Beth and I were talking over the weekend about perspective. It amazes me as I get older the more control I lose and the greater perspective I gain. Whether it’s a few moments, days, months or years, our lives, which we like to plan, can come undone.
The world has never been predictable. I was speaking with a friend the other day about the instability which surrounds us. Our political systems, family and community systems, even our environment seems to be spinning out of control. Nothing, if it ever was, is normal nor inevitable.
Last night I read a quote from Eugene Peterson, a pastor, writer, and scholar. He writes;
“The whole of the spiritual life is learning to die.”
This quote resonated with my spirit and experiences over the last several years. Dying takes many forms. Death of all things is a given but we seem to organize our lives as if we might be the ones to escape the fate of everyone else. Death is not a negative word if you’ve learned to die. If you do not hold on treasures and trinkets, live each day as if it’s your last; being kind, grace-filled and loving, never putting off to an uncertain tomorrow what can be done now, in the present moment.
We are but sojourners on this path called life. We are not meant nor built to last for long. With this perspective; how we choose to be today could be how our transient life is remembered tomorrow.
Eye of the Beholder –
Yesterday was a day full of teaching/counseling how to best communicate with those we love and treasure most. It’s ironic but sometimes the very ones we have the greatest need to connect with are the ones we seemingly have the most trouble.
I spoke to a group of men about communicating with the mother of their children. Most of them have children with different moms and I had them imagine talking and listening with the one they have the most difficulty engaging. I asked them why and received all sort of answers, most of them blaming the mom. We then discussed the difference between action and acceptance. Ultimately we must accept it if another person won’t communicate with us but we should take every action step we can to attempt to reconnect.
The two starting points with any real conversation are respect and a willingness to be changed by the conversation. If we approach someone not respecting them, not wanting to listen, placing the blame for all the problems in the relationship true connection will not happen. We have to be willing to listen and acknowledge our responsibility in the challenges and difficulties of the relationship. We have to be open to change and make every effort to do our part in healing a broken bond between two people.
It all begins with looking the other person in the eye and seeing ourselves. Knowing and doing what we need to do instead of making demands of the other can be the first steps in a new and stronger bond between the ones we need in our lives.