #live, #living, #long, #longdistance, #longer, #looooooooooooooong, #Memorial, #mom, #new #normal, #newnormal, #nothing, #pancreatic, #paradoxically, #part, #passed, #physicians, #prayed, #prepping, #presence, #presson, #proclamations, #question, #quite, #read, #service, #several, #slowmotion, #soft, #sorrowful, #strange, #sudden, #surrender, #talked, #through, #times, #today, #toletgo, #ultimate, #unknown, #walk, #well-meaning, #word, #year, @BrianLoging (Twitter) thewannabesaint.com, father, News

a Break

Dec 27

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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a Break –

Today was the first appointment with my therapist since my father passed. We kept coming back to the theme; “It’s been a long month!” We talked about a lot of things which have happened, are happening and will happen. Responsibilities, experiences, the new normal of living life without dad and how these are impacting my chronic depression and severe anxiety. As we were wrapping up the session her words, her prescription for me was; “Give yourself a break.” In other words, take it one day at a time, don’t fixate on certain challenges, try not to do everything at once and breathe, keep yourself centered.

On the way home I was driving behind a person with a bumper sticker which read; “Of course I love you! Why wouldn’t I?” I received the message and took it to heart. We put such a demand upon ourselves to get things done, live up to expectations, not let anyone down, be what we believe we should be instead of simply accepting ourselves for who we are; imperfect people trying to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God and with each other.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #accepting, #anxiety, #appointment, #behind, #believe, #blessings, #break, #bumpersticker, #centered, #certain, #challenges, #chronic, #course, #Dad, #day, #demand, #depression, #expectations, #experiences, #fixate, #give, #God, #happened, #heart, #humbly, #impacting, #imperfect, #instead, #keep, #liveup, #livinglife, #long, #mercy, #Message, #month, #newnormal, #normal. #new, #one, #otherwords, #passed, #prescription, #received, #Responsibilities, #session, #severe, #simply, #stay, #talked, #theme, #therapist, #time, #today, #walk, #way, #wrapping, #yourself, breathe, Driving, father, Home, Justice, love, People

Redeemed

Dec 9

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Redeemed –

This morning my scripture readings included the 43 chapter of Isaiah. I had heard a selection of this chapter earlier this week at my dad’s memorial service. He mentioned these verses many times and one of his favorite words in this passage was the word; “Redeemed.”

To redeem means to; “compensate for the faults or bad aspects of (something), to gain or regain possession of (something) in exchange for payment.”

My dad wasn’t a perfect man. He had his habits, hurts, and hangups as we all do. Sunday afternoon, as my mother and I traveled back to her house after meeting the pastoral team who would do his service, I mentioned to my mom that for days all we heard was the good stuff about dad. She responded; “People think he’s a saint!” We both laughed and talked about the myriad of frustrating things dad did that aggravated us so much and the things we did that triggered him.

“The beginning of love is to let the one we love be perfectly themselves,
not twist them to fit our own image.
Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
#ThomasMerton

Remembering someone after they’ve passed is to try to hold the whole of them together in our hearts and minds. The good and not so good. The positive and the negative. The stuff we loved and the things which drove us crazy.

Loving each other isn’t about forcing someone to change to meet our expectations or being blind to their faults. It is allowing a fusion of imperfect souls to connect in a deeper way where; “love covers a multitude of sins,” a mountain of aggravation, a collection of experiences that allows each one to maintain their unique identity but also redeems both the loved and the lover and together they are better and greater because of it.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Tags: #aggravated, #aggravation, #allowing, #allows, #aspects, #bad, #beginning, #better, #blessings, #blind, #change, #collection, #compensate, #connect, #dads, #deeper, #exchange, #expectations, #experiences, #faults, #favorite, #find, #forcing, #frustrating, #fusion, #gain, #good, #greater, #habits, #hangups, #hearts, #hold, #hurts, #identity, #image, #imperfect, #isaiah, #Isaiah43, #laughed, #lovecovers, #loved, #lover, #maintain, #Memorial, #mentioned, #minds, #morning, #mountain, #multitude, #notsogood, #passage, #passed, #payment, #perfect, #perfectly, #positive, #possession, #readings, #Redeemed, #redeems, #regain, #Remembering, #saint, #scripture, #service, #sins, #souls, #talked, #thegoodstuff, #themselves, #ThomasMerton, #together, #triggered, #twist, #unique, #way, #whole, #words, crazy, love, Negative, reflection

Yielding

Oct 24

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Yielding –

I am not a mountain. Today I yielded to the wind.

When I first went outside this morning the air was still and cool. A few hours later I went out again to go to a luncheon and the wind was blowing wildly and powerfully. I knew quickly I would need a jacket. The wind was powerful, forcing me to lean into it as I made my way to the truck. The cool wind made quick work out of my jacket and soon and felt as though it wasn’t even there.

A young man spoke with me a few days ago. He’s been having a rough time and he’s at a loss of knowing what to do. He’s not a mountain either. The winds have made quick work of the ways he protects himself and is blowing him around with no anchor to tether to.

As we talked I helped him separate what he could do with what he had to accept. We aren’t mountains. When the winds come billowing we can feel at the mercy of them and to an extent this is true. However, there’s almost always something we can do. We might feel weak compared to the power that’s blowing against us but this doesn’t mean we are powerless.

Firstly we accept the storm, the wind, the hardship and challenge they bring. We cannot stop the wind but accepting it, respecting it, allows us to stop trying to control it. We don’t have that kind of power. Secondly, in the stillness of acceptance, we discover what we can do and we act. We might not be able to do all we want but we do all we can. We can lean into the wind.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

1 Comment

Tags: #able, #accept, #acceptance, #accepting, #allows, #billowing, #blowing, #challenge, #compared, #control, #discover, #extent, #hardship, #helped, #lean, #mercy, #mountains, #power, #powerless, #respecting, #stop, #storm, #talked, #true, #weak, #wind, #winds, Separate, Stillness

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

Scattered

Enemies

Long

a Break

Redeemed

Yielding

Essentialist and Wannabesaint

Essentialist, contemplative, author, advocate, old soul

Blog Archives

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