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Seriously

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Seriously –

I saw her when we came into the church this morning. She was standing far enough away from us that I found my seat before she zeroed in. This woman, this hugger, does not take “No thanks!” for an answer. A couple of weeks ago she was standing at the front door of the church greeting folks as they came in. She hugged my wife, who is a great hugger! and then extended her arms to me. I tried to fend off her advances by grabbing a hand and shaking it but she was too quick. I even told her; “I’m not a hugger.” Didn’t matter. She replied as she thwarted my defenses; “Well I am and you’re a man and can handle it.” I didn’t have time to answer and had no desire to debate so once she was finished I found my seat but never the rhythm of the service. I was thankful this morning she was far enough from me I could slip in under her radar.

“You’re a man and can handle it.” Actually, no, I can’t. I have a well established large personal space. It comes from being introverted, claustrophobic and someone who deals with social anxiety. When someone insists on hugging me it’s not about me it’s about them. She would respond; “I’m friendly.” Imagine me saying that to a woman who didn’t want a hug and then forcing one upon her. I don’t think “friendly” is what she’d feel about me.

It’s a reminder that we are all wired differently. Some people are talkers, others observers. One person may love being a social butterfly while another can think of nothing more joyful than a night at home. Extroverts, introverts, center of attention and wallflower. Knowing people, respecting them and helping them feel comfortable and at ease requires a relationship. When someone tells you, asks you to do or not to do something don’t dismiss it. Listen to it, take it seriously, and proceed with kindness and caution.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Posted in Mental Health

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Sounds Like

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Sounds Like –

Twenty years ago this week an F3 tornado tore through downtown Nashville, Tennessee (http://www.wkrn.com/news/f-3-tornado-hit-nashville-20-years-ago_20180416214213/1126239206) We weren’t living in Tennessee at that time but we happened to be in Nashville chaperoning hundreds of teenagers at an annual talent and skills competition on the campus of Trevecca Nazarene University. When the announcement came down that all were supposed to seek shelter several of us ran to the different ball fields, tennis courts and other places where events were being held. Making sure to get everyone we saw to safety without a lot of chit-chat was important, however, one young teenage girl stopped and with fear in her eyes and voice asked me if we were in the path of the tornado? Guiding her inside as I answered; “I don’t know.” “How will we know?” she inquired. Not being a meteorologist I repeated what I once had been told; “A tornado sounds like a train!” Unbeknownst to my inquisitor, there was a set of railroad tracks behind the campus of Trevecca. At the exact time, I told her a tornado sounded like a train a train going past the school sounded its horn. “I hear the tornado! I hear the tornado!” I peered into her fear brimmed eyes, smiled and said; “Sweetie, tornadoes may sound like trains but they don’t come equipped with horns.” I got her with the rest of the students in a basement, shut the door and stood outside watching, listening for the tornado and laughing, thankful that even in this storm of chaos a light of joy can shine through.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Tags: "tennessee, #announcement, #annual, #answered, #asked, #behind, #blessings, #brimmed, #campus, #chaos, #chaperoning, #competition, #different, #equipped, #exact, #eyes, #F3, #fear, #Guiding, #happened, #hear, #horn, #horns, #important, #inquired, #inquisitor, #inside, #joy, #Laughing, #light, #listening, #living, #meteorologist, #Nazarene, #outside, #path, #peered, #railroad, #repeated, #safety, #seek, #several, #shelter, #shine, #shut, #skills, #smiled, #sounded, #SoundsLike, #stood, #stopped, #storm, #supposed, #talent, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #through, #time, #told, #tornado, #tracks, #train, #Trevecca, #Unbeknownst, #University, #voice, #watching, @BrianLoging

Frustration

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Frustration –

This morning I had an early appointment in Nashville to being a training. I put the address in my GPS app on my phone and off I went. It took me to the exact spot I’d entered into the phone but there was one problem, it was the wrong address. It took me a moment to realize my mistake until I literally got to the end of a dead-end road. Argh! I felt my frustration starting to grow. Instead of being 30 minutes early I was going to be late. I checked the address again, realized where I made my mistake, and set off in the right direction. Trying not to let my anxiety rise to a harmful level I turned on a three-lane road and stopped at a traffic light. I was in the far right lane, an SUV in the center lane, and a sports car in the left lane. I heard yelling and realized it was the SUV driver and the sports car driver having a road rage episode. I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying and the words I could understand I don’t dare repeat.

I sat there listening and watching the living embodiment of frustration out of control; testosterone, anger, and vitriol spewing out of both of them. It made me take stock of my mood and I realized it wasn’t worth getting upset over my mistake and to let it go. I did, arrived at the training on time and am thankful for the lesson two men out of control could teach me.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #address, #anger, #anxiety, #blessings, #checked, #dead-end, #embodiment, #episode, #exact, #frustration, #GPS, #grow, #harmful, #late, #lesson, #letitgo, #level, #listening, #living, #mistake, #mood, #outofcontrol, #realized, #rightdirection, #rise, #road, #roadrage, #setoff, #spewing, #spot, #starting, #takestock, #teach, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #training, #understand, #upset, #Vitriol, #watching, #worth, #wrong, #yelling, @BrianLoging, moment

Elephant in the Room

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Elephant in the Room –

I was talking with someone earlier this week about a situation he is experiencing. He is forced to make a choice between one thing and another. It’s not a choice he doesn’t want to make. As he belabored the unjustness of the decision, listing the pros and cons, complaining about the consequences of each side of the coin, I asked him a simple question. “What’s the elephant in the room?” He paused and reflected. “What do you mean?” he inquired. “Dig deeper, past the choice and the consequences, what’s the reason you’re having to make this decision?” He was quiet, then took a deep breath and answered. He had clarity. Like a man in a cloudy stream, only when his mind was still, did the water clear.

I once had a co-worker whose personality and mine didn’t click. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s the way it is sometimes. He was in charge of employee evaluations. When we met in his office he read over my “grades” and was surprised they were all high. “I didn’t expect this!” he exclaimed. I sat there thinking; “You didn’t expect this because I’ve never had issues with anyone or any part of this job. The problem is you don’t like me and this colors everything.” We chatted and then I left thankful for my scores but still burdened by the negative relationship.

Wisdom teaches us to make sure we deal with the thing that matters not everything else.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #answered, #asked, #belabored, #blessings, #burdened, #chatted, #choice, #clarity, #clear, #click, #cloudy, #coin, #colors, #complaining, #consequences, #deal, #decision, #deepbreath, #Digdeeper, #eitherside, #elephant, #ElephantintheRoom, #employee, #encountering, #evaluations, #exclaimed, #expect, #fault, #forced, #inquired, #issues, #listing, #matters, #mean, #paused, #problem, #prosandcons, #question, #quiet, #reason, #reflected, #room, #simple, #situation, #still, #stream, #surprised, #teaches, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #thinking, #unjustness, #wisdom, @BrianLoging, Negative, Personality, Relationship

Sunshine

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Sunshine –

Yesterday evening Beth and I went out to eat. I was coming from home and she was coming from work. I arrived first and registered our name with the hostess. The inside lobby was packed and so I went and sat in the lobby located next to the front doors. I sat down, whipped out my phone and found a news article to read. Across from me was a precocious young girl saying; “Hi” to everyone who came in. She wobbled over to the bench I was on and said; “Hi” to me. I looked away from my phone and returned her salutation. She was playfully climbing on the bench and I went back to reading. After a few moments, she was sitting next to me and I reflected on my behavior. This wonderful little child, a social butterfly in the making, was sitting next to me and I was focused on my phone, not on her. I turned the phone off and put it in my pocket. “How are you today?” I asked. “Fine, she replied, how are you today?” “Good. Is that the sun on your shirt?” “Yes.” “Did you have a good day?” I inquired. “Yes. Did you have a good day?” she responded. We went back and forth until they called the name she was registered under and we said our “goodbyes.”

I am thankful for the awareness in that moment to put away all distractions and bask in an actual ray of sun shining in my life.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: # moments, #actual, #awareness, #away, #backandforth, #bask, #behavior, #blessings, #butterfly, #child, #climbing, #distractions, #focused, #found, #girl, #Goodbyes, #Hi, #inquired, #life, #little, #looked, #next, #phone, #phoneoff, #playfully, #precocious, #putaway, #ray, #reading, #reflected, #responded, #returned, #salutation, #shining, #Sitting, #situation, #social, #sun, #Sunshine, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #turned, #whipped, #wobbled, #wonderful, #young, @BrianLoging, moment

Groovy

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Groovy –

Today I am thankful for “shoulder rumble strips” which are; “used primarily to reduce run-off-road collisions. They alert distracted or drowsy drivers that they are leaving the roadway or crossing the centerline of the road.”

This morning I awoke before sun up, to take a trip. It wasn’t especially early since the sun doesn’t come out as soon as it did before the time change over the weekend. I didn’t feel tired. I try not to be distracted when I drive but most people feel this way. As I drove down a stretch of interstate the car drifted and before I knew it I was riding on the shoulder rumble strips. They make an awful racket and the dog, asleep in the back of the car, popped his head up as if to ask; “What are you doing?!?!” I yelled back at him that everything was okay and he laid back down. Those shoulder strips can be annoying but I also see how they can be a lifesaver alerting a fatigued or inattentive driver. I didn’t feel I was either of those but admit they worked and caused me to be more careful to stay in my lane.

It’s good to have people and things which “keep us in our lane” and help us be aware, mindful, so we can continue on our journey and not be stopped or wander off in a different direction. I am thankful for those who assist me in staying the course and alerting me when I begin to drift.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mindfulness

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Tags: ##continue, #admit, #alert, #alerting, #annoying, #assist, #aware, #awful, #awoke, #before, #blessings, #careful, #caused, #centerline, #change, #collisions, #course, #crossing, #different, #direction, #distracted, #drifted, #driver, #drivers, #drowsy, #early, #fatigued, #feel, #good, #Groovy, #help, #inattentive, #journey, #keepusinourlane, #knew, #lane, #Leaving, #lifesaver, #mindful, #popped, #primarily, #racket, #reduce, #riding, #road, #roadway, #rumble, #run-off-road, #shoulder, #stay, #Staying, #stopped, #strips, #sun, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #things, #time, #tired, #today, #trip, #used, #wander, #worked, @BrianLoging, People

Blue

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Blue –

Everyone has a bad day once in a while. Mine was today. It started this morning and lasted all day. It was a bad day for decisions, conversations, yard working and everything else I tried. Finally, this evening, sitting in the yard of a friend, reflecting on this terrible, bad, no good day, a Bluebird landed on a branch not far from where I was sitting. I watched it. I would love to write it turned my whole day around but it didn’t. It did, however, impress me with its shade of blue. Beautiful. It was especially gorgeous against the brown yard and my dark mood. It was a reminder of spring, newness, and rebirth. I stared at it and the simple, obvious thought; “tomorrow is a new day,” echoed in my mind and spirit. I couldn’t argue with the Bluebird and as it flew off I was thankful this day was also quickly fleeting and the next one will be arriving shortly.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #allday, #arriving, #bad, #badday, #beautiful, #blessings, #blue, #bluebird, #brownyard, #conversations, #dark, #darkmood, #day, #decisions, #echoed, #especially, #evening, #far, #Finally, #fleeting, #flew, #friend, #gorgeous, #Impress, #landed, #lasted, #mine, #mood, #morning, #newday, #newness, #next, #nogood, #obvious, #Off, #quickly, #rebirth, #reflecting, #reminder, #shade, #shortly, #simple, #Sitting, #spirit, #spring, #stared, #started, #terrible, #thankful, #thewannabesaint.com, #today, #tomorrow, #tried, #turned, #watched, #while, #wholeday, #yardworking, @BrianLoging, love, Mind, Thought, Write

Temporary

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Temporary –

The sun, which shone so brightly the last couple of days filling my spirit and mind with images of spring, is gone today, replaced by gray, gloomy clouds. My wife’s flu bug which bit her last week seems to have been squished and she’s on the mend. The weekend is winding down and soon a new week will start.

I commented to a friend today about a photograph taken about 4 years ago that; “sometimes it seems long ago and other times yesterday.” I think that’s life. When younger I was told; “time moves faster as you get older.” It didn’t make sense to me then but now, on the other side of the hill (midlife), it’s a boulder rolling faster and faster.

The present moment, where we long to continuously dwell, is the one place that brings thankfulness, humility, and acceptance. We are thankful because we are only “grass that whithers, blows away, and its place remembers it no more.” Every moment is precious, even the ones we’d rather not experience. We are humbled by the brevity of ourselves and the things around us. Nothing is permanent which we can touch, see, feel, hear, or taste. “All things are passing away.” By accepting this truth we can choose to consciously, deliberately, live leaving nothing unfinished, and embrace this flash of light we call being alive.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Contemplative, Life

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Tags: #acceptance, #accepting, #alive, #being, #beingalive, #blessings, #blows, #boulder, #brevity, #brightly, #Choose, #commented, #consciously, #continuously, #deliberately, #down, #embrace, #everymoment, #experience, #faster, #feel, #flash, #friend, #hear, #hill, #humbled, #humility, #images, #leave, #life, #light, #long, #longago, #mend, #moves, #new, #nothing, #older, #otherside, #ourselves, #passing, #passingaway, #permanent, #precious, #present, #presentmoment, #rather, #remembers, #replaced, #rolling, #see, #seems, #sense, #spirit, #spring, #squished, #start, #sun, #taste, #temporary, #thankful, #thankfulness, #thewannabesaint.com, #think, #times, #touch, #truths, #unfinished, #weekend, #whithers, #winding, #years, #yearsago, #yesterday, #younger, @BrianLoging, dwell, Grass, Mind, moment, World

Full of Junk

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Full of Junk –

Today is President’s Day. I wish I would’ve remembered that before this afternoon. The last few weeks have been rough weather wise. Cold, rainy, windy and our trash has piled up in the bin outside. Finally, today, it was dry enough to put the all the trash in the back of the truck and take it to the Refuse and Recycle Center. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to do it before meeting with some fathers today so it sat in the back of the truck until afternoon. My truck looked like Sanford and Son. After finishing up my appointments I headed to the dump. I was almost there and thankful to get rid of the trash. Then, to my disbelieving eyes, the gates were closed and it dawned on me; “President’s Day.” It was a holiday and county employees weren’t working today. My truck would stay loaded down until tomorrow. “Grrrr!” and “Sigh.”

“Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” Easy sentence to write a hard sentence to live. We are surrounded by many negative things which can be like anchors to our spirits. Violence, injustice, racism, sexism, bigotry, and all sorts of evil that threaten to permeate our souls. We must be careful, watchful, mindful to not allow this corruption of creation to become a part of us, absorb us, soak up our existence and make us apart of what we should be fighting against.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mental Health

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Tags: #absorb us, #anchors, #appointments, #before, #bigotry, #bin, #blessings, #careful, #center, #closed, #Corruption, #creation, #dawned, #disbelieving, #dry, #dump, #easy, #enough, #evil, #eyes, #fathers, #fighting, #Finally, #finishing, #full, #gates, #happening, #hard, #headed, #injustice, #inside, #loaded, #meeting, #mindful, #notallow, #outside, #permeate, #piled, #presidents, #presidentsDay, #racism, #rainy, #Recycle, #refuse, #remembered, #ridof, #rough, #SanfordandSon, #sentence, #sexism, #soakup, #souls, #spirits, #stay, #surrounded, #thankful, #threaten, #today, #trash, #unfortunately, #violence, #watchful, #weigh, #windy, #wise. #Cold, #working, existence, Holiday, junk, Negative, Weather, Write

Refelction

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Reflection –

As I wrote about yesterday, this has been a somber and low-key Christmas for my family. It’s been a crazy, hectic, sorrowful month. Today is Christmas day and it feels like Christmas, sort of. My mind can’t help but think about Christmases which have gone by when the family was all together and laughter and joy filled the air.

I was reflecting on Christmas past this morning as my wife slept in. Being a couple who can’t have children we’ve never had the “privilege” of little ones waking us up at 4 or 5 in the morning declaring; “Santa’s come and it’s time to open presents!” Nevertheless, I am married to a woman who loves Christmas and even in the midst of this year’s challenge to find the Christmas spirit she has filled our home with laughter, reindeer antlers on her head, too many Christmas carols and songs, baked goodies and more. She’s been this way since I’ve known her and the only Christmas I can remember her not celebrating was when her mother passed, December 8, 2006. She is in many ways a light in my darkness.

So today I am thankful for the gift of a beautiful, fantastical, in touch with her inner-child wife who won’t and can’t be stopped from bringing a little Christmas cheer.

Best. Gift. Ever.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #air, #antlers, #bakedgoodies, #beautiful, #best, #blessings, #bringing, #carols, #celebrating, #challenge, #cheer, #children, #christmas, #Christmases, #couple, #darkness, #december, #declaring, #fantastical, #filled, #gift, #hectic, #help, #inner-child, #joy, #Laughter, #light, #little, #littleones, #low-key, #married, #midst, #month, #morning, #open, #past, #presents, #privilege, #reflecting, #reindeer, #remember, #Santa, #slept, #somber, #songs, #sorrowful, #spirit, #stopped, #thankful, #today, #touch, #waking, #wife, #woman, #yesterday, Family, crazy, Home, Mind, reflection

Flashback

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Flashback –

Today, while working out, I began to think of someone I haven’t thought of in a long time. It was a song that started the flashback. The memories began emerging and it wasn’t long before I began to feel the emotions, experience the memories and time melted away. It was almost as if I was back in the place, with the person and struggling. This person and I had a difficult relationship. There are times when two people don’t mesh. Sometimes there are reasons other times there are not. The pairing produces negative results, hurt feelings, harmful actions, and regrets.

I was thankful my anxiety didn’t take me too far down the road. There are times when my anxiety disorder goes into high gear and I can’t turn my thoughts off. They keep coming and it seems I am at their mercy. Today, the flashback was only a few moments and I was able to move on.

Though unexpected and unwanted the flashback was a good reminder that I have put a lot of distance between what was then and what is now. Most of the pain has vanished, the hurt feelings healed, the memories and experiences seen differently. The person is no longer my adversary but a fellow sojourner trying to find their way home on another path.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Mindfulness

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Hope

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Hope –

This afternoon the Mrs. and I went to see, “The Last Jedi.” It was good. No spoilers but I still say the Original Trilogy is not in any danger of being replaced on my favorite movies list.

As I sat in the theater I couldn’t help but think of my father. He took me and my brother to see our first Star Wars movie. I remember seeing it and being, pardon the pun, blown away! Dad drove a large white station wagon back then and on the way home from the movie we pretended to be in a spaceship which was in the film named; “The Millenium Falcon.” As we sped down two-lane highways dad would fire lasers, flash high beams, at incoming “Empire” spaceships; “Tie Fighters.” I don’t know what the drivers, targets, of the other cars thought but my brother and I were ecstatic.

The newest Star Wars movie is about hope. In fact, all the Star Wars movies are about hope, fighting an enemy who seems invincible and never giving up. In the newest one different characters are looking for that “spark which will light the fire.” They find it in various places and in other people who give them courage to “not fight what we hate but save what we love.”

I am thankful today for the message of hope and the strength to keep going.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

Tags: #blessings, #blown, #blownaway, #characters, #courage, #danger, #different, #drivers, #ecstatic, #Empire, #enemy, #favorite, #fight, #fighting, #find, #fire, #flash, #give, #givingup, #hate, #help, #hope, #incoming, #invincible, #keepgoing, #lasers, #light, #looking, #Message, #milleniumfalcon, #movie, #nevergiveup, #newest, #OriginalTrilogy, #places, #pretended, #pun, #remember, #replaced, #save, #spaceship, #spaceships, #spark, #spoilers, #StarWars, #strength, #targets, #thankful, #theater, #TheLastJedi, #TheMilleniumFalcon, #TieFighters, #various, father, Film, Home, love, Movies, People

A Box of Peace

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A Box of Peace –

I received flowers for the first time in my life yesterday. Sure, Beth and I as a couple have gotten flowers and plants from family members and friends but flowers for just me? This was the first time. My wife and I opened the box and pulled out a beautiful Peace Lilly (pictured). It is a luscious green with one bloom but the potential for several more. There was also a candle and condolence card. The gifts were from my co-workers and I’m thankful to work with such kind souls.

We placed the flower on a stand near a window where it will receive plenty of sun. I’ve looked at it many times today and have reflected on the last couple of long weeks since my father passed. I like that the Lilly isn’t in full bloom yet. It’s symbolic. It’s a reminder that peace will come in its time. Right now we are in the early stages f grief and there may be moments of peace but it hasn’t healed the wounds in our hearts. However, if we give it time we will notice blossoms of peace spring up more and more until one day, hopefully, there will be more peace than sorrow.

Until then, we’ll hold to the promise, the hope, that better days are ahead.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Flowers

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Flowers –

Turning on the porch light yesterday I spotted a basket with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and fruit. This was one example of the flowers and plants that have been delivered, brought to the memorial service, delivered by courier to our family over the last several days. Each one comes with heartfelt condolences, sweet words, kind thoughts, and prayers. We have appreciated and placed every one of them in a prominent place in the house. I told my wife and mom today the living room looked like a botanical garden.

What’s interesting is many of these plants and flowers are in the process of dying. They are eye-catching, smell wonderful, and fill the house with color, but make no mistake, they are dying. From the time the designer cut the stems on the roses, carnations, lilies, sunflowers, and many more, they began to die. They were placed in water and other sponge-like materials to make them last as long as possible but eventually, they will wilt and be thrown away.

This happens to all living things. There is the moment of birth, growth, blossoming and adorning the world with beauty and life. However, as soon as each living thing is born it begins to die. It can be from lack of care and pass sooner or it can receive lots of attention and adoration and hopefully live a long fruitful life. However, either way, its time will come when it will be no more.

This last week has been a reminder of how soon things pass. On the way home from the memorial service for my dad yesterday I remarked to my mom; “No matter who you are or what you are going through, you always think you have more time than you do.”

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life

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Silence

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Silence –

Today has been unusually quiet compared to the last several days since my father has passed. My wife and my mother spent some time together today which left me in her house alone. I reflected a bit on the week that has been but mostly I have slept. I am an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety so it takes little imagination to understand the state of mind I am in because deaths and memorial services, errands and condolence phone calls, emails and texts are anything but quiet and stress reducing.

My wife and my mom knew sleep and silence are what I needed today and am thankful they gave me some space. I am running on empty and my body, emotions, mind, and soul craves the quietude of muted phones, ignored texts, emails that can wait, errands which didn’t happen and the downtime which occurs the days and weeks after a loved one leaves this world.

They say the hardest part of a dear one passing isn’t the days immediately following. Days which are filled with planning, non-stop moving, endless words and memories are hard but can sweep you away in a flood of activity. It’s the days after which grow long. They are filled with loneliness, and questions, confusion, anger, and doubt. The flood of phone calls slow to a trickle, the flowers stop coming, the cards aren’t in the mail, and life goes on. The silence following the cacophony can be deafening.

So, what is a balm for me will become hurt, especially for my mother. It is in these times I must trust the memories will comfort, family and friends will step in for support and we will learn to live with the blessing of silence.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Home

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

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Home –

My friend, role-model, and father passed away early this morning a little after midnight. His fight was over and he was ready. He sat up one last time as if to say, “It’s my time. I’m coming home.”

The house seemed empty today when we returned from all the breathless running around one does after a loved one takes their final breath. Even though he hasn’t been home in a few weeks it seemed he had just left the house. Keys, hats, computers, movies, his chair all still in their proper place. It seems this is still his house, his home. But…it’s not. Sure, there are memories and experiences. A lifetime of highs and lows to relive for the rest of our time on this shadow side of eternity but he has moved and left a forwarding address.

I sit in the quietude with his presence still lingering. I think about all of the rough days he’s had over the last 8 months, the noises of the machines which were keeping him alive. After we received the phone call we drove over to the hospice house to say our; “Goodbyes.” The room was so still. No beeping, whirring, pumping, dripping, nurses checking in. It was motionless and the silence was deafening. My mother began to fill the atmosphere with soft cries, and soft words to her best friend and lover of the last 40 years. My brother and I standing in the background, witnesses to a heart affair which is rare in this world. Finally, after a few more kisses from her on his hands and cheek, we left all thankful we’d never see that room again and that he had moved on to his permanent address.

And now, we are left to carry on. To occupy a house which isn’t home without him. To learn to adjust to a new normal we didn’t choose. To loosen our grip on this world, this place, because we know home is waiting for us on the other side.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Life, Mindfulness

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Continues

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Image result for raking leaves Continues –

I spent most of the day raking leaves and mowing the grass in the front yard. Raking isn’t my most favorite thing but it did get me out of the house on this beautiful, cool, day. As I raked I thought about a couple of things. I thought about my friend, who’s in the hospital right now fighting a losing battle for his life. I reflect on the leaves, now brown and shriveled were green and beautiful not too long ago. Time passes so very quickly and it catches us by surprise no matter when it runs out.

The wind was also blowing as I raked today and it was frustrating at times when it would catch a group of leaves I was trying to make go one way and send them scattered the opposite way. I noticed if I could collect a large group of them together it made a difference in getting them to the spot I needed them to go. The larger the group the better it worked. As I used this strategy I was thankful for the help and support of others as my friend battles an ominous disease. He doesn’t fight alone.

A quiet day, a somber day, a beautiful day with a reminder that even as life ends, it also continues.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Blind

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Blind –

Last night a mighty storm with fast blowing winds and rain came through our area. I sat in the house listening to dead limbs being shaken from the big Oak tree in our front yard, the rain pounding on the roof. There were a few times I went outside to see the storm but the sun had already set and with the clouds overhead there wasn’t much to view. Then the power went out. It wasn’t surprising because of the fierceness of the wind. I went outside again and nothing could be seen but I could feel the wind threatening to blow me over as it had a couple of our potted trees. Finally, after a few hours, the storm had passed, the lights were back on, and I was thankful the storm has passed.

I don’t like storms at night. The biggest reason is that I can’t see anything, not even the direction of the blowing wind. As I sat in a candlelit living room, everything quiet but storm raging outside, I was reminded of life and the storms we face. There are times we see the storm coming but there are other times when one comes out of nowhere. It’s ferociousness rocks our lives and we feel blind as we try to feel our way forward. These can be the scariest of all because there is seemingly no light to see by, to make us feel safe, or to tell us we are nearing the end. The only thing we can do is wait, trusting that no storm lasts forever.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #blessings, #blind, #blow, #blowing, #blowingwind, #candlelit, #cantsee, #Clouds, #direction, #end, #face, #feel, #feelsafe, #ferociousness, #fierceness, #forever, #forward, #hope, #last, #life, #light, #lights, #listening, #mighty, #nearing, #night, #no, #nothing, #outofnowhere, #outside, #overhead, #passed, #pounding, #power, #quiet, #raging, #rain, #reason, #reminded, #rocks, #scariest, #see, #seeby, #seemingly, #shaken, #storm, #stormcoming, #surprising, #thankful, #threatening, #trust, #view, #wait, #wind, #winds

The Heart’s Way

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The Heart’s Way –

The sky has been cloudy today. It has been mostly dreary and cool. It’s one of those days you stay inside and try to keep warm. This weekend has felt like fall. Not the fall with the beautiful leaves, cool nights and warmer days but the type of fall days which tell you winter won’t be long coming.

I’ve been tired today. It’s been a long 10 days and its caught up with me. I don’t mind “lazy” days. They are good for the mind, body, and spirit. However, there are things which need to get done that didn’t. I know there will still be enough sunny warmer days to finish winterizing the house and yard but letting go of “wasted” day thoughts is still tough.

Looking inside, into my soul, where the stillness exists I am reminded that there must be days we rest. I am thankful for the wisdom teachings of the importance of the mind but even more so the lessons of the heart. Going deep, when the surface is confused or condemning, helps me discover the path is not forged by a quickened pace but by a contented heart.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Nothing

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Nothing –

Today has been a quiet day, save a few thunderclouds which have threatened rain. The word “Sabbath” is defined as; “a weekly religious observance by Jews and Christians. A day of abstinence from work” and since I’ve done nothing today I think I’ve met the requirement of this command.

It’s amazing how many days we work. I’m not referring to just our “normal” jobs but also the additional duties we take on, extra curricula activities we participate in, chores, responsibilities and the mundane tasks required of everyday living.

To have a day in which nothing is attempted let alone accomplished is a rare joy in our busy world. We can almost feel guilty for not breaking one of the ten commandments, for following the (religious) law. However, this is what we are supposed to do; rest, sleep, breathe, receive the blessing of the Sabbath and be thankful.

grace and peace,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

Posted in Prayers & Blessings

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Tags: #blessing, #busy, #busypeople, #busyworld, #donothing, #enjoy, #notguilty, #relax, #rest, #Sabbath, #tencommandments, #thankful, breath, breathe, Religious

Burdens

Posted by thewannabesaint.com

Burdens –

Late this morning and early afternoon I weed whacked and push mowed around all the trees in the front yard and back. It may only be June 3rd but it was hot and the sun shone with its full glory and intensity. Our back yard has an uphill grade to it that felt much steeper as the morning turned into noon and I pushed the mower. The weed whacker seemingly gained weight as I hauled it all over the property. Finally, around mid-afternoon I finished and felt such relief putting the equipment away and then sitting on the porch, drenched in sweat, drinking water, wiping my forehead with a towel, basking in the shade of our big Oak tree. I still had a few things to do but for a moment I needed rest.

Finally, around mid-afternoon I finished and felt such relief putting the equipment away and then sitting on the porch, drenched in sweat, drinking water, wiping my forehead with a towel, basking in the shade of our big Oak tree. I still had a few things to do but for a moment I needed rest.

I like the quote (pictured) but the sun can drain us as well as “cast the shadow of our burdens behind us.” Today it was nice to find shade, shelter, rest from the blazing orb in the sky.

There are some seasons where we cast our burdens away and others when we need to stop to catch our breath, replenish our souls and be thankful the sun not only gives light but casts shade.

blessings,
@BrianLoging (Twitter)
thewannabesaint.com

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Tags: #burdens, #catchourbreath, #hot, #replenish, #rest, #shade, #shelter, #someshade, #sun, #thankful

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